by Vikki Vaught
Over the next several hours, she attempted to do needlework to take her mind off her upcoming reunion with her family, but at last, she gave up on that as well. Turning to Sally, she made idle chit-chat, discussing mundane topics of conversation. At last, the carriage turned onto the drive leading to her home. When it pulled under the portico and drew to a halt, a footman lowered the steps. Simpson took her wrap when she entered the foyer.
“The family is in the drawing room, Lady Helen,” he informed her.
“Thank you, Simpson.” She approached the room and taking a deep breath, she opened the door, plastering a smile on her face. “It’s so good to see everyone. How are my nieces and nephews?”
Melody gave her a hug. “Full of energy as usual, and Magnus is delightful. It’s wonderful to see you. We received your note letting us know you were coming. How was the trip?”
Relieved with her sister-in-law’s friendly greeting, she relaxed. “Excellent. I’m pleased to find you well.” Dying to get everything out in the open, she blurted out, “Now, let’s discuss my nuptials.”
“Four weeks is not much time,” she informed her. “Are you sure you can’t delay the wedding until later in the summer? I do feel you’re rushing into this, and I do not want you to regret it later. If you waited until August, it would give you more time to be sure, and give us time to plan.”
Determined to have her way, she replied, “We can have everything done in time. Susan and I met yesterday, and she gave me several excellent suggestions. And, I promise you, I shan’t regret my marriage.”
“But Helen,” she cajoled, “you’ve only known Lord Collingswood a couple of weeks. How can you be sure?”
“The earl and I are well-suited,” she assured her sister-in-law. “We have many common interests. You would be surprised how well you can grow to know someone, especially when one has a goal in mind.”
Lord, I keep repeating this over and over.
Why can they not accept my decision?
“What do you mean a goal in mind?” she asked, as she poured their tea.
She accepted a cup. “The second day I met Lord Collingswood, we agreed to spend two weeks becoming acquainted, and if we felt we would suit, we would wed.”
Melody’s eyes widened. “How can you possibly contemplate such an arrangement?”
Infusing confidence into her tone, Helen replied, “I trust and respect Lord Collingswood. Plus, I will adore being a mother to his daughters. My fondest wish is to have children. This may seem like a cold way to approach a marriage, but it is what I want.”
“Well, trust and respect are important in a marriage,” Melody sighed. “What kind of ceremony did you have in mind?”
Helen relaxed in her seat, now that she had her capitulation. “I don’t want a large wedding, mainly family and the neighbors. I never dreamed of a wedding at St. George’s, like so many of the ton have. I want a quiet affair.”
She smiled. “You’ve always said you wanted to wed at St. Nicolas’s, so I’m not surprised by your choice. What have you planned so far?”
“Mainly the colors.” More tension left her as she discussed her preferences. “Kathryn and Aunt Miriam will arrive a few days before the wedding. Susan and her husband will come earlier as well. She’s promised to help us with the final details.”
“How is Kathryn?” she asked. “Her letters only talk of the art institute. I hope she’s at least going to some of this season’s parties.”
“Although Kathryn goes, she isn’t very enthusiastic. She’s so enthralled by her studies, it’s to the point where she can think of nothing else. Let me tell you, she’ll immediately want to paint you with Magnus.” She hesitated. “Lord Collingswood will arrive on the twenty-ninth.” Her pulse jumped. “Please accept him into the family.”
Melody reached over and squeezed her hand. “Of course. I’m sure he’s a wonderful man, or you would never have agreed to marry him.”
She glanced at Henry’s tightened jaw. Wanting to defuse the thundercloud she saw growing n his eyes, she rushed her speech. “Thank you for giving us your blessing. It means the world to me.”
He folded his arms across his chest. “We need to talk. I have grave concerns regarding this marriage of convenience. I know this is what you said you wanted, but I believe your decision is influenced by the Duke of Somerset’s nuptials.”
