A Past Forgiven

by Lorana Hoopes

  “We are in need of a dress,” Tanya said.

  “Of course,” the woman said, looking at Kendra. “Congratulations. What are you, about a six?”

  “Oh, it’s not for me,” Kendra said with a laugh. “It’s for my soon-to-be-sister-in-law, Jess, here.”

  The woman turned her attention to Jess.

  While her eyes held no condemnation, Jess felt as if the woman was examining her.

  “You’re with child, are you not?”

  “I am,” Jess said softly, wanting to sink into the floor. Was this woman about to chide her for sex outside of marriage?

  Angela smiled and reached for Jess’s hand. “Congratulations, my dear. Now, you seem young. Am I right that money might be limited?”

  “I’ll be covering the cost of the dress,” Tanya said.

  “Wonderful. I believe I have just the thing. Come with me.”

  Jess followed her to the right side of the store where rows of wedding dresses hung from metal bars.

  “Let’s see,” Angela said, flipping through dresses. “I bet you’re a six, right?”

  “Well, maybe before the pregnancy,” Jess said.

  “We can adjust for that,” Angela said. “Ah, here it is. I designed this custom wedding dress for a client, but she cancelled the wedding. I couldn’t give her a refund as it was a custom order, but I can give you a discount on it.” She pulled out a long white satin gown and handed it to Jess. “There’s a dressing room right there,” Angela said, pointing to a pink door. “Why don’t you go try it on and see how it looks?”

  Jess took the dress into the room, slipped off her clothes, and pulled the dress over her head. It was a simple dress that hung in a clean silhouette from her shoulders to her toes. The sleeves were a sheer fabric and a small line of pearls lined the neck of the dress. At her feet, the dress pooled in a white billow of fabric.

  A look in the mirror elicited a small gasp from Jess. Though her baby bump was visible in the dress, the overall effect was stunning and drew the eye away from her midsection. Jess had never felt more beautiful. With tentative fingers, she opened the door and stepped out for the others to see.

  “Oh, Jess,” Tanya said with a sigh. “You are indeed a vision.”

  “It’s perfect,” Kendra agreed.

  “I knew it,” Angela said. Her hands were clasped together under her chin and a wide smile lit up her face.

  “We’ll take it,” Tanya said.

  Chapter 24

  “Are you nervous?” Chad asked as they finished their Bible study. They had been doing one nightly since they arrived at his parent’s house nearly a month before but opted for an extra one this morning before the wedding. Chad was glad because Jess seemed preoccupied. “Everything for the wedding is ready and in just a few short hours we will be husband and wife.”

  “It’s not that,” she said with a shake of her head. Her sapphire eyes met his. “I’m excited to be marrying you, but I’m worried about the hearing. I know I said I could do it, but now I’m not so sure.”

  Chad sighed. Of course, the hearing against her stepfather was scheduled for just a few weeks after the wedding. She'd agreed to testify, but Chad knew it was only for Stephanie’s sake. Jess held no desire to relive the abuse that had been inflicted on her.

  “You know what we haven’t done?” he asked. “We haven’t prayed for him.”

  “Pray for him,” Jess said with surprise. “What good will that do?”

  Chad smiled and took her hand. “God has changed far harder hearts than your stepfather’s, but it might also give you peace. Remember, God said to pray for our enemies? Perhaps praying for him will take away some of your nervousness.”

  “I’ll try anything,” Jess said. “I don’t want this cloud to ruin our wedding.”

  Chad led the two of them in prayer for Jim and for Stephanie and Jess when they would have to testify. As he said ‘Amen,’ the feeling that he should continue praying for Jim settled on his shoulders and Chad determined it would be his priority until the trial.

  “Jess, you look so beautiful,” Emily said as Jess surveyed herself in the mirror.

  Jess could hardly believe the transformation herself. Kendra and Emily had curled her hair and pinned it up in such a way that the shaved part was barely visible. Dark ringlets hung down and framed her face, and the touch of make-up Emily had applied completed the picture.

