Julia

by Marty Sorensen

  *

  Julia arrived home, hot and sweaty from the long excursion. The door opened just as she reached for the knob. Mrs. Willow stood impassive as a sentinel to the side of the door, with a slight but rigid bow and Julia entered the house. The woman stood solemn in her black and white uniform, her hair pulled severely back. Her eyes looked down at an angle, but she struggled to keep from looking Julia straight on. She was a perfect complement to Grace. Julia knew the Mrs. Willow studied her appearance no matter how much she wanted to seem inattentive. How long it would take for Grace to hear of her unkempt appearance?

  Before changing, she went to Lizzie’s room. She opened the door to find Lizzie sitting on the bed, dressed in a beautiful pink pinafore dress. Grace stood in the middle of the room with a stern face. The little girl looked up at her mother and back to Grace, and then down at the floor. Mary stood quiet in the corner, smoothing the little white apron on her uniform.

  Grace towered over the scene, standing straight, her hands folded across her stomach on the dark blue Valentina dress. She looked back into Julia’s eyes as they surveyed the voluminous folds of the skirt.

  Julia broke the tense silence with a smile. “What’s going on?” She looked from Lizzie to Grace, then back to Lizzie and waited.

  Lizzie said nothing. She wasn’t near tears, but she was unsure of what was going to happen to her next. She turned to her grandmother.

  Grace gave out a close-lipped smile of triumph as she swiveled in place back and forth to survey the room from on high. “Elizabeth was going to play with her watercolors. She was clearly going to get the room dirty. The set you gave her, I believe, Julia. And she was wearing atrocious clothes. Mary was having a difficult time, so I naturally stepped in to set matters right.” She looked over at the maid.

  Mary folded into herself and kept her eyes pinned on the floor.

  Julia sat on the bed next to Lizzie. She put her arms around the little girl but looked up to her mother-in-law. “Thank you, Grace. I know you meant well. I appreciate it.” Julia’s smile was as cold as the marble floors in the house. “I’m home now, and I can take care of her.” She pulled Lizzie to her and bent down and kissed her head. Then she looked up to Grace, still smiling.

  Grace stood silent, looking at Elizabeth, maybe feeling sorry for the little girl's lack of discipline, or just disappointed at the loss of her triumph. “Come, Mary.” She moved out of the room with her silent grace.

  Elizabeth let out a long sigh of relief. Julia held her tight for a moment, then stood up and said, “Let's get you out of these ridiculous clothes.” She opened the closet and saw Lizzie's play clothes on the floor. “What's this?”

  Lizzie smiled. “I changed.” Julia noted that Lizzie did not say that Grace had made her change. That was pretty clever for a little girl.

  “Why?” But then Julia realized she had come in on something threatening to her. And her daughter. More threatening than it had appeared at first. She nodded with understanding. “It looks like I came home just in time.” Raising her eyebrows, she said “Let's do drawing, okay?”

  Lizzie nodded, but she clearly was unsure of herself. She stayed close to her mother as she changed into her bib apron and red pants. When she had them on she looked down as she rubbed her hands over them, making sure they were clean. Then she looked at her mother for approval.

  “Honey, you look terrific. I am so proud of you.” Julia put her hand on the bib. “Now, let's have some fun!”

  Lizzie was clearly not ready yet to adopt her mother's happy demeanor. She looked over at the bed and pointed.

  “What is it, honey? Show me.”

  Lizzie walked to the bed, then climbed on it and scuffled over to the pillows where she picked up a book. She brought it back and showed it to her mother.

  “I see,” Julia said as she flipped through the book. “A coloring book.” She opened the book to the first page and saw the scribbles in various colors. She noted in particular, that the colors all were concentrated in the center of large spaces. Lizzie had made sure she didn’t go near the black borders. Don’t go near them and you won’t go outside them. She knew exactly what it meant. She looked at Lizzie. “Okay, you know what, I bet grandmother got you this book didn't she?”

  Lizzie nodded, not any more sure of herself.

  “Darling, I know grandmother is trying to help you be neat. But it is very hard, isn't it?”

  Lizzie nodded again with the same insecurity.

  “Do you want to do the coloring book?”

  Lizzie shook her head.

  Julia smiled at her and touched her on the shoulder. “I think coloring books are a good idea and your grandmother meant to do the right thing. But they are for older kids. After you’ve had a lot of practice drawing on your own. Let's you and me do our own drawing. You have some blank paper in the closet don't you?”

  Lizzie was smiling now and turned toward the closet.

  “All right then, bring the paper and the watercolors over here to the floor and let's have some fun.”

  Lizzie picked up the box of water color paints, but hesitated and looked up at her mother.

  “It’s okay, Darling. You’re wearing your play clothes, it’s fine.

  Julia knew she had her work cut out for her to keep Lizzie free to grow up. But she didn't know how she was going to do it unless she stayed home all day, or somehow was able to teach Mary how to take care of heLizzie. She sat back and ran her fingers through Elizabeth's red hair, then leaned over to view the paper on the floor. “Oh my, “she said, “that's lovely. Just lovely. I think we're going to have to put that one up on the wall. Next to mommy’s.” She looked at the yellow sun and blue-green-purple sky and dirty-brown something else. That’s right, Lizzie, you just keep on painting from your gut, from your toes, your being.

  Lizzie beamed. Julia beamed. Julia pulled her little girl over to her and hugged her as tight as she could, without hurting her. The little girl pulled away and went back to her paper and paints. Julia put her hands up to her face and wondered, without knowing, what Lizzie was feeling right now. Lizzie dipped her brush in red and drew a sun and looked up at her mom for one second then dripped the brush in blue.

  Julia patted Lizzie on the head and kissed her forehead. Then she stood and said “I’ve got to change clothes, too. Will you play alone for a while?”

