Saving Ellie (Lycans Book 1)

by Whitney R. B.

  Watching with wide eyes and a clenched jaw, light-gray fur with a hint of brown appears and disappears across my hands and arms. After everything I’ve had to endure, why do I have to go through more agony? Why couldn’t I just live happily as a human with Ash? Why do I need to be a lycan as well?

  I barely register as Ash kneels in front of me. “I wish I could take this pain from you, Ellie.” His voice is thick with emotion. “If I could, I would go through this for you, but I can’t. I can’t stop this shift from happening. There are so many things I wish I could do for you right now, and I’m so mad at myself for being so blind. But I’m here for you. What can I do to help you through this? I don’t know how to lighten this load. Please, my Ellie darling,” he says, tears streaming down his own face.

  “I can’t do this,” I sob.

  He caresses my cheeks, wiping my tears away rather than his own. “You can do this. I know you can. You’re so strong.” He bites his lip as his voice quivers. “You amaze me with everything you’ve survived. You’re the strongest person I know. You’ve endured so much, and revenge hasn’t even crossed your mind. You’re one of the toughest survivors out there. For once, don’t fight the pain.”

  My head drops as tears fall to the ground. He believes in me.

  But I can’t.

  Fighting the pain is all I’ve ever done. “I can’t help it.” How can I not? It’s how I survived. How I survived my parents’ deaths, the brutal years in foster care, the constant beatings from Marcus, and the life I had on the run.

  “Look at me, Ellie.” Ash nudges my chin up. “You’re going to be okay. The pain is only temporary. Being a wolf is amazing, and I’m going to show you all the good that comes with it.” I look down as another wave rolls through me. “But, Ellie?” I meet his eyes once more, his glowing, glacier-blue orbs. “You don’t have to do this alone anymore. I’m here with you—always.”

  I cry harder at his words. That’s all I’ve ever really wanted. And whenever I needed someone recently, Ash has been there. Either in wolf or human form. I know I can count on him.

  “I still don’t know how to not fight the pain, Ash. I don’t know if I can relax through this.”

  His eyes are full of agony as he pulls on the strands of his hair. His eyes widen as they flash to mine. “I have an idea.”

  I huff. “Well, don’t just sit there.”

  Suddenly, his lips are on mine. At first I’m tense against his tentative caress, but I quickly relax into it, and he grows bolder.

  His tongue brushes against my lips, encouraging them to open farther. A shiver rolls through me as his warm tongue touches mine in greeting. I whimper as my skin blazes with fire. It hurts.

  But just as quickly as the pain came, it’s overpowered by Ash. His tongue moves against mine, demanding my attention, encouraging me to dance with him as he proves his passion and love for me. Whenever the pain flares, it’s almost snuffed out in the next instant by Ash’s relentlessness. The caress of his tongue and the soft but firm press of his lips are the only things touching me, yet it feels as if he’s everywhere.

  I cry out against his mouth as my bones crack. Ash lightly nips my bottom lip to distract me, but it only helps for a moment. My skin stretches so much that I’m worried it’ll tear apart. Ash’s lips are no longer on mine as my body feels heavier, but lighter at the same time. The agony that has been a constant companion is gone. All that is left is warmth and the buzz from Ash’s kiss.

  I open my eyes, not realizing I had closed them, to find Ash standing. My head is at his waist.

  His eyes are bright as he gazes at me in wonder. “You’re beautiful, Ellie.” He reaches a hand to stroke my fur, sending a thrill through my system.

  I nuzzle against his hand.

  He smiles. “I’m going to shift now,” he says.

  I watch in fascination at how quick his shift is. His beautiful ebony wolf takes over his human form so quickly, I’d miss it if I blinked.

  Ash is slightly bigger than me as a wolf, and more muscular. His eyes glow faintly. My head tilts to the side. Did they always glow? Do they always glow? Sometimes they appeared to glow, but I thought it was the trick of the light. Maybe they actually do at times, and it just wasn’t something I noticed until now.

