My Life as an Album (Books 1-4)

by LJ Evans

  Derek held the door open for me and leaned in as I went by. “By the way, that smile is completely my kind of target.”

  And just that quickly, my smile was swept away as I came to a standstill inside the door. There was nothing for me to imagine in those words. They were straight up.

  Derek grabbed my hand and gently pulled me toward the table that his juvenile friends had commandeered. I was completely at a loss for any good words. Did I love it? Did I hate it? I couldn’t make up my mind.

  The Offer

  THIS

  “This is the start of something beautiful.

  This is the start of something new.”

  -Ed Sheeran

  It was nearing eight o’clock by the time we’d dropped the guys off at the hotel, and Derek headed back out toward my house. My stomach and face hurt from laughing. I hadn’t laughed so much in… maybe ever. Laughter wasn’t really what I was known for. I was known for getting jobs done, helping people, reading, and just keeping everybody on the right track. It was what made me good at running the business. It was what I was most comfortable with.

  Before I was ready, Derek turned onto my street and parked in front of my house. Unfortunately, I had been right. This gorgeous, sexy BB had stormed into my world, and now, after I’d spent less than twenty-four hours near him, I was already going to miss him. Thank God he’s leaving, my head said, but my heart and body protested.

  With manners that I would have doubted when I’d met him at the dealership, but which he’d continued to show, he opened my door and held out his hand to help me down. He didn’t let go of my hand as he walked me to the porch.

  Pitter patter went my weak heart.

  Mama had turned on the porch light, but it wasn’t quite fully dark yet in our summer in Tennessee. It felt strange and date-like to be going up the steps with him. It hadn’t been a date, had it?

  Derek saw our porch swing and grinned. “I love everything about Tennessee. Porch swings, sweet tea, and beautiful women.”

  I bumped him playfully with my shoulder, and he tugged me toward the swing. He sat, pulling me down next to him and sending the swing into a dizzying rock.

  “Whoa,” he grinned, eyes flashing that Puck-ish look of happiness that was like a kid with a new toy.

  The swing slowed, and I pulled away a little, uncomfortable on the swing with him so close and us alone in the semi-darkness.

  “I had a good time today,” he said.

  “Me too,” I said, and it was truthfully the best day in a really long time. So long that it was hard to remember back to another day where I’d felt like this.

  “I’m not ready to say goodbye to you yet,” he told me, and my heart skipped a beat just like the heroines in all those romance novels I’d stuck my head in to escape reality.

  “I’m sure we’ll see each other again sometime. After all, Blake is pretty much family now,” I reminded him.

  “Yes, but I’d like to see you again tomorrow.”

  Once I realized he wasn’t kidding, I had to look away because, boiling butterbeer, his eyes were that stormy gray that made me think of passionate skies and passionate kisses that he hadn’t given me, but I could imagine would be more like broiling butter than silky honey. Or… maybe both, and that just made me shiver to my core.

  “I think that’s pretty much impossible seeing as you leave for Oklahoma tomorrow,” I said a little breathlessly. The guys had talked about it nonstop at the pizza place.

  “Come with me. With us.”

  I snorted because, really, what person in the world spends less than twenty-four hours with someone and then asks them to tag along on a three-week journey across the country? No one. Not even in stupid fairytale romance novels. Okay, maybe in one or two, but that wasn’t my life at all.

  “Mia,” he said as he pulled my hand back into his and twisted it up so that my fingers were trapped against his chest. “It surprises the hell out of me that I’m saying it, but I’m completely serious. Come with me.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “Yes.”

  “I can’t. I have a dealership to run, remember?”

  “At twenty-two?”

  “How do you know how old I am?”

  “I’m good at asking questions of the right people. But you’re avoiding the question,” he said.

  “I don’t think there really was a question.”

  “Come with me.”

  “No.”

  “Well, here’s the problem. I just bought this really cool muscle car, and I have to get it back to the West Coast.”

