Bright Ideas: A Record of Invention and Misinvention
Page 9
*III*
They kept a close watch on the house all the rest of the day. At nightall the doors and windows were bolted, and Eves took turns withTempleton to mount guard. The latter was by no means sure of the legalposition; it might be that he was mistaken, and that a forcible entrywould not be a breach of the law. The night was undisturbed, and nextmorning Eves, leaving Templeton to keep watch, went down to the villageto consult Constable Haylock.
"Can a bailiff, or whatever you call him, force his way into a house?"he asked, meeting the constable near the bridge.
"Well now, that's queer, danged if it bain't," said the constable."I've been axed that very same question a'ready this morning. It doseem there's debts and executions in the wind, and folks come to me, asstands for law and justice, to know their true rights."
"They couldn't come to a better man, I'm sure," said Eves. "Was it oldNoakes who asked you?"
"Now, sir, if you axe me to tell state secrets, I couldn't do it--no,not for a judge or royal highness. I name no names; but I'll tell 'eewhat I said to them as axed me, that being law for rich and poor.'Force yer way in,' says I, 'and you would be imprisoned without theauction o' fine, 'cos the judge med bring it in housebreaking, orburglary if by night. But there be other roads to market,' says I. 'Ifso be you comes up quiet and finds some out-o'-the-way door as bain'tthe high road, so to speak it, into the house, and gets yer footinside--well, there 'tis; if those inside tries to get yer foot out 'tisassault and battery, and the fine forty shilling.' That's what I said,and I make no boast, but I defy any man to give 'ee better law nor that,I don't care who the man is."
"By Jove! you're Solomon and Daniel rolled up together," said Eves."You're a treasure, constable. By the way, don't say I asked about it.I'm rather hard up myself, but Mr. Templeton----"
"Not a word, sir, not a word. Maybe I'll meet yer friend up along oneo' these days; he's a gentleman and will behave as such."
Eves's face wore a grin when he returned to the farm.
"Haylock's a priceless old ass, Bob," he said. "Noakes has been at him,and he's given him a tip."
"Who's given who? Your pronouns are mixed up," said Templeton.
"Well, you don't suppose Noakes would tip Haylock; that's for you to do.What I meant was that Haylock has given Noakes a tip how to get into thehouse without breaking the law, and you may bet your boots we shall haveSmail up again to-night. You know that narrow lane leading up toTrenchard's coal-shed? It's hardly ever used. Any one might come upthere at night, and get in by the window of the shed. There's a doorbetween the shed and the scullery, never locked, and Smail can easilyget into the house that way."
"You don't mean to say that Haylock put 'em up to that?"
"Of course not; but he told Noakes that if he can manage to get into thehouse secretly when the inmates are off their guard they can't legallyturn him out. Whether he's right or wrong I don't know, but you may besure it was enough for Noakes."
"Haylock ought to have warned Mrs. Trenchard."
"But Noakes wasn't such a fool as to say what house he wanted to getinto. He asked a general question, just as I did. Well, on the way upI had a ripping idea. Your tar entanglement--just the very thing."
"What do you mean?"
"Why, if it's good enough to stump the Huns in Flanders it's good enoughto spoil old Noakes's game. Noakes is sure to think of the lane. We'llcover the ground with a layer of good runny tar some inches deep and afew feet square, and stretch a few wires across, and Messrs. Noakes andSmail will find themselves properly held up. I know the veryplace--just where the lane runs under the wall of the barn on one sideand a prickly hedge on the other. They couldn't go round. Imagine oldNoakes stuck fast in the tar, like a fly in treacle."
"Where's the tar to come from?"
"There's a barrel in the outhouse; Trenchard uses it, no doubt, fortarring his fences. We could melt that down, and it would keep sticky along time this hot weather."
"But I don't see why we need take all that trouble. All we've got to dois to lock the door between the scullery and the coal-shed."
"Hang it all, where's your enterprise? Don't you see, you owl, we'd killtwo birds with one stone? We'd teach old Noakes a lesson and test youridea at the same time. Imagine Noakes is a prowling Hun, coming at deadof night to surprise our unsuspecting Tommies, stealing along, allquiet--and slap he goes into the tar. Come, man, it's splendid."
