Just Me

by L. A. Fiore

  The thought of leaving Bastian wrenched me more than even the gunshot wound—him having to pick up the pieces alone, having to watch as I was placed into the ground, his knowledge that a full lifetime would be stretched out before him where he would have to learn to live without me.

  My head filled with visions of him, his face, his smile, his voice, his body over mine as he moved so deeply inside of me. And those eyes that had the power to see past all of my defenses. I wanted to see him one last time, wanted that more than I've ever wanted anything in my life.

  And then I heard the familiar sound of my car moments before the front door opened and I heard him call, his voice sounded oddly worried.

  “Lark!”

  He ran into the room and then I watched as his face paled. He reached me in two strides and dropped down right in front of me, looking both fierce and terrified, as he pulled off his shirt and tried to staunch the flow of blood.

  “I don't want to die.”

  His expression turned harsh, “You are not going to die. Do you hear me, Lark? You are not going to die.” He grabbed his phone from his pocket and called 911. “I need a fucking ambulance.”

  “I wished for you, Bastian, I've wished for you my whole life.”

  “Goddamn it, Lark, stay with me.” He was holding me so tightly against him, I could feel his voice rumbling in his chest. “Don't leave me, don't you fucking leave me.”

  “I'll wait for you.”

  “Don't you dare leave me!” His command ripped from his throat in a broken sob.

  I studied his face, took in every one of his beloved features, then I breathed my last breath.

  ***

  The day I died, I did so three times, but in the end my will to live seemed stronger than what the Fates had planned for me. The doctors claimed it had been medicine that brought me back, but I knew it had been Bastian who willed me back.

  Two days after I died, I was no longer hooked up to the various tubes and was able to move around on my own.

  My dad told me Bastian had not left my side from the moment he found me. Even during the surgery, he was able to observe, with precautions, of course. It was very unorthodox, but apparently Bastian would not be dissuaded. In a big city hospital, the cops would have been called, but not in the small clinic where everyone knew everyone by their first name. Bastian got his way. He even volunteered to donate his blood when he learned his blood type was a match for mine.

  For three days he did nothing but hold a bedside vigil to the point that he almost physically burned himself out. Dr. Wright and Poppy were forced to drag him from the room to get food into him.

  I couldn't even imagine the emotions he went through watching me flatline and not once but three times. The thought was so horrific, I immediately pushed it from my mind.

  A movement at the door caught my attention to see him standing just inside my room. He made his way over to me and I shifted on the mattress to make room for him. He climbed in and immediately pulled me against him.

  When I looked into his eyes again, I saw an emotion so deep and consuming, I immediately understood, because I felt the same way about him. “I love you, Lark, but could we please avoid meeting like this again? The only time I want to see you in the hospital is when you're delivering our children.” He then shocked me when tears started filling his eyes and rolling down his cheeks.

  “I wasn't coming home. I had intended to do as you suggested and wait until morning but from the moment I woke up, I felt an urgency. I really can't explain it except for that the feeling grew so persistent that I bagged out of work early, climbed in the car, and broke several laws to get to you.” His fingers brushed lightly over my cheek. “My siren. I heard your call. I never believed in a higher power, but I think I may be wrong on that account.”

  There were some things in life that could not be explained and this was clearly one of them.

  His expression changed again as a devastating sadness swept over his face. “I held you in my arms and watched you die. Every time I close my eyes I'm haunted by the sound of you taking your last breath. Fuck it, I'm going to handcuff you to me because I won't be able to stop hovering for a long fucking time.”

  “If it's you hovering, I'm all for it.” It was me who needed to touch him. “I'm sorry.”

  Fury replaced sadness as his expression turned thunderous. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

  “Poor Uncle Eddie and the girls.”

  “They'll heal, Lark. We all will.” He pulled me closer and brushed his lips over my forehead and together we drifted off into sleep.

  ***

  A week passed since my aunt had shot me—a week since she had taken her own life—and I was back at the little Cape on the bay. The image of my aunt lying in a pool of her own blood, was always right there in my head. The house had been cleaned, my dad hired a team to scour it, but still she haunted it, at least for me.

  I hadn't fully come to terms with what had happened. A part of me wasn't sure I ever would. My aunt had been twisted; her hatred, and I'd like to believe guilt, warped her. That night, so long ago, when I found her sitting in the kitchen all alone. She'd been alluding to what she had done to her sister when she spoke about going to hell and so there was a part of her that, at one time, knew what she had done was wrong.

  What I tried to take from the ordeal was that her treatment of me hadn't really been about me, but about her and what she had done. It wasn't much but I did find some solace in that fact.

  The reunion with the Wrights, Caden and Sophia wasn't what I had planned. They arrived to find me in the hospital, recovering from a gunshot wound. We had missed the swordfish festival too and I felt bad about that knowing how much Saffron and Logan loved that festival. Under the circumstances, they thought I was crazy for even thinking about it.

  My dad, I don't think I'll ever forget the look on his face when I woke after my surgery. If I doubted his love for me, I would no longer. He'd aged, in those few hours, he had aged and I felt badly about that too.

