Darkness

by Heather Atkinson

  With a sigh he cast aside his phone and instead took out his book on Mayan and Aztec history. He lay back on the bed but he couldn’t concentrate, distracted by the sound of water running down Rachel’s naked body.

  “Oh wonderful,” he sighed when he went as stiff as a board. He had a high sex drive, which hadn’t been sated lately and the frustration was really getting to him.

  It was almost a relief when Rachel exited the bathroom already fully dressed because the sight of her in just a skimpy towel might have been more than he could bear.

  He watched as she sat before the dressing table to comb out her wet hair. She must have seen him watching in the mirror but if she did she didn’t comment on it, so he continued to watch as she dried her hair. As he had no idea whether their marriage was going to survive he was taking the opportunity to drink in every single second with her, making a mental note of her daily rituals he’d grown so used to over the years that he now took for granted. He wanted as many fond memories of her as he could get.

  When her hair was dry she pulled it back off her face with a band so she could apply her make-up. When she unzipped the make-up bag everything spilled out onto the floor.

  “Dammit,” she muttered, bending to pick it all up.

  “Let me help,” he said, jumping up.

  Ryan crouched by the stool she was sat on and started picking up the items, handing them to her while she slipped them back into the bag. When everything had been retrieved he remained where he was, crouched by her side, gazing up at her.

  Her lips twitched. “What?”

  “Sorry, was I staring? You’re just too damn beautiful.” He was heartened when she broke into a smile. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen that,” he said, careful to keep his voice gentle.

  “I know I’ve been a pain lately,” she replied.

  Ryan took her hand and kissed it. “Not a pain, no. More of a…concern.” He turned her hand over to kiss the palm. “Should I be concerned?”

  “What do you mean?”

  He caught the wariness in her tone. “I mean, do you wish to leave me?”

  “What?”

  “I love you Rachel, I only want you to be happy. That is my main desire in life. If I don’t make you happy anymore then please, tell me.”

  “No, that’s not it at all.” She took his face between her hands and pressed her forehead to his.

  Ryan released a gasp of relief and crushed her to him. “Thank God, I’ve been so afraid.”

  “You, afraid?”

  “Yes. Losing you is the thing I fear the most.”

  There was something in her eyes that made him uneasy but she smiled and it vanished.

  “May I kiss you?” he said.

  She nodded. “Okay.”

  He kissed her gently, tenderly, sliding his fingers through her hair, afraid she’d pull away at any moment. When she didn’t he moved his fingers down to her neck, still gently stroking. He was now rock hard and struggling to keep his movements gentle and tender, just wanting to throw her down on the floor and get inside her but this was progress and he was damned if he was going to spoil it.

  His heart leapt when she opened her legs, letting him press his body against hers. When she felt his hardness against her she moaned into his mouth, her hands sliding through his hair before moving down his back and pulling him even closer.

  He moved his lips to her neck and her head fell back, a moan falling from her lips.

  Delighted, Ryan slid his hands under her shirt.

  “I’m sorry,” he said when she jumped.

  The irritation returned to her eyes and she got up, leaving him crouched on the floor.

  “Did I do something wrong?” he said, straightening up, attempting to keep his cool.

  “No. I’m just not in the mood.”

  “You seemed to be five seconds ago.”

  When there was a knock at the door Ryan stood behind the dressing table, so the large bulge in his jeans couldn’t be seen while Rachel rushed to answer the door.

  “Mikey, Jez,” she beamed. “Come on in.”

  Ryan’s eyes narrowed. Clearly she was glad about the interruption.

  They both walked inside and hesitated, sensing the tension. “Is this a bad time?”

  “No, not at all,” said Rachel, making Ryan roll his eyes.

  “We wanted to discuss getting Cara back,” said Mikey, sitting at the small table by the window and unbuttoning his suit jacket.

  “You got a plan?” said Rachel, switching on the kettle to make them all a cup of tea.

  “Yep,” replied Jez. “Our contact down south came through. The plan’s a bit mental but it’s what we need to tackle the Slatterys.”

  As he set out their idea, Rachel and Ryan’s eyes widened.

  “Are you actually serious?” said Rachel, not sure whether to proclaim them as geniuses are deride them as idiots.

  “One hundred percent,” replied Mikey. He looked to Ryan. “What do you think?”

  As the bulge in his trousers had dissipated he felt it safe to come out from behind the dressing table and sit on the end of the bed. “I think it’s an excellent plan.”

  “You do?” said Rachel.

  “It has the element of surprise and it’s well thought out. I think it might work, especially when combined with the information Hayden gave us. Who else is coming?”

  “Mark, Grant and Shane. They’re furious about what’s happened to Jules, they’re all really fond of her.”

  “Are you sure about Shane?” said Ryan, recalling the lanky eighteen year old he’d encountered on the estate where his mother had been living in Nottingham. “He’s so young.”

  “He’s changed in the last couple of years,” replied Jez. “The lad’s a serious contender and one of the best on our crew. He’s coming.”

  “Fair enough.”

  “Don’t forget about Battler and Bruiser,” said Rachel. “They’re in. They’ve already left Devon.”