  Lizzie didn’t answer. She stopped the blue brush in the middle of a line and waited.

  “I tell you what, I’ll ask Mary to come in for a while. Will that be okay?”

  Lizzie looked up at her mother for the answer to the question.

  “I think it will be just fine. And Mary will be happy, too.”

  Lizzie continued with her blue line. Julia called downstairs and Mary soon opened the door. She came in, but a small frown appeared on her forehead, and she looked around the room to see who was present.

  “Mary, will you watch Lizzie for a little while. I need to freshen up. It won’t take long.”

  Mary curtsied. Julia laughed. “Mary, that’s kind of old-fashioned.”

  Mary smiled, but hid the smile behind her hand. “Yes, I know, I get used to doing it because Mrs. Stuart likes it. But I only do it when I’m alone with her.”

  Interesting, Julia thought, Mary didn’t hesitate to share this information. Maybe there’s some sympathy there that I can take advantage of. “Well, you don’t have to do it with me and Lizzie.”

  “I wish I could work just for you.”

  Julia remained silent for a moment before speaking. “Thank you, Mary-I’m just thinking out loud. But, if Hugh and I were to set up our own house-somewhere near-would you come with us? I know you were hired by Mrs. Stuart, but-“

  Mary’s eyes sparkled, her hand came up to her mouth. “Yes, Ma’am, I would.”

  Julia touched Mary on the arm. “That’s very nice, Mary. It makes me feel good. But let’s just keep this between us, please. I’m not even sure it will happen.”

  Mary nodded and kne
lt down beside Lizzie.

  Julia stood and walked down the hallway. As she opened the door to her bedroom, Grace’s cold voice came from behind her.

  “Julia, may I have a moment with you?”

  Julia turned to look at her. “Do you mind, Grace. I’m very hot in these clothes. Just let me change. Will that be all right? And I’ll be right there. In your room? Or in the library?”

  “In my room, if you please. It will be more private.”

  Julia showered fast and changed into black slacks and a scarlet cardigan and walked down the hallway to Grace’s room. She knocked once with a quiet little tap and waited.

  “Please come in, Julia.”

  Grace sat at her Chippendale desk, wearing a white satin robe, poised with a silver pen in her hand, as if writing a note in a book. She turned on her chair, pulled one side of the robe over to cover her legs, and looked at Julia with stern eyes. “Do sit down, Julia,” she said in a warm voice that didn’t have honesty behind it. She pointed to the French antique chair upholstered in cream brocade.

  Julia knew that the look in Grace’s eyes meant more than the honey in her voice. This was not going to be a comfy little chat. “If you don’t mind, Grace, I prefer to stand.”

  Grace nodded and the warmth left her voice. “As you wish, my dear. I’ll come right to the point.”

  “Please do,” Julia said, folding her hands in front of her to imitate the schoolgirl look that she thought the treatment warranted.

  Grace put one leg over the other and adjusted the robe again, then put her hands one on top of the other on her knee. “It has come to my attention-”

  Julia frowned and moved one step closer to Grace, who raised her head to look down her nose. “Your attention that what, Grace?”

  Grace looked into Julia’s eyes, head not moving. “My attention, if I may continue, that you are engaging in behavior that will bring disgrace upon this house.”

  Julia wanted to laugh. She had done nothing whatsoever that anyone would relate to the grace of this house. Nothing. She tried to keep a straight face but could see that Grace was insulted by her attempt.

  Grace stood. “Tell me I’m wrong, Julia. Tell me where you were this morning.”

  Julia couldn’t speak for a moment. Then she understood that Grace had some agenda. But she wasn’t going to accept it. “Where I was? Where I was this morning is no business of yours.”

  “Oh, but it is, my Dear,” Grace replied, her voice rising. “Where you go is important to your husband and to your family.”

  Julia scrunched up her face, almost in mockery. “Grace, not every detail of every day is important.”

  “Don’t try and change the subject. Just tell me where you went.”

  Julia decided that the only way out was to play along to see what her mother-in-law was up to. “I was in art class.”

  Grace scoffed. “Art class. Indeed. I expect you to be honest with me.”

  “Honest? I’m afraid I don’t understand, Grace. You’re going to have to explain what this is all about because you have me at a disadvantage. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  Grace sighed. “All right, if you force me.” She shook her head, looking down, then up at Julia. “You were in Harlem today. And with some Italian man. And we know that Italian man would be the same one who met you at the train station.”

  Julia put her hands over her face and laughed. “What? You have got to be kidding. I go to art class and study art in New York, and you turn it into something-sinister?”

  “I’m not turning anything, young lady. One of my best friends called me today. Your reputation is already something of gossip, it appears. She called me out of friendship.” Grace put her hands together and looked at the floor. “Who knows how many other people she has called.”

  “Grace-.”

  Grace stood up. “Oh, no, don’t act so righteous.” She took three steps and turned around to face Julia. “Don’t act so indignant. You owe me a proper explanation.” She stood straight, arms down at her side. “You owe your husband an explanation.”

  Julia put her hands behind her back, lowered her head, and realized that Grace was not going to give up. She lifted her head, stared into Grace’s eyes, and waited several seconds before speaking. “I don’t owe you an explanation, but you seem to think you need one. I already told you I was in art class. The class went to Harlem to view paintings in the corridors of the Harlem Hospital. I wasn’t there with the professor, I was there with ten other students. Does that satisfy you?”

  “Well, it’s up to your husband to decide.”

  “Good God, Grace, will you get out of my marriage.”

  Grace’s eyes widened. She walked to her desk, sat down, and leaned on her elbows, facing away from Julia. She lowered her voice. “You don’t know what you are doing, Julia.” She remained quiet.

  Julia waited, then walked out of the room, her heart pounding.