Otorimonogatari

by Nisioisin

  It’s not like Nadeko was trying to become a god herself…

  But you could say it’s all Nadeko’s fault for getting into “a tizzie” and swallowing the talisman when Miss Ogi said to have a snake gulp it down.

  Nadeko really is a bad listener.

  “Or is this supposed to be some kind of lesson that only you can make your own wishes come true? You shouldn’t rely on any god?”

  i try saying that, but it doesn’t feel true at all.

  i don’t believe it one bit. Nadeko is still trapped in a delusional tale of her own making.

  i’m still─pretending to have forgotten.

  “i suppose Nadeko…really played it fast and loose, listening and not listening to people, twisting the truth, tricking herself.”

  “Well, the same goes for everyone.”

  “But there wasn’t anything i could do.”

  There wasn’t, was there? i had to.

  “i just─couldn’t help it.”

  “…”

  “Don’t people find themselves cute, whoever they are? It’s just that Nadeko felt the same way…”

  “…Acting like some kind of victim.”

  “Kakak,” i hear.

  From where Miss Shinobu has fallen─a faint little laugh.

  “Victim, culprit, ’tis easy to switch from one t’ the other─positions and situations are all there is. The rights of the victim, the rights of the accused… Truth be told, no such difference─”

  “…”

  Nadeko silently brings down the fang in her left hand.

  It’s quiet again.

  i think she’s right, though.

  Miss Shinobu is correct─and whether or not she is, the reality is that she’s poisoned and flat on the ground.

  But now it’s clear why Mister Serpent never spoke in front of her─because in this gourmet’s presence, the delusion would have been revealed for what it was.

  “Um… Okay, was there anything else i didn’t understand?” Nadeko searches for doubts like it’s routine business, taking care to go down and snuff out every loose end. “Oh, right. Why did Big Brother return to his room just as Nadeko was rummaging through it to begin with? If it wasn’t for that…”

  If it wasn’t─then what. If it wasn’t for that?

  “He almost sounded like he knew everything. What Nadeko was doing, what Nadeko was trying to do, the narrative Nadeko fabricated, everything.”

  “Beats me. This, I don’t know either. You’re talking about something completely beyond the subject of me or you, dear.”

  “Even if he did know through Tsukihi that i left school early after saying and doing all those messed-up things─”

  Now that i think about it, that unwatchable rampage Nadeko went on, too.

  The appearance of Naughtyko─was simply Nadeko being naughty and nothing else.

  It wasn’t the fault of Mister Serpent or any aberration.

  It was just the result of a delusion running wild.

  “Big Brother couldn’t have known that Nadeko went to search his room.”

  “Who knows, maybe it was a plain old coincidence? Maybe, before heading out to search for you again, he came home to change or otherwise prepare for a minute and just so happened to bump into you.”

  “Mmh…”

  It barely does pass as an explanation… The words “just so happened” actually feel kind of convincing.

  Just so happened. Right now, it sounds like such a great phrase.

  “Wh-What a convenient line of thought, befitting of the waif… As if it explains why I, a nocturnal being, was active in the middle of the day.” It’s Miss Shinobu, who’s being awfully persistent. “Kakakak─she got me, that would-be niece… I can finally hear the scrunchy’s speech, but I suppose this was all part of her plan─”

  “………”

  Swoosh.

  With a swing of the fang, i silence her.

  No, i swung it a few more times, just to make sure, just to be on the safe side.

  Hm?

  Uh, that’s strange. She’s still moving.

  Well, i need to stop her.

  There. There. There. There. There. There.

  She stopped.

  She stopped now.

  “Whatever. It’s fine.”

  “Are you sure?” asks the Serpent.

  “It’s fine… Knowing the truth isn’t going to change anything. It just means that Big Brother has his own narrative. One that he didn’t make up himself, unlike Nadeko’s… That’s all, it’s not enough to make Nadeko want to hear the tale.”

  “Sounds pretty careless to me.”

  “And i could care less. i don’t know why things turned out like this─but in the end, Nadeko doesn’t particularly want to know. She doesn’t give a damn, to be honest.”

  Okay, Nadeko says as she turns.

  She goes from leaning more toward Miss Shinobu to leaning in Big Brother’s direction.

  “So. Guess i’ll kill him.”

  He still seems alive, being a vampire, but i bet he couldn’t maintain his form after a few hundred more poison injections.

  “Hmmmm? You sure? Seems like you’d be putting the cart before the horse.”

