Guilty: Confessions Series: Book 1

by Monroe, Lilian

  I don’t see Martin for the rest of the day, and by the time the office starts to empty out, I wonder if he’s forgotten about me.

  I go to the bathroom, even though I don’t have to. I’m stalling. The office is mostly empty, and I’m with done my work for the day, but when I walked by Martin’s office, it was empty.

  I could text him, I guess, but that just seems a bit… desperate? Or maybe I’m just nervous and too chicken to actually do it. Maybe he changed his mind. Maybe he doesn’t want to go out with me at all.

  Checking my makeup in the mirror, I take a deep breath and head for the door. If he hasn’t contacted me by the time I’ve made it to my desk, I’ll go home. It’s nearly seven o’clock, and that’s long enough for him to make contact with me. If he doesn’t want to go out to dinner with me, he should just man up and say so.

  I push the door open and yelp when I see Martin leaning against the wall. He grins at me, arching his eyebrow. His suit jacket is slung over his arm, and his tie is loosened. He runs his fingers through his hair in that casual, confident, sexy movement that never fails to make me soak my underwear.

  He nods. “Ready?”

  “Yeah.” My heart is racing and I swallow back my blush. “I’ll just grab my bag.”

  He waits for me by the elevator, and we go down in silence. “So, where are we going?” I ask as the elevator whirrs downwards. He glances at me, grinning.

  “It’s a surprise.”

  “Of course it is.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You wouldn’t just ask me out to a normal dinner, would you? It would have to be some big shot dinner.”

  He laughs, and my heart melts. I wish he laughed more often; his smile is staggering.

  “What’s a big shot dinner?”

  “You know, a big surprise, and something with the words ‘degustation’ in it, with like, two peas and a little lump of liver or something.”

  “You don’t like liver?”

  I roll my eyes. “Come on, Big Shot. Where are we going?”

  “What if I was actually taking you to McDonalds? Then how would you feel?”

  “I’d be waiting for my stomach ache and McHangover from eating fast food,” I laugh. The elevator opens and he gestures to let me go ahead of him.

  “Wow,” I grin. “What a gentleman. Didn’t know you had it in you.”

  “I’m not that bad, am I?”

  “The first time I met you, you confronted me about taking a parking space that was rightfully mine.”

  “That’s debatable.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

  A smile plays on his lips and I nudge him with my shoulder. “I’ll admit, I did see a new side of you during the pro bono case.”

  “Yeah?” He pulls his car keys out of his pocket. Glancing at me, he nods towards his car. “What side is that?”

  “A human side.”

  Martin chuckles and his car beeps as he unlocks it. “You don’t think I’m human?”

  “You’re like a buff, swim team, robo-lawyer.”

  I open the passenger’s side door as he glances at me over the roof of the car. His eyes glimmer. “You think I’m buff?”

  My cheeks flush and I roll my eyes to hide it. “Please. Like you don’t already know. I bet your house is just one big mirror so you can check yourself out all the time.”

  He laughs, and the butterflies tickle my heart again. We get in the car and he grins at me.

  “I’m guessing you missed the robo-lawyer part of that.” I click my seatbelt, glancing at him sideways. “Figures you’d focus on the compliments.”

  “I didn’t miss any of it.”

  We drive in silence for a few minutes. The sun has gone down, as it usually has when I leave work. Being driven through the city in a BMW is a different experience than fighting with traffic in my old beater, though. We drive in silence until Martin pulls in beside a little restaurant.

  “You like sushi?”

  I grin. “That’s a bit of a risk, isn’t it? What if I said no?”

  “Who doesn’t like sushi?”

  “Some people don’t like the idea of eating raw fish.”

  He frowns, genuinely confused, and I laugh.

  “You’re lucky, though. I love sushi. Good choice.”

  We walk in to the restaurant, and Martin threads his fingers through mine. Heat zips down my spine and my cheeks flush again. His hand feels warm and strong, and I lean slightly into his body. It’s natural to hold his hand like this, like it’s us against the world.

