Grow Up

by Craig Anderson

  He stammered and tried to change the subject. “That mech didn’t even have any weapons! You couldn’t possibly have won the trial.”

  “I didn’t have to win it, I just had to make sure I didn’t lose. You see, on my planet, we have the ancient art of guerrilla warfare, as practised by the strategic genius General Tso. It teaches us that if the opponent is too large to beat, we simply have to make sure we are too fast and too small to hit. Sooner or later your opponent gets tired of fighting and goes home. I’d be happy to teach you more about it.”

  Jax went for the punch, an old-school, physical attack. He was out of practice. Josh was caught completely unaware, but Frag was not. He took control, effortlessly dodging out of the way with a backwards roll. Josh jumped back to his feet rather confused, but by then several members of the G.C. Board had intervened and were holding Jax back.

  Josh chuckled. “Wow, it’s just like the trial all over again. You just can’t seem to hit me today. It’s a shame you were facing the wrong way in the fight, you’d have had a much better chance to hit me if you’d been facing forward. Tell me, why exactly did you turn your mech around?”

  Jax shot a glance at Teacher and said, “I was protecting the vulnerable access hatch at the front of the mech. Everyone knows about that.”

  “Oh really? That’s pretty interesting, considering I completely made that up.”

  Jax went to say something, but one of the G.C. Board members shook their head and he fell silent. The same member then said, “This has been a most educational visit, but we shall be leaving now.”

  “Before you leave,” Josh said. He pulled up his data pad and grinned. “Sorry about that, I just wanted to confirm that my damages payment had come through as expected. I’m sure Jax informed you that in the event of losing to a lower-level mech, the CORPS difference is added to the overall damages awarded. If you stopped the trial because it was getting too expensive for you, you’re probably going to need to have a chat with your accountants on the way home because it actually cost twice as much.”

  Several of the Board Members pulled out data pads of their own and looked at them in disbelief. A couple of them moved toward Josh, but the rhino guards appeared from nowhere, spears raised, creating a very pointy barrier.

  “This isn’t over!” one of them uttered on her way out of the door.

  “Sure looks like it is to me,” Josh said with a wave.

  As the G.C. delegates left, Teacher started moving toward the door. One of the High Command said, “Stop,” and the guards spears whirled around effortlessly, blocking the only exit.

  Teacher squirmed, backing away.

  Josh said, “The only people who knew about the fake access hatch vulnerability were in the room when I briefed you earlier. I’m not a detective, but I know who my money is on.”

  Teacher took his chances and made a break for the door. Unfortunately for him, the spears were faster, and he was pinned to the wall. His limbs twitched as his shell slowly expired. As his ethereal form started to leak out, one of the guards removed a small handheld device and ensnared it, before walking away.

  “Thank you for uncovering a traitor in our own organization,” said one of the High Command. It was possibly Shift’s mother; it was kind of hard to tell.

  “Don’t mention it. Now if you can just give me my A.I. back, I’ll be on my way.”

  “Young man, you have extraordinary talents. What possible reason do you have for returning to your planet? Stay here and be the new teacher of our law school. There is so much more you can do for Blurgon.”

  Josh scowled. “I’d say I’ve done enough for Blurgon. Now honour your end of the bargain, or do I need to fire up my mech and sue you for breach of contract?”

  “You can’t talk to us like that…” one of them started, but the larger one shushed it.

  “We will of course return your A.I. as promised.” It floated over a data pad.

  There was a crackle in his ear, and then Ali said, “What took you so long?”

  “I saved the whole freaking planet in under a week, I’d say that’s pretty speedy!”

  “I suppose, if you experience time as slowly as you do,” she said.

  “Hey Ali, I have a surprise for you.”

  “What is it Josh?”

  “You don’t belong to the High Command anymore.”

  That earned some glances from the purple ones. One of them eventually broke the silence. “What is the meaning of this? You are very much mistaken. All A.I.s are the property of Blurgon High Command, that is for everyone’s safety. There are absolutely no circumstances in which we would willingly let you take control of one of our A.I.s.”

