This Is Why We Lie

by Gabriella Lepore

  He glances over his shoulder before answering. “What are you talking about?” His voice is lowered now, too.

  “I’ve been thinking about it, trying to figure it out. The way you’ve been acting...”

  His pace quickens, but I keep on beat with him.

  “You’re too happy about this Preston girl taking the heat over Colleen.”

  He laughs. “Yeah, I’m happy, dumbass. Because this means that nobody’s gonna be looking into us. It’s all on their own home turf now.”

  “Come on, Max. This is me you’re talking to.” I press my hand to my chest, right over my heart. “You can tell me. I got you.”

  He grimaces.

  “Why are you so worried about the cops looking into us?” I press. “If you’ve got nothing to hide...”

  A cloud moves across the sun, casting a shadow over the courtyard. Max’s eyes harden.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Adam.”

  I meet his stare. “Yeah, you do.”

  “Alright, say whatever you’ve gotta say.” He extends his arms wide. He wants me to take my best shot.

  So, I do. “Did you do it? Did you kill her?”

  “No.”

  “What happened to her?”

  The muscles in his jaw clench. “I don’t know.”

  “Come on, man. You can tell me. You know you can tell me.”

  But he doesn’t respond. He bows his head and keeps walking.

  JENNA

  Kate is on the sofa when I come downstairs. Paper documents are fanned out across the coffee table, and her eyes are glued to her laptop.

  I tap my fingers on the door frame to catch her attention. She looks up from the computer screen, then lowers it a little.

  “Hi, hon.” Her eyebrows draw together. “Are you going somewhere?”

  I brush a piece of lint from the sleeve of my jacket. “Is it okay if I go out tonight? Colleen’s mom has organized a vigil on the pier, and I was hoping I could go.”

  Kate closes her laptop completely. “Oh. Yeah, sure. I heard about that. You want me to come with you?”

  “No, it’s okay. I can go with Serena and a couple of her friends from the cheerleading squad.”

  “Okay.” She tilts her head. “Will Serena’s boyfriend be going?”

  “Not as far as I know.”

  “Okay. You’ve got your cell?”

  I tap my jeans pocket. “Yep.”

  She aims an index finger at me. “Straight there and straight back?”

  “Of course.”

  “Stay with the group.”

  “I will.” A car horn blares outside, right on cue. I glance toward the hallway. “That’ll be Serena.”

  Kate gives me a thumbs-up. “Don’t be home too late, okay?”

  “I won’t.”

  She’s already reopening her laptop as I head for the door.

  Outside, the day has dulled. The sky has turned golden, and the lampposts are throwing long shadows across the street. In the distance, I can see a dark stretch of the ocean, lost in the low light.

  Serena’s Porsche is idling alongside the curb. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her car pulled up outside my house. It seems like a lifetime has passed since Serena, Hollie, and I last headed out for late-night frozen yogurt on the pier. Serena always drove, Hollie always picked the music, and I was in charge of getting everyone’s butts off the couch.

  Now, Serena’s in the driver’s seat, but Imogen is in the front choosing the music, and Brianna is in my old spot in the back.

  I pace down the driveway and slide into the back seat next to Bri. And, just like that, I’ve slipped through the cracks in the dimensions and landed smack dab into their world. No longer am I heading out for frozen yogurt with Serena and Hollie, now I’m in Imogen and Brianna’s version of reality. This is how they cruise around Gardiners Bay. This is how they drive to and from school every day, sipping their takeout coffees. Only today, in the perfume-and-cigarette-smoke haze, Brianna isn’t sipping Starbucks, she has a bottle of Schnapps in her bubblegum-pink-polished fingers.

  Brianna greets me with an air kiss. She sweeps her auburn bangs to the side and brings the bottle to her lips. On the seat beside her is a plastic bag crammed full of tealights and church candles. Paraphernalia for the vigil, I guess.

  Serena catches my eye in the rearview mirror as she veers out onto the road. “I’m so glad you came tonight, Jenna. I think it’s important we all show up for this.”

