Broken Seed

by R J Machado De Quevedo

  “Lord, forgive me,” I whispered.

  I felt a sickening surge up the back of my throat, and I ran to the sink. Bowing over it with both hands gripped on either side, I opened my mouth to try to breath. It felt like I was suffocating again, but this time, my stomach had taken residence in my throat blocking my ability to capture a clean breath.

  I turned the cold water on and splashed my face a few times, trying to snap out of it. I peered down into the sink, feeling nauseous, unsure whether I could keep anything down for much longer. The overload of adrenaline and supernaturally intense emotions had left me feeling once again, scorching hot, sweaty, and now sick to my stomach.

  With only a split-second’s notice, I ran over to the toilet and dropped to my knees. I lost full control as soon as I hung my head over the gaping hole and rushed to get my hair out of my face before my body convulsed and my stomach seized up into a knot. My body tried to expel all the intense emotions like extracting a deadly poison. I was almost glad I would have some way to rid myself of the filth I felt. Besides, I deserved to be punished for what I had done and for what everyone else was suffering through because of me.

  I gave my body over to the convulsions and purging of the last few minutes—hell, the last few days. I heaved and pushed and gasped and fought for breath. I could see in my mind all the remnants of my sinful deeds and emotions along with all of my self-disgust coming up from the bottom of my gut. I threw up until I had nothing left, but my body continued with merciless, dry heaves until I lay with my head against my arm gasping for breath, tears streaming down my pale face.

  I closed my eyes. My body was shaking as if I had been dipped in freezing water and made to stand in a gusty breeze. I was drained and exhausted and felt utterly empty. I could do nothing else but stay where I lay slumped against the toilet with my eyes closed and simply be. I stayed there, not moving, except for my shallow breaths, for what felt like ages as if time stood still with me. Very slowly, my feelings began to come back to me, and my mind started to slowly click over and turn. I felt the blood once again move through my body and my limbs remembering what it felt like to be alive.

  Despite the weakness, I did feel a bit better now having exorcised so much of the emotional garbage that had infested my body and soul the last several days. My body felt cold and clammy, my hands shook violently as I pressed them to the floor and tried to raise myself up.

  I slowly walked back over to the sink and looked at myself in the mirror. I hardly looked like myself. I was pale white and frazzled. My eyes were wide, startled, and bloodshot. I looked like I had been to hell and back. In a way, I guess I had.

  I turned on the water and pumped the soft soap dispenser until soap was dripping off the sides of my hands. I scrubbed them vigorously to remove the filth I felt and whatever I had touched on the floor. I leaned over the sink and splashed cold water on my face several times again, taking care to rinse my mouth out too. Raising up my dripping face, I grabbed a handful of paper towels and dabbed the water away before tossing the matted paper towels into the overflowing garbage can next to the sink. I was sure glad I didn’t wear makeup often. It would have made me look even worse at this moment, like a drowned raccoon.

  I yanked out my frizzy ponytail and tried to straighten the tangled mess, running my fingers through it like a comb. As I stood watching my progress in the mirror, I remembered how David had ran his fingers through my hair and told me I was beautiful. I smiled, recalling his gentle touch and the way his eyes looked at me with such tenderness and desire. Though the way we had arrived in that particular position was a matter of deep shame and regret to me, I couldn’t help but be pleased at seeing his strength of character and presence of mind despite my dubious attempts at seducing him.

  David had proven himself to be a true gentleman, an honor- able man, and a brave defender in a time of trouble considering he had stared down and finished running off Jared at seeing my unease. Jared looked intimidating as far as size and muscle mass are concerned but that hadn’t mattered to David. He wanted to protect me. How gallant of him. A trustworthy man. I felt a smile once more shift my face involuntarily.

  I caught a glimpse of my own face smiling as I thought about David. I was startled by the change it had brought to my face. A light flush was filling my cheeks, and a small light was starting to glow in my eyes. My hands had even stopped trembling.

  What do you know about that?

  The thought of David was soothing, pleasant, and it felt clean and good all the way through.

  I glanced at my face again and suddenly realized the small warm glow I felt in the pit of my stomach was no longer nausea but something much more pleasant. It was the beginnings of a genuine affection and an honest respect. It felt like it was a young delicate affection. Was it the tiny emersion of—a timid, blooming love? I didn’t know what love should feel like, but if it was anything like this at the beginning, it felt like a small flower bud called forth from the skin of a branch by the sun and the morning dew.

  The realization wasn’t as frightening now as it would have been to me a few days ago. Perhaps seeing what kind of man he was and seeing in his eyes how much he deeply cared for me had wiped away the majority of the fear at the idea. Perhaps because we had shared an intimate and personal moment and had survived it, with his respect for me still intact, I knew I could trust him. Maybe even someday trust him with my heart?

  “One step at a time, Melanie,” I whispered to myself, trying not to get ahead of myself.

  I suddenly noticed the noise outside the door had stopped. I listened closer, straining to hear.

  Just then, there were three quick knocks on the bathroom door. “Jeez.” I jumped back.

  “Melanie, are you in there?” David asked.

  Ah, good, it was David. Better than Frank or someone else out of control coming to drag me out.