  “You do too,” Jess said, turning to her friend. “I’m so glad you were able to come for this.”

  “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

  A knock sounded and then the door cracked open. Kendra’s face appeared in the space. “You ready? It’s time.”

  “As I’ll ever be,” Jess said. She thought she would be nervous, marrying Chad, but she had woken this morning with a sense of peace. And everything had come together. The cake had arrived, the church was decorated, and everyone that was supposed to show up - had.

  Jess grabbed her bouquet of red roses and sniffed them. She knew it was cliché, but red roses were the first flowers Chad had given her, and they seemed like a perfect fit for her wedding.

  Emily grabbed the two similar bouquets of white flowers and handed one to Kendra. The contrast was beautiful. The two girls in their red dresses with white roses and Jess in her white dress with red roses. It had been Tanya’s suggestion and Jess was more than pleased with the outcome.

  Kendra led the way to the sanctuary doors where Chad’s groomsmen waited. Jess knew it was unorthodox that she had no one to walk her down the aisle, but she’d never had a father figure growing up. However, God was her Father and she wanted the place beside her to belong to Him, even if He couldn’t be physically seen.

  As the music started, Kendra and Emily gave her a quick hug before taking the arm of their groomsman. Jess closed her eyes and sent up a prayer. “Lord, thank you for the many blessings you have given me. Thank you for taking our mistake and turning it into a gift. Lord, bless our marriage and help us be the husband and wife you want us to be.”

  A feeling of warmth surrounded her like the warmth from a soft fire. Jess flashed one last smile heavenward and then, when the music changed, she opened the door to the sanctuary. The crowd rose to their feet and Jess blinked at the number of people. She had only invited a handful. Were all the rest of these Chad’s family and friends?

  Her feet froze to the floor for a moment in fear, but then her eyes found Chad’s, and a small voice whispered in her head, “Fear not, daughter, for I am with you.”

  That was all Jess needed. She began the walk down the aisle toward the man she loved.

  “Dearly Beloved,” the pastor began as she reached the front, “we are gathered here today to join this man and this woman in holy matrimony.”

  The pastor continued, but Jess didn’t hear the words as her focus was on Chad. She couldn’t believe how much both of them had changed.

  “I do,” Chad said and placed the ring on her finger.

  Jess blinked, startled. Were they already at ‘I do?’ She had missed more than she thought.

  “Do you Jess Peterson take Chad Michaels as your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, in sickness and in health, in good times and bad, for as long as you both shall live?”

  “I do,” Jess said, sliding Chad’s ring on his finger.

  “Then by the power vested to me by the great state of Texas, I now declare you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride.”

  As Chad’s lips touched her own, the baby kicked in her stomach and Jess smiled. Everything was going to be okay.

  Chapter 25

  Chad and Jess were unpacking the last box when Jess’s phone rang. He looked up as she answered.

  “Hello?” she said and then paused as the person on the other end spoke. “What’s that, Mom?” Another pause and then her mouth dropped open. “What?… Are you sure?… Okay, thanks Mom.”

  Jess hung up the phone and looked at Chad with wide eyes.

  “What is it?”
he asked with concern. “Is it the baby?” He rushed to her side, but Jess waved her hand in dismissal.

  “It’s Jim,” she said slowly. “He confessed, so there’s no hearing.”

  Elation flooded Chad, and he picked her up and swung her around. “That’s wonderful news. I’ve been praying that God would resolve this and He did.”

  “Yes, I guess He did,” Jess said with a smile. “I love you, Chad.”

  “I love you too, Mrs. Michaels,” he said, setting her down before lowering his face to plant his lips on hers.

  January passed and with it, the threat of snow. Though the air was still chilly, the biting wind had calmed to a nibbling breeze. February arrived, and for the first time in a long time, Jess was looking forward to Valentine’s Day. Plus, this month, her ultrasound was scheduled. Though Jess was nearly certain she was carrying a daughter, she wanted the surety of the ultrasound.

