This Is Why We Lie

by Gabriella Lepore

  She grimaces. “I keep replaying conversations we had, things he did...”

  “Like what?”

  “The bad stuff, y’know? The bad stuff that we never resolved. I can’t fix it now. He can’t fix it now.”

  I hold her gaze. “What bad stuff?”

  She sucks in her top lip. “Max cheated.”

  The comment makes me freeze.

  Oh my god. My heart starts beating a little faster. Serena knows about Max and Colleen. This means that either Imogen has told her since yesterday, or...

  “Yep,” she says, sizing up my expression. “He cheated on me. And I didn’t tell anyone because I was too embarrassed.” She rubs roughly at her eyes. “Like it was my fault or something.”

  I gather my spiraling thoughts. “I’m sorry,” I murmur.

  A bitter laugh escapes her lips. “I thought, if this gets out, if people find out, then they’ll think it’s me. They’ll think that I’m not good enough for him. That I’m too boring to be with a Rook.”

  “That’s not true. No one would have thought that.”

  “But they would have. All those vultures at school. You know what they say about people, how they talk. I’d have been the joke of Preston.”

  “You could have told me.”

  She shakes her head. “I couldn’t tell anyone, Jenna. It was easier that way. It was easier to pretend it wasn’t real. I didn’t want to believe that Max could do that to me. But he did.”

  I stare down at the carpet for a second. “How did you find out?”

  “Colleen told me.” A tear spills from her eye and rolls onto her cheek. “I’m sorry, Jenna. I know she’s dead and I’m supposed to be all nice about her and everything, but I hated that bitch.”

  A tsunami of thoughts begin to sweep through my mind. Colleen told Serena? So, Serena knew, this whole time? Colleen did manage to get to her, after all.

  She knew.

  My heart is hammering in my chest.

  “Serena.” I stumble over my words. “Colleen... Colleen told you on the night she died...”

  Her brow creases. “What? No. It was way before then, back in summer.”

  I press my hand to my brow. “Hold up. I’m confused. Colleen told you about her fling with Max in the summer? I thought it only just happened?”

  “What? What do you mean, Colleen’s fling with Max?” Her lips part, and with a slow thud in my chest I realize that we’re on two totally different pages.

  She didn’t know.

  At least, not about them.

  I scramble to find the words to backtrack, but it’s too late. It’s already out there.

  “Max and Colleen?” Her voice goes up an octave. “What? When?”

  “I don’t know.” I wince. “Right before Colleen was murdered, I think.”

  Serena chokes out a sob, and I pull her into a hug.

  “I’m so sorry. I thought you knew. You just said Colleen told you about—”

  “No!” More tears spill from her eyes, and she sucks in a fractured breath. “No, I didn’t know. Last summer, Colleen told me that she’d caught Max cheating on me, but she was a total bitch and refused to tell me who it was with!”

  Serena’s fight with Max before summer break, I suddenly remember. I can picture it like it was yesterday. Serena screaming at Max in the parking lot, Max apologizing all doe-eyed and innocent-looking. I remember it all so clearly. Max had cheated on Serena then, too?

  Serena starts breathing fast. Her words are coming out too quickly. “I bet it was her, though. Colleen. I bet it was her, all along. It did cross my mind, you know? At first, I thought maybe it was Hollie—”

  “Wait. You thought Hollie hooked up with Max last summer? Our Hollie?”

  “Yeah. For a hot minute I did, anyway. Just because of the way Colleen was talking, saying that it was someone we knew and she didn’t want to betray their confidence. And Hollie and Colleen were always whispering about guys. That’s why I stopped hanging out with you and Hol, just in case it was her.”

  “Serena,” I breathe, “Hollie would never have done that to you.”

  “Yeah, well, that’s exactly what I thought about Max. He swore he’d never do it to me again. After last summer, after I found out. And with freaking Colleen, of all people. Trash.”

