Brash Boss

by Roberts, A. S.

  Then as the second and third line of “Let It Be Me” by Elvis Presley filtered into my head, slowly I relaxed the white knuckled grip I had on the blanket over my head and let it drop down to my lap.

  There, stood in front of the flight deck door, with his hands in his pockets was Nico.

  He carried on singing the words and then after walking closer, he held out his hand to me. Without a single hesitation I lifted my hand and placed it into his, where he wrapped his fingers tightly around it.

  ‘Dance with me, mio angelo.’ His Italian accent had crept into his tone and I knew he was struggling to keep his emotions in check. ‘Dance with me and I beg of you… let it be me.’

  Using his hand, I stood up. His arms wrapped around me tightly as he pulled me into his body. I let the smell of his bodywash fill my senses and the black shirt he was still wearing from earlier soak up the tears that were now continuously falling from my eyes.

  His voice filled with more and more emotion as he attempted to sing the rest of the song to me and at the same time, he swayed our bodies to the beat of the music that was only audible to the two of us.

  When the words to the song came to an end, I removed my face from his chest and looked up and into his eyes. The face that stared back at me was so full of emotion that fresh tears sprang from my eyes and ran rapidly down my cheeks.

  ‘I’m so sorry, Bee. This isn’t and never has been playacting on my part, no matter how hard I tried to convince myself it was. I want this with you. I want to make our very own family with you. I’ll never walk away again. I’ll love you until the end of forever. This scares the fuck out of me, but it scares me even more to let you go, because I wasn’t really living until you came into my world and I know I can’t live without you in my future.’

  I released a small cry of pain as Nico relaxed his hold on me, but my heart rejoiced once again as he fell to his knees and after taking both of my hips into his hands, he placed his mouth on my stomach and spoke again.

  ‘You are very much wanted, little star… I don’t know who ever thought I’d make a good daddy, but I will, I promise.’

  I ran my fingers through his hair and slowly his gaze came back up to mine.

  ‘Let it be me, Bee,’ he begged with his dark brown eyes filling with tears.

  ‘It’s always been you, Nico… Even before I even knew you. It seems we were written to be together in the dark canopy of the night sky. Unknowingly, we each sent out a beacon looking for love and hope. Now, together we will hang our stars on that dark canvas, and they will shine forever.’

  Epilogue

  Bee (two weeks later)

  Lying beside the pool had to be one of my favourite places. The feel of the sun on my bare legs and the relaxing sound of the sea as it washed over the shore beneath us, relaxed me to the point of falling asleep. I knew I had at least another hour until Nico emerged from his office, so I placed my earbuds into my ears and set my music on shuffle.

  Music blared out from the kitchen and I knew that Mom had turned it up again. I opened my eyes and looked at the houses on either side of us. Any minute now they would start to close some of their windows, as they always did when Mom played her music loudly.

  I loved music, I loved that it made her happy, it meant Brody and I could be happy as well.

  I didn’t care that no one liked my mom, not really, anyway. She was my mom and I loved her, especially on days like today. When she was singing and dancing, it made me happy. I felt all warm inside and my heart skipped with happiness.

  I heard a window slam, like I knew it would, and I closed one of my eyes to go back to my cloud watching. Copying my big brother, Brody, I put my curled fists together, one on top of the other, to make a telescope shape and I looked up again. Together with him we blanked out the shouts being aimed at our garden and went back into our make-believe world.

  It was safe there.

  ‘Look, Brody. That one there looks like a white, fluffy princess.’ I used my small elbow to jab him in the ribs. He rubbed at his side and followed my pointing finger.

  ‘It does, Sissy,’ he agreed.

  He turned his head to look at me and grinned. Feeling pleased with myself I smiled back at him. I poked my tongue through the small gap where I’d recently lost my baby tooth and worried with the hole it had left behind.

  The tooth fairy hadn’t come for me. I’d lost it at school after my tooth had come out in an apple I’d bitten into. But then I knew the tooth fairy never come for Brody either, although he said he didn’t care. When the kids at school had laughed at me when I’d said I hadn’t been left any money under my pillow, Brody had called them names and had got a bruise on his face where Harry had hit him. But Harry’s eye had looked worse after he’d hit him back. Brody didn’t know, but I was awake when he had placed a dime under my pillow that same night.

  The adults at school didn’t like my mom and most days the children there didn’t like us either. Brody was big for his age, big enough to take care of us both and I knew he always would.

  He had pinkie sworn that he would and I loved my protective big brother.

  I watched him as he settled back further into the cushion of the long, uncut grass in our back yard and then he sighed as he bit into one of his favourite peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He pushed the jelly that was running down his chin back into his mouth with one finger. Then as his finger left his mouth, he made it pop specially to make me laugh and I giggled at the noise.

  Dad would be back sometime today, and we were both looking forward to seeing him. I’d said my prayers every day he’d been away. I knew it would be better this time. My worried tummy turned over, and I placed my hand over it, feeling it between the buttons of my school dress. The dress was too small, and it now only came down to the tops of my legs. Another thing that the kids in school made fun of, at least they used to, until Brody hit them and then they’d stopped.

  I knew that when my dad came home, it was going to be much better.

  The two of us had prayed every night that it was going to be different this time.