  We’re brought to a table in the back corner and Martin releases my hand to sit down. A spark of disappointment goes through me and I shake my head to dispel it. I sit down across from him. His angular face is lit up by the flickering candle on the table, and he smiles at me.

  “Well, I haven’t done this in a long time.” He rubs his jaw, chuckling. A thin layer of stubble covers his face, and I wonder what it would feel like to run my fingers over it.

  “Right there with you,” I laugh. “I’m not sure whether I’m loving it or supremely uncomfortable.”

  “You sure do know how to stroke a man’s ego.” His eyes flash as he grins at me. “Just throwing out compliments all over the place.”

  “Your ego doesn’t need any stroking.”

  His lips drop open and he holds my gaze for a few moments. An immature joke about ‘stroking’ goes through my head, but I resist the urge to say it. It doesn’t feel like the right time. It feels like if I said it, it wouldn’t come out as a joke at all.

  The waiter comes back with menus and a little piece of paper to mark down our choices. Martin takes it with a nod and I look at him over my menu.

  “If you’re intending on ordering for me, you better think again.” I take the little slip of paper from his hands. “No man orders for me, ever.”

  “I ordered Chinese for you the other night.”

  My cheeks flush when my thoughts flick to that moment in his office. I shrug. “First time for everything.”

  “There certainly is.” His eyes drop to my lips, and my heart beats harder. I try to focus on the menu, but the heat flooding through my body is making it hard to think about anything except his lips, his eyes, and his broad, strong hands.

  12

  Martin

  I could lie to myself and say that this is just a business dinner. I could say that it’s a celebratory meal after a hard-won case with lots of emotional baggage.

  That’s not true, though.

  I’m here because of Nicole. I’m here to be with her. Being alone with her is exhilarating. I shift in my seat, stealing a glance at her. She’s grabbed the little pencil and is marking down what she wants on our strip of paper.

  “You feeding the entire city with that order?”

  She pauses, glancing at me with her eyes wide. “Wait… you’re paying, right?”

  I’m still trying to work out whether she’s joking or not when she bursts out laughing. I shake my head.

  “You never cease to surprise me.” I arch an eyebrow at her.

  “With my wit and charm?”

  “With your impertinence.”

  “Impertinence!” The pencil hovers above the sheet as she stares at me, wide-eyed. A grin twitches at her lips and she shakes her head. “You are something else, Mr. Big Shot.”

  “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

  “You would.”

  She marks down another item on the sheet, and then glances up at me. “Wouldn’t want to go hungry.”

  I grin, taking the sheet from her and looking over her choices. My eyebrows arch and I nod.

  “There are some good choices here.”

  “Don’t sound so surprised.”

  “I’ll just add the dragon roll,” I say, taking the pencil from her hands. “It’s the best one on the menu.”

  The waiter collects our order and brings us a pot of tea. I lift my cup up and t
ouch it to Nicole’s. “Cheers.”

  She smiles at me, and a bolt of lightning goes down my spine. How does she do that? With one look, she makes me forget about everything except how badly I want to fuck her senseless. Resisting that is wearing me down.

  Nicole puts her teacup down and folds her hands on the table, leaning towards me. “So, Martin.” She leans in. “What’s this all about?”

  “What’s what all about?”

  She waves her hand. “This. This dinner. This… date?” Her eyebrows lift. “Last time I checked, you were standing in front of my car telling me that we had to keep it professional.”

  “This is professional.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  I grin. “Totally professional. We’re just having a celebratory meal after a tough case.”

  “Right.”

  “Right.”

  She sighs, shaking her head. “I can’t believe you have the nerve to call me impertinent.”

  I laugh and lean back in my chair. “Can’t I just take you out for a nice meal? Why does it have to mean anything?”

  “Because I haven’t been out with a man since Jack died,” she blurts out. Her cheeks flush and she looks down at her hands. I watch her chest rise and fall, and she finally lifts her eyes back to me.