  “The cart’s been there from the start─or maybe it’s more like a snake eating its own tail? Or a wild snake chase.”

  “…”

  “Mmh, well, i have to, right? If he’s alive, he’s going to keep on finding girlfriends and lovers. Nadeko’s heart breaking every time would be tiring.”

  “…”

  Forget heroes and idols─let’s make him someone that no one can ever reach.

  “Of course, i’ll get rid of his girlfriend, sure… But in terms of a love that’s never fulfilled, isn’t it a lot more romantic if Big Brother Koyomi dies? Mostly, though, i don’t want to cause him any more trouble.”

  “…So that’s how crazy you are,” the Serpent says softly. “You’re hopeless. I judged wrong, and you’re wrong in the head. Yeah… You can’t be saved. By anyone.”

  “Can’t help it.”

  Nadeko raises the fang. Her fully regrown bangs block her vision─but they don’t afflict anything.

  Nadeko is the affliction now.

  She is the serpent, and the truth.

  The monstrous aberrance.

  “Because Nadeko’s an aberration─but…” swinging the fang over her head─putting everything into a blow aimed for the heart─Nadeko says.

  I say.

  “That’s Nadeko, not me─”

  Swoosh─

  The moment i start to swing down the fang, an electronic noise fills the shrine grounds. No, it’s pouring right now, so the sound itself doesn’t seem that loud.

  The stone-paved path to the hall.

  It carries the vibration─Nadeko can feel it.

  Like a snake crawling along the ground, i sense the vibration.

  “Dowsing…”

  No, it has nothing to do with that.

  Mister Serpent has no such skill─that was another illusion on Nadeko’s part. There was no malfunction, let alone any function to begin with.

  Just a case of phantom vibration syndrome.

  A cell phone─but i don’t own one.

  “…”

  Crouching by Big Brother Koyomi’s side as he ever-so-slowly recovers and regenerates, Nadeko takes it out of his pocket─the still shaking cell phone.

  It must be water-resistant, but making an umbrella with her hand anyway so it doesn’t get wet from the rain, Nadeko checks it.

  i consider just turning it off, but seeing the caller’s name, Nadeko changes her mind.

  She changes her mind and becomes mindless.

  Pressing the talk button with her index finger and pushing her snake-hair to the side, Nadeko gently puts the phone to her ear.

  “Hello, Nadeko Sengoku speaking.”

  “Hello, Hitagi Senjogahara speaking.”

  Her voice is so calm, so cool.

  It’s incredibly flat
and lacks any intonation.

  Or should i say─any drama.

  It’s a quiet voice, like she doesn’t feel anything, like she isn’t the least bit surprised─which shouldn’t be possible.

  After all, Nadeko answered Big Brother’s phone without his permission─you’d find it strange if you called and someone else picked up.

  But this person stays completely calm.

  “Hello, Sengoku,” she says. “Is my man still alive?”

  “…Right now, just barely.”

  Not that i’m overwhelmed by her intense calmness, but i answer her honestly.

  Hitagi Senjogahara.

  A name i know─it’s.

  How would i not─it’s.

  It’s.

  i mean, it’s the name of Big Brother’s lover─and the person Nadeko tried to get rid of with a “charm.”

  A name i may have been thinking of even more than Koyomi Araragi’s for these past two months.

  How could i not know it. How could i forget it.

  “Oh. Good. So I just barely made it in time,” she says, not sounding particularly reassured.

  But that feels off in its own way─in fact, when i saw her talking to Koyomi─when i stole glances of them─she looked more like a regular girl.

  Is this how she is when she’s angry?

  “You just barely made it in time? What makes you think so?” asks Nadeko─i honestly want to know. “Unless you’re somewhere less than a second away, you could hardly say that.” i glance at Big Brother Koyomi and Miss Shinobu. “Are you here already?”

  “Oh, please,” shoos Miss Senjogahara, “I’m at home eating potato chips.”

  “…Is this a joke to you?”

  “I was watching TV and eating chips and was surprised by how closely the phrase ‘channel surfing’ resembles ‘chattel servant,’ so I thought I’d call Araragi to let him know.”

  “…”

  It’s a joke to her.

  Is she trying to defuse the situation?

  Or is she just self-possessed as his girlfriend?

  i’m pretty sure she shouldn’t be, in this situation…

  A truly mysterious person.

  “But I do think I made it in time,” Miss Senjogahara says, quickly putting us back on topic. She’s admirably good at it. “I mean, if I were calling after you put an end to my man, I’d have to commit murder.”