  My heart tugged as he talked about Jake’s Camaro even though I was really glad he bought it.

  “So?”

  “Well, my manager is pissed as hell. Doesn’t want me driving all the way because he says I’ll be too tired for the shows.”

  “You have five members in your band.”

  “Ah, yes, but they also take turns driving the bus. Besides, would you really want me to trust them with the Camaro?”

  He looked down at me with eyes that promised me something if I’d only take a leap. But Good Girl Mia didn’t take leaps. This Mia stayed and ran the dealership so her daddy could semi-retire. This Mia studied in advance for her master’s program that started in the fall. This Mia protected a broken heart by living the life that was expected of her.

  “Don’t be ridiculous. I run a car dealership; I don’t go spelunking—”

  “—caving.”

  “—spelunking with a band on a tour across the country.”

  “Not your thing, huh?” he said, but I could tell he didn’t believe me. I almost expected him to throw out, “Methinks the lady doth protest too much,” or something equally senseless.

  “It’s not me at all.” I tried to sound firm, but I knew I was failing.

  “But you had fun today.”

  “Sure.”

  “And you kind of like the boys.”

  “They’re pretty irresistible.” I smiled.

  “And me, am I pretty irresistible?” he asked with that seductive smile. I had to look away before I gave in to something so crazy that everyone would really think I had lost my head. Because, let’s face it, the happiness, the joy, the lightness of today had been fairly intoxicating. It was a drug that was hard for even me to resist.

  “That’s debatable.”

  I pulled my hand away and rose from the swing. He needed to leave right now before he said something else that would make me forget all my best laid plans.

  He must have sensed my change in mood, but he didn’t get up off the swing yet. He took me in again with eyes that seemed to read through my soul.

  “This looks more like the real Mia than the pantsuit you wore yesterday.”

  “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “You know you want to come. Think of all the hidden waterfalls we can find together. It’s just three weeks. An adventure. How long has it been since you’ve had an adventure?”

  Never! my heart called out. I’d only read about adventures that others took. I crossed my arms over my chest, smooshing their preposterous size into nothingness, trying to protect myself from Derek and his unspoken promises.

  “Thank you for taking me today. I’ll never forget it, but my adventure stops here,” I said, trying to keep my voice from shaking.

  He got up slowly, and I felt like the eagle was circling the mouse as he made his way to me. I wanted him to kiss me, just so I could say that one of the best twenty-four hours of my life had ended in a kiss that made me dissolve into nothingness.

  But he didn’t. Instead, he unlocked my arms from my chest and pointed to my t-shirt. “I think you want more than you let yourself have.”

  Stupid “Mischief Managed” t-shirt! I could have responded that didn’t everyone want a little magic and adventure? But reality isn’t a novel. My world was anything but.

  “I hope you have a really good time,”
I told him firmly.

  He lifted his hand and wrapped his fingers into my tangled ponytail. “I’d have more fun with you.”

  Guilt hit me because I was a sucker for it. You’d think I had grown up Catholic. This strange, sexy man couldn’t push me over the edge, though. When I didn’t respond, he sighed again, like I’d disappointed him, and that almost got me more than the guilt. I didn’t want to disappoint this beautiful man. I wanted to read the tattoos on his wrists, and kiss the bird on his neck, and…

  I shook my head.

  He pulled away with regret in his eyes. “Well, we aren’t leaving until around ten tomorrow. If you change your mind, you know where to find me. My manager would thank you. He’d probably even pay you.”

  He moved toward the steps while still eyeing me, as if I’d change my mind and run after him. He got to the bottom of the steps, shook his head ever so slightly, and then continued out to the SUV.

  He looked back over the hood and said, “You’re breaking my heart, Miss Mia. I’m gonna have to write a song about you.”

  I eye-rolled him—because who says stuff like that?—and then waved goodbye before going inside so that I wouldn’t have to watch him drive away. I heard him honk the horn in one last pitiful effort to make me think about him, which truly wasn’t hard. Getting my heart to stop racing, that was hard. Getting my mind back to the dealership, and my master’s classes, and my reality, that was hard.

