The Right Way

by Ashey, Katie

  At Avery’s continued screams of faked pain, members of the ER staff came running from all directions. In the chaos, Cade nodded at me before slipping through the doors to the back unnoticed. Once Cade disappeared, Avery stopped screaming. After rolling into a fetal position, she remained on the floor. “Miss?” one of the nurses questioned.

  “The pain…it’s better,” Avery murmured.

  “You still need to be seen by a physician. Let us help you up and then we’ll get your medical information.”

  “No, really, I’m fine.”

  “But you—”

  Presley held up one of her hands. “Look, lady, she said she was fine.” She then swirled one of her fingers around her temple like Avery was crazy. I merely stared at her in disbelief. I had no idea she had such a performance in her. I had to say I was pretty fucking proud.

  In a low voice, Presley added, “When she has one of her episodes, we just try to humor her. I’m sorry we bothered you. We’ll leave now.”

  “Perhaps she needs to be checked into the psychological facility for evaluation?” another nurse suggested.

  Avery threw a panicked glance up at us. “She’s good. We’ll get her home and get some medicine in her,” I said before I lifted her up off the ground and started hustling her outside.

  “Sir, wait!” the nurse called, but I ignored her. At the threat of Avery’s potential mental evaluation, I broke into a sprint getting us out the door. When we were around the side of the building, I finally slowed up to where I could put her down. “Jesus, that was a close one,” I said with a grin.

  She fluffed her skirt down. “Tell me about it. You weren’t the one about to be committed.”

  “In these costumes, we probably all looked like we had escaped the loony bin,” Presley joked. Although it felt wrong, I couldn’t help the laugh that burst from my lips. At the same time, it was a welcome relief. Jesus, it had been such a tense last half hour.

  “What should we do now?” I asked.

  “I guess we just wait around here for Cade to come out. If we stay here on the corner, we have a good view of the emergency room exit,” Presley suggested.

  “That sounds like a good plan.”

  Wringing her hands, Avery said, “Dammit, I hate he’s back there all alone.”

  My chest twisted at the thought of my friend in so much emotional pain. “Me too.” I swept a hand of over my face. “I wasn’t alone when Jake died, but even with everyone else around me, I might as well have been all alone in my grief and pain.”

  Tears shone in Presley’s eyes. Without a word, she wrapped her arms around me. Although I’d tried to be strong tonight, I let myself go, and we both wept for Jake.

  After I recovered, I said, “I’ll go get the car. That way we can be ready to leave when Cade…comes out.” When Cade came out, that would mean Darion was gone.

  When I glanced at Presley, she shook her head. Although she had just met Avery, she wanted to stay with her to lend her support. I nodded and then started the lonely walk out to the parking lot. Each time I would start to feel the fire on my body or smell the smoke, I would focus on thoughts of Evie.

  Her smile. Her laughter. Her chubby hands as they reached for me.

  She gave me the strength I so desperately needed in those moments. But then the image changed. I no longer focused on Evie. It was Presley’s face before me.

  Her smile. Her laughter. Her soft hand in mine.

  Both of my beautiful girls had given me life again after such a dark time, and they would continue being the very air I breathed.

  When I came back with the car, Presley got into the front seat, and Avery got in the back. We drove around to the front of the ER and parked a few feet away from the entrance. I don’t know how long we waited. My mind kept revolving between pictures of Evie and Presley. I successfully shut out the horrific images from Jake’s death. As I cut my eyes over to Presley, I wondered if she had any idea what I was doing.

  At the sight of Cade stumbling out of the ER, I muttered, “Jesus.” His white uniform was soaked in blood. Avery fumbled with the door handle before hurrying out of the SUV to meet him. The agony of Darion’s loss was etched across his face. After a few moments of Avery consoling Cade, she led him over to the car.