  “You think it was Colleen both times?”

  “I’ll bet,” Serena rasps through gritted teeth. “I knew Colleen was into him. She was always so needy, creeping around him, showing up at the cabin like anyone actually wanted her there. I’ve always hated her, and now I know that I was right to.”

  “Serena, I’m so sorry...”

  “I hate him.” She chokes out the words between sobs. “I hate him for doing this to me. Again.”

  I hand her a tissue from the box on the nightstand.

  I think I just made things a whole lot worse.

  * * *

  “Oh my god,” Hollie says. “She is losing it. She’s totally losing it.”

  I peer over the top of my sunglasses from the safety of the quad. “We shouldn’t be watching this. We should give them some privacy.”

  “Um, privacy? Jenna, they’re in the middle of the parking lot. Everyone can see this.”

  Dozens of Preston-plaid girls have already flocked to watch the spectacle of Serena yelling at her Rook boyfriend and him looking remorseful as he tries to grasp for her hand.

  “Still.” I gnaw on my lower lip. “I don’t think we should be out here watching this, Hol. It’s making me uncomfortable.”

  “I really don’t think Serena cares who’s watching at this point.”

  Through the crowds of onlookers huddled together on the quad, I spot Colleen, Brianna, and Imogen making their way toward us.

  Colleen is smirking. “Enjoying the matinee, ladies? Your girl Serena is batshit!”

  “Seriously,” Imogen says, shaking her head. “Do you guys have any idea what this is about?”

  “Nope. None.” I’m still watching the fight out of the corner of my eye. We all are. It’s a total train wreck. Every now and then, Serena’s voice goes up an octave, and Max tosses out another weak apology.

  “I think it’s just some drama over Max talking to other girls,” Brianna says. “Typical Serena, overreacting.”

  Colleen’s gaze wanders away from us. “Yeah. Drama.”

  “We shouldn’t be talking like this,” I mutter. “We shouldn’t be watching.”

  Brianna taps her finger on her lips. “I think it’s okay,” she says. “It’s in the parking lot. Ergo, it’s public domain.”

  Colleen laughs.

  Through the crowd, I see Serena stalk away from Max, leaving him alone in the parking lot. Her long black hair is swishing behind her as she heads for the school building.

  “I’m going to go talk to Max,” Colleen says, and she heads toward the lot.

  Imogen hurries off after Serena, and Brianna hovers between following Imogen or Colleen, before deciding to chase after Max as he heads for the Dodge he drove here in.

  “We should go find Serena,” I say to Hollie.

  She shakes her head. “No. Let Imogen go. We’ll just crowd her. She won’t want to talk to us right now.”

  I frown. “Hollie, we’re her best friends. Whatever’s gone on, she’ll need support.”

  “Not from us. Come on, let’s just go to the cafeteria. We’ll see Serena later, after everything’s died down.” Her gaze travels back to the parking lot as the Dodge tears out onto the road.

  ADAM

  My dad calls in the afternoon. I’d been expecting it. Since I’m involved in a murder investigation, he doesn’t have much choice.

  It’d look bad if he didn’t.

  I almost send the call to voice mail, but I lose my nerve.

  With my phone pressed to my ear, I
stand on a flat rock on Rookwood Beach and stare out to the horizon. My eyes stay trained on the ocean as he speaks.

  “Adam.” The familiarity of Dad’s voice hits me somewhere in my rib cage. I can practically smell the cut grass and barley and hear the sound of his work boots crunching over gravel. “The school called me.”

  “Yeah. I figured they would.”

  “What happened, son?”

  Son. There’s that damn word again. It has no place in my vocabulary. I’m no one’s son. Not anymore.

  “A kid died. Someone drove my car into the harbor.”

  “Who drove your car, Adam?” He’s getting frustrated. I can hear it in his clipped words and sharp breaths. He gets like this whenever I don’t have the answers for him, or when he can’t figure out how to patch over my issues. I want to hang up. I want to tell him that he gave up his right to get angry the day he walked out on my mom and me. Or the day he signed the papers to send me here.

