Hawk

by Belle, Kimberly I.

  I move around her and head towards the front door.

  “Hannah, please don’t go,” my cousin is pleading with me.

  “Wait, a second, Hannah. I don’t think you should go,” Jimmy blurts out.

  “You don’t get to tell me what to do. No one tells me what to do. I’ve had enough of that and you’re all crowding me. I can’t handle this all.” My heart rate starts to pick up again and my breathing is getting heavy. “I feel like I can’t breathe.” I crouch down to the floor. I feel like I can’t catch my breath again. I feel like I’m going to have a heart attack.

  Hawk rushes over to me. “Hey, calm down and take a deep breath okay.” He’s rubbing my back. His face is concerned. “Doc, get the fuck in here.” Doc rushes to my side.

  “Hey, Hannah, I need you to look at me. You’re having a panic attack.” Hawk grabs my hand. I don’t fight it, he places it on his chest.

  “Feel my heart and my breathing. They are slow and steady. Try to match it, focus on it. Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.” He continues to hold my hand in his on his chest. I feel myself calming down, my vision is clearing up again and I feel the blood rushing back to my head and limbs.

  “That’s it. Keep breathing. You got this.” Hawk is holding my hand and Doc is rubbing my back now. It takes about 10 minutes for me to get back to normal.

  “I’ve never had panic attacks before today. I don’t know what’s going on,” I start crying. “What the fuck is wrong with me? Now, I’m crying,” I wipe the tears from my eyes. I’m such an ugly crier too.

  “Don’t worry about that, you cry, you do whatever makes you feel better. You’ve been through a lot and it’s understandable to be upset, to have anxiety, to panic, to cry. Everyone reacts to trauma differently.” Hawk says.

  How does he know about all of this?

  “How do you know all of this?” I ask.

  “Honey, we deal with a lot of trauma in our club. We help, we help more than anyone knows. We aren’t the bad guys here,” he says as he stares at me in the eyes. I stare at him back. He’s swallowing me up with his sexy grey eyes. “Look, I’m sorry we just swooped in and took over. We don’t mean any harm by it, we should have discussed it with you further and came to an agreement. I’m sorry for all of that but I will not be sorry for wanting to keep you safe, especially when your safety is impacted just by your association with us. Please let us help you Hannah.”

  I nod my head. “Okay, but we need to talk. I need to know what I’m in danger from and for how long.”

  “That’s fair.” He helps me up from the ground and holds me by the waist over to the couch. I don’t feel like vomiting from him touching me. I guess that’s a good thing. We sit over by my cousin.

  “Sorry, I called you an asshole,” I say to him as I look up at his face.

  “You’re lucky, I like you. I don’t let anyone disrespect me like that ever. Last guy that called me an asshole is 6 feet under.”

  “I don’t doubt it. You’re dangerous and it scares me.”

  “You don’t need to be afraid of me Hannah. I’m not going to hurt you ever,” he says looking at me deeply in the eyes. It makes me a little nervous. “Is it okay if Doc checks you over?”

  “Yes. That’s fine.”

  Doc comes over and starts to examine me. Everyone has gotten up to the kitchen except for Hawk and Doc who are sitting next to me. My cousin took Tim the other prospect to the kitchen and Jimmy is outside keeping watch.

  “Hannah, I think you should try talking to someone. It will help you find out what is triggering your panic attacks. You are fine physically for the most part.” I know he means aside from the abuse I’ve had.

  “Okay.”

  “Here,” he hands me a card. “It’s the phone number of a therapist that I work with. She’s amazing and is unique in her therapy ways. She’s no pressure and super easy to talk to. I grab the card and put it in my pocket.

  “Thank you.”

  “How are you feeling now?” Hawk asks, rubbing my back in circles. I can’t help but lean into him.

  “I feel okay. Much better. I really am sorry about before. I think I was feeling everything crashing in on me again and I couldn’t help it. I needed to get out of here.” I feel embarrassed by the way I acted.

