Chapter 30
Jim and I talked for a long time before turning out the lights that night. He told me it felt so amazing that he and Jonathan could talk – he said they were better at it than he and Bob! “Mara, not only has our relationship given me a part of my life I never expected to have again, but it’s given me a chance to learn more about being a father. I know my relationship with Bob is improving, and just maybe, I can be there for Jonathan. It’s beyond anything I could imagine!”
“Me, too! I thought Jonathan would never have a father-figure, but I was so wrong, Jim. He’s so warm and accepting with you, and he seemed to have fit in at the restaurant very well, too, where there are so many males. Did you see how comfortable he was?”
“The owners are really quite special, Mara. They make everyone feel like family.”
Next we talked about Amir, and I told Jim I was a little worried that tomorrow might put him in the same boat I had nearly put Jonathan in at my first, near disastrous dinner invitation to Bob and Marshall. But he told me he didn’t think the situation was even close to the same.
“You did that as a mother who was trying hard to help her son, and Jonathan was not all involved in setting it up. But Jonathan invited Amir, knowing full well the situation. Remember, they are living in a special dorm situation, and it’s all out in the open for them. I don’t think you’ll really ever know how “in” or “out” Jonathan was here, but my guess is, he wasn’t too far in or he wouldn’t have sought that dorm.”
I hadn’t thought like that until Jim said it, and I realized he was probably right. For a few moments, I basked in the wonderful feeling of talking about my son with someone who cared. I had felt that void in my life over the years, and even more so when I acknowledge what I had always known: that Jonathan was gay. This new feeling was beyond anything I could have imagined. I think it was the same for Jim. He was having a chance to be the kind of parent he had never been for Bob. I said a silent prayer of thanksgiving for having all of this.
“You asleep?” he asked.
“No, just thinking how wonderful this feels, lying next to you in bed and talking. Having you and knowing we have so much to share. It feels great…”
“It does to me, too.” He hugged me closer, and we turned out the lights.
Mom, I'm Gay Page 30