Illuminate: Upper YA Paranormal Romance

by Sarah Addison-Fox

  Tarquin can help.

  She shook her head. Bitterness rose at the idea. “I don’t want his help.”

  The wind tickled her senses, teasing her. Together you are stronger.

  Merrin huffed a breath and laid her ear flat against Skylar’s broad chest, the slight groan he gave giving her hope he was beginning to recover.

  A strangled sound interrupting her worry, Merrin twisted her head, eyes popping open as she found Tarquin convulsing on the tent floor in much the same way he’d done before Zolten had found them.

  With her heart tearing in two, Merrin bent over Skylar and brushed a finger over his swollen lips before crawling to Tarquin’s writing form.

  She grabbed his hands and held fast, praying that whatever strength Onom gave her would be enough to help them both.

  Tarquin’s eyes flew open; he sucked in a breath and allowed her to pull him to sitting. His eyes were swirling black as he took shuddering breaths. “I couldn’t breathe.”

  Merrin sat back on her heels and waited for him to collect himself. When his breathing seemed more even, he grasped her hand. “I’m so sorry. You were right. I was trying to control you. I didn’t even know I was doing it.”

  Her smile was forced, but she nodded, gently drawing her hand away. His face fell, pain in his gaze. “Can you ever trust me again?”

  Merrin’s stomach flipped. That didn’t matter right now. She wasn’t going to lie to him to make him feel better. Whatever he was fighting against, it was bigger than her and bigger than him. They needed help from a more experienced Luminary before anything else went wrong.

  Her eyes drifted to Skylar then back to Tarquin. A dark look crossed his face. “Let me try to help. Maybe if he wakes, you’ll see I’m sincere?”

  Merrin’s smile was false, but she gave it in the hopes he might try to assist Skylar. “We’ll see.”

  He gave her a clipped nod, and after gingerly rubbing his throat, he made to crawl towards Skylar.

  Merrin’s heart slammed in her chest as she glimpsed ugly bruises under his shirt neck.

  Her stomach churned, fear beginning to build at the visual confirmation. Tartarean had come for him again. This time he’d nearly succeeded in killing him.

  Merrin crawled back to Skylar, her prayers increasing as Tarquin sent her a wary look, then placed a hand on Skylar’s wrist. “What do I do now?”

  He reached for her hand, and she grasped it, taking Skylar’s other hand, noting with a pang his knuckles were torn and bleeding. “Just do what you did with me. And with Zolten. Concentrate on connecting with Skylar and try to tell him he needs to wake up.”

  Tarquin’s eyes narrowed, and he swallowed thickly, wincing as though in pain. “Merrin. I don’t want him to wake up. I need a reason to make him do what I want.”

  She held his gaze, her heart crashing against her ribs as she prepared to lie for Skylar’s sake. “Please, if he wakes up…there’s a chance for us.”

  His eyebrow rose slowly. “How do I know you aren’t just saying that?”

  Merrin swallowed past the guilt and leaned closer to him and forced her lips to his. Her stomach churned as she tugged her lips into what she hoped was a smile. “He doesn’t have much time.”

  He pulled back, a wry expression on his face as he nodded and turned his attention back to Skylar.

  The wind murmuring reassurances, Merrin closed her eyes and held her breath. Her stomach swirled with guilt over how she’d lied to get what she wanted.

  A thought stabbed painfully at her as she watched Tarquin’s light grow.

  I’m a hypocrite. Now I’m manipulating him.

  ***

  Tarquin’s throat was raw as he struggled with his emotions. Merrin counted on him, and if there was any way he could prove to her he was sincere, it would be waking up the man he was beginning to suspect would be his competition for her affections.

  I should just let him die.

  The thought bounced around in his head. His fingers squeezed tighter, cold flowing through him as he grappled with the decision.

  Even if he could find a way to want him to wake up, why should he save Skylar?

  If he did manage somehow to wake him, Merrin would spend all her time and effort on him. The thought rankled him as he closed his eyes and tried to seek the light again.