  “Don’t even think twice about it. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Are you okay with Jimmy staying by as your protection?”

  “Is it really necessary?”

  Hawk takes a deep breath. “It is. There’s a situation going on in the club and I want to make sure you’re alright. There’s another club that believes you’re my old lady.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “They think you are my woman, my wife, my girlfriend, or my life partner, however you want to call it.”

  “That’s crazy, I just got to town and well, I’d think they would have some sense to think you would at least be with someone who had hair.”

  “Don’t put yourself down. I can be with whoever I want, hair, no hair, purple hair, grey hair, or bald. It doesn’t matter. You’re beautiful, don’t let anyone tell you different, and if they do, I’ll handle them.”

  To say that I wasn’t expecting that would be an understatement. “I’m not really sure how to respond to that.”

  “I will never lie to you, Hannah, so when I say you are beautiful, believe it. You think I react to prospects hugging women like I did earlier because it’s the norm? No, I find myself drawn to you and I know it’s the wrong time to be saying this but I just want you to know that. You’re beautiful and deserve everything and more in the world.”

  “Thank you. You’re not so bad yourself. Actually, I don’t think there’s any bad looking guys in your club. Is that a requirement?” I feel myself holding back the tears. It totally is the wrong time to be wanting someone but I needed that. I needed that boost to my self-esteem. He seems genuine in it as well.

  “Is what a requirement?” He looks confused by my question.

  “Being good looking.”

  He lets out a guttural laugh. He’s holding me still and I feel his stomach moving from his laugh. “No, it’s not a requirement. Not all of us are good looking, hun.”

  “Everyone, I’ve seen so far has been a GQ model.”

  “That’s fucking funny. Thanks, I guess,” he laughs some more.

  “Thank you,” he looks down at me. “I mean it, Hawk, thank you for everything and I really am sorry. I hope we can be friends.”

  “I’ve never had a female friend.”

  I lift my eyebrow. “I don’t know why I don’t believe that. I think you’ve had your fair share of female friends.” I say friends at the same time I make quotation mark signs with my fingers.

  “Well I’m not sure I would call them friends but we can go with that for now,” he chuckles a little. A smirk staying on his face. Damn, I can’t help but stare.

  “I think I need to rest, I feel like I’ve run ten miles without stopping.”

  “Of course, boys let’s get out of here.” Hawk shouts out then turns to me. “I’m serious when I say this, if you need anything, you let me know. Let me give you my number.”

  “I don’t have a phone.”

  “How?” He gives me a very what the fuck face.

  “I don’t want my ex to track me. He’s a cop, he has resources.”

  “I can help with that. I can fix up an untraceable phone for you.” Doc interjects.

  “Really, you guys have done enough. Thank you for everything and sorry for freaking out. I won’t promise it’s not going to happen again,” I say. I’ve never felt anything like that before.

  “Wheels up guys, let’s get the fuck out of here. The ladies need to rest. Prospects you watch them. If anything happens to them, your heads are mine,” Hawk shouts out.

  I sit on my couch and watch them all leave. I can see Hawk tal
king to the prospects and giving them orders through the window. He’s scary as hell. I also can’t believe what he told me about liking me, totally the wrong time for that.

  “Han?” My cousin says bringing me out of my spying funk.

  “Yeah?”

  “You okay?”

  “Yeah, I’m okay. I’m super tired.”

  “You want to have a movie night and cuddle up on the couch with some snacks.”

  “I’d like that. What’s going to happen with our guards?” I nod my head towards Jimmy and Tim.

  “If we are both in the house, one is going to stay outside and keep watch and the other is going to rest. If one or both of us decides to leave it will be one on one.”

  Uh, I hate that I have to have a bodyguard. Don’t get me wrong, I love Jimmy. He was actually my first love. We probably would have continued dating into college if he didn’t join the military. My life probably would have been so different if we were still together. I probably wouldn’t be a battered woman.