  Once we got on the road, we made a silent drive back our apartment. When I pulled into a parking spot, Cade got out of the car without a word to any of us. Unsure of what to do or say, Avery, Presley, and I trailed behind him. When he got to the front door, he unlocked it and went into the apartment. Avery hurried ahead of us to be at Cade’s side. As Cade started for his bedroom, she glanced back us.

  Nodding at her, I said, “We’ll be here if he needs us—if you need us.”

  “Thanks.”

  After the door shut behind them, I collapsed down onto the couch. “Want something to drink?” Presley asked.

  “Yeah, a beer.”

  She started into the kitchen, but then she froze at the sound of crashing objects coming from Cade’s room. With wide eyes, she turned back to look at me.

  “Fuck,” I murmured.

  And then the cries started. Gut-wrenching and anguished cries. I knew those cries well. I’d experienced them myself. As the sound rattled through me, the walls of the apartment began closing in. I sucked in a few breaths, desperate to rid myself of the suffocating feeling. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t shake it. Turning to Presley, I said, “We have to get out of here.”

  “But you just told Avery we would be here if she needed us,” she protested.

  “I’m unraveling, Pres. I have to get out of here.”

  Presley didn’t hesitate. She grabbed her purse and slung it over her shoulder. “Want me to drive?” she asked as she headed to the door.

  “Yeah,” I croaked.

  Without another word, she threw open the front door, and I followed her out of the apartment. Except for the click-clacking of Presley’s heels, we made a silent trek down the hall and the stairs to the parking lot. After cranking up, she threw the SUV into reverse.

  As we pulled up to the entrance of the apartment complex, she dug her phone out of her purse. “At least text Avery and Cade and tell them you had to bail.”

  With shaky hands, I began a half-assed apology to my grief-stricken best friend before hitting send. Sorry to bail, bro. Head’s all fucked up with Jake shit.

  Once we were on the main road, Presley turned to look at me. “Where do you want to go?”

  “I’d say a hundred miles from here, but it doesn’t really matter, does it? Wherever I go, all the grief and the pain will always be right here.” I pounded my fist into my sternum.

  “I’m sorry, Jonathan. I can’t imagine how hard tonight has been on you.”

  Glancing over at her, I noticed the tears shimmering in her eyes. “It can’t have been easy on you either.”

  “No. It hasn’t.” A tiny shudder went through her body. “But it’s not the same. You were there with Jake. This had to bring it all back.”

  “It did.” Christ, how it did.

  As we drove on into the night, I turned to Presley. “Let’s go home.”

  “You want to go to your parents’ house?”

  Nodding, I replied, “I want to see Evie. She’s the only thing that could remotely make me feel any better right now.”

  “Okay,” Presley murmured.

  Reaching over, I placed my hand over hers. “And you.”

  She took her eyes off the road to smile at me. “I feel the same way.”

  We made the rest of the drive in pained silence. Of course, my mind wasn’t a quiet place. It screamed and groaned as I fought to keep the flashbacks at bay. From time to time, Presley would reach over and take my hand. After giving it a gentle squeeze, she’d pull it back to the steering wheel.

  When we got to the house, the lights were off, and I knew Mom and Dad were asleep. After entering the garage door, I turned off the alarm. We took the backstairs up to the bedrooms. Quietly, we tip-to
ed down the hall to Presley’s bedroom. After easing open the door, we stepped inside and then closed it back.

  With a determined step, I made my way over the crib. It was dark except for the small glow of the nightlight. I stared over the edge at Evie’s sleeping form. Somehow just seeing her was like taking a shot of whiskey—it was soothing and took the edge off. Tentatively, I reached my hand over to rub her cheek. She didn’t stir. Instead, her little chest just kept rising and falling with her steady breathing.

  “I love you so much, baby girl,” I whispered.

  Presley joined me at the crib. As if she sensed her mother’s presence, Evie turned her head toward Presley. “We better get out of here.”

  Nodding, Presley followed me through the bathroom into my bedroom. Both mentally and physically exhausted, I fell down onto my bed. “How are you feeling?” Presley asked as she sat down beside me.