  The day he gave up on me, right after we buried my mother.

  But I don’t. I just answer his question. “I don’t know. Someone took my keys. The cops are looking into it.”

  Another terse breath down the line. “You weren’t driving that car?”

  “Nope.”

  “The police believe that?”

  “Nope.”

  “Adam, if you and your friends are caught up in something...” He trails off.

  I don’t see much point in responding.

  “You’re going to need a lawyer,” he mutters.

  “Yeah. I know.”

  He exhales heavily. I’m struggling to remember the last time I spoke to him. He called around Christmastime when I didn’t come home. We spoke. The usual formalities, How are you? Fine. How are you? All that bullshit. He called again on my birthday; the conversation went the same way. Today is different, though. Today is the first time we’ve spoken like this—heated, tense, raw.

  I can’t do it. If I let myself go there, if I let myself feel anything, I won’t be able to come back from it.

  I’m not strong enough.

  So I tell him I’ve got it covered, and then I end the call. Staring out at the gray horizon, I clench my teeth so hard that I swear I taste blood.

  JENNA

  Kate steps into my bedroom and perches on the edge of my bed. “Okay, spill.”

  I drop my phone into my lap and force a smile. “What do you mean?”

  “You’ve been moping around the house all evening. All week, actually. What’s up with you?”

  I draw in a breath. “Nothing. I’m fine.”

  “Is this about the fight we had? About you spending time at Rookwood?”

  I swallow hard.

  There’s a hint of a smile on her lips. “Hold up. Is this the teenage rebellious phase I’ve been hearing so much about? Are you planning on slamming doors and yelling about how I’m not your mom? And there was me thinking I’d dodged all that fun.”

  “Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t think I’ll be slamming any doors today. You’re right about Rookwood. I should never have gone.”

  “But you did.” She’s picking me apart with her gaze.

  “Yeah.”

  “Want to elaborate? I get the feeling there’s more to this story than what you’re telling me.”

  I press my hands together.

  “Jenna,” she says, “I know I’m not your mom, but you can talk to me. I mean, damn, if you can’t talk to me after three years then I’ve really screwed up this whole parenting thing, haven’t I?” She musters a laugh, but there’s real tension in her expression.

  “Kate, don’t say that. You’ve been the best aunt-slash-mom-type-person I could ever ask for.”

  “Well, now I know you’re lying,” she says. I frown at her, and she adds, “I haven’t been around much. I realize that. I have no idea what’s been going on with you. I figure that’s a pretty big sign that I’ve let you down.”

  “You haven’t let me down. Not at all. You’ve had to work. I understand.”

  She reaches across the bed and pats my leg. “But that all needs to change. It’s going to change. Consider this your official grilling from your aunt-slash-mom-type-person. Talk to me. What’s going on?”

  Good question. I wish I knew.

  “Go on,” Kate says. “You have my complete, undivided attention.”

  I rub my brow. Honestly, I don’t know where to begin. Or if I should be telling her anything at all. She’ll flip if she finds out how much information I’ve been keeping from her.

  But I need to talk to someone I can trust. Someone who isn’t involved with Max or Colleen or Rookwood. I feel like I’m drifting, and I need an anchor. Kate feels like my only lifeline right now.

  “Adam.” I say his name and instantly feel like I’m betraying him.

  Kate’s brow creases. “Adam Cole? What about him?”

  “Is he a suspect?”

  Concern lines her face. “Why do you ask?” She’s searching my eyes. “I mean, I know that you know him. But how well do you know him?”

  My voice goes quiet. “Reasonably well.”

  Kate blinks at me a couple of times, like she’s struggling to process this bombshell. Her non-door-slamming, drama-free niece and a potential suspect in a double homicide. Awesome.

  The question slips from my mouth. “Do you think he killed Max?”

