Chapter 31
Thanksgiving morning was lazy. It began with Jim making a late breakfast for the four of us. I finally had some time to really talk to Jonathan about his classes and how he thought his first semester’s grades would be. His answers made me think he had it under control; time would tell. It was our first Thanksgiving without Gabby, and we planned to call her in the evening. Patrick called in the early afternoon; he was volunteering with his youth program; they were making and serving Thanksgiving dinner for seniors in the community. He promised to come up during the holidays when Jonathan was home.
I had offered to bring a pie, and I had more help than I needed while I was making it. Amir came right in the kitchen, sat down, and asked me to show him how I made the crust, and when I was enthusiastic about teaching him, we decided we’d each make a pie. He told me he had only learned to make Pakistani food growing up and found it quite enjoyable to be making a traditional American food on this holiday. I had planned to make only one apple pie, but I found a can of pumpkin in the cupboard that I had moved from the house, so we made one of each. Jim and Jonathan came in and started peeling the apples without being asked. My kitchen was warm and busy, and even though it was still a new place for all of us, it felt like home.
When we packed everything up to take to Marshall and Bob’s, the pies were still warm. After spending the morning in the kitchen, Amir knew about the “house swap,” and remarked, “I bet it seems kind of weird going to your old house, Jon.”
Jonathan hesitated for a minute before saying, “You know, it really doesn’t. You can see my mom is good right here, and I’m expecting it will be the same with Bob and Marshall at the old house. I guess it all just seems right.”
I felt the same way, and I wondered what it was like for Jim. It was probably stranger for him to stay at the condo last night with me than it was to go to my old house to see Bob, and I really hadn’t thought much about that until this moment.
“Jim,” I began, as we were on the way out to the car, “was it really strange for you last night? I hadn’t really thought about it having been your son’s house!”
He cleared his throat and said quietly, “There were some moments for me, but let’s talk about that, um, more privately?” and looked back at Jon and Amir walking down the steps.
“Gotcha,” I smiled. Probably it wasn’t the right conversation to have in front of those two.
In the car, I finally thought to ask Amir what his major was, or if he even had one. That was when I first understood how his home life must be very different than Jonathan’s.
“My family has decided that I will take over the store when I graduate. I will take business classes.” He said it rather robotically, devoid of any enthusiasm. It was nothing like the conversation we had as we made the pies.
“What would you like to be taking?” Jim asked.
Sadly, Amir said, “There’s no point in thinking about that, is there?”
I didn’t know how to respond, so to Jonathan, I said, “Did you tell Amir how great the food is likely to be?”
“He most definitely did mention that.” Amir answered my question. “My only Thanksgiving dinner experiences were at my schools as I was growing up. My parents mainly have Pakistani friends, so this will be my first official Thanksgiving dinner.”
“You’re in for a real treat,” Jim told him. “My Bob is quite a good cook, and so is Marshall.” Jim went on to tell us that Bob had begun cooking when he was little. He had enjoyed watching the cooking channels on TV, and initially, he’d try to talk his mother into making some of the things he saw, but by the time he was ten, he was in the kitchen, trying to do it himself.
“Did you expect him to take it up as a career?” Jonathan wanted to know.
“He always told us it was a hobby, that was all, so no, I didn’t,” answered Jim.
I wondered what had made Jonathan ask that question about Bob’s career, but we had just arrived at our old house, so I had no opportunity to ask.
The house smelled amazingly delicious, even as we got out of the car. I was still concerned that we were going to overload Amir. Before we knocked on the door, Marshall opened it and welcomed each of us warmly. He and Jonathan gave each other a brief hug, and for Jim and me, it was a group hug. He was expecting Amir, and using his name, he shook his hand as he told him how happy he was to have him as a guest for this Thanksgiving.
Ginny and Andrea arrived right after we did, and as we introduced them to Amir, the doorbell rang again. This time, it was Lily, who had brought the man from church with her. A quick glance at Marshall told me there was a problem with this guest, however.
I saw him greet Lily warmly and then, warily look at the man with her. “Marshall, thanks for letting me bring someone along.” Lily started to make the introductions, but she stopped when she realized they looked at each other with recognition.
Her date was tall, nearly as dark skinned as Marshall, and, unlike Marshall’s, his head was bald. He was very handsome. His skin was smooth, his eyes were large brown pools of dark chocolate, and set wide apart. He looked into Marshall’s eyes, which I suddenly realized were similar, and he quietly said, “Oh, Marshall, it is you! I vaguely hoped that when Lily said we were going to have dinner with someone named Marshall that it could be you. When she told me he had a ‘partner,’ my hope grew. And now I am looking at you, after ten years. It’s great to see you, Marshall.”