  “Like hell,” I muttered as I ran my hand over my face.

  “I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay.” With a ragged sigh, I turned to her. “I just keep thinking why is it always the good people who die. Darion was a good kid—he had colleges scouting him. He was going to make it out of that shelter and be somebody. But then he just got himself blown up.”

  Presley’s brows furrowed. “He was shot, Jonathan.”

  I cringed. “Right. It was my brother who was blown up.” A mirthless laugh escaped my lips. “Jake was turning his life around and being a better person. He was going to do great things, and then he was killed.”

  “Yes, he was a better a person. If he had to die, I’m glad he did when he was changing.”

  “You know what I think?”

  “What?”

  “Maybe it should’ve been me that died that night,” I whispered.

  Presley’s hand flew to her mouth in horror. “Jonathan, don’t say that.”

  “Why not? It’s the truth, isn’t it?”

  “No. Of course not.” She shook her head. “You shouldn’t be thinking that, least of all saying it.”

  “You wouldn’t say that if you knew the truth.”

  She creased her brows at me in confusion. “What truth?”

  The truth that might make you decide you really don’t want to be with me. In an agonized voice, I choked out, “It’s my fault Jake’s dead.”

  “Wait, what?”

  “I could have saved him.”

  “That’s not true.”

  Furiously, I shook my head. “Yes, it is. If we had just left after he talked to you on the phone, he’d still be alive. But I was stupid and started drinking with my cousins. Because I was drinking, he started drinking.” Banging a fist into my chest, I moaned, “Because he was drinking, he blew himself up.”

  “Oh Jonathan, no.”

  “It is. Everyone should know it, so they can hate me as much as I hate myself.”

  Presley’s hands came to cup my face. “It’s not your fault Jake’s dead, Jonathan.”

  I shook my head vehemently from side to side. “Yes, it is.”

  “No. It isn’t. Jake is dead because of a horrible, freak accident brought on by his own poor choices.”

  “You’re just saying that to try to make me feel better.”

  Her own personal anguish flashed in her eyes. “You know what? If anyone is to blame for Jake’s death, it’s me.”

  “What the hell are you talking about?”

  “Jesus, I’m surprised you hadn’t thought it yourself. I swore it was the reason why you hated me after he died.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Think about it. Jake finds out he’s going to be a father and then immediately gets killed.” She shook her head. “He started drinking because one phone call from me had ruined all his happiness.”

  “That’s not true. You know what he said in the letter.”

  With a mirthless laugh, she replied, “The letter where he told the love of his life goodbye because he’d fucked up by knocking me up?”

  My mouth dropped open as I stared in disbelief at her. “You actually think you’re to blame?” How was it possible she’d been harboring this guilt all this time and never said anything? I guess in the same way I had.

  “Hello? You actually think you’re to blame,” she countered back at me.

  “But you weren’t even there.”

  “In a way, I was. My phone call set everything in motion.” Tears shimmered in her eyes. “What if I’d just waited to talk to him until he got home? Then he wouldn’t have been around the alcohol or the guns or the tractor. I could’ve talked to him on Monday at school.” A sob choked off in her throat. “If I hadn’t been so impatient, then maybe my daughter wouldn’t have been born without her dad.”

  With the intensity of her pain radiating off of Presley, I forgot about my own. I couldn’t bear for her to feel such guilt. My hands went around her waist and I drew her against me. “You couldn’t have waited. You were scared out of your mind and had to talk to him.”

  She stared wide-eyed at me. “How did you know?”

  “You kept calling him that day. Now when I think about it, you had to be freaking the fuck out. Nothing but hearing Jake’s voice was going to make you feel better.”

  “That’s right,” she murmured as my fingers caught a tear before it could slide down her cheek.

