Demon Disgrace

by M. J. Haag

Fuck my apocalyptic life.

  I could do it. No, I would do it.

  “Do you want help?”

  “I don’t like your version of help.”

  Merdon grunted behind me and waited patiently as I forced my foot onto the next stair. I’d never been physically pushed to the point of muscle failure, but I was there now. My limbs quaked with exhaustion, and I feared sitting to eat lunch. I’d never get up again. As lovely as melting into a puddle in the kitchen sounded, I knew better than to believe Merdon would allow it. He’d been clear that this was a lunch break only.

  My stomach growled ominously, demanding it’s due.

  “Lift the other foot.”

  “I wish I had the energy to turn around and push you down the steps.”

  He tapped my butt with the back of his hand.

  “Be nice.”

  “Says the guy who bit me at least a dozen times.”

  “You were too slow.”

  And he was sick in the head, but I was smart enough to keep that opinion to myself. After hours in the basement with him, I’d caught on that he had a low tolerance for certain types of sass.

  His hand nudged the back of my knee, and I forced myself upward another step. Just two more to go. No problem.

  It took me a full minute, during which time Merdon said nothing. He was a weird mix of patience and drive that I doubted I’d ever understand.

  When I reached the top, he clasped my arms and steered me to a stool at the kitchen island. I’d never been more grateful for the help. But it weirded me out at the same time. His version of “help” hadn’t ever ended well for me before. I eyed him warily as he sat beside me.

  “I hope this is okay,” Emily said, sliding a bowl in front of me and stealing my attention.

  I looked down at the stew and actually salivated.

  Too hungry to answer, I picked up the spoon and started eating. Even that was too much work. I propped an elbow on the table so I could hold my head up while I fed myself. My eyes closed as I chewed.

  How did he expect me to keep going? I had nothing left to give.

  During the next spoonful, my sleeve slipped back to expose the bite on my wrist. The general redness was already fading, leaving behind the round dots of his sharp canines. Fey bites weren’t fun. I bitterly hoped his middle finger got infected. It would serve him right.

  “Are you finished?” Merdon asked.

  I realized I’d stalled my eating with my tired thoughts and started back up again.

  He scraped the bottom of his bowl then took it to the sink.

  “Watch her,” he said. “I’ll be right back.”

  I looked up from my food as he walked down the hall to the bathroom.

  Still hungry but too desperate to care, I pushed my bowl away and slid from the stool to a mostly upright position.

  “You going to try to run again?” Emily asked quietly.

  I snorted. I could barely lift my spoon. How in the hell did she think I’d get to the door? One unsteady step toward the living room nearly brought me to my knees.

  “Please, don’t do this, Hannah,” Emily whispered.

  Eyes on my prize, I continued forward, doing my best to hurry.

  The couch beckoned. I didn’t try to walk around it. I reached the arm and just fell forward. The cushions welcomed me like a long-absent lover. I sighed and closed my eyes. The black abyss of oblivion pulled me into its welcoming embrace.

  Mom came to me again. She stroked my hair even though I couldn’t see her.

  “You’re strong and intelligent. You will choose to live.”

  I wanted to ask her to tell Merdon how smart and strong I was, but my lips wouldn’t move. Even in sleep, I was too tired. So, I quietly drifted in the feel of her touch while dishes clanked in the background, noise I associated with home and better times. I exhaled contentedly.

  Bits of conversation drifted in and out of my awareness.

  “…good she’s eating.”

  “…manipulative. Don’t trust…”

  “…biting necessary?”

  “Do you trust me?”

  I tried to ignore it all, but the words kept worming their way in. Pressure on my arm tugged at my consciousness, demanding my attention. But sleep held me tightly until the loud crackle of velcro jolted me awake.

  I blinked, disoriented, and tried to focus.

  “Her vitals are good. But what you did was dangerous. People are supposed to be weaned.”

  I couldn’t place the woman’s voice.

  “Not Hannah.”