Templeton came round to his friend's view, and they lost no time inmaking their preparations. The lane was apparently used only as a shortcut from the high-road when coal was brought to the farm. It was justwide enough to allow the passage of a cart, and even on a bright nightwas dark, owing to the tall hedge on one side and the high blank wall onthe other. At its darkest spot, ten or a dozen yards from the house,Eves set to work to prepare the ground. He measured off a space aboutfour yards long, and at the end farthest from the house dug the softearth to the depth of four inches. Working back from this point, in thecourse of a couple of hours' diligent spade work he had made a shallowexcavation in the lane, varying in depth from four inches to eight.Meanwhile Templeton had broken up the tar and melted it down in thesmall portable copper which the farmer used for conveying tar from placeto place. They ladled the molten stuff into the excavation, filling upto the level of the lane.
"Hope they won't smell a rat--which is tar backwards," said Eves."Perhaps the smell will have gone off a bit by the time it's dark. Tellyou what, we'll cover it lightly with farm litter, and strew some morebetween here and the road; perhaps one smell will kill the other."
Last of all they carried two strands of stout wire across the lane,about half-way along the tarry patch, and three inches above itssurface.
"Good!" cried Eves, surveying the completed work. "In the darkness theywon't see a thing."
"Suppose they don't come this way at all?" said Templeton.
"You're a horrible pessimist. Is there a better way? Aren't all mydeductions good? Well, then, cheer up, and see if you can manage tolaugh when the flies are trapped."
About half-past nine (summer time) Eves and Templeton left the farmhouseby the front door. Mrs. Trenchard locked the door behind them, and theyhad previously assured themselves that all the other doors and windowswere securely fastened. Each carried a shot-gun. Two guns were alwayssuspended on the wall of Mr. Trenchard's den, and it had occurred toEves that they might prove useful.
It was a dark summer night. There was no moon, and the starlight wastoo feeble to throw any illumination upon the tree-bordered high-road.The lads' intention was to walk down the road until they came to thelane, to hang about the entrance there until they discovered theapproach of Smail, and then to take cover in the angle between the hedgeand the road, behind the visitor.
They had hardly left the farm gate when Eves's quick eyes detected asmall figure lurking in the shadow on the farther side of the road.
"Noakes has posted a scout," he whispered. "They're going to make theattempt. But this is awkward, Bob. We shall have to dispose of thescout; I fancy it's long-haired Josiah."
"I bar that," said Templeton, decisively. "I'm not going to hold up theyoungster, or anything of that sort."
"All right; there's no need. Leave it to me."
They walked on, giving no sign of having seen the boy, who slippedbehind a tree-trunk as they neared him.
"Yes, it's just the night," said Eves in a loud voice, as thoughcontinuing a discussion. "Just the night rabbits like. Slip roundquietly to the wood; there'll be hundreds skipping about in thedarkness. It's nearly a mile away; allow half an hour to get there andback, and an hour's sport; it'll only be eleven then--not so very late."
By this time they had passed the lurking scout, who must have heard allEves said. A few yards farther along there was a turning on the right,leading to a small wood. Eves struck into this.
"Come on," he said to Templeton. "See if my strategy doesn't answer."
"There you are," said Eves. "Josiah's run to tell his father we're offshooting rabbits, and the coast is clear. To bring the guns was abright idea, Bobby."
They waited until the boy was well out of earshot, then returned to theroad, crossed it, and entered the lane on the opposite side.
Some twenty minutes later three figures were faintly discernible on thewhite road, coming up the hill.
"Here they are," whispered Eves. "They're bringing Josy to protect theirrear. Now into cover!"
They crept through the hedge and waited. No footsteps sounded on theroad.
"Wearing rubber-soled shoes," whispered Eves. "So much the better; thetar will stick."
Presently the voice of Noakes in subdued tones came to them.