  Bastian and my dad had moved the sofa from the living room into the garage and brought out one of the beds since I was ordered on bed rest. Lying on the bed with me, at my insistence, were Hunter and Reaper, the latter who thankfully was healing very nicely from his own surgery. My dad vowed that Reaper would eat steak, every day for the rest of his life, for the heroics he had shown.

  My mind turned to my mom a lot since my nightmare. It meant so much to me to learn that my mom hadn't been weak, she had just been broken. Part of me hoped that I had given her some measure of joy. The Wrights had hit it off with my dad and Saffron and were becoming fast friends. I had everyone I loved around me except for my uncle. He had come briefly to identify the body and to bring my aunt home. We talked for a while, and though it had been really painful for both of us, I think the girls and Uncle Eddie were going to eventually be okay. He had a very difficult road ahead of him though, helping his girls deal with not just the loss of their mother but the way in which she died. Years of therapy were in all of their futures, but the girls had a very loving father and I had come to learn that that made all the difference.

  I smiled to myself when I thought about what my dad had said to me right after my uncle had left. I'm sorry for what your mother went through and for what your aunt did, but I got you as a result and I'll never be sorry for that.

  I was pulled from my thoughts when Bastian settled on the edge of the bed. “Do you need anything?”

  “Just you.”

  He touched my cheek, his gaze tender. He hadn't yet bounced back, I knew he was as haunted by that night as I was. I caught him often watching me and I knew what he was thinking as if he was speaking his thoughts out loud. He was confirming to himself that I was here, still with him, alive. It was going to take time, the therapist my dad and the Wrights insisted Bastian and I see, expressed that sentiment often. Time was something we had, thank God.

  Settling himself on the bed, he pulled me up against him. �
�Better?”

  “Perfect.”

  ***

  A week later, Logan had everyone to the lighthouse for a cook-out, but Bastian and I detoured on our way, because there was something he wanted to show me. We were riding on the back of his bike. He objected because of my shoulder, but I really missed riding with him, so I pestered until he relented.

  The ride was beautiful and I recognized where we were as the part of town where Broderick's house was located. The tangy smell of salt water teased my nose as I took a few deep inhales and filled my lungs. I really did love it here. The bike moved around a bend, then Bastian pulled over to an old tree and parked. I climbed off, he followed, before he took my helmet and placed it on his bike.

  “How's the shoulder?”

  “Fine.”

  “I still think we should have taken Baby.”

  His kissed me, allowing his lips to linger over mine a moment, before he pulled back. I noticed he looked odd, almost nervous. “What's put that look on your face?”

  “I had a thought, but if you don't like it just say.”

  “Okay.”

  He reached for me and gently pulled me up a small hill. The landscape yawned out before us untouched and magnificent. The forest that stretched across this part of town curved around a patch of bright green grass and in the distance the soothing sweep of the river could be heard.

  “It's beautiful, Bastian.”

  He turned to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Remember we talked about the dream, the house by the river, the kids, the tire swing? We had it all right, just not the location—not the Hudson river. I want to build you a house here. I want the dream here. We go to Columbia, but then we settle here. I've been talking with Broderick, and he really wants to get into the restoration business in a bigger way, and so he's going back to school too, and when you and I graduate, he and I are going into business together. There's plenty of older homes throughout New England to keep us busy and you can paint and be near your dad.”

  My heart swelled in my chest and not just because of his words, but because he was so excited about our future.

  “I love it, Bastian—the location, the idea.”

  “Really? You wouldn't mind forgoing Manhattan to live in a town of perpetual festivals?”

  “Shouldn't it be me trying to convince you to move here and not the other way around?”

  He looked up as his eyes focused on the river in the distance. “There's a wildness here, an untamed beauty, that is so freeing and inspiring. And being here with you, it's the dream for me.”

  His warm hands wrapped around my face as his eyes looked deeply into mine. “If you don't want this, I will go wherever you want. Just say the word.”

  “I love it, all of it.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Absolutely.”

  His mouth crushed down on mine and I could feel his excitement in the humming of his muscles. He broke the kiss, looking both hot and sheepish. The contrast was so odd I asked bluntly. “What's the look for?”

  “Well, your dad and Saffron may have brought me out to this place, but only because I shared my proposal with them.” He shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans and rolled back on his heels. “You're not mad, are you?”

  “No. Is this land for sale?”

  “Well, not exactly. Apparently, inheritances stick to Saffron like glue and this is a part of one. She offered it to us as a wedding gift.”

  “What?”

  “Yeah, and your dad and uncles will help build the house when we're ready.”

  “It all sounds perfect.”

  He tilted his head before he asked. “But?”

  “I'm just thinking about our friends in Pearl River. We aren't that far from them, but I had always hoped we'd all settle near each other.”

  “We've four years of college and I do know that Caden and Poppy really like it up here too. So, who knows, maybe they'll set roots here as well.”

  I stepped into his arms. “Perhaps you should call my dad and put him out of his misery and let him know I'm all in.”

  He laughed at that before pressing a kiss on my head. “You know me so well.”