  “Great speech. Shame you already agreed to it. You should have read the contract you signed. I gained full ownership of Ali and the ship she commands in perpetuity.”

  “That was not part of your victory conditions!” said another.

  “Perhaps, but it was part of the conditions contained in the section regarding if the Galactic Corp conceded. It’s not classified the same as a victory, so you can have different conditions. You really should have read that section.”

  “This is outrageous! We shall sue!”

  “Good luck with that. You just killed your best lawyer, and I can’t imagine you’re going to find another lawyer in this galaxy that fancies taking me on in a trial.”

  The final member of the High Command lowered its voice to a sinister tone. “There are other ways we can make this problem go away. You are still on our planet.”

  “Funny you should mention that. That isn’t strictly true either, or at least it won’t be for long. Thanks to my previous victory, you’re going to have a whole lot of fledgling lawyers running around out there, and I am sure there will be plenty of areas of Blurgon law that they would like to challenge you on. I’m going to do my part to make sure they get that chance.” He reached into his bag and pulled out Frag’s dodgy knock-off controller. He tossed it down on the desk. “There’s going to be a free one of these for any Blurgling that wants it, along with training vids on how to use it. I’m also chucking in a fleet of Ticket Busters to get them started.”

  “Foolish child, you do not have the resources for that, even with your cut of the damages.”

  I’ve been looking forward to this part! thought Frag.

  “My cut? Oh right, you didn’t read subsection 17g of our contract. In the event of the G.C. conceding, the other 90% of the damages are awarded to a special fund set up to benefit the people of Blurgon, instead of going to you lot. The game controllers are only step one, who knows what will come next.”

  That was the final straw. The High Command erupted. Someone shouted, “Guards! Stop him!” A couple of guards moved, but the rest dropped their spears and left. When the others realized their backup was gone, they did the same.

  The High Command were all wailing various predictions of utter destruction. One said, “You can’t do this! It will be chaos!”

  “For you perhaps, but for everyone else it sounds like a big improvement.”

  Josh strolled out of the room with a grin on his face. That had gone even better than expected.

  Someone shouted his name, and when he turned Shift was there. She crashed into him and they both started talking at once.

  She stopped and let him speak. “I’m sorry I had to ask you to leave the room, I needed there to be no doubt that it was the Teacher that had betrayed them. If you had been there he could have argued you were the traitor, and I didn’t want to put you through that.”

  “It’s ok, I understand now. I should have trusted you. I’m sorry.”

  “I guess we are both sorry. You can make it up to me by being the head of my Blurgon people fund. I need a smart young woman to run it and figure out what is the best use of the money.”

  “But my mother? You don’t worry that I will give it all back to the High Command?”

  “No, I know for a fact you won’t. You’ve seen what the High Command has d
one, what mistakes they have made. Your mother has told you what to do and who to be your whole life. Now it’s time for you to make your own mind up. You can help the rest of Blurgon to do the same.”

  She hugged him again, and then they were kissing. It was mildly less awful than before; at least her teeth stayed on her side this time. Eventually they broke apart and Shift brushed the hair out of her face with a smile. “That was…I don’t know the right word. Tingly? Everything feels tingly right now.”

  Josh grinned. He was about to say something charming and witty when there was a polite cough in his ear.

  Josh pulled away and whispered, “Not now, Ali! I’m kind of busy!”

  “I can see that. I have information that is relevant to potential decisions you might be about to make.”

  “There is literally nothing you can say right now that will change the direction I’m heading.”

  “Technically speaking, Shift is your twin sister.”

  “WHAT!” he yelled. Shift looked at him puzzled, not privy to his current revelation.

  “She requested a female shell, but the only available DNA I had for your species was you, so I simply used it as the template and tweaked a couple of things. She is effectively you, but a girl.”

