A Past Forgiven

by Lorana Hoopes

  As the engine roared to life, the image vanished, and the pounding in her heart slowed. He flicked a mock salute and rode away. Sighing, Jess finished her cigarette and began the trek back to the dorm room.

  When the building came into view, her good mood faded away. If only she didn’t have the perky roommate to put up with.

  With a sigh, she pushed open the door to the shared room. Emily looked up from her book, but said nothing. Crossing to the little sink, Jess brushed her teeth, changed into her sleeping attire of a long t-shirt, and then flicked off the overhead light.

  “Excuse me, but I was reading.” Emily’s voice held a note of annoyance, and Jess smiled to herself in the darkness.

  “And now you’re not,” she retorted.

  A sigh carried across the room, followed by the sound of rummaging around in a drawer. There was a click, and a little book light came on. Jess should have known Emily would be a prepared little Girl Scout. She rolled her eyes and turned to face the wall. Score one for the annoying blonde, but there was always tomorrow. She would just have to be more creative.

  As Chad turned off the motorcycle and dismounted, his mind revisited the raven-haired girl. With one side or her hair shaved and a nose ring, she was definitely trying to portray a tough exterior, but though he hadn’t spoken with her long, he had sensed a sadness in her eyes. It was the same sadness he often saw reflected in his mirror, and he wondered what hurt resided in her past.

  He hadn’t always been into analyzing people. When he’d first come to Texas Tech, it had been to major in Mechanical Engineering, but two years ago his younger brother had been killed in a school shooting and everything had changed. Chad had turned from mechanical engineering to psychology, desperate for answers as to why people acted the way they did. He still wasn’t sure what he planned to do with the degree, but if he could save even one person from going through the fate Kyle had or dealing with the aftermath as he was having to, it would be worth it.

  He flicked on the light of his small apartment-like dorm room and sighed. The benefit of being a Junior was that he could live in West Village, but as he’d opted for a single apartment this year, the downfall was that loneliness often crept in.

  Chad thought about calling one of his “hook-ups,” but it would be his first day teaching tomorrow. His time would be better spent making sure he was prepared as he needed to keep this job to afford his housing. Besides, he was rather tired of last year’s offerings. Hopefully, this year would wield some new and exciting flavors.

  Again the girl from earlier flashed into his mind. She had been attracted to him. He had seen it in her face before she turned away, and she might be interesting. At least interesting enough for some good times. It was too bad he hadn’t gotten her number. Tech was a big campus and the chances he would see her again were small.

  He pushed the thoughts of her from his mind and focused on arranging his papers and rehearsing his lecture. Tomorrow would be soon enough to focus on finding new women to add to his list.

  Chapter 2

  Jess woke to the sun streaming in the window. Yawning, she stretched and sneaked a glance at the other side of the room. Emily’s bed was made, but she was nowhere to be seen. A smile played across Jess’s face as she realized she had the room to herself, for a bit at least. Who knew when the blonde would be back.

  Ugh, she hated school, not because she was bad at it, but because it bored her. The only good thing about college was the ability to take afternoon classes. Not being a morning person, Jess rarely functioned well before her first cup of coffee.

  What did she have today? Closing her eyes, she pictured her schedule - just Psychology and Math. Neither were her favorite subject, but she had taken Psychology hoping she’d learn to analyze people. Math, on the other hand, was just one of those stupid required classes in college. She knew basic math, enough to balance a checkbook and pay bills. Since math didn’t change, anything beyond that seemed useless.

  Rolling out of bed, Jess padded to the little cloudy mirror. The non-shaved side of her hair looked like it had been in a windstorm. She yanked a brush through it, hoping to tame it a little, but the result wasn’t much better. With a shrug, she picked up her toothbrush, and after brushing her teeth, she pulled on a pair of black shorts and a matching tank top. Then she grabbed her books and a granola bar and headed downstairs.

  Though the dorm didn’t have a full cafeteria, a coffee pot sat on the table by the main desk, so she stopped to fill up a Styrofoam cup. It was strong, but not awful, and it would do until she could get a better cup.