  Ash nudges me with his head and the small pull I feel for him intensifies. I suddenly want to dig my nose in his fur and inhale while rubbing my scent all over him. I want to dig my teeth in his shoulder and shower him with love and affection.

  Jerking away from him, I shake my head. Where are these feelings coming from? Yes, I’m falling in love with him—may have already fallen—but biting and rubbing my scent? Those are strange things to desire, right?

  Breathing in, I’m surprised when my senses go into overdrive. I’m bombarded—I can smell and hear everything. The crunching snow under our paws, the squirrel running through the trees, the fresh air, the way Ash smells. Pine and snow mixed with musk. It’s so much stronger now. And way too enticing.

  Ash nudges me again, then strides in front of me. He glances at me and takes off. An urge to run, to follow him, rushes through me. I catch up to him, and we run side by side through the trees. He gives me a wolfy grin and I grin back. Ecstasy bubbles up as the wind rushes through my fur. The urge to howl overwhelms me and I give in. I howl at the moon. Ash follows suit, howling with me. Our howls combine and it’s music to my wolf ears.

  By the time we stop running and make it back to where our clothes are, my body is sore and waves of exhaustion hit me, reminding me what my body went through to get into this form. The rush of being a wolf has faded. Ash shifts back first.

  “Shifting back won’t be nearly as painful, but it will still hurt. Just keep your mind clear and let the pain flow through you as you focus on your human form.”

  Shifting into a wolf was a lot easier when it came to Ash’s distraction, but shifting back isn’t as hard as I was expecting. There’s a slight pinching and bone cracking, but eventually I’m able to get back into my human form.

  I wobble, and he grabs my arms to support me. I squeal, realizing I’m once again naked in his presence, and quickly step away. But just like before, he’s only looking at my face.

  “I’ll order you some magic-infused underwear,” he says as we both get into our discarded clothes.

  I’m too tired to respond, and after a few steps toward the house—or where I think the house is—I stumble, and he lifts me into his arms.

  Before leaving the cover of the trees, I’m fast asleep in his arms.

  I wake up to ringing in my ears. My head aches from all the sounds that bombard me. There’s Ash’s soft breathing as he sleeps beside me, the air conditioner, the normal things, but it all seems louder than usual. On top of that, past the closed window, I can hear the crunch of the snow as a woodland creature tracks through the brush and the rustle of birds as they ruffle their feathers.

  How am I able to hear all of this?

  Opening my eyes, I take in my surroundings. Everything is crisp and clear, even in the dark. I can zoom my vision in, focusing on a single speck of dust on a picture frame across the room.

  My head snaps to Ash as he wakes. Even with this crazy sight, he’s beautiful. He rubs his eyes, then jerks up as he sees me.

  “What’s wrong, Ellie?”

  “Everything is…” How do I explain that my brain feels like it’s about to explode from being overloaded?

  Taking a deep breath to settle myself, I realize it’s just not my sight or vision, but also my sense of smell.

  Moaning at how wonderful Ash smells, I lean in closer. His pine, fresh snow, and musky scent is even better now.

  “Ah, I see.” He chuckles lightly as he lets me climb onto him. I settle on his lap, nuzzling my nose in the crook of his neck. He smells divine…and delicious. But not in a food way. Although, I do have an urge to bite him. Just thinking of marking him gives me immense joy. Now that I think about it, why haven’t I bitten him yet? He’s mine.
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br />   “Ash.”

  I purr and open my mouth, my teeth lightly grazing his skin. My tongue slips out next, giving myself a little taste.

  A string of curses slips past his lips as a shiver runs through him. “Okay, no biting yet.” He grabs my arms and lightly pushes me away. “Close your eyes, darling. I’ll help you get your senses under control. There’s a way to switch it on and off.”

  I blink a few times then close my eyes, but I can’t help leaning toward him. I want him.

  “Alright, try to focus, Ellie. I want you to think of each sense individually, then imagine it shutting off. One by one.” His voice is soft and gentle. He’s almost whispering, but I can hear him as clear as if he were speaking loudly. “I want you to do sound first. Focus only on the sounds of my voice and remember how it used to sound.”