  He concentrated on wishing Skylar would wake if only so he could show Merrin he was worthy of her. After all he’d done, he owed her that at least. But with each grasp, the light slipped further from him, a spark in the darkness that grew dimmer with each thought.

  He huffed an irritated breath, conscious of Merrin’s too rapid breathing close to him as she waited.

  She stayed silent, but he could almost feel the waves of tension rolling towards him. Skylar’s life was in his hands. His heart began to thud a little harder, his shoulders tight as he tried desperately to reach the light Merrin had shown him was inside.

  Please. I have to do this for her.

  Cold trickled down his spine, his breath locked in his lungs at the closeness. The faintest of a voice stirred him.

  Kill him. Take the last of his light and his life and return to me.

  Pain shrieked through his head as the voice die, leaving him with no doubt he’d pay the ultimate prize if he disobeyed.

  Tartarean was giving him another chance. All he had to do was end the life of a man he held no love for, a man who’d likely kill him the moment he was strong enough to. Tarquin’s eyes opened, and he stared down at Skylar’s broad chest.

  Jealousy and rage built at the desperate look on Merrin’s face. Would she look so lovingly upon his face were he injured?

  Her brow puckered and a tear trailed down her cheek. Her voice tight with emotion. “Tarquin? Please. Try for me?”

  His resolve buckled as the cold sent a shiver that ran the length of him. “For you. Not for him.”

  She swallowed but nodded weakly as though all her energy was spent. “Hurry.”

  Tarquin’s eyes closed, and he concentrated on Skylar. His breathing slow and steady, Tarquin once again reached out for the light in the hopes that the giver of all life and light might show him again what he could be.

  Silence and cold met him. His panic growing, Tarquin was about to admit defeat when the slightest of whispers on the wind gently scolded him.

  Yield your will to mine, and I will give you the desires of your heart.

  Warmth smothered him, descending like a cloud, blanketing him with knowledge of his purpose.

  Tarquin’s head grew light; warmth tickled at his neck where the pain and the horror of Tartarean’s power had near drew his life from him. The light and warmth caressed him, whispering promises.

  The enemy seeks to kill, steal and destroy. I come to bring light, love and life. Choose, Tarquin Templeton. Choose life.

  The light swirled around him, dancing before his closed eyelids. A bubble of joy lit inside him as the warmth washed over him.

  The dark cannot harm those who belong to me. Choose.

  Tarquin’s heart thumped steadily against his ribs as he considered what he was being asked. What he never been asked before, as though the bringer of light wanted to give him the power after having none for so long.

  Was it that simple? He just had to choose one side?

  His eyes opened, and with a tentative smile at a startled Merrin, Tarquin exhaled, feeling the warmth and light inside him grow as he made the decision he knew would end the pain, the confusion and push the dark away for good.

  His voice was little more than a hoarse whisper when he spoke the words that freed him from the bondage he’d never known he was in. “I choose the light.”

  Warmth saturated him, heat consuming him, light burning his eyes as his gaze settled on Skylar.

  He focussed. Breathing in the knowledge and warmth, focussing on directing his thoughts towards the fallen Luminary.

  Skylar’s choked breath, and the sob from Merrin as she pressed her forehead to Skylar’s, confirme
d he’d been successful.

  Even if it cost him everything he’d always wanted.

  ***

  Merrin’s heart cracked in two at the words Tarquin had uttered. Her hand found his as she smiled encouragement. “I’m so happy for you.”

  His returning smile was weak as he pulled himself to his feet. “I need some time to think. I’ll look out for any more of Tartarean’s men and see if I can’t find something to eat.”

  Merrin’s throat closed over at the sadness on his face. Why wasn’t he happier? He’d found the light, and it was obvious Onom had spoken to him, signalling he’d left all that he’d been forced into.

  Her stomach back-flipped as he pushed back the tent flap and moved out of her sight. Skylar’s faint voice cut into her jangled thoughts. “Hey, Freckles. Fancy meeting you here.”

  Merrin’s lips curled into a hesitant smile, her tongue tripping over words she’d never considered she’d ever speak. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault you’re here.”