  She smiles shyly. “Pathetic, isn’t it?”

  “How is that pathetic?” My voice is soft. I reach across the table and put my hands on top of hers. She threads her fingers through mine and I take a deep breath. “To tell you the truth, this is the first time I’ve been out with a woman since Brianne died, too.”

  “Really?”

  I sigh, nodding. “Yeah.”

  “That surprises me,” she admits.

  “Why?”

  Her hands tighten in mine, and she stares at them. She grins, shaking her head. “I guess I just thought you were some fancy lawyer, with more money than you knew what to do with and more women than you could keep track of.”

  I laugh, shaking my head. “You’ve been at the office with me most evenings until eight or nine pm. When would I have time to lose track of all these women?”

  A blush stains her cheeks. Her eyes flick up to mine, and she tucks a strand of dark hair behind her ear. The waiter appears with our first round of sushi, and Nicole’s eyes brighten. She smiles at the waiter and then grabs her chopsticks.

  “You’re not so bad, you know.” She plucks a roll from the plate.

  “Gee, thanks,” I grin. “Please, don’t flatter me too much. It might go to my head.”

  “I know. That’s why I’m being very diplomatic about it. You can never be too careful.”

  I laugh and shake my head. We eat in silence for a few minutes. Every time Nicole opens her mouth to eat a piece of sushi, I practically lose control. Images flood my brain of all the other things that would make Nicole open her mouth like that. I clear my throat and shift in my seat, then grab my cup of tea and take a sip.

  We fall into easy conversation. Nicole tells me that she has a sister, and I tell her I’m an only child.

  “That explains a lot.”

  I decide to let that slide.

  We talk about our childhood and various cases at work. We avoid the big elephant in the room, which is the fact that we’ve both been widowed. It doesn’t feel like the right time to bring it up.

  We walk hand-in-hand back to the car, and I drive us back to Nicole’s car at the office. I park next to her and get out, opening her door for her. She smiles at me, her eyebrows arching.

  “Wow, you are a gentleman. This is a new side of you.”

  “I’m not that bad.” I grin, taking a step towards her.

  “No, you’re not.”

  We stand in front of each other in the deserted parking lot. Her eyes sparkle. Her chest moves with every breath, and my heartbeat rushes in my ears. I put my hand on her hip, and she closes her eyes for a second. She places her hands on my chest, inching them up towards my neck.

  We move slowly, tentatively. Her scent fills my nostrils and desire floods through my veins. I use my other hand to tilt her chin up, and then I lower my lips to hers. It happens slowly, as if neither of us is quite sure what to do.

  Her lips are soft; her kiss is tender. She wraps her arms around my neck and deepens the kiss. My hands drift to her lower back and I pull her closer. My lips explore hers. My tongue teases her mouth open, and I nip her lower lip with my teeth.

  She moans into my mouth and then kisses me harder. I back her up against her car, pressing the length of my body against hers. She crushes her lips against mine, moaning softly as her hands tangle into my hair. Her shirt is tucked into her skirt, and I pull it up to run my hands on her bare skin.

  She moans again, rolling her hips towards me. We’re panting, touching, kissing. My movements become faster as my hands claw at her body. I cup her breast, moaning as I run my teeth along her lower lip. I press my hard cock against her stomach and she gasps, throwing her head back.

  I kiss her jaw, her neck, her collarbone. It’s frantic. It’s intense. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. And then, as soon as it started, Nicole’s hands are on my chest and she’s pushing me away.

  “Stop, stop.” She pants, turning her head away from me. “Please.”

  “Sorry.” I stop immediately. Her breaths are short and she squeezes her eyes shut. Worry worms itself into my heart and I take a step back. I frown. “Sorry, Nicole. I didn’t… are you okay?”

  “I’m fine,” she says, finally looking at me. “Sorry. That’s the first….” She takes a deep breath, shaking her head. “It was just so intense. I freaked out. I haven’t…”

  “I get it.”