  ‘Brody, come here and help me.’ Mom’s voice travelled over to the both of us and I instantly stopped daydreaming.

  His head shot up from its soft, green pillow as he looked at my mom standing in the doorway. I watched as one of her feet suddenly stepped forward to stop herself from swaying and I wanted to be sick. I was scared, watching Mom. I reached out and grabbed hold of Brody’s hand.

  ‘I’m just coming, Mom.’ He jumped up quick, ran over to her and I watched as he took hold of her arm. He helped her out onto the grass where we had been sitting and made her sit down. I watched as he ran back inside to bring out the last of our picnic and to turn down the music.

  ‘Mom?’ I questioned as she fell back onto the grass beside me.

  ‘Fucking God!’ Inside I heard Brody swear and frightened, I started to cry, not out loud because I didn’t want anyone knowing how scared I was.

  The prayers we’d both said since dad had been away seemed to have worked. Mom had been happier. Our clothes had been washed regularly and she’d cooked most nights. He was back today, and I knew from what had just happened my mom had taken her tablets. Praying was no use. No one was listening to us. I’d tried so hard to be good.

  Couldn’t God see how me and Brody were hurting?

  There wasn’t a God, just like there wasn’t a tooth fairy.

  Mom was lying down on the grass next to me, singing along with the song she had left playing on the radio.

  ‘Mom, what do you want to eat?’ Brody asked her as he dropped the food down on the grass.

  She didn’t answer him, the only words coming from her mouth were the words she was singing.

  ‘Please, Mom. Please eat,’ he begged as he lifted her head up off the grass.

  Up and down our small road of military houses, we could hear doors slamming and excited voices.

  ‘Brody,’ I whispered. He looked at me just as I began to sh
iver, even though the sun was out in our yard.

  We both knew what was coming next.

  I heard our front door slam and scurried closer to Brody. He let go of our mom and cuddled me instead.

  ‘I’m home,’ came my dad’s cheerful voice.

  He didn’t hurt us. Dad was a big man, but he wasn’t violent. But him and my mom together, they shouted and screamed at each other, and she hit him until he held her arms behind her back.

  When she had taken her tablets, it was always this way. We knew they loved us, but deep down inside they were hurting us. I had no friends at school, and I stuttered my words when I wasn’t talking to Brody.

  Living like this hurt so much and it never seemed to stop.

  Sometimes, I had to go under my bed to drown out the sounds of them shouting and then of them kissing. We’d heard a neighbour down the road talking about our mom and dad and she’d said, “It’s like they can’t live with each other, but they can’t live without each other.” Brody had poked his tongue out at her, and we’d run off.

  ‘There you all are.’ His voice sounded happy, but I couldn’t turn my head to look at him, instead I hung it down.

  Mom had stopped singing and was now asleep in our yard.

  Brody pulled me closer to him as he hugged me. Then he whispered, ‘It’s okay, we’ll be okay. I’ll look after you. Pinkie swear.’ He wrapped his little finger around mine.

  Together we looked at our linked hands and went back to our make-believe world.

  ‘Hey.’ I felt my left ear move as the earbud was pulled gently out of my ear.

  I opened my eyes to see Nico’s face descending to mine. The panic I was feeling inside began to dissipate as his lips came down to mine. The briefest of touches was all it took to make me feel steady again.

  ‘What were you dreaming about this time?’ he asked with concern etched across his face. It was becoming quite regular for me to be having bizarre dreams. We’d found out after some research that it was fairly normal when pregnant.

  ‘Brody… well Brody and me when we were kids back in the U.K.’

  ‘Sit up,’ Nic commanded and pulling the other earbud out of my ear so my phone cable wouldn’t pull my phone to the floor as I moved, I did as I was told.

  I felt his near naked body, bar the swim shorts he was wearing, slide in behind me and then his hands held gently onto my upper arms as he pulled me back to lie on him.

  ‘A bad dream?’ he questioned.

  ‘Well, yes and no.’

  His arms wrapped around me tighter. ‘Tell me.’

  I lifted my hands up and held onto his forearms and told him.

  ‘I was listening to music when I fell asleep. The last song I remember listening to was “Regret” by Default Distraction.’ I then went on to tell him about the memory I had of that day and how I knew that the song which had been written by my brother was about the regrets he had in his life.

  ‘You miss him, don’t you?’

  ‘I do, I always have… and now I have you, little star and our love… I miss him even more.’

  ‘Then it’s time.’

  I turned around in Nico’s arms, feeling his arms relax a little and then retighten when he was certain I was where I was wanted to be.

  ‘It’s time?’ I questioned, as I traced a finger into the stubble filled cleft on his chin.

  He used one arm to capture my hand and to place the finger I’d been using to draw on his skin onto his lips, where he placed a kiss to it. I watched as gold threads sparked to life in his eyes.

  ‘This love I share with you it makes me want my family back together again. Cade and I have been concentrating on just that for a while now and I’m also working on a hotel project with Default Distraction. You’ve given me the strength to know that I can and will safely look after you all, so it’s time. I want him back in my life properly and Brody back in yours… leave it with me.’

  ‘I don’t know what I’d do without you.’ I snuggled down onto his chest.

  ‘You’ll never have to find out, because I’m never leaving you again.’

  ‘I love you, Nico.’

  ‘And mio angelo, ti amo anch’io.’

  THE END

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