With a growl, I release him and move away.
Zac shifts back. With a hand to his neck he looks up at me with wide eyes.
“Why? Why didn’t you end it?” he asks.
I shake my head then shift back as well. I glare down at him, angry at myself for our relationship turning out like this. I should’ve tried harder to be a better brother. To be a brother in general.
Before I can respond, a scream rents through the air, piercing me to my bones.
I whirl around and see Ellie screaming in Foster’s arms. She doesn’t appear hurt, but my eyes travel to where she’s looking, and my entire body freezes.
Marcus is here.
Charlie is fighting him while Alice lays in wolf form on the ground.
I see red. My canines lengthen as I turn around to face Zac once more. “You brought him here.”
He stumbles up into a standing position with a hand to his neck, his legs shaking underneath him. His other hand is up in the air, trying to ward me off as he walks backward.
“I-I...I can explain. I didn’t have a choice.”
“There’s always a choice, Zac.” Even to my own ears I hear the vile hate in my voice. “You just always decide to make the wrong one.”
I stride toward him, intent to follow through this time when another scream echoes across the field.
It’s Zac who freezes this time. His eyes full of shock and horror as he stares back at the scene.
I slowly turn around, and what I find sends ice up my spine as my heart sinks.
The moment Foster and I had turned away, Charlie no longer had to fight just Marcus. A group of lycans attacked from all sides, overwhelming him. But that’s not what seems to freeze time.
No. It’s the arm protruding from Charlie’s abdomen.
Marcus’ arm.
Foster hands me off to another lycan I haven’t met. “Stay here,” he says, then races back to Charlie and Alice.
But it’s too late.
Charlie is looking at Alice with love as his lips move, but I can’t hear what he’s saying from here. Alice shakes her head, tears streaming down her face.
Marcus removes his arm from Charlie’s middle.
Charlie falls onto his knees, holding his gaping stomach. Marcus’ eyes zero in on me. He strides toward me, blood cascading from his hand.
Foster blocks his path while Russell fights the other lycans that surround Charlie and Alice.
There’s a raging roar, and I realize it’s Ash. He’s charging his way to Marcus, tearing through lycans that dare to get in his way.
Marcus changes directions, no longer focusing on me, but on the trees that surround us.
And just like that, the tension snaps; fear, confusion, and sorrow spread through the fray as some lycans follow suit, racing after Marcus into the forest.
Zac remains standing not far away from it all, but he’s frozen in place. His face is stricken with grief.
“I...I concede,” he says quietly, but his words slice through the now-quiet field. With just those words and the heartache on his face, he shifts into his wolf form and limps away—in the opposite direction of the others.
My head snaps back at the sound of heart-wrenching sobs.
Alice.
I glance at the man next to me. He looks just as confused, but he’s also not paying attention to me anymore, so I dash to Alice.
“Hey,” the man yells behind me, but I don’t look back or stop. I don’t slow down until I’m a yard away from Alice.
Walking the remaining distance, my heart breaks as she weeps over her father, his head resting on her lap.
Kneeling down beside Alice, I place a hand on her back. I know what it feels like to lose a parent. I understand the kind of pain she’s feeling. The loss of my own parents flare up as I watch her anguish. I would never wish this kind of pain on anyone.
I brave a look at Charlie. His eyes are cloudy and glazed over. No life left in them. His chest doesn’t rise or fall. Yet when I reach out and touch him, his skin is warm.
Weren’t lycans supposed to be harder to kill? Shouldn’t he be able to heal from this? How is this fair?
I only met him once, but in that short time, I saw the love he had for Alice and the others. The guidance and love he offered. And I saw the others show him love and respect.
Fighting back tears, my vision blurs. I don’t feel worthy enough to cry, only having known him a short amount of time. Not when he has a daughter that needs him.
Foster kneels down on the other side of Alice and closes Charlie’s lifeless eyes. He pulls Alice into his arms, removing Charlie’s head from her hold. He tucks her against his chest and nods to me in gratitude.