  “Alright, I have the movie ready and some popcorn.”

  “Sounds great,” I say. “Should we offer them something outside?”

  “Like what?” she says, stuffing her face with popcorn.

  “Coffee maybe?” I get up and head to the kitchen.

  “If you want, you can make them your special brew, they’d probably like that.” She shoves another handful of popcorn in her mouth.

  “I could.” I’m in the kitchen and start boiling the water. I’m going to make them a special brew that I’m known for. My recipe is a secret. The beans are farmed specifically for me and I make my own special blend and add some spices. The coffee is warm and everything you want for comfort. It also kicks ya in the ass with energy.

  “That smells so good,” I hear my cousin shout from the living room.

  “You want a cup?”

  “No, I won’t sleep if I do.”

  “Okay.” I say walking into the living room with a thermos for each of them. “I’m going to go give them some coffee.” I open the door and see them both standing around the house watching out.

  “Hannah, what are you doing out here?” Jimmy says as he approaches me.

  “I brought you guys some coffee. I know you’re going to be out here for a while.”

  “Thanks ma’am,” Tim says, taking one of the thermoses from me.

  “Jimmy?” I offer him the coffee.

  “Thanks, Han.” He walks with me towards the house and sits with me on the porch.

  “I hope you like it. It’s one of my special blends.”

  He takes a sip and I can immediately smell the spices and coffee.

  “Damn, that’s good. Where did you get that from?”

  “I made it.”

  “I’m not surprised, you made me some mean cakes and food when we were together.”

  “You remember that?”

  “How could I forget? You cooked me some of the best meals I’ve ever had. What have you been up to since high school?”

  “I became a chef. I went to school, wrote a few books, and had a restaurant. Now, I’m here.”

  “I know not to ask but how did you get involved with the Blazing Saints?”

  “My cousin Jen. She’s the one that knows them.”

  “Are you okay Han?” I can see the concern in his eyes.

  “I am now, Jim. I never thought I would see you again.”

  “I never thought I’d see you again either.”

  We just sit in silence, enjoying each other’s company.

  Chapter 7

  Hawk

  We just got back from dealing with the shithead trash of the Devil’s Daddies. I’m back at the clubhouse and can’t stop thinking about Hannah. I know this isn’t the time to be wanting a woman especially one that is hurting as much as she is but I can’t help it.

  “Pres,” Doc says bringing me out of my thoughts.

  “Doc.”

  “I found the bug that was spying on us,” he says.

  “Where?”

  “There was one in the garage and a few scattered around the rec room, kitchen and dining room.”

  “What the fuck?” Who the fuck is planting bugs in my clubhouse? This confirms that we have a mole.

  “I can only tell you that it was done in the last two weeks. I do a sweep of the clubhouse monthly and the last one was two weeks ago.”

  “Shit, I need emergency church now.” I get up and head to church. “Doc?” I yell out.

  “On it, the message is sent.” He already knew what I wanted. I love my brothers.

  I’m in church waiting for no more than five minutes when in walks my leadership.

  “What’s up, Pres?” Jax asks.

  “Doc found bugs in the clubhouse,” I reply.

  “Shit!”

  “Are we able to tell where they came from?” Delta asks.

  “I will in a few. The bugs are transmitting and they are transmitting close by. Give me some time and I will try my best to tell you where they are coming from,” Doc says.

  “This is shit. I can’t believe we have to deal with a fucking dirty brother,” Axl states.

  “Doc, don’t we have cameras in the clubhouse?” Jax asks.

  “We do but these are in blind spots,” he says as he continues to type away on his computer.

  “Shit,” I yell as I slam my fists on the table.

  “Got it. They are transmitting to a phone here in the clubhouse.”

  “What the fuck, how are we supposed to pinpoint that?” I ask.

  “I can send an alert to it but we have to make the clubhouse quiet.”