  “Great,” said Mikey. “It’ll be good to have them with us.”

  “What about your southern friends?” said Ryan.

  “They’ll give us their back-up,” said Jez. “We’ve got a good team together. My concern is that Jules won’t have enough protection here.”

  “Riley’s guarding her,” said Rachel. “And his men.”

  “I’ve given Dane Black a call,” said Mikey. “He and Jules go way back and despite what he says I know he’s still crazy about her. He’s fucking livid so he’s sending some of his men to help guard her. Christ knows what crazy stunt the Slatterys could have planned for her once they find out she’s still alive. But I would like another member of the family here with her.” His eyes settled on Rachel. “Namely you Rach.”

  “Me? But I thought I was coming with you to Essex?”

  “We need you here, watching out for Jules and don’t forget about Leah, you can’t leave her here.”

  “I thought she could stay with Cathy or Beth.”

  “That’s not fair, she needs one of us with her,” said Ryan. “You’ve seen how upset she is.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Then why don’t you stay? Or am I getting left behind because I’m the woman?”

  “You’re staying because you’re the one who insisted on bringing her here,” said Ryan.

  “Because she wanted to come,” retorted Rachel, eyes narrowing.

  “She wanted a tattoo but we said no, or are we just giving into her all the time now?”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she said, eyes darkening.

  “Me? You’re the one who’s being ridiculous. I don’t even know who you are anymore.”

  He shouted this last sentence louder than he’d intended and the room went silent, Mikey and Jez looking embarrassed while Rachel glared at Ryan.

  “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” she hissed.

  “You know exactly what it means. You’re not yourself Rachel so you’re staying put.”

  “He’s right,” said Mikey b
efore Rachel had the chance to shout back at Ryan. “You’re not yourself.”

  “I agree,” said Jez.

  “Call this an intervention,” said Ryan. He walked to the door and locked it. “You’re not leaving this room until you’ve told us what’s going on.”

  CHAPTER 22

  “You can’t keep me prisoner,” yelled Rachel.

  Ryan’s eyes narrowed. “Try me.”

  “That’s it, I’m out of here.”

  “No,” said Ryan, remaining before the door, determinedly folding his arms. “I’ve had enough Rachel. If you want a divorce then please tell me because I can’t live like this anymore. If you’ve met someone else then likewise tell me. I just need to know because I can’t sleep, eat or even think properly until you do.”

  “Met someone else?” she repeated, her eyes turning even blacker. “You really are a fucking idiot.”

  His eyes flickered with hurt but he stood firm. “Am I really? Then please do explain.”

  She looked to Mikey for help but he shook his head. “You’ve pushed us to this Rach. What’s going on?”

  She made for the door, intent on going through it but Ryan refused to budge.

  “Get out of my way,” she snarled at him.

  “There’s my wife,” he said. “There’s her fire. Please Rachel, we’re not being cruel. We only want to help.”

  “Why did you have to push it?” she exclaimed. “All I wanted to do was keep it to myself for a bit. Do we all have to know every single thing about each other all the time? Aren’t I entitled to some privacy?”

  “Keep what to yourself?” frowned Ryan.

  “I might have cancer, okay?” she yelled. “Happy now?”

  The three of them stared at her in stunned silence.

  “Ca…cancer?” repeated Ryan, praying he’d misheard.

  She sighed and slumped onto the end of the bed. “I found a breast lump. They said it was suspicious so they did an excision. I’m waiting to find out whether it’s cancerous or not.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell me?” exploded Ryan. He didn’t want to shout at her but he was bewildered and afraid and he couldn’t help it.

  “Because you’ve been through enough. You were kidnapped by that sick pair of serial killers, you’ve already lost nearly all your brothers, you nearly lost me twice, then you thought you’d lost Jules after the compound blew up.” Her voice cracked. “And there was Thomas too. I didn’t want you thinking you might be losing someone else, I couldn’t bear to put you through it.”

  “That’s why you kept me at arm’s length?”

  She nodded, eyes filling with tears. “The surgical scar’s still noticeable. I knew you’d pick up on it straightaway.”

  He gathered her in his arms and she hung onto him.

  “I was going to tell you about it last night, when you’d prepared that lovely dinner,” she went on. “I could see you were worried and I hated how much I was hurting you. It was crushing me. Then we got the call about Jules and I couldn’t do it to you.” A single tear slid down her cheek. “I just couldn’t.”

  “We’ll leave you to it,” said Jez. He had to pull Mikey from the room, who was staring at Rachel, stricken.

  “I’m sorry,” Rachel said into Ryan’s shoulder when they’d gone, gripping onto him for dear life.

  “It’s alright,” he soothed, gently rocking her. “It’s okay.”

  “I was trying to protect you and I fucked it up royally.”

  “You don’t need to explain.”

  “I do. I’ve put you through hell. I could see it in your eyes every time I pushed you away but I kept telling myself it would be okay, just another couple of days but there’s a delay getting the test results, some screw up with the lab’s computers and there’s a backlog.”

  “So you’re still waiting to find out?”

  She nodded.

  “You should have shared this with me.”