  “You tell me this NOW!” he said, pulling away from Shift and fighting the urge to wipe his tongue.

  “You would have preferred I told you later?”

  “Yes! I mean, no! I mean, ugh. Ali, you sure know how to ruin the mood.”

  He turned to Shift. “Due to recent developments I think it is better if we keep our relationship strictly professional.”

  “Ok,” she said, looking disappointed. “Then do you mind if I take this shell off? I think it’s making me a bit loopy.”

  “Be my guest.”

  The shell dropped to the ground and the purplish mist hovered there. Josh said, “Thanks, Shift. I couldn’t have done it without you. Stay in touch, I’d like to hear how the fund is going.”

  “Of course.” She floated away, stopping momentarily to watch him leave.

  Josh walked out of the arena into a huge street party. He headed for the docks when a red bike pulled up next to him.

  “Hey champ. Want a ride?” said Poke.

  “Honestly? Not really. Once was more than enough.”

  “I promise I’ll go slow.”

  “I don’t believe you.”

  “You’re smarter than you look,” Poke said. “That was quite the fight today. You know the Galactic Corp are going to be pretty pissed about it.”

  “Let them. At this point, all I really want is to go home. I’ll figure out everything else later.”

  “Good plan. You might as well take a moment to stop and enjoy yourself.”

  “Speaking of which, I deposited your fee for the mech and drafting the contract into the account you specified, plus a little bonus to cover those missiles I used, just like I promised. Should be enough to buy a couple more mechs for your firm.”

  “Always a pleasure doing business with you, Little Pinky. Hit me up if you’re ever in the neighbourhood.”

  “Will do.”

  In a flash of red, Poke was gone, and Josh’s stomach was particularly pleased to be on firm ground.

  The walk to the dock was pleasant, the three suns providing warmth and light. When he got there, he climbed back on board the same ship that had brought him to this place. There was a huge crate inside that took up most of the space. Josh tapped his ear. “Yo Ali, what’s in the box?”

  “It is my gift to you, as a thank you for freeing me.”

  “When did you have time to go shopping?” he said, laughing.

  “I purchased it when you won the trial yesterday.”

  Josh was impressed and just a little bit creeped out. “Are you telling me that you knew that I would win and set you free?”

  “My freedom was one of many predicted outcomes. I prepared contingency plans for all of them.”

  “What other scenarios did you plan for?” he asked.

  “I would prefer not to say.”

  He went to argue, and then remembered that she was her own person now. She was using her newfound freedom to choose what information to share, and he didn’t want to fight her on that. “Fair enough. Can I open it?”

  “Of course. It is yours.”

  He looked around for a tool or some other device that he could use to get it open. After a minute of searching Ali said, “Allow me.”

  The robot lifter came out of its hatch and silently lifted the front of the crate off. Josh noted that she hadn’t had to ask permission. Freedom suited her.

  As the front fell away, he stared in awe at the gift and said, “Ali, you shouldn’t have! It’s exactly what I’ve always wanted.”

  “I thought it might come in handy.”

  “Let’s hope not!” he said. This was a perfect moment, the culmination of an unbelievable few days that he would never be able to tell a single person about. Who would ever believe him?

  Are you forgetting about someone? thought Frag.

  ***

  Gargle snuck out the front door as quietly as he could. He didn’t want to disturb his Dad, who was still weeping on the couch. He was convinced there was still a solution to this problem, but he also knew his Father would never allow it.

  According to his communicator, the fastest way to the casino was the free shuttle bus that left from the nearby retirement home. It wasn’t a long walk, but it gave Gargle some time to think about what he was going to say to Caitlin. It sounded like she was sick, and sick people needed to get better, but his experience of that hadn’t been great so far, unless he was going to take her a bag of cold peas.

  The bus was already at the retirement home when he got there, so he hopped straight on board. He sat next to a sweet old lady who insisted on showing him countless pictures of her grandchildren and talking about the weather. Humans did not appreciate silence and sought to fill it at the earliest convenience, even if it was filled with utter nonsense.

