‘You think he left me because he was reminded of his mamma?’
‘I think it’s possible. I’m sorry, I should have thought about what giving you her necklace would mean to him. She was a beautiful and kind woman who thought only of her children. I wanted her there with us, to celebrate his marriage. She always said he was a man who would need the love only a wife could give, and I wanted her to know that he’d found her.’
‘Do you really think he loves me?’
‘I think you know the answer to that already, Bee,’ Kendall added, and I whipped my head around to take in the fact she was nodding her head as she spoke.
For a few minutes we sat in silence, the two of them had effectively wrapped themselves around me to offer me their strength.
‘The last of the legends of these beautiful creatures in front of us, the ones who are still dancing, swooping and embracing life, is that they represent happiness, new beginnings and change. But ultimately, they symbolise love and there is nothing greater than love, is there? Nico loves you with all that he is. Now all you have to do is to convince him that he is strong enough to throw away the hold his father put on him and convince him he’s worthy of you.’
Chapter Thirty-Three
Nico
‘Mr. Morello, Captain Clynes is here to see you.’
My secretary’s voice filled my office and on instinct I looked away from the large windows I’d been staring out of for God knows how long and glanced back to the speaker on my desk. A long exhale left my mouth and I crossed my arms over my chest, feeling my leather shoulder holster pull tight across my back.
I knew it was only a matter of time before Trip arrived. In truth, I’d expected him sooner. How long had I been back in Vegas, was it three or four days now?
I hadn’t a fucking clue.
I’d been holed up in my office ever since I’d arrived back in the states. Doing paperwork that I’d pretended needed doing and checking up on things I really didn’t need to check up on. But it had helped to keep my mind focussed, by not allowing it to drift back to the woman I’d left in Crete. I hadn’t been back out to Red Rock Canyon because… well, because I couldn’t face it and the memories I knew it would, without a doubt hold.
Instead I’d been here, locked up in my fortress-like office. After having had clothes brought to me from the house, I’d been attempting to sleep on the couch and using the shower room that was connected to my office. I’d been using the space as my home, because I knew that for now and the foreseeable future it would be the only place I might get any peace.
‘Mr. Morello?’ Mrs. Busby questioned me, reminding me I still hadn’t answered her.
I could refuse him entrance. I could, if necessary, have him removed from the building, but knowing Trip like I did I knew he would keep on trying until I finally spoke to him.
‘Yes, thank you.’ I swallowed, trying to keep some of the annoyance out of my voice as I answered her. ‘Please send him in.’
I turned and walked towards the drinks’ cabinet, unplugged the heavy crystal stopper from the Bourbon decanter and began to pour myself a couple of fingers.
The door clicked shut at the far end of the room.
‘It’s nine a.m.’ Trip’s voice chastised me.
‘What can I do for you, Captain Clynes?’ I stood myself up as tall as I could, expelled air from my flaring nostrils and asked him the question without turning to face him.
His laughter filled up the large office. ‘And so it begins… first you pull away from Bee and now it’s my turn.’
‘I have another meeting in ten minutes, so can you say what you’ve come to say.’
‘Okay, sure… let’s get down to business. Firstly, I repeat, it’s nine a.m. and you’ve got a pretty large drink in your hand and secondly, this shutting yourself down crap might work on everyone else including yourself, but not on me.’
‘If you’ve come all this way to turn into my grandmother or to state the fucking obvious, then you can leave the same way you came in.’ I lifted up the Bourbon I was holding to my lips. Then I flung it far back on my tongue and swallowed fast, closing my eyes momentarily as I relished the burn at the back of my throat. This meeting was already going to the fucking dogs. What was it with family and friends? Resigning myself, I placed the expensive glass gently down onto the silver topped cabinet as I resisted the urge to throw it overarm to the opposite wall and to watch as it shattered against the plaster and into a million pieces. I heard him walk across the floor and take a seat on the couch.
‘Hello to you too,’ he uttered sarcastically. ‘I’d ask you how you are and if you’re struggling, but by just looking at you I can see that the answer to both of those questions is fairly obvious. I know a good therapist, perhaps speaking to Dr. Lemmon might help you.’
‘Good morning, I don’t remember asking you to work. I’m not flying out anywhere… I don’t need a fucking therapist, even yours… So, what can I do for you?’ I asked, using a tone of voice that let him know I wasn’t in the mood for a friend.
‘Seriously, you need to get the fuck over yourself… Do I really have to put into words why I’m here? You’re an intelligent man, Nic. At least I always thought you were, until three days ago when you ran away.’
‘I had a problem and needed to come back here.’
The laughter that left him let me know that he wasn’t taking any sort of bullshit today.
‘Yeah, the understanding that you were allowing yourself to live and to love someone must have been a huge fucking problem. I’ve been there, remember?’
I turned around fast.
‘Your life and my life are so very different you can’t use yourself as an example… Just fucking go.’