  What got saved here was my future, she quips, her tone not changing one bit.

  “Thank you very much, Sengoku. For saving my future.”

  “…”

  “Well, technically, it’d be homicide by assault, battery, intimidation, and unlawful confinement─but anyway, Sengoku, allow me to get straight to the point. Let’s make a deal.”

  “A deal?”

  “You can kill me, so could you spare Araragi?” There’s so little behind Miss Senjogahara’s words, like she’s asking you to go buy her a soft drink with her own money. “I offer you this entire future of mine that you just saved. So spare Araragi─and while you’re at it, Shinobu, if she’s still alive too.”

  “…What are you even saying?”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I don’t care one way or another about that ex-vampire lolita, but she’s Araragi’s treasure. If she isn’t alive, there’s no point in keeping him alive…”

  “That’s…not what i meant,” i tell her, wondering what Miss Senjogahara could possibly be thinking.

  But i stop right away.

  It doesn’t matter.

  “No.”

  “…”

  “i’m going to kill Koyomi, and i’m going to kill you. And i’ll kill Miss Shinobu too. That was my plan from the beginning, so i’m not interested in your deal.”

  “Oh. That’s too bad.”

  I guess it can’t be helped, Miss Senjogahara accepts readily.

  While her reaction is disappointing, she continues, “In that case, from here on, please just listen to the advice of someone who’s older than you. Think very carefully about the order in which you kill us three.”

  “Huh?”

  “You absolutely mustn’t kill Araragi before Shinobu─it will sever her link to him, and she’ll regain her original powers as a legendary vampire. She’ll gobble you down in no time.”

  “…I see.”

  True.

  Her advice is priceless─without it, i’d have killed Big Brother first because he means more to Nadeko.

  “You’re right. Got it─”

  “And you know, I think you should probably kill me first.”

  Otherwise. I’m going to kill not just you, but everyone, Miss Senjogahara utters the words like they’re any other.

  “E-Everyone?”

  “Everyone means everyone. What else could I mean?”

  “…”

  They’re dreadful words.

  She’s not even an aberration─just Big Brother’s girlfriend.

  “Don’t underestimate my random venting.”

  “…Okay. In that case, i’ll start by killing you─then Miss Shinobu, and Big Brother last. Will that do?”

  Thank you, Nadeko says.

  Nadeko can thank someone who’s generous to her.

  People who are kind to Nadeko are good people.

  “I don’t need your thanks. Instead, Sengoku, would you listen to a request of mine?”

  “Huh?”

  Wha? Why’s she starting to sound like a pushy salesman?

  “Oh, it’s nothing much─you’re a god now, who’s to be worshipped, the master of that shrine, so why not heed the request of a little old commoner? I’ll even make you an offering, how about that?”

  “…i’ll listen, at least.”

  i’m interested.

  What is Miss Senjogahara going to say here?

  What might the kind of person who becomes Big Brother’s lover request of Nadeko─of a god?

  “You can kill us in that order, Sengoku. But could you give us some time?”

  “Time?”

  “Now that you’re an aberration, won’t you be existing forever so long as people worship you? In that case, what’s wrong with waiting a bit? Like a day, two days, a week, a month, or…half a year.”

  Those last words, half a year.

  For the first time─i sense a strong nuance in her speech.

  “If your murderous intent is the real deal, then you shouldn’t mind. If it’s not just an impulse but the real deal─if it’s not some temporary emotion but how you truly feel, then you should be able to wait.”

  “Half a year… What’s in half a year?” i ask in return.

  “Graduation.” Miss Senjogahara doesn’t even try to keep it secret. “We’ve been working very hard for a while now so the two of us can graduate together… I’d feel bad for Hanekawa, too, if all that effort went to waste.”

  “…Graduation.”

  i can’t believe it. i can’t believe the word─such an everyday word, would come up here at this moment.

  A word we take for granted.

  Graduation…

  Nadeko can’t go to school anymore. She’s no longer human, all her hair is snakes, and she’s been trying to kill her object of affection, yet─graduation?

  “Kh…”

  Nadeko.

  No, I react to Miss Senjogahara─

  “Kh…ah hah, hahah. Ahaha… Heh.”

  Like so.

  i burst out laughing─how can i not?

  i guess i’m quick to laugh even as an aberration─oh what a needless character trait.

  Really. i don’t need it.

  “All right… Then i’ll wait for half a year.”

  “Ah. Thank you very much,” Miss Senjogahara expresses her gratitude once again.

  But i still sense no emotion in her words.