“Ellie.”
I lift my eyes to find Ash kneeling on the other side of Charlie, wearing only boxers. He must’ve shifted sometime during all of this.
I meet his concerned, sorrowful eyes. “Are you okay?” he asks.
Am I okay?
I glance over at Alice who’s sniffling against Foster’s chest. He’s stricken with grief as well. They’ve probably known Charlie longer than I’ve been alive.
Ash shouldn’t be asking if I’m okay. I should be asking if Ash is okay.
“Are you?” The question comes out as a whisper.
His eyes shutter as he looks at Alice and Foster then Charlie. “Seeing death never gets easier,” he says and stands. He gives orders to those around him.
I’m taken aback at the swift change.
He takes control so easily. Commanding the pack, reorganizing them, and delegating tasks. Leaving himself no time to mourn with his friends. Does this mean he’s the new alpha? What will happen now? A few lycans cover Charlie’s body with a sheet.
“Ellie darling.”
I blink, realizing Ash is now next to me, holding out his hand. How much time has passed since I first sat here? He helps me up and wraps me in a hug. He’s shaking.
“Ash?”
He holds me tighter. “When I saw Marcus kill Charlie then focus on you...I was terrified. I...I couldn’t make it to you. I’m sorry.”
I wrap my arms around him, but I feel something wet. “Ash! You’re bleeding.”
“It’s just a scratch, let me hold you for a little longer.”
“We need to take care of you.”
He leans down and nuzzles my neck, breathing in. “Just holding you is enough right now.”
The pack house has a small medical room, which is where Ash and I find ourselves after he dealt with the rest of the pack.
His pack.
He took charge, helping others and directing orders, before he allowed himself to be taken care of. Ten lycans died in total, including Charlie, and one of Zac’s betas, before Marcus ran. We don’t know where he or Zac went. We’re not even sure if they’re still together.
Ash walks us to the back of the room where there’s a bit more privacy. He stops us near a window, next to a row of cabinets and counters. He pulls open a drawer, grabs a cloth, and wets it in the sink.
Dr. Kathy, who splits her time between here and the hospital, and the other healers are busy with other injured lycans, so I offer to help Ash clean his wounds.
Ash sits down on top of the counter next to the sink and hands me the wet cloth. I examine him, looking for any injuries. There are more wounds than smooth skin. He has cuts and gashes all over his body, from his shoulders to his bare feet.
“Go ahead and ask me your questions,” Ash says as I decide to work on the shoulder wound he received from Zac’s bite. Zac didn’t just penetrate Ash’s skin, he created large gashes with his teeth when Ash pulled him off.
I wipe the blood off around it first then focus on the gashes. They aren’t clean. They’re deep and still ooze blood whenever Ash moves.
Refusing to meet his gaze, I take a step back to rinse out the blood in the sink beside us.
There’s so much going on in my head, I don’t even know where to start. He told me he loved me. That I’m his chosen mate
.
He also kept a huge secret from me that Zac is his half-brother.
And there’s the fact he’s alpha now and that I’m not sure where that leaves me.
He also lost Charlie.
Everyone lost Charlie.
“Why didn’t you tell me about Zac?” I ask.
“I…I don’t know.” I glance at him while wringing the cloth out, but his head is turned away, staring blindly at the rest of the room.
“You told me you wouldn’t keep things from me anymore,” I say, moving closer again and dabbing more blood away.
“I know. I’m not even sure why I did. Maybe because I’m ashamed.”
My hand pauses on his skin. “Of him?”
He glances at me. “No. Of myself. I should’ve been a better brother. Should’ve been there for him.”
I frown. “Why weren’t you?”
Ash shrugs, and I glare at him when blood seeps from the gashes. His lips twitch, holding back a smile. He’s not even sorry.
“Ash.”