‘That’s the first thing you’ve uttered that makes any fucking sense so far. In the few years we’ve known each other, our lives have been different, I’ll give you that. Yet still we’re friends. Understanding that, you need to know that I’m not leaving here until you tell me what made you leave her… What happened, Nic?’
‘This happened,’ I shouted back at him as I moved my hands up and down myself. ‘Do you see this?’ I waved my right arm around the huge space that was my office, with its bullet-proof glass. ‘And this.’ I pulled my Beretta 92x out of my shoulder holster and waved it in the air.
God love him, he didn’t even flinch. His eyes went to the gun in my hand once and once only before they landed squarely back on my face.
‘She knows who you are,’ he offered as he leant forward to place his elbows onto his knees and clasp his hands together.
‘She knows only what I’ve told her.’
‘Then open up to her, tell her what hurts you, what scares you and let her make her own choice if she can live with it or not... She’s stronger than you think. I think she’d choose you whatever.’
‘I always meant to leave Barbara once she was in a better place, and now she is… So, it was time.’
‘Barbara?... Do you really think that by flying thousands of miles away from her and using her proper name, you’ll be able to separate yourself from her? Tell me you’re not that fucking stupid, Nic.’
‘I’m saving her from me, Trip… tell me you can at least understand that.’ My voice had risen in volume and I watched as the gun in my hand gesticulated in front of him as I tried hard to make him understand just what I was doing.
‘Saving her from you? Just who the hell do you think you are?’
‘Now who’s not using the brain they were born with? You know who I am. You know what sort of family I come from.’
‘Yeah, I do. I know all of those things. But, why the fuck would you ever hurt her? You’ve moved hell and high water to change what your business is about. You’ve recompensed where you can, the pain your father caused others.’
I smacked my palm hard onto my chest.
‘That’s just semantics. Inside here I’m damaged, he impaired me to the point I’m charred and blackened inside…’ My voice that had b
een gaining in volume dropped as I placed the gun next to the alcohol on the side and looking down to my feet, I pushed my hands into my pockets. ‘She needs and deserves better than me.’
‘Better than the man she married? Better than the man she loves? I never thought I’d say this to you, Nic, knowing what you’ve survived and lived through, but you need to grow a set of balls. You’ve taken the coward’s way out instead of fighting for the life you want.’
Coward? The words he’d just spoken resonated around my head.
Still looking at the floor I saw his feet move as he made to stand up. I couldn’t work out if he was getting up to leave or if he was coming closer to where I stood. Strangely I didn’t want him to do either. I didn’t want his comfort, so didn’t want him any closer to where I was, but equally I knew I needed him to question me and the decision I’d made.
‘You need to understand this… YOU are not your father.’
I lifted up my gaze and biting down strongly I clenched my teeth together.
‘No, I’m not, but I AM my father’s son.’
He sighed at my reply.
‘No matter what actions I take, how many people I try to help to put right the pain he caused them… I will always be his son, his first born and the heir to this fucking throne of thorns.’
‘Sell it all. Move on, move to Crete for fucks sake. Have babies and grow fat with the woman you so obviously love.’
The laughter that fell out of my mouth wasn’t happy or light. It expressed the madness that I felt at his words. At what I would give to able to do just that.
‘Trip, you’ve been a good friend over the years and for that you’ll never know how grateful I am. But do you have any understanding of how “mafia” even works? I’ve let you in on parts of my life, but have you never seen the movies? They’re not far wrong, yeah they’re a little soft around the edges, but the basic concept of a decent mafia film is correct.’
‘Explain.’ I could see I was starting to get to him. Made more uncomfortable by my words than the gun I had waved about earlier in front of his face, he instinctively stood himself up as tall as his frame would allow, knowing he had an inch or two over me.
‘You don’t get to leave families like mine unless someone has your back or you’re lucky enough to die.’
‘It’s a fucking business, sell it.’
Feeling more in control to gain the upper hand over the conversation, I walked past where he was standing in amongst the more comfortable seating and made my way over to the large desk that used to be my grandfather’s. Turning, I placed my ass on the edge, sat down and crossed my feet at my ankles.
My eyes moved over the space between us.
‘For sale. One mafia business…’ I laughed at his suggestion.
‘You told me that most of the business is now legal,’ he shot back.
‘And it is. Yes, I could sell it… but it wouldn’t matter. I can’t sell who I am, the family I come from and that by fucking default I’m the head of. Do you know how many families would love to boast that they wiped out all of the Morellos? Selling up here and going somewhere else makes us look weak and a prime target for any up and coming asshat.’
A sigh of understanding left his mouth.
‘In order to protect my family, I have to stay right where I am and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Maybe one day it’ll be different…’
‘So, you stay here and live this to protect those you love…’ Our eyes found each other’s, and he nodded at me in recognition. ‘I take back the fact I called you a coward, Nic. I’m sorry for doing that, because I think I finally understand why this has to be your life.’ His eyes looked around my large office.
A few seconds of painful realisation filled up the room.