The room grew very quiet. Bob came into the kitchen in time to see the two men staring at each other, but he clearly didn’t know who Lily’s guest was. I watched him look from the guest to Marshall and back, and I wondered if he, too, had noticed they looked alike. Lily seemed genuinely confused, as she said, “Weston, what are you saying? You thought you might know Marshall but failed to mention it to me? Weston?”
To Lily, Weston said, “I’ll explain in a minute,” but he never looked away from Marshall. It was silent for a few moments as we all stood awkwardly in the foyer, unsure what we were witnessing. Finally to Marshall, Weston quietly said, “Please forgive me, cousin. I was miserable to you when you were young; I didn’t accept you. I was wrong to treat you like that, and I always hoped I would one day be able to apologize.”
I saw Marshall begin to relax. There was still no smile on his face, but the anger that I had felt radiating from him was softening. I had truly never seen Marshall angry before, and I felt relief that he was losing that feeling. Lily looked from Weston to Marshall and back and asked, “Did you call him cousin?”
Finally, Marshall spoke. “Yes, yes, he did call me cousin.” He said it softly, but then a bit louder, he repeated, “This is my cousin Weston, everyone. I lived with him when I was growing up, after my mom died. We have not seen each other in many years.”
The tension in the room visibly lessened, as Marshall asked them to come inside and took their coats. Bob came to Marshall’s side. “This is really unexpected!” I saw him look at Marshall for reassurance that he was all right with Weston’s presence, and Marshall nodded.
It was the first time I had ever seen Lily flustered. She looked around at all of us – we were still standing in the foyer - and said, “Before another minute passes, do you think you could pour me some of this wine we brought?”
That helped lighten the mood and Bob ushered all of us into the living room. Once we were in there, some standing and some seated, Marshall introduced each of us to Weston, and as he moved from one person to the next, I saw he was becoming more comfortable.
First, he came to me, and said, “Weston, this is Mara. She used to own this house, and now she owns our old condo.” From his reaction, I could sense that Weston was intrigued by this information. Next, Marshall said, “This is Jim, Bob’s father. He will be moving up here soon, and he just happens to be dating Mara.” As Winston digested this information, everyone began to relax and settle in. As soon as he observed this, Bob ran off to open the wine. They already had set the wine glasses out, but he ha
d neglected to set out an opener. Otherwise, I don’t think he would have left the room.
Marshall continued the introductions, giving a little background on each guest, and as he finished, a comfortable conversation began. There was another awkward moment when Lily and Jonathan looked directly at each other. She began to apologize, but he brushed it off with a wave of his hand. That was it. Since there really wasn’t enough room for everyone to sit down comfortably, Andrea came right over to Jonathan and Amir, and after introducing the two, the three of them all wandered out of the living room toward the kitchen.
We busied ourselves making small talk, and before long it was time for dinner to begin. The dining room, my old dining room, looked even better with their furniture. It was the same mahogany color, but everything was bigger than mine. Their table easily held the ten of us and all the food. As we sat, Marshall asked if we could say a Thanksgiving grace. I noticed Weston’s look of surprise, but all of joined hands and gave thanks for the meal and those who were sharing it with us. I glanced over at Amir, and was pleased that he seemed comfortable with the tradition.
Needless to say, the meal looked and tasted delicious. Marshall and Weston had one awkward exchange early in the meal. Weston commented that he was pleasantly surprised that Marshall’s faith seemed intact after all the hardship in his life. His words seemed genuine, but Marshall’s response was strong.
“Weston, it is my faith that has seen me through the hardships. Without it, I could not have survived.”
In response, Weston replied, “Surely you hold some resentment, cousin. It was bad enough how my brother and I treated you, but what my father did to you…I am sure you cannot forgive that.”
“I believe we must forgive one another, cousin. I have forgiven all and moved on.”
I couldn’t imagine what Marshall had been through. It was the second time I’d heard his uncle had been horrible to him, but I still knew nothing specific. If Marshall could forgive it, did I need to know what it was?
After that, the rest of the conversation was very amicable. Lily, who really was having a difficult time over the situation she had caused, was calming down. I could see her agitation dissipate as the conversation began to flow easily.
Naturally, the topic of school came up. Andrea announced that she was beginning classes in January. Ginny was clearly pleased.
“I have to start part time, since my grades were so lousy the last part of high school. I have to prove I can do it before they’ll take me full time.”