  “Melanie?” David asked again with two more soft taps on the door. “It’s all right. Everything is under control. You can come out now.”

  I unlocked the door and opened it. Macaroni and cheese covered the outside of the door and was drying like chunky stucco on it. It was all over the floor at the entrance to the bathroom too.

  What is it with macaroni and cheese always being flung at me?

  “Is it really over?” I asked David.

  “Yes, finally,” he said, nodding forlornly. His lip was bleeding on the edge, and his hair was in disarray. The side of his face had a bright-red hand print on it, too small to be one of the guys, so he must have been smacked by one of the ladies.

  “David, what happened to you?” I asked reaching up to touch the inflamed red spot on his face.

  David smiled warmly and took in a deep breath at my touch and my expression of concern for him.

  “Well, this man came into the kitchen to see why they were all being neglected out there, and things got a little more heated. His girlfriend found him in a tense verbal altercation with Susan and Lucy with me trying to split them up. She started cursing at them, and when I took her by the arm to escort her out of harm’s way, her boyfriend punched me in the mouth.” David pointed to his busted lip. “Then when I ducked his second punch, I accidently bumped into her brea…umm…chest area, and she hauled off and slapped me,” David said, pointing now to his cheek.

  “But how did all the yelling and fighting stop?” I asked. “When I came in here, there were brawls and lots of arguing.”

  “I’m pretty sure one or more of the customers called the cops because none of us had time to. They came barging in here with those loaded beanbag shotguns and yelling for everyone to break it up or they’d start shooting. Some people didn’t listen, and they started shooting and hauling people out. I just finished closing the restaurant down with the help of some of the police. I had to comp the meals of those people lucky enough to get any sort of service before this mess started. Frank is not going to like that one bit,” David said, looking haggard.

  “You mean the restaurant is close
d?” I asked surprised.

  “Sure is. We had to shut down. No cooks, no manager, and no staff to run it. There are only two Elk Grove PDs still here just watching the front door. Lucy is helping Susan search for her car keys but heading out as soon as they find them. And Frank got arrested for assaulting an officer,” David said, scratching his chin.

  “What? You’re kidding?” I said, shocked.

  “No, I wish I was. The cops seemed almost eager to get people on anything they could. They even arrested some of the customers that had wandered back here to check out the noise. They hadn’t even done anything. Unless you count cheering on the brawling cooks and asking Susan and Lucy to strip down to their skivvies and have a whipped cream fight with that man I told you about.” David shrugged.

  “But what happened with Frank?” I asked, mentally dismissing the disturbing mental image of two ladies in their late fifties having a whipped-cream fight in their skivvies. I was more concerned for Frank, the old goat.

  “Some big shot cop was here too. I heard the officers call him Wales. He got in Frank’s face about how he ran his crew. Even brought up your name. I don’t know how he knew about you. You weren’t even in sight,” David said.

  “Me? His name wasn’t Chief Christopher Wales, was it?” I asked, startled.

  “I didn’t catch his first name. But I think I did hear one or two of them call him chief, come to think of it. He was ordering the other officers around. It seemed like he was looking specifically for you, actually. Kept asking Frank if you were around here somewhere. Seemed to think you were intentionally hiding.”

  “And Frank didn’t tell him? Is that why he got arrested?” I asked, concerned.

  The idea Chief Wales would leave his office to come to a disturbance call on a Monday night added to my suspicion he was out to get me and the threats he made about arresting me if he could still lingered in my head. I didn’t understand why. I never even met the man before.

  “No, Frank got arrested after he told Wales to mind his own business and to go to hell. Frank might have told him to get the fu…well…to get the hell out of his restaurant. And then, Frank shoved him and sent him backward. Wales and another officer tackled him to the ground and slapped cuffs on him two seconds later.” David shook his head.

  “Oh, man, that’s awful. Poor Frank.” I started to step forward to come out of the bathroom, but David gestured for me to stop.

  “Watch your step. There’s macaroni and cheese everywhere out here,” David said, extending his hand as if to help me over the mess that stretched several feet past the bathroom door. I took his hand, eyeing the destroyed floor dubiously for a clear place to step.

  “You know, you’re probably the only clean one left,” David said, amused. “Here.” David stepped into the mess and into the bathroom with me and swooped me up into his arms before I realized his intention.

  “David!” I said, caught off guard. What was it with men or angels swooping me up into their arms? It wasn’t like I was a twig. I had curves except where I wanted them up top, and I liked my food too much to purposely regurgitate it.

  “No need for you to get your shoes messed up. Mine are already ruined,” he said softly to me, his amused face looking down at mine. He didn’t know what I was thinking, but he apparently liked surprising me.

  Sure enough, when I stretched my neck out to glance down at his shoes, they were absolutely filthy—covered in sauces, bits of food, dripped blood, and now macaroni and cheese. Straining to see made my weight shift in an awkward way, and he quickly readjust me in his arms so as not to dump me over on the floor. I ended up with my arms wrapped around his neck in surprise and my face closer to his.

  “Oh, David, I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Why? This isn’t your fault,” he said from inches away, his voice growing softer.