He lets out a sigh. “By the time I realized I wanted a relationship, he already hated me,” he says. “But I made a promise to myself that I’d never hurt him. Physically, at least.”
“Why would that be a problem?” I ask, putting pressure on his wound.
“He constantly tried to get me to challenge him.”
I lift my gaze to focus on his face when a question pops in my head. “Is he the one that hurt you when I first met you?”
He shakes his head. “No. He started it, but his betas and delta finished it.”
“The three that were beside him outside.”
“Correct.”
“Huh.” I continue to clean the blood on his shoulder. “I thought your parents were mates.”
“They were. Chosen mates.”
“Because it’s hard to find your destined mate,” I say while exchanging my cloth with disinfectant liquid. I bite my lip and pour a bit of antiseptic on his open wounds.
“Yes,” he says, without even flinching. “They chose each other because they loved one another.”
“Then what happened?” I dry his wound, then spread ointment over it.
“I was really young when we moved here. Twelve, I believe. They had already been mates for over a decade, but this was the first time they were the alpha couple. With having a kid to take care of on top of that, I think they forgot to put each other first. So when my mom met Charlie, her destined mate, she fell hard. She loved and craved the spark and attention.”
“And Charlie, didn’t he know she was already married and had a kid?”
“No, Charlie didn’t know. He wasn’t in the same pack as her at the time so he had no idea she was already mated and had a kid.”
Right. Mated. I gnaw on my lip and place a bandage over the gashes. “Is there anything else you need to tell me?”
“No, I swear that’s it. And I always meant to tell you, but…”
“You’ve said that before.”
He runs a hand through his hair, pulling at the strands. “I know. I just wanted you to look at me in the best light. And how I’m with Zac, how our relationship is, is something I’m not proud of.” He looks down. “I know that’s no excuse.” He runs a hand down his face. “I’m sorry.”
I avert my gaze. I know that feeling all too well. It took me a long time to tell him about Marcus and parts of my past. Really, I’m just as guilty as him—the only difference is that I found out before he could tell me. And he’s been injured because of my omission. I should’ve told him sooner so he would’ve known what a mess my life was before falling for me. But he also should’ve told me.
“I’m going to need time to trust you again,” I finally say. His face falls and I try not to feel guilty. “The things you omitted are huge things about yourself. How do I know you’re not lying about the little things, too?”
His knuckles go white as he grips the edge of the counter.
“Not only that,” I say, poking him in the chest as my anger swells. “You decided to tell me that you love me and that I’m your chosen mate right before you fight your brother in front of everyone.” I notice blood on his chest, and pick up the cloth once more and scrub at it. “How could you do that? You didn’t even give me the chance to respond.”
“What would you have said?” he asks quietly.
I move in between his legs as I work my way down his chest and to his abs, following the trail of dried blood. “That I think I may be falling in love with you, too. That I want to stay here with you. But no, you just had to go off and fight your brother that I didn’t even know about. Then all hell broke loose”—my chin wobbles—“and I wasn’t sure if you would die or I would.” My hand stalls when I reach the light trail of dark hair that leads to his pants. My gaze lifts to his, finding his pupils blown and his nostrils flared as he stares at my lips.
“Ellie,” is the only warning I get before he takes my face and crashes his lips against mine. Claiming me. His kiss is demanding, but his touch is light. I know I could break the kiss right now if I wanted to, his grip on my face isn’t immobilizing. But I don’t. I want this. All the emotions he’s been hiding, I can sense them. All the desires and thoughts he has kept locked up, pour out into the kiss, like he’s been starving for this. For me.
I feel like I’m stumbling through the kiss. My hands press against his bare chest. His muscles firm under my touch. His scent overpowers the smell of antibiotics. I don’t know what to do, and I can barely think with his lips against mine. All I know is how warm his lips are and how I’m pretty sure my heart has stopped beating.