  I definitely knew Merdon’s. Fighting the remnants of exhaustion that still wanted to pull me back under, I struggled to sit up.

  “How are you feeling, Hannah?” Cassie asked, moving close enough that I could see her.

  “Tired.”

  “I bet. Emily said that you’re exercising with Merdon. That’s really good. Make sure you eat and drink more, though, to compensate.”

  I nodded like I understood her, but my brain was still stuck on how tired I was.

  Cassie patted my leg and moved away from me. I wilted back into the cushions, my eyes already closing again.

  “She’s lucky to have you both in her corner. Be careful with the biting, Merdon. Fey teeth are much sharper than human teeth, and our skin is fragile compared to yours. And she needs rest as much as exercise. Her body needs time to heal.”

  Teeth? Biting?

  My eyes popped open, all traces of exhaustion gone, as the door closed.

  I swiveled around and found Merdon watching me from the front entry.

  “People know you’re biting me, and they’re okay with it?”

  He didn’t answer.

  I looked at Emily, who was in the kitchen, mixing something up. Surely, she couldn’t be okay with that.

  “I’m making biscuits to go with dinner,” she said hesitantly, avoiding my question.

  “Unbelievable.”

  I flopped back onto the couch and stared at the ceiling. What had the world come to that everyone was completely calm about some grey creature from myth biting me? None of what was happening should even be real.

  My mind had barely begun to question the level of insanity in my life when Merdon’s face appeared over me.

  “Get up. You’ve rested enough.”

  “Cassie said I needed rest to heal. Are you saying you think I’m healthy now?”

  He blinked at me, and I knew I had him.

  “Because if I’m healthy, you have no reason to keep me a prisoner here.” I got to my feet. “I think I’ll go for a walk.”

  He didn’t try to stop me from bundling up or leaving the house. But he did follow me. I could live with that.

  It was easy to ignore my shadow when it felt so good to be outside. Now that I wasn’t running, I paid more attention to everything around me and noticed the fey were still present. They were just working extra hard to stay out of my sight. Traitor chickens.

  A low moo brought me up short. I listened and heard it again.

  I looked back at Merdon in disbelief.

  “Was that a cow?”

  He came to stand beside me, his suspicious gaze sweeping over my face.

  “Yes.”

  “How?” I demanded.

  “One of the new arrivals in Tenacity knew where to find the cows. We went to get them the night before you were kidnapped.”

  I’d forgotten about that, somehow, and the reminder stirred some things I wasn’t ready to feel. Pushing aside the regret and shame, I focused on what livestock might mean for the humans here.

  “Cows?” I asked. “As in more than one?”

  “Many.”

  “Where?”

  Merdon led me toward a pair of vacant lots on the corner of one of the cul-de-sacs. At least ten cows meandered there, chomping grassy looking stuff from loose piles placed on top of the trampled snow.

  “We have cows and cow food?”

  “Some. Ryan is going out to the farms to look for more. The anima
ls eat a lot.”

  A smile started and grew. It wasn’t one of my fake smiles but a real one filled with fragile hope. Animals were alive. That had to mean something. At the very least, we would avoid eventual starvation when the existing food supply ran out.

  I hugged my arms around myself and just watched the animals graze. They did eat a lot. Would Ryan be able to find what the cows needed? Granted, Mya’s brother had been leading supply runs since we had settled here and seemed to know what he was doing. He always came back with what we needed. The quantity wasn’t always there, though, not even with the help of his band of merry-fey.

  But, if Ryan was a town kid like me, would he even know how much food to bring back for the cows? I knew nothing about cows other than that they could be eaten, and the moms could be milked.

  “Are they milk cows?” I asked after a while.

  “Not yet. They all have baby cows in them.”

  “More cows?” The words were barely a whisper. I was already seeing a herd rather than just the few we had. And if one of the cows was a male, we’d have even more.

  A tear spilled down my cheek, and I quickly wiped it away.