  “I think it is,” I confessed.

  “Melanie, you may be capable of a lot of things, but you are not capable of making everyone lose their minds and turn into fighting bulls.”

  “But I-I didn’t fight against…against it soon enough,” I tried to explain, looking down at the cheesy floor rather than at his face. Shame kept my eyes averted from his.

  “Melanie,” David said, shifting me in his arms again so I would look up at him, “we both almost gave in to it. I know you probably don’t think I understand what happened here tonight, but I’m beginning to. That man, Jared Kallis, he was some sort of…an evil man, wasn’t he?” David asked thoughtfully.

  “Yes,” I whispered. “I think he somehow caused all this.” I gestured to him and then to the kitchen outside the bathroom door.

  “Your reaction to me, the tempers and fights back here. Everything started with him. He stirred things up, and we all let him influence us, didn’t we? In one way or another, we all were infected,” David said, more to himself than to me. “He’s like a virus.”

  “When Frank found us in the walk-in, he said someone was asking for you by name,” David continued.

  I cringed at the mention of us being found in the walk-in. More like caught.

  “Jared was seeking you out. How do you know him?” David asked, his eyes searching mine for answers.

  “No, I don’t know him,” I said honestly. “I ran into him once. Like literally smacked into him. I didn’t even catch his name.” I hoped I didn’t sound like I was trying to hide anything, but there wasn’t much to tell.

  “But he knew your name. He came looking for you,” David said, disturbed. “Why? What does he want with you?” I could feel David’s protectiveness for me flaring up, and his arms flexed unconsciously as if to hold me tighter in the protection of his arms. It was endearing but also made me a little frightened for him. I didn’t want him involved and possibly putting himself at risk of a physical or spiritual attack. He already exposed himself to Jared when he stepped in to help me get rid of him.

  “Hmm, David? Are you going to get me out of this bathroom, or are you planning on holding me all night?” I said, trying to change the subject.

  Oh, no. That totally came out wrong! He’s going to think I’m propositioning him again. Crap!

  “Why?” David said, pressing me gently against him.

  “Because, I feel silly being held like this—in the bathroom,”

  I said, gesturing to our current position, trying to fix my backward comment.

  “No, I mean, why did he come looking for you? Do you have any ideas about that?” he asked, searching my face.

  Crap. He hadn’t taken the bait to change the subject.

  “I honestly can’t tell you that,” I said, meeting his eyes with confidence now. “I didn’t invite him here, and I feel awful I let him influence me the way he did.” I glanced back down. I could feel my face burning red.

  Had he seen my name badge that night I ran into him in Italy? Angelica had pointed it out when I asked her how she had known my name. That had to have been how he’d known my name! And he would have seen the inscribed logo of Kate’s Café. I sounded American. So, it probably hadn’t been hard for him to find me at all.

  But how would he have known which Kate’s Café to come to? I didn’t think we were the only one in the whole United States!

  “You’re just human, Melanie. You’re bound to mess up once in a while like the rest of us. At least, you feel bad about it and are truly sorry. That’s more than most people can say.” David smiled a reassuring smile down at me.

  “You’re too good to me, David,” I said shyly.

  “If I was really that good, I wouldn’t want to close this door and lock out the world, so I could kiss you until you fainted from lack of oxygen.” His voice was dropping to a deeper rumble, and his eyes were seeking my mouth. He wore a small smile, like he was pleased by the sight of it.

  “David. Please put me down or get us out of this room before we both suffocate.” My voice was a little rattled, and I could feel my own heart speeding up at the thought of him kissing me so passionately I couldn’t breathe.
I really needed him to stay strong and move past this, or I’d drown all over again but with my own natural desires for him. Demonic influence wasn’t always the culprit, sometimes it’s just our own flesh making demands.

  David’s smile widened at my obvious discomfort and display of panic, not the way Jared’s had with arrogance and power but just that normal masculine happiness of knowing he affected me the way a man can affect a woman. He wanted to be my man and wanted me to be his woman. And he was pleased to see that unfolding into a real possibility.

  “Tonight has been crazy. Chaotic even. And most of it can’t even be explained. But one thing stands out as clear as crystal, you. I’ve never seen you more clearly, Melanie. And what a beautiful person you are. I feel like I can see into your soul, and I am dazzled by you,” David spoke calmly and gently and leaned his face down toward mine a little farther to look more closely into my eyes.

  His eyes were the same warm honey they always were, but they seemed to fall into mine like pouring honey into the deep-blue depths of the sea. I could feel his soul touching mine and it made me shiver. His eyes saw right through me, right into me, and he didn’t shrink back or pull away. He dived deeper and drank me in.

  “You two ready to get out of here yet?” Susan barked from the open door.

  David pulled his eyes away from mine and nodded to her.

  “Well, come on, then. We have to lock up this freak show. The cops said it’s likely Frank could bail himself out of jail tomorrow being that it’s too late tonight and all. I doubt we’ll be open tomorrow. This place is a wreck! Might as well not plan on working until Frank calls you back in,” Susan barked.

  “Well, he’ll need help cleaning up, Susan. We should at least stay and try to start putting things back together,” David interjected.