Helen saw the concern in Henry’s eyes, so she tried to reassure him. “I promise it is not. This is the right decision for me. I don’t want a love match. I gave you my reasons before I returned to London. I want children.”
“You deserve someone who will love you,” he countered, “not just see you as a mother for his children. Will you please reconsider and at least delay the wedding? Give yourself time to make sure this is what you want.”
Helen looked at Melody. “You know a marriage can be fulfilling even without romantic love. I need your support on this, please?”
“While I had a good marriage with Brandon, it was nothing compared to what I have with your brother.” Her sister-in-law glanced toward Henry and smiled.
Henry harrumphed. “I can see you’re determined, so I shan’t stand in your way.”
After tea, Helen retired to her bedchamber. Her family loved her, but they did not understand. A marriage of convenience was what she wanted, and she would be content.
She decided to use one of her gowns from Madame Devy for her wedding dress. There was a particularly lovely one in periwinkle blue with a white Belgian lace overlay on the bodice and skirt and additional lace flounced around the hem. The ribbons of matching periwinkle tied under her breasts accented her bosom and fell gracefully down the front of the gown. It was perfect for a country wedding. When she had shown it to Melody the next day, she agreed.
Helen resumed her morning rides and thought of Matthew. Their love of horses was something that gave them a strong common bond, and she looked forward to riding with him on the beach. He made it sound so invigorating.
Helen’s mother was supposed to arrive a week before the wedding. Her letters expressed her pleasure regarding the excellent match she’d made. It was so typical of her mother to be more concerned over the status of an individual, than whether they were kind and considerate.
I suppose my mother will never change.
By the time the dowager duchess arrived, Helen had grown a little anxious. They had everything planned for the wedding, but she was second-guessing herself. After all, how well did she know him? He did not appear to have many friends. Other than the part about his home being next to the sea, he’d shared very little information.
While she was not spoiled, she was used to a certain level of comfort in her surroundings. She certainly hoped the house had a few modern conveniences. Was it an old manor, or a castle with a keep? She’d heard there were quite a few old Norman keeps in Devonshire. Obviously, it would not be as opulent as Sanderford Park, or Sanderford house for that matter.
The earl must not own a townhouse in London because he was staying in a hotel. Surely, Henry would have checked his resources, so he must have a comfortable living. She should have asked these questions before agreeing to marry him. Of course, it was too late to change her mind now. She had given her word, and that meant everything to her. All she could do at this point was hope all would turn out fine.
CHAPTER 6
Late June 1820
Helen’s mother arrived the next day. For the first time, she’d done something to please her. When the duchess arrived, she was ecstatic and more animated than her usual austere demeanor.
She actually smiled as she came to her. “Darling, I’m so proud of you. What a sensible young woman you have become. I thought you would end up on the shelf, so I’m thrilled over your marriage. You must tell me all about your earl. I’m sure he’s devastatingly handsome. What a whirlwind courtship. I knew all my talks would eventually sink in. Now we need to work on Kathryn.”
“Thank you, Mother. Lord Collingswood is charming. I’
m fortunate to have met him,” she said, smiling. “We respect and admire each other to a great degree.”
“Darling, you never mentioned in any of your letters…where is his family seat?” her mother inquired.
“Devonshire, and his home is by the sea. I’m looking forward to living there. I’m pleased you approve of my choice.” This was the warmest reception she’d ever received from her mother. Helen was not sure if that was a good thing or not.
“I look forward to meeting him,” she drawled. “Devonshire is not too terribly far from Bath, so I shall come for a visit once you are settled. When will he arrive?”
“The day before the wedding. I would love to have you visit once I’ve settled in.” Her mother’s reaction relieved some of her anxiety. At least she agreed with her choice.
The next few days were spent taking care of the final details for the wedding. Susan and her husband arrived, along with Kathryn and Aunt Miriam. With their assistance, all was ready by the day before her intended’s anticipated arrival.