  “I wanted to, really I did but I couldn’t burden you with anything else. You’re so sharp, it’s impossible to keep anything from you and I didn’t want you to find out unless you really had to. I hope I haven’t caused any damage that can’t be fixed?” Her eyes were wide and earnest and filled with tears.

  “No,” he said. “Not at all.”

  “Thank God. I was so afraid I’d damaged our marriage.”

  “Not us. We can come through anything. We always have and we will continue to do so.”

  “I’m sorry for being such an idiot.”

  “You are nothing of the sort and whatever happens, we’ll face it together.”

  “I’m afraid Ryan. This scares the shit out of me more than the Jordans or the McVays or even Alex. Them I could fight but this is something inside me, something I can’t see.”

  “We’re going to treat this like any other enemy and we’re going to do it together. Understand?”

  She nodded, wiping the tears from her eyes, taking a deep, determined breath. “Yes.”

  “And we don’t know there is anything to fight yet. Think positive, okay?”

  “I will but now I hope you see why I wanted to bring Leah? I want to spend as little time as possible away from my kids. I knew there was no way I could bring the boys but Leah’s at such an important stage, turning into a woman. I don’t want to miss it.”

  “And you won’t. What did I just say about positive thinking?” he said with a gentle smile.

  “I will.”

  “Maybe you and Leah should go home? You’re under enough stress as it is and you can be with the boys too.”

  She shook her head. “I’m staying. I want to be with you too and Mikey and the others.”

  He smiled and kissed her. “Okay, whatever you want.”

  “I don’t deserve you,” she said, pulling him closer.

  “I was about to say that,” he replied with a good-humoured smile. “But seriously, no more secrets. You see what they do to us?”

  “I promise, no more secrets. I’m not about to make that mistake again and I’m not going to endanger our relationship for anything.”

  Ryan crushed her to him, relief flooding every vein and nerve ending. She was still his wife, his Rachel, thank God.

  “Can we please have sex now?” she said. “I’ve been going crazy.”

  He laughed out loud, delighted. “You and me both, I feel like I could explode.”

  He ground his mouth against hers, making her moan, her thighs locking around his waist, frantically tugging his t-shirt over his head.

  “Oh God I’ve missed you,” she breathed, running her hands over his bare back and down his arms, glorying in the ripple of his muscles. “Have you any idea how hard it’s been keeping my hands off you?”

  “Yes because I’ve had exactly the same struggle.”

  “I’ve been left with a scar, it’s small but it’s another scar to add to the collection,” she said with a sad smile.

  “May I see?”

  She nodded, anxiously chewing her lip.

  Slowly he unbuttoned her shirt while she gazed up at him, black eyes steady. She arched her spine so he could reach under her and unfasten her bra, raising her arms so he could remove the shirt and bra completely, casting them aside. His erection became painful as he gazed down at her naked body, which was as lovely as ever. He spotted the scar on her right breast. It had been well placed, nothing more than a red line running around the lower edge of her nipple but she was right, he would have noticed it immediately, he knew every inch of her body so well.

  “It should fade with time,” she said. “Hopefully it won’t always be there.”

  Ryan understood her motivations for keeping this to herself. It had taken her a while to come to terms with the scar on her neck and now this, a second one. Slowly he dipped his head to kiss her breast, lightly running his tongue around the nipple, unable to repress the growl rumbling in the back of his throat. He heard her sigh with pleasure as well as relief, her body shivering with emotion.

  “
Thank you,” she whispered as he slid back up her body to kiss her lips.

  “No, thank you. I still see nothing but perfection before me.”

  She thrust her tongue into his mouth, hands tearing down his jeans. The same sense of urgency gripped him too and he yanked down her panties while pushing up her skirt.

  “Get inside me now Ryan,” she said, barking it at him like an order. “Oh God,” she cried when he thrust into her. “Harder.”

  Ryan was more than happy to comply, glorying in her warmth. For a moment he couldn’t move as the stress of the past couple of weeks drained right out of him, coupled with the intense pleasure. When she moved her hips his restraint snapped and he plunged into her repeatedly, glorying in the feel of her in his arms, the warmth of her skin against his, her cries ringing in his ears, the joy of being inside her again.

  All too soon they came together before collapsing back onto the bed.

  “Hmmm,” she murmured, running her fingers up and down his back. “So much better.”

  “But over far too soon,” he said, kissing her neck.

  “It has been a while, we’re out of practice.”

  “We’ve lost time to make up for,” he smiled into the skin of her throat.

  “Come on you,” she said, pushing him upright. “I want you in that shower in ten seconds flat.”

  As they leapt up together and raced into the bathroom, laughing, Rachel chastised herself for a fool. Never again would she keep anything from her husband.

  Mikey and Jez were pleased to see Rachel and Ryan smiling and happy and holding hands when they walked into the bungalow.

  “I see you’ve made up?” smiled Jez.

  “We have,” replied Rachel. “And I want to apologise for being an idiot. I shouldn’t have kept you all in the dark. Woah,” she cried when Mikey wrapped her in a suffocating hug. “Don’t worry, I’m fine,” she added when he hung on tight.