Bob asked, “What are you going to study, Andrea?”
None of us were too surprised that she said she was going to major in psychology and would like to work as a youth counselor or social worker. She had been through a lot and would be a natural working with those going through tough times. “I’ll keep working at the salon while I go,” she added.
Next, Bob asked Amir what his major was, and he repeated the same rote answer he had given me, about studying business. Bob’s right eyebrow went up for a moment, but rather than ask more, he moved on to Jonathan.
First, he asked Jon how the dorm was.
“Amir lives there, too. We’re both freshmen.”
Marshall looked at both of them, and said, “You are so lucky to have that dorm!” He told Weston about the dorm’s donor, and watched carefully to see his reaction. There was nothing but acceptance as Weston’s only remark was, “I imagine it’s odd to live in a dorm with both sexes.”
Amir answered first, saying, “It’s actually more like a natural family. I have a brother and a sister, so I am used to living with both. I think it would be much worse with only males.”
Jonathan didn’t agree at all. “I have a sister, and I’m used to living with girls, obviously! Living with Shelby is all right, but I cannot say the same about Tank!”
He proceeded to describe her to the rest of the table, but Bob and Marshall were pretty tough on him, much to my surprise.
“Let me get this right,” Bob said. “You are complaining about Tank because she is masculine?”
And right as he finished, Marshall added rather sternly, “Young man, I think that is pretty nervy!”
Much to my surprise, and to Lily’s as I glanced at her, Weston was the next one to say, “Jonathan, I just met you but I can see you are surrounded by an amazing group of friends. Your dorm situation sounds like something others would want so badly. But if I hear what you’re saying, you are actually putting down your roommate, I think because she’s a lesbian?”
The table was quiet for moment. Ginny, who was as tolerant as they come, spoke up, “I don’t think that’s why you don’t like her, is it?
Next Lily chimed in with, “Jonathan isn’t like that!”
But Jonathan looked around and said quietly, “Oh, no. I think maybe I have been that way with her! I wasn’t seeing it, but you are right!” He looked at Weston as he spoke.
Andrea looked around the table and trying to break the tension, she said, “Could someone please pass me the turkey? I think this is a straight turkey, although he hasn’t ever had a chance to act on his sexuality since we have ended his life too early.”
That made us all start laughing, and we began focusing on the dinner again, but I glanced over at Jonathan to see him mulling over the conversation we had just.
Bob spoke up as if there hadn’t been any friction. “Now that we’ve covered dorm life, how about it, Jon? After nearly finishing your first semester, have you come up with any thoughts on what your major will be?”
I had not asked him this question, although Jim and I had talked about how long he could go without a major. But my son surprised me as he answered Bob. “Actually, I have. You all know, well, most of you know,” he began, as he nodded toward Lily and Weston, who didn’t know much about him, “that I worked at the restaurant this summer. I really loved the work, and I’ve decided to take some classes in restaurant management. Maybe even some cooking classes.”
Jim was the first to respond, with great encouragement. Andrea said she could just see him managing Our Place so Dage could enjoy the profit the place was clearly making. Weston mentioned the restaurant business wasn’t easy, but he was looking forward to going to Our Place with Lily. Everyone had an opinion about the career choice.
For me, my opinion was simple. I wanted my son to be happy.
On the way home, Amir summed up the day best. “This was an amazing day for me! I was able to see a world that does not exist within my family. What I was part of today was beyond anything I could imagine! As best I can tell, Marshall was rejected by his own family, but tonight he has been accepted, by at least one of them. I am sure there was a time that seemed out of the realm of possibility for him.”
We were all quiet for a bit as our thoughts centered around what Amir had said. I realized he felt much like Marshall had when he was younger. Then, before any of us said a word, Amir continued, “Jonathan, you have an amazing family right here in the car, but I think that Marshall and Bob are sort of family for you, too, and Andrea seems like the coolest sister-friend! Thank you for letting me share this experience. You are so lucky, my friend.”
Those words from Amir made me realize I had accomplished the goal I had wanted to so desperately many months ago, when Jonathan had said, “Mom, I’m gay.”
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Note to Readers:
My hope is readers of this book will be moved in a way that will help improve acceptance. Mara still has some work to do on accepting those beyond the L and G in LGBTIQ, and I’m hoping to follow her journey. If you feel motivated to do so, I would appreciate a donation to the Human Rights Campaign, Reconciling Ministries, or another organization that promotes acceptance and equality.
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Mom, I'm Gay Page 31