  “Call an emergency meeting with all the brothers and club whores. Then cut the music and send the alert. We will catch this motherfucker.”

  “Done. The message for the meeting was sent,” Doc says. “Everyone will be meeting in five.”

  “Let’s head out.” We all head out of church and into the main rec room of the clubhouse. All the brothers are standing about in the rec room, some are sitting. I make an announcement to them, telling them we are testing a new alarm system on the phones.

  “Doc, send out the alert.”

  Doc sends out the alert and at first we don’t hear anything. Suddenly we hear a buzz coming from the corner, where one of the club whores is.

  Axl and Delta both heard towards her.

  I dismiss the meeting as Axl and Delta grab the club whore and bring her to the garage.

  “Well, what do we have here?” I say.

  “What’s going on Hawk baby?” She looks nervous.

  “You wanna tell me where these came from?” We dump the bag of bugs in front of her.

  She turns white as a sheet.

  “I’ve never seen those in my life.” Beads of sweat form on her forehead and her chest is glistening.

  “Look, bitch you can either make this easier or harder on yourself. We already have linked you to the bugs, you can either fess up or find out what happens to liars and traitors,” Delta shouts.

  “They made me do it.” Her face is turned up terrified.

  “Who did?” I ask.

  “The other club. They gave me smack and money to put up those things here. They said it wasn’t anything bad. I promise, I didn’t know what they were.”

  “I don’t believe her,” Delta says.

  “Me either,” I say.

  She starts laughing uncontrollably on her own. This bitch is crazy.

  “Pres, she’s a crazy bitch,” Jax says.

  “You guys are so stupid. You’re all going to be dead once they get their hands on you and your territory. My Yank will kill you if you do anything to me. I’m his old lady. Why don’t you smudge my forearm right there,” she says pointing to her right forearm.

  I nod to Delta to do it. Once he does it reveals a Devil’s Daddies tattoo and property of Yank. Little does she know that her Yank is dead.

  “Awww swee
tie, you really think your Yank is going to come for you. Let me let you in on a little secret, your little Yank is dead. We had a nice chat out in a warehouse after we caught him raping a woman. You either cooperate or you will join him. Got it?” I say to her.

  “You’re lying. I’m not telling you anything.”

  “Delta show her the photo,” I say. I want him to show her the photo of her Yank tied up. I won’t show her the photo of him dead we aren’t monsters.

  “What did you do to him? Where is he?” she shouts.

  “No, you’re going to help us or you’re going to join him in hell.”

  “You animals! I hate you. I won’t help you. You can kill me, it’s better than going back to them and having them torture me and use me,” she gets quiet.

  “Listen, we need you to plant bugs for us in their clubhouse and then we will pay for you to get the fuck away from here and never come back. We have friends in places that will be watching you to make sure you are gone. You wanna take the deal?” I offer her.

  “I’d take the deal if I was you. He won’t ask twice,” Jax states.

  I’m showing her mercy because she’s a woman who’s loyal to her man but her man is gone and a rapist.

  “Fine, but I need to take my kids with me.”

  “Done,” I say.

  “What do you need me to do?” she says with tears in her eyes.

  “Doc, get her set up with the bugs. Make sure they won’t find them,” I say.

  “Done, Pres. My bugs are invisible. They won’t know they are there and if they sweep they will be missed,” Docs says.

  “They don’t sweep. They don’t do anything. They are ruled by a pencil dick tiny dictator,” she says.

  “You have one chance to do this and you’ll never be seen around here. You will move out of state and connect with this woman and she will help you,” I hand her a card. “I also suggest you get rid of that tattoo,” I say.

  I leave the room and head to my bedroom. Jax follows behind me.

  “Pres?”

  “Jax, what’s going on?”

  “What’s the plan?”

  “We need to find out when they are planning to attack and get them before they get here. I think by now they have discovered the bodies and know we aren’t messing around. Make sure that bitch gets there safe and quickly. I want the bugs placed and her gone.”