  “I can’t answer that.”

  “Colleen?” I press.

  She gives way to a long sigh. “Jenna, you know I can’t answer these questions.”

  “But what do you think? Kate, this is important. I have to know. Am I reading him all wrong? I saw how Serena was with Max, totally blinded by him. Is that me?”

  “You’re not Serena.”

  “Aren’t I?”

  Kate gazes down at her hands. She laces her fingers together. “You want to know what I think?” she says at last.

  “Yes. Please.”

  “I think you’re a smart girl,” she says. “And I think you already know the answer.”

  ADAM

  I sit on the rocks in the darkness, just listening to the tide. It murmurs to me.

  There’s a crunch of sand and click of pebbles as she approaches. I don’t know why she’s here. I didn’t call her. I haven’t in days.

  But I know it’s her before she even comes close.

  Her silhouette moves through the moonlight. Arms wrapped around herself, shielding her from the night wind. Or from me.

  “Hi,” I say as she sits beside me on the sand.

  “Hi.”

  There’s a pause between us, and the tide murmurs again.

  “I’m sorry.” Her words merge with the sounds of the ocean.

  “Don’t be.”

  “It’s been a couple of days,” she says, softly. “I should have called or texted. Something.”

  “I’ve missed you.” That’s probably the most honest thing I’ve ever said to her. To anyone.

  “I’ve missed you, too.”

  I don’t know if anyone has ever missed me before.

  She catches my gaze. “How have you been?”

  My shoulders tighten. I think of my dad. Our phone conversation. Blood rushes to my head, and I exhale to make it go away.

  “Alright,” I tell her. “The cops are coming back to talk to me first thing in the morning. I figured I’d spend tonight out here. Just in case they bring me in tomorrow.”

  She turns away. She won’t meet my eyes.

  “How have you been?” I return the question.

  “Confused, mostly.”

  “Yeah. I didn’t expect you to come back. I thought you’d be done with me by now, after everything that’s happened.” I dig my sneaker into the hard sand. “I know it doesn’t look good.”

  �
�I’m glad you were here.” She pauses and shivers, then rubs her hands up and down her arms for warmth. It’s getting colder now. The change has been brewing for a while. “I made a dumb mistake, Adam. I should have trusted my instincts. I should have trusted you.”

  “Yeah?”

  Her hand folds around mine. “I do trust you.”

  A strange laugh escapes my lips. “Thanks.”

  Her eyes are back on me now, and I feel my walls crumbling.

  It’s my turn to look away from her. I turn my attention to the dark water as it rushes against the shore. Moonlight dances on the surface. The moon is waning now. I can’t see the faint outline of the crescent that isn’t there, but it’s still whole, somewhere. “I know what people say about me.”

  She threads her fingers through mine and stays silent.

  “They don’t know me, though.”

  “I know you.”

  “I hope you do. I want you to.”

  She smiles gently in the darkness.

  “It wasn’t my fault,” I mutter. “I didn’t know how to help her.”

  There’s a pause between us while she untangles my words. “You mean, your mom?” she asks.

  My mind’s back there now. It’s as though the bolted doors are creaking open and I’m falling right back into the abyss. I’m back in that barley field, on the porch. She’s on the ground, choking, convulsing. I’m twelve years old again, and all I can do is stare. I can’t move. I can’t think. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to save her.

  I’m not even sure that I want to.

  I blink, and just like that I’m back on Rookwood Beach with Jenna. Only now, I have that thought, that memory. I can taste it. I lived it all over again. Bile rises in my throat.

  “She was an addict.” My voice is weak, scratchy, betraying the secrets of where I’ve just been. “She OD’d. I found her, but I didn’t know what to do. So I did nothing. I just stood there. It must have been about ten minutes before I even managed to call 911.” Pain floods through me, everywhere. My eyes. My chest. My heart. Just saying those words aloud makes everything hurt.