  As she pushed open the main doors, Jess’s skin prickled at the change in temperature. The dorm stayed at a constant temperature of seventy-two, cool but not cold. However, the blazing sun outside made Jess glad she opted for shorts. She took a left towards the Psychology building.

  One of the blander buildings on campus, the Psychology building was a giant brick rectangle with a myriad of windows. Jess pushed open the door and turned left to find room 110. The wooden door opened to a large lecture hall filled with rows of seats—almost like a movie theater except each seat contained a pull-out desk top on the side and was made of hard plastic instead of the comfy foam you found in the theater.

  Jess took a seat at the back. She hated having people behind her, analyzing her, criticizing her. A handful of other people sat in the back row, and a few heads dotted the closer rows, but the room was mostly empty. Turning her wrist, she checked her watch to see ten minutes still remained until the class started. For once, she was early.

  The door continued to open and more people filed in, filling the room, but none of them looked like someone Jess wanted to talk to. Slouching down in the chair, she pulled out her phone and aimlessly flicked through social media posts. She wasn’t sure why she still bothered as she had no one she kept in touch with, having burned all her old bridges when she left Paducah.

  A few minutes later, the door down front opened, and a dark-haired man entered. He laid a satchel on the table, and when he looked up, Jess’s breath caught in her throat. Chad, the handsome biker from the night before, stood down front. She sat up straighter in her seat and wished for once she’d sat in the front row. This had just gotten interesting.

  “I’m Chad Michaels, and I’m your TA for this class. Dr. Warren will rarely be here, though you can catch him in his office during office hours. I’m passing around your syllabus. Read it, live it, love it. Hopefully you already purchased the required reading because you need to read the first five chapters before our next meeting.”

  Chad continued speaking as he handed a stack of papers to the first row, but all Jess focused on was the sweet melody of his voice. She'd been attracted to him before, but now that he was basically the instructor, her desire for him increased.

  As class ended, she realized she couldn’t recall a single thing he had said after his name. She would have to hope everything he’d said was in the syllabus. Pretending to gather her books, Jess waited until most of the students left before ambling down front.

  “Well, I didn’t know I’d be seeing you again so soon,” she said, turning on her most seductive voice and tucking a strand of dark hair behind her ear.

  He looked up and narrowed his eyes, obviously trying to place her face. Then they widened as recognition flashed in them and he nodded, “Ah, Lighter Girl. You have time to get a smoke now?”

  Jess shrugged, feigning indifference. No need to let him know how attracted she was to him. Though she had math in twenty minutes, getting to know Chad seemed a little more important at the moment. She flashed what she hoped was a sexy smile, lowered her lids, and said, “Sure. Why not?”

  He packed up his bag, and they headed out the side door. A shadow covered this side of the building, but it wasn’t much cooler. They each pulled out a cigarette, and Jess produced her lighter.

  “How long have you been a TA?” she asked him, trying to start up a conversation.

  “It’s my first year. You ca
n’t be a TA until your Junior year.” He took a deep puff, and Jess forced her eyes away from his lips.

  “Oh.” Stupid, Jess thought, stop asking stupid questions.

  “Where are you from?” he asked.

  “A little Podunk town, Paducah. How about you?”

  A tiny smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “California originally, but when we moved out here, we lived in Seminole. It’s a small town too.” He finished his cigarette and then glanced at his watch. “I have to get to an appointment, but give me your phone.”

  The request took her off guard, but Jess pulled out her phone and handed it over. Chad’s finger moved deftly over the screen. Then he flashed a sexy smile and handed the phone back. “I put my cell number in there. Text me so I have your number too.”

  Jess grasped the phone and bit the inside of her lip to keep from smiling like an idiot. “I’ll do that.”

  He flicked a wave and sauntered off, and she strolled to math class on cloud nine. She’d only be a little late, and she doubted anyone would even notice.