  Brianna gives me an overly enthusiastic smile.

  “We need to send a message,” Serena carries on. “To whoever did this, we’re not afraid. We’ll come out in force.”

  There’s a beat of silence as we all try to muster confidence in the statement. Silence as we try to pretend like we’re not afraid that what happened to Colleen might happen to us.

  “How’s Hollie?” Imogen asks. She’s fiddling with the end of her platinum fishtail braid, craning her neck to glance at me from the front passenger seat.

  The timing of her question makes me sit up straighter. So much for giving Hollie the benefit of the doubt.

  “She’s okay.”

  “Does she know about tonight?” Serena asks.

  “She knows,” I tell them. “But she wasn’t up for it.”

  “I was going to text her,” Serena adds, finding my gaze in the mirror, “but I didn’t know if it would be appropriate for her to come, given the circumstances.”

  My shoulders tense. I can’t help but feel defensive at the remark. “Hollie’s got a lot on her mind right now,” I say, tightly. “Besides, I don’t think she’d feel comfortable going tonight, considering the way everyone’s been treating her lately.” I didn’t specifically say their names, but Brianna’s and Imogen’s eyes move away from me.

  I gaze out the Porsche’s window at the lamplit street as we head toward the waterfront.

  “Jenna?” Serena’s dark eyes reflect in the mirror as she glances into the back seat. “Are you okay?”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “I hope tonight isn’t going to be too much for you,” she says. “I mean, you were the one who found her and everything.”

  I think of Adam, and the tormented look on his face as he tried to resuscitate Colleen. The quick rasps of his breath as he pressed the heels of his hands to her heart, trying to bring her back to life.

  “I was just there.” My voice sounds hoarse. “It was Adam who found her.”

  “Yeah. Max says Adam’s still pretty screwed up about it.”

  “And how is Max doing?” The question slips from my lips. “He was close with Colleen, wasn’t he?”

  I swear, I feel the atmosphere in the car change.

  “They weren’t close,” Serena says tightly. “She just used to tag along with us to Rookwood sometimes. I told you that already, remember?”

  Brianna combs her fingers through her auburn waves. “Yeah, Colleen was always super flirty with the boys. Even though she knew Serena was hooking up with Max—”

  Serena jumps in again. “I’m not hooking up with Max. We’re in a relationship. There’s a difference, Bri.”

  “Alright. We get it, Serena.”

  I catch Brianna rolling her eyes to Imogen. Maybe Bri and Imogen aren’t quite as adoring of Serena as I’d thought. Maybe their adoration is more toward what she can offer them—namely, an invite to Rookwood.

  Serena drums her fingernails on the steering wheel as we approach a stoplight. “After graduation, Max and I are getting an apartment together.” She glances at Imogen, who makes a noise of approval. “I can’t wait to decorate. I’ve got so many cute ideas.”

  Imogen holds her gaze as we idle at the traffic light. “Mmm.”

  “I really want a place that looks out over the water. Maybe in the port.”

&
nbsp; “Wait.” I lean forward in my seat. “You’re buying an apartment in Gardiners Bay? What about college?”

  “I’m not going.” Her reply is too easy.

  “Since when? I thought you were applying to UCLA?” Going to school in California had always been Serena’s dream. Back when we used to hang out, I lost many hours listening to her fantasize about living in Malibu and pledging Kappa Kappa Whatever.

  “College doesn’t seem important anymore. Max and I want to start our lives together.”

  “You’re seventeen! What’s the rush?”

  She frowns at me in the mirror. “You don’t understand, Jenna. Max needs me. He needs stability.”

  My lips part in disbelief. “What, so you’re just going to hang around Gardiners Bay doing nothing?”

  “No, not nothing. I’m going to take a gap year. Max and I will go on my senior trip together, and then we’re probably going to help out at my dad’s company. Max wants to get involved in the business side of things.”