"Now, Josiah, do 'ee stop here at the end of the lane, and if so be yousee or hear any one coming up or down along, do 'ee run and tellus--quiet as a cat, mind 'ee."
"All right, feyther. I'll tell 'ee sure enough."
The men passed on. Smail sniffed.
"A powerful smell o' tar, Mr. Noakes," he said in a hoarse murmur.
"Mm'm," grunted Noakes. "Trenchard don't tar his fences till autumn.'Tis some mischief o' they young varmints, belike. I'll tar 'em!"
"You be sure o' the law, Mr. Noakes? Young feller said summat about mybeing in quod _again_. How did he know I been in quod?"
"Quiet, Smail. I'll answer for 'ee, man. Now, you go for'ard, straightalong. When you get into coal-shed, gi'e me a whistle."
"Not if I knows it. I can't get in that there winder wi'out beinghoisted, and 'tis you must hoist me."
"Stuff and rubbish! Winder's low, and don't 'ee see 'tis best Ishouldn't be seen, if so be the door inside's locked and you can't getin?"
The men had halted some yards from the patch of tar. Smail wasinsistent. Noakes declined to accompany him to the shed, and it seemedto the two watchers that matters had come to a deadlock.
"Now, Bob," whispered Eves, "we must give them a start."
He pulled back the trigger of his gun, causing a slight click.
"What's that?" murmured Smail.
"I didn't see nothing," returned Noakes.
"But I heard something."
"'Twas a bird in the hedge, then. My Josiah would have give us warningif he seed any one, and they young fellers be a mile away. Get on,Smail; ten shillings extry, man."
He took Smail's arm and led him, still reluctant, up the lane. They hadjust reached the edge of the tar when there were two loud reports fromthe direction of the hedge a few yards behind them.
Startled, they plunged forward, floundered through the first few feet ofthe tar, tripped over the wire, and sprawled at full length, more orless mixed up with each other, in the deeper end.
"THEY TRIPPED OVER THE WIRE AND SPRAWLED AT FULLLENGTH."]
"Splendid!" whispered Eves. "Your tar entanglement is a great success,Bob. Let's get back; we can very well leave them there."
As they returned to the road they heard the rumble of cart wheels comingup the hill, and voices. The cart stopped.
"That's young Josiah speaking," said Templeton. "We had better wait andexplain, Tom."
"All right, the cart's coming on again."
They reached the farmyard gate and stood waiting. The lamps of thevehicle fell upon their faces, and both started when a lady's voiceexclaimed:
"Robert!"
"Aunt Caroline!" said Templeton in an undertone to Eves.
"And Trenchard!" cried Eves. "What luck!"
A ramshackle fly pulled up at the gate, and Mr. Trenchard assisted MissTempleton to alight.
"What has happened?" asked the lady. "We heard shots, and a little boycame running down the hill crying that his father was killed. It is Mr.Noakes, Mr. Trenchard says."
"Quite a mistake, Aunt," said Templeton. "I _am_ glad to see you. Comein; I'll explain. This is my friend Eves."
"Yes, yes; but the boy was greatly agitated. Run after him, Robert, andtell him that his father is _not_ killed."
"My hat!" muttered Eves, with a grimace, as Templeton sprinted down thehill.
"What was it, Mr. Eves? I am greatly concerned that the little fellowshould have had such a terrible shock."
"Well, Miss Templeton, I really--you see--oh, yes, it was Bob's tarentanglement, you know. But Mr. Trenchard has told you about oldNoakes, I expect."
"Mr. Trenchard has told me things about Mr. Noakes that I cannot credit.But I do not understand--a tar entanglement, you said?"
"Yes, an invention of Bob's, you know; a splendid thing. But there'ssuch a lot to tell: won't you go into the house? Then Bob and I cantell you between us."
"Very well. Give the driver ten shillings for his fare."
"I've only four and elevenpence half-penny," said Eves, with a smile.
"Dear me! Then I must ask the driver to come to the house. My notesare in my dressing-case. One cannot be too careful."
By the time Miss Templeton had found her money and paid the driverTempleton was back.