  I do what he asks as he continues to speak. Thinking of how soft his voice is and how much quieter it usually is. It takes a bit, but then it clicks, almost like a switch, and his voice is in a normal soft whisper once more.

  “I got it.” I open my eyes to shut them swiftly again as I’m threatened with a wave of dizziness. Everything is still too clear.

  “Good, now let’s focus on your vision.”

  I savor the last bite of my waffle. Taste was one thing I kept enhanced. The sweetness of the maple syrup and the crisp, crunchy waffle…I’ve never tasted anything so good. Except for maybe Ash.

  Ash places his empty plate on his nightstand. After the long night we had and the funeral yesterday, Ash made us breakfast in bed.

  “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  Pausing mid-swallow isn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I start coughing. I reach for my milk.

  “What’s wrong?” I ask, still gasping once the lump has made its way down. My eyes narrow at his amused grin. “Well?” I playfully nudge his arm.

  His smile wavers as he nervously tugs a hand through his hair. “I figured something out last night.”

  My head tilts. “Didn’t we both?”

  Chuckling, albeit tensely, he nods. “Yes, but you being a lycan isn’t what I’m talking about.”

  “Okay…”

  He runs a hand down his face then eyes me. “We’re mates.”

  Frowning, I nod slowly. “Yes, you mentioned I was your chosen mate. In front of the entire pack, right before a battle, might I add.”

  He cringes. “Yes, but that’s not what I meant.” He turns to fully face me in the bed, taking my hands in his. “Do you feel that?”

  My eyes widen. “You…you can feel that too?” The tingles I’ve grown accustomed to seem stronger than normal, but since I’ve always felt them with him, I’ve thought nothing of it. Just thought something was wrong with my nerves after all the abuse.

  “I can.”

  “What does it mean?” I ask.

  He grips my hands tighter. “It means…we’re destined mates.”

  My mouth gaps open as a weight I didn’t know I was carrying lifts off my shoulders. I didn’t realize how much that was looming over me, that I was afraid of his destined mate coming along and taking him from me like what happened to his parents.

  But I don’t have to worry about it anymore.

  Because I am his destined mate.

  Breathing easier now, I ask, “So the tingles”—the corners of his mouth twitch—“are how you can tell we’re mates?”

  No longer able to fight it, a smile spreads across his lips. “One of them. Another”—he pulls me closer as he leans in and runs his nose along my throat—“is your scent. Now I understand why it always drives me crazy,” he whispers that last part against my skin, sending shivers up and down my spine. “Also, the need to claim you has intensified.” He begins placing kisses up and down my neck.

  I bite my lip, fighting a giggle as his scruff tickles the sensitive area. “That...that makes a lot of sense.”

  He chuckles and leans back. “How so?”

  “When I was a wolf, I had this intense desire to smell and bite you. I had it again this morning.”

  “Ah, yeah.” He grins. “I may have enjoyed this morning a little too much.”

  I nudge him, but then grow serious as more thoughts tumble in. “Does this change anything between us?”

  “Nope.” He leans in and nips my neck, causing goosebumps to erupt. “I want you just as much as I did before I knew you were a lycan. This is just a plus. I don’t have to worry about declining a future mate.”

  My heart skips a beat. “You mean, you were willing to be with me even if your destined mate came along?”

  Abruptly leaning away, Ash captures me with his glacier-blue eyes. “Of course. I choose you as my mate, Ellie. I meant it when I said I wanted to be with you. I want a life with you.”

  “That’s more than just a relationship.”

  “Yes, it is. I want to share our lives together. I want something permanent with you. Relationships can end, but mates? Those are forever. I want forever with you.”

  I blink rapidly as tears form from his admission. “How? Why?”

  His brows dip. “I’m not sure what you’re asking.”

  Trying to ignore the tightness in my chest, I swallow the lump in my throat. “How do you already know that it’s me you want to spend your life with? I have nothing to offer you. Marcus...Marcus ruined me to be able to have any normal kind of relationship. I don’t understand why you would choose me.”