At last Trip started walking towards me. I stood up and welcomed him into my hold. Silence filled the room as for a short while we embraced, then after a couple of slaps on the back we released each other. He took one step backwards from me and started speaking again.
‘Nic, I still however believe that life is a balance. Bee knows where you come from, doesn’t she?’
I couldn’t answer, but nodded back at him in answer.
‘She’s stronger than you give her credit for. The two of you being together has made her strong. Can’t you at least let her make up her own mind?’
‘The things I’ve done… I’m too much like him, she doesn’t deserve to wake up one day and find she’s married to a man like my father.’
‘A man has to fight to find peace,’ he offered. ‘And that’s what you’ve been doing.’
‘Does he have to kill, too?’
His head moved very slightly from side to side as he thought over my question.
‘I think in some instances he does, yes. I know I would kill to protect Kendall and Bruce.’
Trip’s body twisted and his feet finally began to move towards the door.
‘Is she here, Trip?’ I asked the one thing I’d wanted to know since he’d arrived. But even before he answered I knew she was, because I could feel her close by.
‘She’s here,’ he replied with his back to me. ‘I’m just the first wave of attack,’ he added with a slight laugh. ‘But then I’m sure Raul would have given you that information the minute we landed.’
He was right, the bodyguard I’d assigned to Bee had told me that they’d flown in a couple of days ago. But then I wasn’t really asking that question, what I was asking in a roundabout way was whether he thought she would come to see me. I crossed my arms over my chest, not in a sulky, defensive way, but to try to trap in the feeling of excitement that she thought I was worthy of her.
I didn’t want to stamp all over her already broken heart, but I also couldn’t refuse her coming to see me. My heart rate had already accelerated and all because I knew that someday soon, I would lay eyes on her once again.
I heard the turn of the handle as Trip went to leave.
‘One more thing… this life changing moment is brought to you by Elvis and The Beatles.’
‘Elvis and The Beatles?’ I questioned, amused and relieved that the fraught atmosphere had lifted between us.
‘Yeah, both of them,’ he reiterated. ‘But it will be the one and only time… Elvis and The Beatles - I forgot to remember.’
He vacated my office without so much as a wave in my direction, leaving me with my head swimming with the lyrics of the song he’d just flung at me. He was right I couldn’t forget her, and I knew without a doubt Bee would always be on my mind and making me remember.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Bee
A contented ‘purrrr’ hit my ears. Followed closely by the rub of a furry face along my jawline. With my eyes still closed, I found his head with my fingertips and began to scratch behind the one fight-tattered ear that was available to me.
‘I missed you too, Tiger,’ I mumbled with a voice that still sounded like I was half asleep.
Right next to my face I could feel him turning around and around as he prepared himself to find the best possible spot to lie down in.
Suddenly, ginger fur was tickling the outside of my nostrils.
‘Oh no… move away you hairy beast.’ Quickly I moved my head back up on the pillow to separate the two of us. Then opening my eyes one by one, I took in the warm glow that filled my room as the sun began to set and settle behind the hills.
I miss you, Nic. With resignation I spoke inside my head the same words that were permanently on repeat. It was always the same, he was the first thing I thought of when I woke up and the last thing that floated around my head before my tired body eventually crashed into sleep. As always, the feelings inside of me made me feel sick with longing.
I quickly worked out by the lighting in my room that it was the time of day that Nico and I had always embraced.
No more… stop. With a sudden loud sniff, I effectively swallowed down my hurt and attempted to shelve the pain.
At the same time, I saw the moment the p
ink tufts of Pearl’s hair poked around the edge of my bedroom door and I wiped underneath both of my eyes hurriedly with the backs of my hands as I attempted to conceal my pain from her.
‘You’re awake. I thought I heard you…’ I watched as she came in the door and walked towards my bed, eyeing me with concern. ‘Is he bothering you?’ Her head tipped to where Tiger was already curled up and asleep.
‘No, not at all. I think he missed me.’
‘We both did. But I was happy because you were happy…’ Her voice changed in tone and I felt the bed dip as she sat down on the edge of my bed. ‘Can you tell me what went wrong?’
This had been a recurring theme, along with the fact she was worried I had made myself ill with the upset of it all. But finally, she’d asked the question outright.
I shook my head a little and exhaled, which disturbed Tiger’s beautiful ginger coat.
‘I’m truly not sure.’
Her eyes found mine as she appeared to mull over what she thought might have happened in her head. But obviously not coming up with what she felt was a good enough answer, she thought better of releasing the words into the world. Just as quickly as she’d sat down, she stood back up again.
‘Well, the good thing is you look better after that sleep.’
Gently, so as not to disturb the cat, I stretched out my body, feeling the edge of the mattress with my toes and the headboard underneath my fingers.
‘I do feel better. I’m not sure why I’m so rundown at the moment.’ I looked up at her.
‘Well I think I may have an answer for that… stay there.’
Pearl left my small bedroom. I heard her walking towards my kitchen and then her footsteps were on their way back. Once again, she appeared around my door, but this time she was holding a brown paper bag in her hand.
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