  She looks at me, her eyebrows arched in concern. She bites her lip and I take her hand in mine.

  We say nothing for a few seconds. She squeezes my hand and takes a deep breath.

  “I should probably head home. Early morning tomorrow.”

  My throat tightens. I nod. “Of course. Me too.”

  “Thank you for dinner. It was lovely, and you’re… you’re alright.”

  “I’m alright?” I grin, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

  “Yeah.”

  “That might be the best compliment anyone’s ever given me.”

  She laughs, leaning into my hand as I cup her cheek. Then, she takes a deep breath and nods to her car. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “See you tomorrow.”

  She puts a hand on my shoulder and brushes her lips against my cheek.

  I watch her drive away and then blow all the air out of my lungs. I slide into the driver’s seat and stare out the windscreen, seeing nothing. My body is still buzzing, but my mind is spinning in the opposite direction. I feel like I crossed a line.

  We got carried away. We shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have done that.

  13

  Nicole

  I flop down in my bed and groan. My palms fly to my face and I roll over onto my side, groaning louder. The whole drive home was a blur, and now I’m just replaying the kiss in my head over and over.

  And over.

  And over.

  My whole body is still buzzing. Every time I think about his hands on my skin, the way he ripped my shirt out from my skirt, I groan again.

  Why did I stop him?

  Maybe he would have bent me over the hood of his car right then and there. I squeeze my eyes shut. I could feel his hard length pressing into my stomach when he pushed me up against the car. I take a deep breath and groan again.

  I was so turned on. I’m still turned on! I want him—I know I do. So why did I freak out? That was the craziest kiss and I ruined it.

  I have to go back into work tomorrow knowing that we did that. Knowing that I stopped it!

  Pushing myself off the bed, I go to the kitchen to get a glass of water. I gulp it down and then grab my phone. Should I text him?

  I snort at the thought. What would I even say?

  My phone ringing startles m
e. I take a deep breath when my sister’s name pops up on the screen.

  “Hey, Jenna.”

  “Nic! I haven’t heard from you all week. How is work going?”

  “Work is good.” I run my finger along the edge of my glass. “You know, busy. The usual.”

  I cringe. I shouldn’t have kissed him, but I liked it.

  Jenna makes a noise. “Look, I wanted to talk to you because Gabby’s birthday is coming up. I was thinking of having a family dinner on Saturday if you’re free? Nothing too crazy, just us and you and a birthday cake.

  “Sure, sounds good,” I say as I walk back towards the bedroom. “What time?”

  “Five pm?”

  I chuckle. “I ate dinner at almost nine tonight. Five is practically lunchtime.”

  “Try having kids,” she laughs. A jolt passes through my heart. I was supposed to have a baby by now, but then the accident happened.

  Jenna sense my mood. “Sorry.”

  “It’s okay,” I say. “I’ll see you Saturday.”

  “Get some sleep.”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  She laughs. “Someone needs to take care of you.”

  We hang up the phone and I lie back down in bed. Someone does need to take care of me. Today, it felt like Martin was the one to do it. He could have taken care of me, right there in the parking lot. My hand drifts down to my mound and I take a deep breath.

  But… it’s wrong. He’s practically my boss. If anyone were to find out, I could lose my job. He certainly wouldn’t, he’s a partner at the firm. But me?

  I’d be right back where I started, with no money, no job, no insurance payment, and a whole heap of medical bills.

  On cue, my side starts to ache. I rummage through the medicine cabinet and find some painkillers, and then get ready for bed.

  Alone, as usual.

  When I get to work in the morning, the nervousness inside me is still there. I glance down the hallway towards Martin’s office and then sit down at my desk. I think I slept funny because my back is aching—but maybe it’s just nerves. My pain seems to get worse when I’m stressed.

  I glance at the clock—just after seven am. With a deep breath, I turn on my computer and open the files for one of Carmen’s cases. She needs me to do a lot of filing today, which is mindless and tedious, and gives me a lot of time to think about last night on repeat.