  Inside, Mama and Daddy were cuddled up next to each other on the couch, some ancient rerun on the TV. They sat up as I came in. That made me realize why I couldn’t run away with a sexy musician: because there were only three of us in the room instead of four.

  “How was it?” Daddy asked while Mama looked me over for bruises and scrapes, even though she tried not to let it show.

  “Honestly? It was amazing!” I said and sat down on the loveseat, throwing off my flip flops, and curling my feet up under me like I was ten years old.

  “Really?” Daddy and Mama both seemed surprised.

  “It was so beautiful. And quiet. And… God, there was this gorgeous waterfall right inside the mountain.”

  “You didn’t freak out at the tight spaces?” Daddy asked with shock.

  “Thanks a lot, Daddy.”

  “Well…”

  “I know, I know,” I said. “I’m not normally an outdoor kind of girl.”

  Which is true.

  “You’re definitely not a dirt kind of girl,” Mama said.

  Daddy ignored her and asked, “Was it difficult?”

  “There were some really tiny spots, and ladders, and a bit of rock climbing, but I think they took me on an easy course.”

  “Who woulda thunk our little Mia would be a cave diver?” Daddy said with a grin.

  “So, he headed back to the hotel? When does he leave?” Mama asked with something in her voice that made me think she heard some of our conversation on the porch.

  “Tomorrow.”

  Silence. I could have left it at that, but I didn’t.

  “He wanted me to go with them. Help drive the Camaro back to the West Coast and go caving with them while they’re on their three-week tour.”

  More silence.

  “Of course, I told him no.”

  I couldn’t meet their eyes as I plucked at the fuzz on the quilt that lay on the couch. Why had I even told them all that? I definitely didn’t want to go, did I? On a rock tour? With a steamy hot musician who spoke words that my pieced-together heart would have a hard time resisting?

  “You should do it,” Daddy spoke quietly.

  “What?” Mama and I both said at the same time.

  “Mia. You should do this.”

  Silence from both Mama and me.

  “You have Harry’s wedding in a couple weeks, right? You were going out to San Francisco anyway. This would just get you going sooner.”

  I had the best of intentions to go to Harry’s traditional Indian wedding. He was getting married to the girl his family had picked out for him. Personally, I wasn’t sure I could ever agree to an arranged marriage after seeing the love Jake and Cam had for each other. If you saw them, you’d get it. You’d want that deep, universe-twirling connection that they had for yourself. They were perfectly fitted together. I guess I wanted to hold out for that. I had hoped I had a chance at it with Hayden.

  Harry had called a couple times this month to make sure I was coming to the wedding, but the truth was I hadn’t made the flight arrangements yet. I wasn’t sure what held me back. It was probably related to the mess I was inside these days. Going to a wedding when I felt lonely and heart-broken wasn’t really that appealing.

  “You should do this,” Daddy repeated when I still hadn’t said anything.

  “You really think I should go across the country with a group of guys we hardly know, spelunking?” I said it in a joking tone, but when I looked up, I could see he really was serious. Mama was serious too, but she looked like she was about to cry. She didn’t like to cry in front of me anymore though, so she got up and headed for the stairs.

  Daddy and I were silent again after she left.

  “She just needs time.”

  “I understand,” I answered.

  “No, I don’t think you really do. Not because you don’t want to, but because losing a child isn’t something you can comprehend if you aren’t a parent. Your mama lost her baby boy…” Daddy had to pause to get himself together before he continued. “And the thought of losing both her children…It’s just too much to bear some days. But that doesn’t mean we can keep you here wrapped in Bubble Wrap.”

  “It’s ridiculous, anyway. I have a lot to do at the dealership, and my classes start soon.”

  “Not till the end of August. Sounds like you’d be done with this by then.”