  “You’ve only known the guy for six months, Serena.”

  She glances at me. “Jenna, what’s your problem?”

  Fortunately, Imogen intervenes before my head explodes. “Guys, do we really need to discuss this right now? We’re on our way to Colleen’s vigil. Show some respect.”

  Brianna stares awkwardly down at her Schnapps bottle.

  I drop the subject and slump back into my seat.

  ADAM

  “I don’t think this is a good idea.”

  Max gives me a look. “Relax. We’re just here for the vigil. Same as everyone else.”

  The pier is busier than I’ve ever seen it, crowded with people holding candles. I’m watching them, strangers, all here to mourn Colleen.

  I recognize a few of the Preston girls, with their expensive coats and curious stares.

  “I don’t want to get seen here,” I mutter.

  Max’s focus stays trained on the gathering of mourners. Voices are getting louder.

  I grimace. “There are too many people.”

  Max turns to me. “Adam, chill. I just want to see what people are thinking. I want to know what they’re saying. It would look worse if we didn’t show.”

  “But we didn’t know her.” Even I’m starting to believe that line now.

  “Come on, man. The cops know I did. Someone’s given my name. Now shut the fuck up and act normal.”

  A blonde girl walks past us, and his eyes follow her. I recognize her from parties at the cabin.

  “Hey,” she says as she passes.

  A shadow of a smile crosses Max’s face.

  I smack his arm. “At least pretend like you’re not checking that girl out.”

  His focus snaps back to me. “I wasn’t checking her out. She’s one of Serena’s friends.”

  “That didn’t stop you when it was Colleen.”

  He doesn’t respond.

  I notice Serena crossing the boardwalk. It makes me wonder, did she ever pick up on the way Max and Colleen used to laugh together? Or sip from each other’s drinks? Or sit closely on the couch, talking late into the night?

  And then I see Jenna, and I forget why I care.

  Max sees her too. And I remember again.

  JENNA

  It’s strange being here with so many faces in the brewing dusk, all gathered in Colleen’s memory. Everywhere I look, there are small candle flames flickering, dancing in the breeze. There are girls from Preston, parents, and dozens of faces I don’t recognize, all huddled together at the moonlit waterfront.

  Serena, Brianna, and Imogen are knotted together with their candles. I stay close to them.

  Mrs. O’Dell approaches me. She takes my hand. “Jenna, isn’t it?” she says. There are tears glistening in her eyes. “Thank you for coming.”

  My mind jumps back to that day, to the memory of Colleen’s mom hurrying down to the pebbled beach. The memory of Detective Felton comforting her while she sobbed.

  “I’m so sorry for your loss,” I whisper.

  She squeezes my hand, then steps away, swallowed by the mass of people rallying around her.

  The air is cool as it drifts through the harbor. I listen as some of the girls hold their candles high and utter inspirational words about Colleen.

  “We’ll be thinking of you always, Colleen.”

  “You’re our angel now.”

  “Rest easy, babe.”

  The words seem to prickle the air. It makes me shiver. Everything about this night makes me shiver.

  Mrs. O’Dell is crying into a tissue, and Mr. O’Dell has his arm around her.

  I turn to Serena, but her attention has drifted elsewhere. I follow her gaze. In the shadows, I see them. Max and Adam.

  Suddenly, my phone vibrates, making me jump. Hollie lights up the screen.

  I answer immediately. “Hol?”

  Shattered breaths echo through the line. “Jenna. It’s really bad.”

  I step away from the crowd and press my hand over my other ear. “What happened?”

  “The police want me to go into the station tomorrow.” Her words are punctuated by hiccupping sobs. “My lawyer thinks they’re going to arrest me.”

  My breath escapes in a rush. “Oh, my god. Is this about those stupid text messages?” I hold my cell close to my ear and head toward the harbor, where it’s quieter.

  “And there’s something else. Something to do with the handprints.” Her words are fractured.

  “The handprints?”