  On the morning of the appointment, butterflies zoomed in her stomach. She placed her hands on her stomach, hoping to feel the baby move again. The feeling was an unexplainable sensation, but one she wouldn’t trade for the world, and today she’d get a grainy picture of the baby. Pulling out her newly acquired stretchy pants from the dresser she now shared with Chad, she pulled them on over her enlarging belly and headed out to meet him.

  “You ready?” he asked as he set down his coffee mug and stood.

  “Yeah, I think so. I’m nervous though,” she said.

  “Me too.” He grabbed their coats, “But it’ll be fine, and we’ll finally be able to start thinking about names.”

  Though Chad had been tossing names out - Jackson if it was a boy, Kayleigh if it was a girl - Jess had been unable to decide on a name until she knew for sure what they were having, but today she would finally know. She pulled on her coat and followed Chad out the door.

  The parking lot was mostly empty as they pulled in. Jess hoped this meant they would get in and out quickly. After checking in at the small desk, they found two empty seats in the waiting room. Another pregnant woman and an older man sat in two other chairs.

  A few minutes later, a blonde technician called Jess’s name and led the way back, down a short hallway carpeted in gray to a small room. There was an exam table, a computer, and two chairs in the small room.

  The technician took a seat at the computer and patted the bed. “Hop up and let’s take a look.”

  Jess climbed on the exam table and laid back. Chad positioned himself on the other side of the bed from the technician who folded Jess’s shirt up and poured a glob of blue liquid on her stomach.

  “Sorry, it’s a little cold,” she said as Jess shivered. She picked up the wand attached to the computer.

  As she touched the wand to Jess’s stomach, the black screen lit up. The heartbeat was audible almost immediately, and Chad’s mouth dropped as he watched the screen.

  “Okay, I’m going to take some measurements first, and then I can look for gender if you want.” She moved the wand back and forth, stopping to click some things on her computer. Jess strained her eyes to see what the shapes were, but the screen was so grainy that she wasn’t sure if she was seeing an arm or a leg. The wand continued to move back and forth. “Okay, I’m all set, do you want me to see if I can tell the gender?”

  “I want to know,” Jess said and then looked at Chad, “Do you still want to see or wait?”

  “See,” he said. His answer was decisive and made her smile. They hadn’t discussed whether they hoped for a boy or girl, but it was obvious he had been thinking about it.

  A smile broke out on the technician’s face. “Okay, let’s see what we have.” The wand moved again. “So, here’s the head and the spine.”

  Jess looked closely at what the technician was pointing out, but she couldn’t tell one white part from another. She had never thought much about an ultrasound technician’s job, but now it was obvious why they received so much training.

  “Here are the legs, so let’s see, well it looks like a little girl. Now, girls aren’t as accurate as boys because the baby could just be hiding that part, but I’m pretty confident that you are having a girl.”

  Tears welled up in Jess’s eyes. Somewhere deep inside, she had known she was having a daughter, but hearing the words triggered an emotion she hadn’t even known was residing there.

  The technician printed off a few ultrasound pictures and handed them to Jess. “Okay, I’m going to show some of the scans to the doctor just to make sure everything looks good and then you’ll be free to go. Here’s a towel you can use to clean your stomach.”

  She handed Jess a towel and left the room, leaving Jess and Chad staring at each other, in awe of God’s creation and the perfectness they could see in the tiny grainy images.

  The technician returned a few minutes later with a smile on her face and a disc in her hand. “Okay, you’re good to go and here’s a video for you.” She held out the disc.

  “A video of what?” Jess asked.

  “The ultrasound. Everything we did today. It’s on video now.”

  Jess grabbed the CD, an unexplainable feeling surging through her body. “I didn’t know they did this. Thank you.”

  Chapter 26

  The rest of February, March, and April flew by. Jess and Chad had moved into a two-bedroom apartment in his building, and Chad spent the mornings teaching and the afternoons setting up the nursery or studying. Jess still worked at the student union, so he tried to have dinner ready for her when she returned home each night as well.