  “Do you like cows?”

  I nodded, not wanting to look at him. He’d seen the tear, obviously, and I didn’t want pity. Not from him.

  “Do you think there might be other animals out there?” I asked.

  “Angel told Shax she heard a bird.”

  It was still weird hearing Shax’s name associated with another girl. How quickly he’d fallen out of infatuation with me. I wondered if the fey would be as obsessed with pregnant cows as they were with humans.

  “Birds are good,” I said, reining in my thoughts. “Pigs, goats, and chickens would be better.”

  “There is a chicken at Tenacity.”

  One chicken wasn’t enough, but seeing the cows in front of me, I thought that we might have real hope of surviving. If only…

  An ache exploded in my chest as I thought of Katie. My smile faded, and the urge to cry grew stronger. She should have been standing there with me. She should have had the chance to see what the world would look like if the fey managed to kill all the hellhounds.

  “Enough rest,” Merdon said, stepping in front of me with that judgy, angry expression back on his face.

  Before I could respond, he bent down in a familiar move. My eyes went wide, and I reacted as his words about going high echoed in my ears.

  My knee rammed into his chest at the same time my fingers closed over the end of one of his pointy ears. I’d accidentally discovered how sensitive fey ears were long ago.

  Giving the pliable grey end a sharp twist, I pulled hard.

  Merdon grunted and went down to one knee. Any triumph I felt withered as his hand clamped around my wrist and pulled my fingers free. When he looked up, there was real anger in his eyes.

  “Be nice.”

  The low warning in those words made my bladder quiver in fear. Ignoring the sensation, I met his gaze with a glare.

  “Ask to carry me, and I will be nice.”

  He slowly got to his feet, not loosening his hold on my wrist.

  “I don’t need your permission.”

  “Yes, you do. You don’t own me. Stop acting like it.”

  He said nothing for a moment, considering me with an intensity that I found intimidating as hell. What worried me more was that he thought my consent was optional. Why was I stuck with the broken fey? Why couldn’t one of the nice ones be interested in Emily?

  With obvious reluctance, he released my wrist.

  “Walk back to the house quickly if you don’t want to be carried.”

  “Does everything need to be a threat with you?”

  “Does everything need to be a fight with you?”

  I gave him one last glare then turned on my heel and started back toward the house. A cow mooed its farewell, and I wondered if Emily knew about them. Of course she did. Emily tended to know everything that was going on inside both the walled towns. Had I not been locked in my room, she probably would have told me about the cows.

  Bitterly, I thought of my ex-friend and wished I had someone I could count on like Cassie had said.

  “Faster,” Merdon said, nudging me from behind.

  “I am going fast,” I snapped, trying to lengthen my stride.

  “No, you’re thinking too much and slow.”

  “First, you complain I’m not smart. Now, you’re complaining that I’m thinking? Make up your mind. What do you want me to do?”

  Hands landed on my shoulder, and he spun me around.

  Angry eyes held mine as he leaned in and whispered one little word that sent my pulse racing.

  “Run.”

  My brain shorted out for a second too long because he started to growl. Pivoting, I took off at a sprint. I could hear him right behind me. The fear, the sound of being chased, and the knowledge that there was no one around to help, it brought everything back in full force. Panic ate at my chest. My legs and arms pumped in unison, desperation giving me fuel.

  I didn’t look back. I refused to see what I was leaving behind.

  The door opened before I reached it. I didn’t slow. Emily barely got out of my way as I barreled inside. I kept running. My snow-wet shoes skidded on the carpet as I made the sharp turn for the stairs.

  I barely heard her call to Merdon as I thundered up the steps. My bedroom beckoned, a place of safety rather than the prison I’d imagined it to be. I cleared the opening and slammed the door shut behind me.

  The sound resonated in the small space. Panting for air, I whirled and faced the door. Panic clung to me, coating my thoughts. It took several breaths for me to calm enough to realize an infected wasn’t going to open the door. I wasn’t sure knowing it would be Merdon was any better.