  “On Colleen’s throat,” she manages. “I don’t know what they found, but my lawyer thinks it’s bad news. Evidence that could implicate me somehow.”

  An image flashes through my mind. Bruises on Colleen’s throat. I squeeze my eyes shut and force it away.

  “I didn’t do it, Jenna! I swear, I didn’t do it.”

  “Oh, Hollie,” I murmur. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I didn’t do it.”

  I can barely pick out the words through her tears.

  My throat feels tight, all of a sudden. “What can I do? How can I help?”

  “You can’t. I’m going to prison, Jenna.”

  “No, you’re not. I can help. I can be a character witness. I can—”

  “You can’t do anything. I’ve got to go,” she chokes. “I can’t.”

  The line goes dead.

  I try calling her back, but it’s sent to voice mail after the first ring.

  My heart starts racing. I glance over my shoulder. I’m alone, invisible to the people congregated on the pier. To them, I’m probably just a shadow moving among the sailboats and yachts.

  The cold air bites at my hands as I open the saved images on my phone and search for the picture I took of Max’s transcript. I skim over it again. He gives nothing away, and yet he’s clearly on edge. Surely, he wouldn’t have been interviewed without good reason. The investigators chose him out of all the Rooks that Colleen partied with. There has to be more to it than chance.

  Maybe you should ask her friends.

  From what I can gauge of Max, he’s not naïve. He must have known that a comment like that is suggestive. He was being backed into a corner, and he was ready to sell someone out to save his own ass.

  * * *

  “Serena?” I pace across the harbor through pools of lamplight, to where a group has branched off and gathered in the shadows behind the locked clubhouse.

  “Hey, Jenna!”

  I step a little closer. I can see Serena now. Brianna and Imogen are with her. Max and Adam are there, too. They’ve formed a semicircle, sitting on the paved floor. None of them know about my call with Hollie, and I don’t plan on telling them, either.

  “Where’ve you been?” Serena asks. She gives me an easy smile. A smile that’s not at all in sync with the tone of tonight.r />
  “I’ve been talking to Mrs. O’Dell. Everything’s wrapping up now.” I cast a glance back to the pier. It’s pretty much deserted as people head back to their cars en masse. A few candles have been discarded. Some of the flames still sway with the breeze, while others are snuffed out. “Are you guys ready to go?” I don’t look at Max when I speak, but I can sure as hell feel him looking at me.

  “Oh.” Serena’s face falls. “Actually, Jenna, we were thinking of moving the party to Rookwood.”

  “Party?” I echo. “Since when was this a party?”

  Brianna raises a bottle of vodka and shakes it. “Since we got this.”

  It’s only then that I notice the slur in their words.

  Awesome. My designated driver is wasted.

  “When did you get that?”

  The girls giggle.

  “Max stole it from the store,” Brianna tells me.

  Serena flaps her hands. “Shh!”

  They giggle again.

  My gaze flickers to Max. He’s smirking. Adam is staring down at the pavement.

  “You should come to Rookwood with us,” Imogen says to me. “Party with us.”

  “I don’t think so.” My eyes skate over Max again. “I’ve got to get home. I’ll see you guys on Monday.”

  “Wait, Jenna!” Serena calls. “You can’t walk home alone. I’ll give you a ride.” She stands, wobbles, then falls back into Max’s lap and shrieks with laughter.

  “I’m good,” I tell her. “I’ll call Kate. And I don’t think you should drive yourself home tonight, either.”

  Another round of giggles.

  I start making my way back across the harbor, stepping through the pools of light. My footsteps echo on beat with the squeals of tipsy laughter. I text Kate an SOS message, and she replies, On my way.

  While I wait for Kate to show, I take a seat on one of the boardwalk benches and stare out at the water. Alone, with only the distant sound of voices, I think about Colleen. I wonder if she ever sat on this very bench and gazed out at the water just like I’m doing now. I wonder what went through her mind on that night as she made her way home from Rookwood.

  Was she happy? Sad? Angry?