  As I stood there with Presley in my arms, the cloud of grief-fueled guilt began to crumble away. Like the clouds rolled back to allow a tiny beam of sun—a ray of hope. “Maybe you could’ve told him at a different time.” Before she could react, I shook my head. “Maybe I should’ve been ready to leave when he got off the phone. Maybe my grandparents shouldn’t have gone to the store and left us to our own devices that afternoon. Maybe my cousins and I should’ve had better sense than to start drinking. No matter how many fucking maybes we drive ourselves crazy with, it’s never, ever going to bring Jake back.”

  She hiccuped a cry. “You’re right. It won’t.”

  “So maybe we should just let it fucking go.”

  God, I wanted that more than anything. I didn’t want to ever look at Evie and think it was my fault her father wasn’t here. I didn’t want to think there were times Mom and Dad blamed me for Jake’s death. More than anything, I wanted to be free.

  “I’d like that,” Presley murmured.

  “Me too. Cause it’s hard enough to deal with the pain of being there that night. When you throw in feeling like it’s your fault, it’s pure fucking agony.”

  “You’re not alone, Jonathan. I’m here for you. Always.” She licked her lips. “I’m here for you in everything.”

  I brought my hand to her cheek. “I know it’s so wrong to feel this, least of all admit it, but I want you so bad it hurts.” Shaking my head, I corrected myself. “I need you so bad it hurts.”

  “I need you, too.”

  “Are you sure?” After months of our relationship seemingly lurching along through quicksand, tonight seemed to launch everything into light speed. Presley had given up the physical side of love, so I didn’t want to pressure her into anything.

  “With all my heart.”

  I didn’t stop to question it anymore. I just acted. Drawing her closer against me, I crushed my lips against hers. As our mouths grew more frantic, Presley wrapped her arms around my neck, tangling her fingers through the strands of my hair.

  Nothing, or no one, was going to stop me from physically making her mine.

  Chapter Twenty-Two: Presley

  In the last twenty-four hours, Jonathan and I had gone from almost kissing to kissing to now preparing to make love. I’d like to say it was a whirlwind, but it had been building for so many months now. Our feelings had been there in so many stolen looks, brushes against each other, and unsaid thoughts. What I thought might never be expressed vocally had finally come true.

  Now we stood facing each other in Jonathan’s bedroom. Like before on the dance floor, I feel completely naked before him, even though I had yet to take any clothes
off. Many guys had seen me without my clothes, but none of them had ever seen me like Jonathan was.

  Not even Jake.

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked me.

  Nodding my head, I replied, “Positive.” Staring up at him, I asked, “What about you?”

  “Absolutely.”

  Our words betrayed us considering we were both trembling. “Are you a nervous?” I asked him.

  “Hell no.” When I cocked my head at him, he sighed. “Yes, I’m out of my mind right now.

  “Me too.”

  He grimaced. “Do you think that means we shouldn’t be doing this so soon?”

  “I think it means we’re both aware how big of a step this is for us.” With a sheepish look, I added, “I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’ve ever made love before.”

  He shook his head. “I haven’t either.”

  “I can only think that’s why I’m so nervous. I mean, maybe I was a little for my first time, but it was more like I was afraid it was going to hurt.”

  “There’s no way in hell I would hurt you.”

  “I know.”

  He took my hand and brought it to his heart. “Because I swear on my life, I won’t do that.”

  “I know you won’t. It’s more I’m afraid of the emotional hurt, rather than the physical hurt. Like if this ends up not working between us.”

  “But it is going to work out.”

  “How can you be so sure?”

  He gave me a somewhat shy grin. “I’m not. It’s just what I want to believe.”

  “I know. I want to believe it to.”

  “And if there’s anything tonight and Jake’s death has taught me is that life is precious. You shouldn’t waste your time worrying about the ‘what-ifs’.”

  “You just have to seize the moment before it passes you by,” I said.

  “Exactly.”

  In my heart, I knew I wanted this moment with him. I wanted to take our relationship to the next level come what may. Most of all, I wanted to put the ghosts of the past to rest. “Make love to me, Jonathan.”