  Had I really just slammed the door in his face?

  I cringed and crept closer to place my ear against the wood panel.

  There wasn’t a sound from the other side. Carefully, I tried the doorknob. It didn’t turn.

  Shit. I was back to being locked in.

  Annoyed, I kicked off my shoes and removed my jacket. Emily was going to be pissed that I ran through the house with my shoes on. A little bit of guilt poked me in the middle at the thought of her downstairs, blotting up water or scrubbing dirt stains. I pushed those thoughts aside and concentrated on my predicament.

  Exercising in the basement with Merdon sucked, but it was better than being locked in my room all the time. I paced the confining space. How long would Emily want to keep me locked in here? I hadn’t had anything alcoholic to drink in days and was eating now. Wasn’t that enough to earn my freedom?

  In a moment of brutal clarity, I knew it wouldn’t be.

  I’d pushed Emily too far. Obviously, I had if she was letting her boy toy spank and bite me. I sighed, knowing she’d seen my problem for what it was. She wouldn’t let me loose to drink the pain away again. She’d want me to talk it out.

  I turned toward the window, withering on the inside. I’d never speak my shame out loud. Ever.

  The faint murmur of voices drew me to the door. I pressed my ear against it again.

  “…resentment will only grow if you keep her locked in her room all the time. Would letting her have a little freedom be so bad? She was fine today, wasn’t she?”

  “She was fine because I was there.”

  “And you aren’t going anywhere, right?”

  There was a moment of silence and a rustle of cloth against cloth. I could imagine him hugging her.

  “No, I’m not going anywhere.”

  “Good. Please consider letting her outside some more. Fresh air is good for us.”

  I frowned, trying to understand what I was hearing. Emily wasn’t making the calls? Merdon was?

  I was royally fucked.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Regret didn’t come close to how I felt about the ear twist I gave Merdon. I’d be lucky if he ever let me out of the room again.


  Knowing that it was Merdon keeping me here also confused the hell out of me. Were his actions some sort of warped way of giving Emily what she wanted? I mean, she wanted me sober and mentally healthy. She’d made that pretty clear leading up to this lock in. While she and I both knew my sobriety and mental health weren’t things she could just snap her fingers and fix, did he? I bet not.

  Emily really did screw herself over hard by picking him as a beyfriend. He was way too forceful. She needed someone less prone to living life two seconds away from a rage. I wished I knew what she was thinking. More than that, I wished I knew what he was planning. How did he think he was going to fix me to her liking when he wasn’t listening to her?

  The adrenaline spike that had fueled my run of terror faded, leaving me tired. I sat on the bed. I knew if I lay down, I’d fall asleep. Somehow, I didn’t think Merdon wanted that yet, no matter how much the idea of another dream-free day-nap tempted me.

  I looked at the fading light outside and wondered what new version of hell the night would bring.

  The door opened.

  “Come.”

  Just one angry word. That was all I got before Merdon stepped aside expectantly.

  I stood, my eyes going to his ear. The one I’d tugged was still a little darker than its twin.

  “I’m sorry,” I said quickly. “I shouldn’t have tugged on your ear.”

  He was in front of me in a second, showing how fast he could move when he wanted.

  “You brought me to my knee because of pain. What if I didn’t feel pain? What would you have done then?”

  “Probably yelled, kicked, and hit you as you carried me away.”

  “You would give up? Explain.”

  “You’re stronger and faster. The only thing that even gives me a chance is that you can be hurt. If I couldn’t hurt you, there’d be no way to stop you.”

  “You could kill me.”

  I jerked back.

  “What are you saying?”

  He took a slow, big breath before answering.

  “You’re getting smarter. That is all.”

  I blinked at him, feeling ridiculously like a fey in doing so. But he’d just confused the hell out of me. Was he saying that he’d known I would have to hurt him to stop him? Or that he was waiting for me to do that?