  Before he could reach for his phone, it started ringing. “It's your dad,” he whispered before he answered. “Hello sir. We're on our way.”

  A smile spread over his face. “Saffron is in labor.”

  “Oh my God.”

  ***

  When we reached the waiting room, it was filled to capacity. I was happy that we were all gathered here not for something horrific, like a couple of weeks ago, but for something beautiful. I needed to leave the ugly in the past because life went on and I was lucky enough to go on with it.

  “Any news?” I asked of the crowd in general. Broderick answered.

  “Not yet. So how did you like the tract of land?”

  “I love it.”

  Bastian stepped up next to Broderick and as they chatted, I took a seat next to Poppy and Sophia. “This is so exciting. You're going to have a brother or a sister.” Poppy said.

  “I know. I can't believe it. Did you see my dad?”

  “Yeah. When Saffron's water broke, he looked scared for a minute. Dante explained Logan was the same with Hunter, terrified of something happening to Saffron, but then, based on all that they've been through, and the scare with you, I guess I can't really blame him.”

  Poppy was right, he and Saffron had a seriously bumpy road to get to where they were. I looked over at Bastian, who was talking to Broderick and Caden. Our road hadn't been all that smooth either and with his parents, it wasn't likely to smooth out any time soon, but I loved him and together we could weather anything just like my dad and Saffron had.

  “Your family is growing before your eyes, Lark.” Sophia said. Such a simple statement but a profound one too.

  A nurse entered carrying a clipboard. She scanned the room, “Are Lark and Hunter here?”

  I stood and reached for Hunter's hand as soon as he wobbled over to me from his spot with Dante. “Yes.”

  “Your parents asked that you come back.”

  My parents. I just stood there motionless for a moment because the sound of that was so foreign to me and yet so perfectly right. Hunter tugged on my hand and I squeezed his reassuringly. Saffron was on the bed when we entered with a bundle in her arms while Logan sat next to her.

  “How are you feeling?” I asked. Logan stood and walked to us. He lifted Hunter into his arms and kissed my forehead.

  “Go on, Lark, go see your baby sister.”

  A sister. I had a sister. I walked to Saffron and kissed her forehead, my eyes falling on my baby sister. Her eyes were just like Saffron's, a beautiful turquoise, and the peach fuzz of hair was chestnut-brown. I couldn't help the smile, or the chuckle, which earned me a look from Saffron.

  “You're going to have your own mini-me.”

  This made her laugh as she looked behind me to Logan and Hunter.

  “She's beautiful, really, really beautiful.” My gaze shifted to my dad. “Have you settled on a name?”

  “Yes.” He said, and Saffron added, “Dylan Gwen MacGowan.”

  Hearing they named their daughter, my sister, after my mom was the last straw for me. I dropped into the chair behind me, lowered my head to the bed, and let the tears that had been threatening fall.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  “Lark?”

  I turned from my spot at the window in our apartment just off Columbia's campus to see Bastian leaning up against the door jamb and I couldn't help the smile. “Hi.”

  “There's somewhere I'd like to take you. Do you have time now?”

  “Sure.”

  He moved from the door and came to stand just in front of me, his hands moving up my arms to my neck where they lingered, sending little jolts of heat along my skin. “I have a surprise for you.” He said playfully.

  “I love surprises.”

  His lips caressed mine and the taste of him on my to
ngue made me sigh. It was a taste I would never ever grow tired of.

  ***

  It had been a couple of months since we returned from Maine to start our fall semester at Columbia. As we drove through the campus, I enjoyed the beauty of it. We were allowed to live off campus as freshmen, because we were engaged. Though our apartment was small, it was filled with my paintings and sketches and a large drafting table for Bastian to work on his designs, many of which were for the house he was planning. There was even a painting from my dad, one of Bastian and me. I remembered the print of my favorite sculpture of David's I had had in my room, but Logan's painting took that honor now. And not just because it so beautifully captured Bastian and me but because it had been done so by my dad.

  Caden, who had his GED, had been encouraged by the Wrights to continue his education and so with a few tutoring classes, and Mr. Wright pulling some strings, Caden was enrolled in NYU along with Poppy. They lived on campus in the same dorm and we saw them all the time, which I really liked. Sophia was at Berkeley and from her emails, she was really digging the West Coast.

  The Rosses had been quiet, but that was probably only because my dad decided to use the land he bought out from under them to build a satellite office of MacGowan LTD, and with it he would be creating an influx of new jobs. This made both the town council and townspeople really happy. It also meant my dad needed to find himself a place in the area so he could come down from Harrington as frequently as needed to oversee the expansion and if those visits included coming into the city to see Bastian and me, to take us to dinner or a game, well, so be it.

  Saffron was not yet traveling; though Dylan was almost five months old, she had reflux and car rides tended to make her vomit even more—airplanes probably wouldn't be any better—but they would both be coming for the show in a few weeks. Yes, I was having my very first art show of my works shown alongside my dad's. When the art world learned that Logan MacGowan and David Cambre were one and the same, the tickets for the show sold out in under a day.