  When Jess returned to the dorm room that afternoon, Emily was gone. Jess sat on her bed, pulled out her phone, and flicked to Chad’s number. She was looking forward to using it in the next few days. Not right away, but soon. Had to play at least a little hard to get. She laid the phone down and glanced over at Emily’s side of the room. The Bible Emily had been reading the night before lay on her nightstand. Jess didn’t know why, but the desire to look inside it suddenly burned within her.

  After glancing at the door, she crossed to Emily’s bed, sat down, and grabbed the book. It was heavier than she’d expected. The black, textured cover held Emily’s name embossed in gold in the bottom right corner. Emily Peters. As Jess opened the cover, the words “To Emily, Love Mom and Dad” mocked her. Had she ever had a mom and dad who truly loved her? She held no memory of her biological father, but she had once believed her mother loved her, until the latest step-father entered the picture.

  Jess flipped a few pages in and read the headings: Reward for Obedience, Punishment for Disobedience... Well, that didn’t sound inspiring. A few more flips: The Lord Calls Samuel, The Philistines Capture the Ark. Who were the Philistines? She didn’t remember them from History class. Another flip landed her in Psalms 106. “Praise the Lord. Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever.” Jess snorted. She had never felt any love from God if He was even real.

  An exasperated sigh tumbled out of her lips. Nothing amazing resided in there, just a bunch of history and nonsense. Exactly what she thought. She slammed the book shut, tossing it back on Emily’s nightstand before heading out to grab food.

  “Well, how was the first day,” Dr. Warren asked as Chad entered the small office. Dr. Warren was nearing seventy with a full head of white hair and matching bushy eyebrows.

  “It went pretty well,” Chad said. “It’s a large class.” He didn’t mention the fact he was attracted to one of the students. Even though a TA and not the actual professor, he was pretty sure a relationship would be frowned upon.

  “I have no doubt in your ability,” Dr. Warren said. “If I had, I wouldn’t have asked you to TA for me.” Dr. Warren’s tenured status allowed him the option to have a TA teach one or two of his classes so he could focus on the students seeking a doctorate. He had asked Chad to take over the Intro to Psychology class at the end of the previous school year.

  “Thank you, sir. I won’t let you down,” Chad said, “but I better be getting back to my room. I have a lot of work from business class this morning. I’ll see you on Wednesday.” Chad had put most of his classes on Tuesday and Thursday when he didn’t have to teach, but his business classes were only offered on Mondays and Wednesdays so he’d had to schedule them before his teaching.

  Dr. Warren absentmindedly waved a hand at Chad as he returned to whatever he had been working on when Chad walked in.

  As he crossed the campus back to his dorm, Chad’s eyes took in the beautiful women in their crop tops and short shirts. Lubbock’s warm weather and long summers often meant shorter shorts and tighter tops as women tried to escape the heat. Not that Chad minded the view, but today his mind kept returning to Jess. Maybe it was the look in her eyes, but something about her made him want to get to know her better.

  Emily was in the room when Jess returned that evening. She glanced up from the book she was reading and asked, “How was your first day?”

  Jess glared at her. Did the girl honestly think they were going to be friends? “Why do you care?” she mumbled in response before pulling out headphones and jamming them in her ears. In reality, she wished someone did care. Other than the meeting with Chad this morning, Jess had barely spoken with anyone. The truth was, she was lonely, but there was no way she would tell Emily that. She didn’t need her making any more of a false effort to be friends when they had nothing in common.

  “Hey.”

  The blonde’s voice cut through her music, but Jess tried to ignore her, hoping she would leave her alone to wallow in her loneliness and dream of Chad, but she was persistent.

  “Hey,” she said again, tapping Jess’s shoulder.

  With a sigh, Jess pulled out one earphone and looked up at her. “What?” Her voice was flat and emotionless.

  “I’m about to do my prayer time. I wanted to know if you’d like to join me or if I could pray for you in some way.”

  Her brown eyes appeared sincere as she waited for an answer, but Jess was unable to do more than blink at her. No one had ever offered to pray for her. Of course, since Jess didn’t believe prayer worked, it had never mattered.