  As May began, the uncomfortable stage of pregnancy hit for her. Jess’s belly had now grown out far enough she could no longer see her feet, and she definitely couldn’t lean over to tie shoes. She had asked Chad to tie her shoes for a few days, but finally had resorted to a pair of slip-ons.

  A nasty case of heartburn had also started in the last month, and after burning through an entire bottle of Rolaids in one week, she had asked the doctor about it. The doctor had prescribed Ranitidine, which at least tamed the fiery beast enough that she could sleep. Unfortunately, she could no longer sleep in her favorite position, so she would often toss and turn keeping Chad awake.

  It was after one such sleepless night that he had done some online research and found the perfect gift for Jess and himself.

  “Come on,” Chad said, grabbing her arm and pulling her to the Traverse. He had surprised her after her last class with a bouquet of flowers and a chocolate milkshake, her current weakness.

  “I have work, Chad,” she said, handing the flowers back to him. He noticed she kept the milkshake tight to her chest.

  “Not today you don’t. I talked to Darla and got you the afternoon off. Now, come on.”

  “Where are we going?” she asked before taking a large sip of the milkshake.

  “It’s a surprise.” He grinned like a kid at Christmas waiting to open his first gift.

  Smiling and shaking her head, Jess allowed herself to be pulled to the SUV and for him to open the door and help her climb in.

  Ten minutes later, Chad pulled into the parking lot of a mattress store. Sleep City blazoned across the roof and two sheep decorated the front windows.

  “Uh, Chad, I don’t understand,” she said, turning a raised eyebrow on him.

  “Just wait,” he said with a smile that sent his eyes sparkling in delight.

  He jumped out of the SUV, nearly skipping to Jess’s side to help her out. She followed him into the store, but confusion was still clearly written all over her face. Chad scanned the store for a salesman, and after gaining one’s attention, he whispered a request to the man.

  The man, a middle-aged, bearded man with glasses, nodded; his lips pursed, and then his eyes lit up. A smile etched across his face, and he motioned for Chad to follow him.

  They followed him around several mattresses, bedroom furniture, and finally to the back of the store where pillows and linens lay. The salesman picked up a giant pillow, almost as tall as he was, and held it out to Jess.


  “You want to buy me a pillow?” she asked in a hesitant voice. It was clear she had missed the gesture.

  “Not just any pillow,” Chad said. “This is a contouring body pillow. It’s supposed to help pregnant women sleep better. My mom swore by one when she was pregnant with my little sister.”

  Jess smiled as the thoughtfulness of his gift sank in. “Thank you,” she said with sincerity. “I can’t wait to try it out.”

  “How are you feeling?” Emily asked from the living room as Jess dressed for the day. They had finished finals yesterday and had agreed to have a final hurrah to celebrate today.

  “Like a giant melon,” Jess said, entering from the bedroom. “I miss my feet. Do I have on matching shoes?” It was a running joke between the two girls. Ever since Jess had switched to slip on shoes, she would ask Emily this, even though she only had one pair.

  “You do,” Emily laughed, “You’re good.”

  “You know, I’ll miss some things,” Jess said, “like feeling her move around. That really is a unique sensation, but I can’t wait to see my feet again.”

  “Do you ever worry?” Emily asked.

  Her serious tone chilled Jess’s playful mood as she knew exactly what Emily was asking. Even though she prayed, the thought plagued her nightly. Sometimes just a passing thought, but sometimes an agonizing hour-long focus. Could she and Chad really give this girl a good life?

  “I do,” Jess nodded, “but Chad has been amazing. I know it won’t be easy, but we will be okay. After all, we have God with us, and I know for sure we’re going to love this girl.”

  The front door swung open, and Chad’s dark head popped in. “Hey, you two ready yet? I’m starving. I’ve been thinking about brunch since I woke up.”

  “We’re ready,” Jess said as she waddled toward the door. “I just move slower these days.”

  “I know,” he said, planting a kiss on Jess when she reached the doorway, “but you’re still beautiful.”