"It's all right, Aunt. The boy is going home with his father."
Eves grinned.
"Oh!" said Miss Templeton. "Now, as Robert is out of breath, perhapsyou will be good enough, Mr. Eves, to run down and tell Mr. Noakes thatI desire to see him here, without fail, at ten o'clock to-morrowmorning."
Eves threw a melancholy look at Templeton as he departed.
Mrs. Trenchard had received her visitor with transports of delight. Itcame out that Mr. Trenchard, having failed in his errand in London, hadencountered Miss Templeton on his way back at the junction a few milesaway, and, completing the journey with her, had explained thecircumstances that had led to his absence from home. The lady heard hisstory with mingled incredulity and indignation. On its repetition byMrs. Trenchard she exclaimed:
"I am amazed and horrified, Martha. Do you know that when I was lasthere, ten years ago, that man Noakes came to me and borrowed aconsiderable sum of money for the extension of his business. He seemeda civil and obliging person, and I was glad to lend to a respectabletradesman--of course, at a reasonable rate of interest. He has paid methe interest regularly, but always regretted that circumstances did notpermit of his repaying the loan. It is shocking to find that he hasactually used that money--my money--to involve your dear husband indifficulties. Such depravity! I shall deal very sternly with Mr. Noakesto-morrow, I assure you."
"Ah! To think of it, now," said Mrs. Trenchard. "And that dreadful manas he put in here--well, I do owe your nephew something, ma'am, for heand his friend Mr. Eves blowed him out with the most terrible smell thatever was, and no harm to a soul. Mr. Bob's inventions are thatwonderful!"
"Really, Robert," said Miss Templeton, "I hope you have not beentroubling Mrs. Trenchard with your inventions. It was clearlyunderstood that you came here to work on the land."
"And so he hev, ma'am," put in Trenchard. "Him and his friend hev workedon the land, and done inventions as well, and one of 'em saved my rootcrops, it did. I'm not the man to say anything against inventions."
"I am glad to hear you have invented something useful, Robert. Was thattar entanglement that your friend spoke of also an invention of yours?"
"Well, yes, Aunt, it was," said Templeton, somewhat embarrassed. "Itwas an idea for worrying the Germans, you know. But, of course--here'sTom, he'll explain better than I can."
"Oh, I say!" protested Eves, who had just come in. Then he began tolaugh. "My word! He did look funny--tar from head to foot. You see,Miss Templeton, we got rid of that ruffian Smail once by means ofstinks--I mean, sulphuretted hydrogen, a gas very useful in chemistry.Then, suspecting he'd come back, it occurred to me that we might teachhim a lesson by putting into practice Bob's idea of a tar entanglement.It really worked out splendidly. Noakes--he's a bad egg----"
"A what?" asked the lady.
"
A bad man, ma'am. He and Smail came up, and we let off the guns justto encourage 'em, and they fell slap on their faces in the lane overthere, and I'm sure they won't get the tar off for a month."
"You gave Mr. Noakes my message?"
"Yes."
"And he said he would come, no doubt."
"I'm sorry to say, ma'am, he swore like a trooper. But in thecircumstances I dare say you would have done the same--not you, ofcourse. I didn't mean that; I mean any one--that is, any man."
"But no gentleman, Mr. Eves."
"Certainly--that is, of course not; but then no gentleman would ever beNoakes."
Noakes did not appear next morning. Miss Templeton sent one of themaids to fetch him. She came back and reported that Mr. Noakes had beensuddenly called away. He never reappeared in Polstead. The story ofthe tarring was told by Smail, who felt aggrieved, at the village innthat night, and Noakes saw next morning that his position in the villagewas ruined. He gave instructions for the sale of his business, and MissTempleton generously cancelled his debt to her in return for his releaseof Mr. Trenchard.
Miss Templeton gave her lecture on food economy, the last of her tour,and the holidays being over, returned with her nephew and Tom Eves toLondon.
"A ripping holiday, old man," said Eves as the friends parted. "Lay ina stock of bright ideas for next year."
*THE CLIPPER OF THE ROAD*