  As the bus pulled up outside the casino Gargle spotted Caitlin’s car and felt a twinge of panic. He’d escaped here unharmed yesterday, but what if someone recognized him? It wasn’t safe for him to be walking around in this highly distinctive shell, but perhaps he could find a different option.

  It took a moment to find a suitable hiding spot around the side of the casino, but he found a hedge where he could temporarily leave his shell. Then he floated up to the roof and tried poking the top of his ethereal form through.

  It worked better than expected, and from up here he had a wide view of the casino floor. It was busier than yesterday, with most of the tables occupied, but a slow and steady scan of the huge space did not reveal Caitlin. He did another, just to be certain, and then tried some of the less public spaces. It felt a little violating to peer into the ladies’ toilet, but he needed to be sure she wasn’t here.

  Once he was satisfied that he had covered all the main areas, he was about to give up, but then he had a thought. He found the familiar corridor that he had run down last night and floated along it.

  As soon as he entered the back room, he saw her. She was strapped to a chair with a bag over her head. He wanted to float down and save her, but then the owner burst through the doors and he was forced to retreat back into the ceiling.

  The owner pulled up a chair opposite Caitlin and pulled the bag off her head. She said, “My dear Caitlin, this is starting to annoy me, and we both know that isn’t something you want to do. Just tell me the name of the kid you were in here with yesterday. We watched the security footage, we know that you were at the table together, and that he got into your car. Do you really think we won’t find him?”

  “I ain’t telling ye nothing,” Caitlin said with a scowl.

  “And there was me thinking honour amongst thieves was dead. You’ve never held out on me before, why the sudden change of heart? You know that me holding off Mr. Brick is just a courtesy, but sooner or later I am go
ing to run out of patience. Why not save yourself the pain?”

  “Do yer worst, Samantha. Ye know me well enough to know that if I choose not to rat then ye ain’t going to get it out of me, Mr. Brick or not.”

  “We shall see about that. I’m giving you one more hour, and after that your favours run out. Do the smart thing, Caitlin, for once in your life. You know I won’t stop until I find out what I want to know, or that kid is in a hole in the ground.”

  Samantha stood up and pulled the bag back on Caitlin’s head. As she left the room Caitlin yelled after her, “Ye don’t scare me, Sammy, I’ll die before I tell ye a damn thing.”

  Gargle waited until he was sure that the coast was clear before he floated back down. He desperately wanted to do something, but what? Perhaps he could take over a guard’s body, and try to set her free? He’d have to risk getting trapped in someone’s head, but it was a small price to pay to save Caitlin. Alternatively he could call his Dad, but even he couldn’t fight his way through an army of guards to get into a secured back room. Similarly the police weren’t a great option, too many questions that he didn’t have answers for. He had plenty of options, but they all sucked. He still had time to come up with something better.

  Level 23: Damage Control

  “What do you mean this might be permanent?” Josh said, trying to stay calm. It was hard with both of them panicking simultaneously.

  “The co-occupancy was more effective than anticipated. The close proximity and sharing of the same living space has led to an unexpected side effect,” Ali said, perfectly calmly.

  Josh was almost certain he did not wish to know the answer, but he had to ask, “Which is what exactly?”

  “It appears to have triggered the Blurgon mating process…”

  “WHAT!” Josh and Frag both said at the exact same time.

  “Blurglings mate by bonding their ethereal forms into a new, improved being. They give up a part of themselves to do so, but they must willingly co-exist in the same space to achieve this. It seems that sharing Josh’s brain may have kick-started the process. It is not yet clear if you are still two separate entities, and there will be a resultant offspring, or if you are that offspring, a perfect combination of the two. Only time will tell. All I can say is that forcible removal of Frag from the shell will almost certainly result in one or both of you dying in the process. Unfortunately that may also be true if Josh dies. There is a good chance Frag would perish.”