  Instead of a reprimand, his smile grew as his hand reached out to hers. “It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have left you to handle him yourself.”

  Merrin swallowed, her throat thick, eyes burning with unshed tears as she looked on his battered face. “I thought I was strong enough. I nearly made a horrible mistake. If Zolten hadn’t…”

  She left the sentence unfinished, too filled with shame to let him know how infatuated she’d been with Tarquin, a boy who’d done nothing but lie and cajole her, albeit unintentionally, for the most part.

  Skylar’s fingers squeezed hers, warmth leaching from his skin to hers. His voice was tender and calm as he spoke. “It doesn’t matter what happened. You weren’t in your right mind. How’d you find me?”

  “We were on our way to check on Zolten when Tarquin spotted you.”

  Skylar’s eyebrows rose. “He spotted me? Then what happened?”

  Merrin gulped, not sure she wanted to explain everything without Tarquin present. “That’s not important. What’s important is that Tarquin saved your life.”

  Skylar’s raised an eyebrow before he released a sigh. “I guess he really isn’t all bad then. Just as well, since I need to get you both back to the council.”

  Merrin blinked rapidly, her emotions causing her eyes to blaze. “We were already planning on going.” A nervous smile grew on her face. “Why did you come looking?”

  Skylar eased himself up slowly, his breathing ragged, pain causing him to flinch. “Because I was worried about you. It’s time you stopped punishing yourself and accepted the forgiveness waiting for you.”

  Merrin rocked back on her heels, breath stolen by the promise in his eyes and the words she knew he’d never lie to her about. “I can’t go back. I failed before. And I nearly lost Tarquin.”

  Her chest constricted as Skylar’s gaze drifted to where Tarquin had disappeared. His forehead furrowed. “He still may not be safe. He’s not what you think he is. He’s so much worse.”

  Her stomach clenched. “What are you talking about?”

  Skylar’s eyes sparked his fury. “Have you been able to stay away from him since you met him?”

  Merrin’s cheeks blazed heat as she shook her head.

  Skylar’s eyes narrowed as he adjusted himself, wincing as he shifted. “What did he promise you to make you come here?”

  Her heart jumped about as she prepared to admit what she’d almost agreed to. “He didn’t promise anything exactly. Just told me he loved me and wanted to exchange vows and be bonded.”

  The pain at how close she’d come to throwing everything away seemed to echo on Skylar’s face. He blew out a breath, his voice trembling. “But you said no?”

  She nodded. “I couldn’t break the vow. I told him Luminary can’t have that kind of life.”

  Skylar pulled a face, then flinched. “Not sure I’m following.”

  Less sure of herself, Merrin folded her arms over her chest. “The rules the council have for us. Luminary can’t bond, they can’t live a life with another. It’s the rules.”

  Skylar’s chuckle caused her skin to rise.

  “Why are you laughing at me?”

  He shook his head. “Merrin, you’ve got it wrong. Yes, you made an oath. But it was to protect you until were mature enough to separate love from attraction. The council and the Chief don’t forbid bonding. The rules they have are to protect young Luminary from making a mistake like you nearly did, that’s all.”

  Confusion flooding through her, Merrin cocked her head and stared at Skylar. “I don’t have to be alone?”

  Skylar chuckled again and drew her closer, his hands on her shoulders as they sat awkwardly together. “Wee Merrin. Soon as we get out of here, please promise me you’ll study the scrolls? You’re missing half the pieces, only half understanding who you are and your purpose here until you read everything and not just scattered teachings.”

  He winked, and even with his face covered in mottled bruising, her stomach jolted. “If Luminary can’t have a life filled with love, then what are we fighting for?”

  Her eyes misted at the hope his words sparked. How had she been so terribly wrong? Had she been so focussed on her failings that she failed to even understand her calling?

  Her mouth opened to ask the questions rattling around her mind when Skylar gestured to the tent opening. “Is he coming back?”

  Merrin bit her lip as she lifted her shoulders in a shrug. “I hope so.”

  Skylar looked less than agreeable, but he nodded. “We should go get him. Tartarean’s men are looking for you both.”