On the morning before her wedding day, Melody came to see her. Her cheeks glowed a heightened shade of rose, and she certainly looked uncomfortable. Helen wondered what could have caused it.
Her sister-in-law cleared her throat. “I wondered if you have any questions regarding the wedding night. I know that when I married I didn’t have any idea, and it was a bit overwhelming, so please ask me anything, and I shall explain.”
Relieved, although a little embarrassed Melody had mentioned it, this was her chance to find out something. She could never talk to her mother. “I don’t even know what to ask. All I know is it’s supposed to be painful, which does cause me some apprehension. Anything you can tell me will be much appreciated.”
She took a seat and folded her hands in her lap. “Let me see, I shall tell you more than my mother told me. First of all, your husband will know what to do. He’s a widower, and I doubt very much he’s been chaste all these years. Men are quite different from us ladies, and they have much stronger urges for…ah…to be intimate with a woman.”
Helen’s cheeks grew hot. “If this is too difficult for you…I’ll understand.”
“But I want to help.” She inhaled. “Oh, dear, how do I want to explain this part, let’s see…a man is built different. “Oh, goodness. God designed us…so we fit…together.”
Embarrassed, but so grateful for her help, she said, “I think I understand. Is there anything else I need to know?”
“During the act of love,” Melody’s cheeks flamed red, “it’s important for the man to…umm…to prepare you, so you don’t feel too much discomfort.” She rushed on. “With me, I barely felt any pain, so hopefully it will be that way for you as well. Have you ever experienced desire while he’s kissing you?”
She knew more about desire than she wanted to tell her. Mortification scorched her mind every time she thought of the duke and his heated kisses. “Lord Collingswood has only kissed me a few times. Each time, it was brief. Oh, Melody. I’m so scared. What if I don’t like it?”
“There are women who don’t, but I believe the husband is at fault.” She smiled. “Lord Collingswood will no doubt be gentle.”
Helen sighed. “I’m relieved it shouldn’t hurt too badly, and at least I won’t be as shocked by what happens, although, it sounds like much depends upon the man. I do appreciate you talking with me.”
She hugged her. “If there’s anything else that I can do, let me know. I just want to add…physical love is beautiful and rewarding between two people who genuinely care for each other. Try to make friends with Lord Collingswood before you become intimate, if possible. That will help you enjoy it more.”
Helen decided to ask Matthew to wait before they became intimate. They needed to become better acquainted before consummating their union. After all, they would be married for the rest of their lives. Surely a few weeks would not make that big of a difference. Of course, as Melody said, men viewed intimacy quite differently than women. She hoped he would be open to her suggestion.
* * * *
As the day of his wedding drew nearer, Matthew grew extremely nervous. He had a hard time sleeping, using brandy to escape his growing concerns. In three more days, he would again take on the leg-shackle.
Good God, why did I think two weeks was enough time to know if we would suit?
Why did Helen insist she did not want a love match? He should have asked more questions. It was too late now. An honorable man did not have the privilege of changing his mind. He would make the best of the marriage. If the sex was not good he could always take another mistress. Although, he fully intended to give their union a chance before he did that, and certainly not before she gave him his heir.
That train of thought turned his mind to a potential dilemma. He needed to visit his current mistress once he returned home and tell her he’d wed. He owed his fidelity to his wife now.
Cecilia had been his mistress for three years. They’d been discreet and no one knew of their indiscretion. She could not have moved about in society if anyone had learned of their liaison.
There was no doubt about it—she would be livid. It would not serve to impart the news in a letter. This was something he must do in person.
Dammit.
I should have ended our arrangement before I left.
Too late to do anything about it now. He prayed it would not cause complications in his marriage. Of course, there was no reason for Helen to ever learn of his thoughtlessness. Remorse filled him. He should have thought of how this would affect his future wife.