  His jaw clenches. “You’re not ruined. I hate that you think of yourself that way. You have everything to offer, but just spending time with you is everything to me. Hearing you laugh, talk. Sharing a bed and kisses. All I want to do is love you, Ellie.” His eyes are earnest as he continues, “I wish I could show you what you look like to me. You’re kind, strong, beautiful—inside and out.

  “I know it was wrong when I told you I wanted you as a mate not even a week ago—at the worst time possible—and again right now. But I want to be transparent with you. I want to spend this life with you and be mates—if you’ll have me. I know you said you may be falling in love with me, but I don’t want to pressure you. I’m willing to wait for an answer, even if it’s no. Although, I hope with every fiber of my being that it’s not. And even if it’s a no, I’ll still be here for you. I’ll still protect you and make sure you stay safe.”

  My thoughts swirl, as they tend to do whenever I’m front and center to Ash’s attention and emotions. He’s always taking care of me. With him I don’t need to worry about a place to stay or when my next meal will be. But that’s not why I’ve stayed.

  I’ve stayed because I can’t imagine not seeing him again. He’s almost too good to be true, and I wanted to hold on to this strange thing we have as long as possible. Because once he realizes I’m not worth the trouble, he’ll leave. At least that’s what I’ve been thinking. But he’s been saying the opposite this entire time and proving it through his actions. He’s seen me at my worst. He was there when my past found me and has been trying to help me pick up the pieces. To figure out what’s going on.

  I know I already decided to stay and I’ve admitted to myself that I’m falling in love with him, but that didn’t necessarily mean I was ready for more. I also hadn’t really realized how serious he was—is—about me.

  “If I were to accept being mates with you…what would that mean exactly? With you being an alpha and all that.”

  His eyes widen and his lips part. “It would mean we would run this pack together as the alpha couple.”

  I figured that would be his answer. Am I ready to be an alpha? Being with Ash doesn’t scare me. I’m more worried he’ll get tired of me and the problems that follow. But to be an alpha when I didn’t know I was a lycan just yesterday?

  “I’m not sure I’m ready for that,” I say. His face falls and I quickly add, “But that doesn’t mean I’m rejecting you...I just need time.”

  He sits up straighter. “You mean, you might want to be mates? With me?”

  I bite my lip
, my nerves going haywire as I contemplate confessing my thoughts and desires. “I do...I really like you, Ash, but I’m just not ready for such a huge commitment. I’m not ready to be an alpha, nor have I ever been in a relationship. I mean, there was Will...but it wasn’t really a relationship.”

  He nods slowly as a small smile forms on his lips. “I’m okay with that. We can take it slow. We have time, especially now that we know you’re a lycan.”

  It’s so strange thinking I’m no longer human, that I’m actually a lycan. That I can now live hundreds—maybe even thousands—of years. I’m not even sure how changing into a wolf works. How did lycans even exist? How does any of this hidden side of the world work? He’s explained packs before, but I never thought I’d be in one.

  Wait.

  “Ash, what pack am I in right now?”

  Blinking at my sudden turn of topic, he refocuses. “That’s actually another thing I wanted to discuss with you. You aren’t in a pack right now.”

  “Is that a bad thing?”

  Tilting his head back and forth, he says, “It can be. It depends on how much essence is in your blood.”

  “I don’t understand. You’ve mentioned essence and magic before, but why would it matter?”

  “Do you remember how I explained purebloods and omegas?” he asks.

  I nod. “Yes, purebloods are from other purebloods.” Which I am, apparently. “They don’t have any human ancestors, while omegas have a lot.”

  “Correct. Essence is magic in your blood. This can get complicated, but the more essence you have, the harder it can be to control on your own. That’s why we live in packs, and why stryxes and witches live in covens. I’m not sure why, but if you aren’t linked to others, the essence inside of you goes haywire. You can turn into a wolf and be stuck in that form. And the opposite is true—those that don’t have much essence will lose their ability to use it. Lycans and stryxes would no longer be able to shift or have their enhanced abilities, witches would no longer be able to use magic.”