  Merrin helped him to his feet, marvelling at how much he’d recovered in such a short space of time. Another of the wonders Onom bestowed on the Luminary. “How do you know?”

  His expression turned sour. “Zolten told me two minutes before they showed up.”

  Merrin’s heart began to beat a little faster. “What happened?”

  Skylar closed his eyes for a moment. “I caught a hint of the them on the breeze a few k’s from Zolten’s hideout. I followed, and they ambushed me as I was leaving. I never even felt them coming.”

  Merrin sucked in a breath. “How is that possible?”

  Skylar’s face seemed to pale under the bruises. “That’s what worries me more than anything. I honestly don’t know. Has he got his memories back yet?”

  Doubt rose as she struggled to recollect. Among all the turmoil and mixed emotions she felt when he was present, she had no clue if his memories were in fact returning.

  “Stay here. Rest, and I’ll go get him.”

  Merrin veins fired as Skylar cautioned her to be careful. As she ducked out of the tent, her thoughts were clearer than they had been all week.

  If Tarquin really was the key, they needed him close by, not wandering around where he might fall into Tartarean’s grasp again.

  And with Skylar’s help, maybe Tarquin would get the answers he so desperately needed.

  Chapter 12.

  Tarquin’s body was primed, ready to face more of the foot soldiers Tartarean held on a leash. The slightest creeping remorse filled him at how he’d dispatched one, just so he could test out his abilities.

  Not even a week ago, he’d been just like them. Mindlessly following orders, filled with fear, terrified of disobeying and suffering the excruciating pain Tartarean could cause.

  Now he was free. But with the freedom accepting the light brought an awareness of all that had changed and come with it.

  Worst of all, he was remembering, from the first memory he could find of his parents, to the muddled experiences of living in the caves with dozens of others.

  He paused. Snow landing around him, his bow slid off his shoulder as he nocked an arrow and scanned the rocky hillside before him.

  A lump of guilt, of sadness and of loss continued to build the further he stepped from Merrin.

  She’d shown him so much, tried so hard. And though he’d manipulated her, she was offering him another chance, but it wasn’t
something he could do.

  Not yet. Not until he did what he felt he was being called to do. Tartarean’s rule needed to end.

  He needed to be stopped. And if Onom felt him worthy, Tarquin wasn’t about to argue.

  In the light, he was safe, cared for, and his future held hope. The dark brought nothing but misery, hopelessness and an unending despair that his life would never change.

  How had he carried on? Day after day, following orders so blindly, every day feeling as though a part of him was missing. The answer slammed into him as his mind began to wander.

  Distraction. That had always been the way. To cope. To manage. To survive.

  That was all there ever had been. Tartarean encouraged them to find ways to keep them from thinking too much.

  There had been little time to do anything but train and follow orders. The moments of snatched quiet were few and far between.

  The caves filled with noise. Of fights. Of pain. Of reminders of control and the noose he’d felt so clearly only an hour ago.

  Tartarean had actively encouraged them to seek out what gave them pleasure. To find what they wanted and take it. Tarquin’s stomach churned as fractured memories pierced into him. Girls, drink, drugs, violence—all in the name of learning how to force his will on others.

  That was why he’d been chosen, for an innate ability to control, to manipulate and to coerce.

  A wave of revulsion swept through him, and his knees buckled under the torrent of memories hammering at him. Regret slammed into him, each memory so strong, so vivid, a shudder ripped through him at the knowledge he’d caused so much pain.

  He retched, body trembling with disgust, with hatred for his actions and the brutality of what he’d done when pushed.

  A half-choked howl escaped as he began to weep for all he’d stolen. All he’d done. All he could never, in a thousand years, put right.

  How many innocent girls had he manipulated under Tartarean’s guidance? How many lives had he taken to prove himself to a man so filled with hate it leached from him and spread like a disease, infecting those around him?

  Tarquin’s own hatred flared from deep inside him as he remembered every single face he’d desperately tried to forget. As image after image rammed into him, the constriction in his chest began to build until he couldn’t stand it any longer.