  “No, I’m fine,” she finally managed and shoved her earphone back in, but as the blonde shrugged and returned to her bed, Jess turned the volume down on her music. She wanted to hear what her prayer sounded like. Even though her mother had gone to church and claimed to be a Christian, Jess had never heard her pray.

  The girl knelt in front of her bed and bowed her head. Her voice was soft as if speaking more to herself, and Jess had to strain to make out the words. “Dear Lord, I thank you for the blessings you have provided me. Thank you for the opportunity to make new friends. You alone know the desires of our hearts, and I pray that you will touch Jess’s heart and grant the desires of her heart. Lord also be with Jared. Give him peace and protect Nikki wherever she is. I pray for a hedge of protection on all of us this year so we may be examples for you and show love and grace as you do. Amen.”

  When she finished, the girl pushed herself up and sat down at the desk where she opened a large textbook probably to do homework. Slowly, Jess turned the music back up, but the girl’s words ricocheted around in her head. She'd prayed for Jess even though she hadn’t asked her to and yet not for herself. Wasn’t that what Christians used prayer for? To ask God to give them things? Yet Emily had prayed for others and only asked to be a good example to others. A grey cloud of doubt filled Jess’s head. Could it be possible she had the wrong idea about Emily?

  Emily was gone when Jess woke the next morning, so she figured it was time to put the tactics she had brainstormed into place. After listening to Emily pray the previous night and wrestling with feelings she didn’t want most of the night, Jess decided there was no way she was as good as she seemed.

  After dressing and brushing her teeth, Jess scattered piles of clothes around the room. Then, she opened a few of her granola bars and tossed the wrappers on Emily’s bed. It wasn’t much, but Jess had more planned for the afternoon when she returned. Grabbing her bag and chomping on a granola bar, she headed off to Biology, hoping it would be less boring than math had been the day before. Maybe, if she were lucky, she’d have another hot teacher like Chad to stare at.

  Disgust flooded Jess’s veins when she opened the door to the room that afternoon. Emily had picked up all the mess and folded the clothes, placing them neatly on Jess’s bed. She now sat calmly at her desk working on something.

  “Don’t touch my stuff again,” Jess s
pat at her, slamming the door and crossing to the bed to knock the perfectly piled clothes over. She pushed them with such intensity that some flew off the bed and landed on the floor.

  “Don’t leave such a mess, and I won’t have to.” Her voice was matter-of-fact, and her eyes never lifted from her book.

  “Don’t tell me what to do; you’re not my mother,” Jess snapped. How could she be so calm? It was infuriating. She picked up a few articles still on the bed, walked to the middle of the room, and purposefully dropped them.

  Emily looked up and said with a sigh, “No, but I’m trying to be your friend. Look, I talked to the RA, but all the rooms are full. Even if I wanted to go, there’s no place, so we are stuck with each other for the semester at least. We don’t have to like each other, but we could try to get along.”

  “Or you could find a place off campus to live.” Time for the next step. Jess opened the window and pulled out her pack of cigarettes. Clicking the lighter, she lit up and puffed. Though most of the smoke was going outside, she knew at least a little was seeping back into the room.

  Emily coughed. "Excuse me, but there's no smoking in here. You need to take that outside."

  "It's a free country," Jess said. "If you don't like it, you can leave."

  Emily took a deep breath and forced a smile on her face. "I already told you I can’t. I can’t afford an apartment. My scholarship is paying for my dorm room.” She stared at Jess a moment, then closed her eyes. Her lips moved though the words she was saying were too quiet for Jess to make out.

  "What are you doing?" Jess asked. Is she putting a curse on me? Jess saw no voodoo doll, but she would put nothing past religious nut jobs.

  Her eyelids opened, and her brown eyes met Jess’s in a piercing gaze. "I'm praying for you. For us, really. We will have to live together at least this semester, and I can't make peace alone, so I'm praying for patience and for guidance."