He groans against my mouth and slows the kiss down, but thankfully continues to take the lead, coercing my mouth to move against his. The softness of his lips, the light scratch of his scruff, and his warm breath between kisses all overwhelm my senses. I can’t get enough of him. I drop the cloth and grab onto his forearms, not to push him away, but to ground myself as I get lost in his kiss. Our lips locking and moving against each other. It feels right. He feels right.
He never takes it further, but it’s perfect. I never allowed myself to imagine what my first kiss would be like, but this….this is more than I could’ve hoped for.
I’m not sure how long it’s been, but I’m out of breath and my heart is racing when we stop. Ash still cradles my face as he gazes into my eyes. He’s panting just as hard as me.
“I love you, Ellie. I’m going to try to do better, to do right by you.” He takes a deep breath. “And I’m sorry I didn’t ask permission before kissing you.”
A small laugh escapes me as we touch foreheads. Even though I believe him, he’ll still have to prove his words. But how can I be upset with him right now when my first kiss felt like that? How can I even think after a kiss like that?
My hands shake as I tug on my black dress. The last funeral I went to was for my parents. I look in the mirror and examine my messy curls. I look so much like my mother, at least from what I can remember of her. At eleven, I didn’t think to grab a picture of her and my dad before I was placed into foster care. What even happened to all their things? Would I have gotten them after I got out of the system? What would they think if they saw me now? Would they be proud? Or horrified by what I’ve become? Someone that runs away from her problems instead of facing them head on.
Ash lightly raps on my open door. My eyes flicker to him as he steps in. His light-blue button up and tan slacks make his eyes and dark skin stand out even more than usual. My gaze lands on his lips next. It was three days ago, but I can still feel the press of them as if it were moments ago.
He’s been trying to be more forthcoming with me. Sharing more about his rocky relationship with Zac and keeping me in the loop with everything else that’s been going on. He lost about one hundred lycans after the challenge. But even with the loss of lycans he still has over five hundred lycans under him, and as alpha, he needs two betas and a delta. Before deciding he discussed with me who he was thinking of picking.
I wasn’t surprised that he wants to pick Foster and Russell to be his betas, but he wants to pick a girl named Sophie for his delta. Not knowing much about her or the position, I trust his judgment, but it also puts me a bit on edge that he’s picking a girl that I don’t know. Apparently, I’ll meet her soon since she’s out of the country right now, but I can’t help the little jealousy I feel.
Ash’s gaze trails my dress. “Hold on for a sec,” he says, turning around and walking out.
Uh. Okay?
He comes back a moment later holding the green dress Emma gave me.
“Where did you get that?” I ask.
“Emma gave it to me, and I kept forgetting to give it to you.” He hands it to me.
I look at his clothing then at the dress I’m wearing. “Is black not a normal color to wear to a funeral?”
He caresses my bare arm, his eyes tracking the movement. “For humans, maybe. But lycans do things differently.” His gaze lifts to mine. “We try to focus on the brightness of their life and not the sorrow their death brings. Today will be about their bravery, their desire to protect and defend their pack, their strength, and their love. Even if they weren’t fighting for us, they were still part of this pack.” Ash kisses my temple. “I’ll be just outside your door while you change. Come out whenever you’re ready. But there’s no rush, my love. Take your time.”
I flush at his new pet name he’s taken on since admitting his love for me. He lightly pecks the corner of my mouth before leaving and closing the door behind him.
I wipe my hands on my dress and bite my lip while sitting in Ash’s truck. I look different. Last time I wore this it practically hung off me. Now it fits like a glove. Has it really already been two months since I wore this last? So much has happened, but at the same time it feels like barely any time has passed.
Ash opens my door and helps me out of the truck, and my boots sink into the snow. It snowed all last night and the chill in the air seeps through my coat, but you wouldn’t be able to tell just by looking at Ash since he’s not even wearing a suit coat. The only thing that’s weather appropriate are his black snow boots.
Saving Ellie (Lycans Book 1) Page 21