  “You’re really telling me I should go?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “For so many reasons, baby girl. But the best one I can give you is because life is too short not to.”

  We just let it set. I didn’t commit to anything, either going or not. I couldn’t. Instead, I got up and hugged him and headed for the stairs with the dirty backpack and ruined Doc Martens. “I’ll think about it.”

  “You wouldn’t even have brought it up if you didn’t already want to go,” Daddy said behind me.

  I turned and our eyes met. Daddy knew me better than I guessed, even though he’d never know the real reasons I had to say no to this. Not the easy ones, like the fact that I was scared as hell of being broken even more by a gorgeous musician, but the more serious ones, like I hadn’t done my penance yet.

  I turned away and headed up the stairs to my room. I grabbed my stuff to shower in the bathroom that I used to have to fight Jake over. For a guy’s guy, he could take an absurd amount of time getting ready. Especially in high school when he’d been dressing to impress the ladies.

  I slipped into a pair of leggings and a t-shirt that were my normal bedtime apparel and left my hair down wet. It would be an unruly mess tomorrow, but I’d deal with it then. I was exhausted, both emotionally and physically.

  When I got into my room, Mama was sitting on my bed, holding my orange and white stuffed cat that I’d had since Jake had won it for me at a school carnival. It was matted and worn, and the neck stuffing didn’t hold the head up, but I hadn’t been able to get rid of it. Instead, it had sat on my bedside table for the last few years.

  I threw my dirty clothes in the hamper and turned back to her. She patted the bed, and I curled up beside her.

  “I’m sorry I left,” she said.

  “It’s okay.”

  “No, it’s not, but sometimes it’s hard for me to look past everything we’ve lost to everything we still have.”

  My eyes flooded with tears. I wouldn’t cry, though. I wouldn’t make Mama feel worse than she already did. I wouldn’t, so I looked down and picked at my comforter like I’d picked at the
quilt.

  “Life as Jake’s sibling wasn’t easy, and I’m afraid that life without Jake isn’t any easier for you,” Mama said, grabbing my hand and running her fingers over the back of it as if she was trying to scrub away all our pain.

  “Mama—”

  “You should go,” she said as if she had to get it out before she changed her mind. “You never do anything for you. For fun. Without a purpose. The dealership will still be here when you get back. So, go do this. Be free. Worry about just you for a while. I’m not sure you’ve ever been able to just worry about you.”

  Both my parents had surprised me with their insight into me tonight, making me realize that the front that I wore so well wasn’t always as good as I thought. Or maybe that’s just parents for you; they can see past the surface hill to the waterfall underneath.

  “But do me a favor?” she asked, and I risked looking up at her face because that was what she wanted, and she moved her hand to my face where she rubbed my cheek softly. “Keep me posted, so I don’t worry.”

  I just nodded. Because if I spoke, I’d be awash with the tears that I was hiding.

  “You’re a good girl, Mia,” she said, rising from the bed. Didn’t I know that? Wasn’t that really the whole thing in a nutshell? Good Girl Mia knew she shouldn’t go anywhere near Dangerous Derek and three weeks of adventure. Yet somehow, the Good Girl was losing tonight to some strange rebellious Mia who wanted something more for herself than she was allowed to want.

  I just nodded.

  “Now go live a little.” She kissed me on my head like she had when I was a tween, and then left, her own tears barely in check.

  When she had gone, I could let my own roll down my cheeks because I hurt for her and Daddy, and for Jake and Cam. And all the things they didn’t have because my stupid kidney had failed them.

  Jake and Cam had finally gotten together her senior year of high school when Jake had come home to get his diabetes and his kidneys in order. Everyone had been worried, but they’d gone off to Virginia Tech in a world of their own, only to have to come home with him on a dialysis machine, waiting for a kidney. Mine had been a match. So we’d begged the doctors to let me give it to him, even though they thought I was too young. Maybe I had been. Maybe my kidney wasn’t ready to be yanked out and put into his body, because it had killed him instead of saving him.