The day before he left for Sanderford Park, he stopped by Gerrard’s to pick out a wedding gift for Helen, and since he was there, he should purchase a parting gift for his soon-to-be ex-mistress. He selected a diamond choker. Perhaps a gift of her favorite jewel would appease her.
With that task accomplished, he browsed through the jewelry case and spied a diamond and sapphire brooch with a matching ring for Helen. The sapphires should look incredible with her piercing blue eyes. Although she would have her choice of jewels from the heirlooms accumulated throughout the generations, she would appreciate something new.
The following morning, he awoke early. After he checked out of his hotel, he turned south toward Sanderford Park. Due to the unease he was experiencing, he took his time and stopped several times along the way. At each coaching inn, he drank several glasses of brandy.
As he drew closer to his destination, he realized he’d imbibed enough to become intoxicated, so he stopped again and drank a pot of strong black coffee. Once he sobered up, he left the coaching inn, climbed into his carriage, and finished his journey.
It was after six o’clock before he arrived, and he should have arrived by two or three at the latest. As his conveyance halted under the portico, a footman came down the steps to assist him. He noticed a groom close by and asked him to make sure his horse received a good rubdown and plenty of oats. Then he tapped the door with his walking stick, and it opened wide.
The butler bowed. “Good evening, my lord. Would you care to go to your chamber before you see the family?”
“Please. I would like a bath, if that can be arranged?” he asked.
“Certainly, sir,’ the butler replied. “We shall see to it immediately. The housekeeper will escort you to your chamber, and since you do not have a valet traveling with you, I will send a footman to assist you.”
Once he arrived at his chamber, the footman unpacked his clothing and readied his bath. After he dismissed the man, he sank into the tub and worry over the wedding plagued his spirits again.
For Christ’s sake, I can’t remember what she looks like.
Have I lost my mind?
He wondered if Helen was having similar misgivings, and if she was, perhaps she would cry off. After all, a lady did have the right to change her mind. He glanced at the Ormolu clock on the mantel. The footman would return at seven, so he needed to hurry if he wanted to be ready in time.
A
servant directed him to the drawing room. Before he entered, he froze and did not want to go inside. Knowing he must, he plastered a smile on his face and opened the door. Helen sat on a gold brocade sofa, and his breath caught. He’d forgotten how truly lovely she was. A radiant smile lit her face and helped ease his worries to some degree.
He approached her and bowed. Picking up her delicate hand, he kissed the air above her fingers. “Good evening, Lady Helen. I’m sorry I was detained.”
“I hope you didn’t have any problems getting here.” Helen’s tone sounded more reserved than he remembered. Perhaps she was having second thoughts. After seeing her, he hoped that was not the case.
“No difficulties to speak of, just took me longer than I anticipated,” he replied.
“Let me introduce you to the rest of my family. You’ve already met Kathryn, and of course you know Lady Helton.” She gestured to the woman beside her. “This is my sister-in-law, the Duchess of Sanderford.”
Lord Collingswood bowed to the petite blonde Helen indicated. “What a pleasure it is to meet you, Your Grace. Lady Helen has mentioned you on several occasions. She admires you a great deal, but she never told me you were so lovely. Thank you for offering me your kind hospitality.”
The duchess smiled as she acknowledged him. “Since we’ll soon be family, please call me Melody. Helen’s very precious to me, and I want her to be happy, so I wish you well.”
Glancing at his betrothed, he gave her what he hoped was an adoring smile. “I promise you, Lady Helen’s happiness is of the utmost importance to me. And please call me Matthew. As you stated, we’ll be family after tomorrow.”
Helen turned to the duke. “You’ve already met my brother when you came to ask for my hand.” He looked at His Grace and wondered if he still felt they were rushing the marriage.
The duke stepped forward and extended his hand, which he accepted. “It’s good to see you again, Collingswood. I understand you had a spot of trouble and were delayed in your arrival. I hope all is well?”