Through Love's Eyes

by C. A. Popovich

  She returned to her chair, covered herself with the T-shirt, and thought of her and Brit shopping and sitting at her backyard table. Should she call Brit to let her know she got in safely? Would she want to hear from her? Ever again?

  She ordered Chinese food from her favorite restaurant and called Peter while she waited for the delivery.

  “Hi, Peter. I’m back in New York.”

  “Great. I let the magazine know you’d be available, and they’ve put you on the schedule to start this week. Did you have a smooth flight?”

  “I did. I’m tired but back. I wanted to let you know that I had a woman on the island recognize me and ask for my autograph. Then, in the Chicago airport another one. People recognize me, Peter. Tell Vogue, Elle, and all of them. I’m still popular. You’ll tell them, won’t you?” She hated the desperation in her voice.

  “I will, Erika. I promise I’ll do my best. I’ve worked hard for you throughout the years and I’m not giving up now. I’m sorry, but I keep getting ‘we’re looking for new, fresh faces.’ Get some rest, and I’ll be in touch.”

  She paid for her food when it arrived and put the bag in her kitchen. She stood for a moment looking at the stainless steel appliances and the spotless countertop and floor. She’d loved this apartment when she moved in. Her cleaning service kept her refrigerator and bar stocked, so she didn’t have to worry about shopping. She had a dining room table, but she couldn’t remember when she’d used it. There was no small, well-used wooden table with worn edges and comfortable chairs with homemade cushions embroidered with rooster heads. She opened a carton of food and a bottle of wine and sat back in her chair to eat. She took one bite and put it aside to send Brit a text.

  I wanted to let you know I got to New York safely. I hope you’re doing okay. Erika

  She hit send and hoped it went through. She ate her dinner without tasting much and wondered if Brit liked Chinese food. She turned on the TV and searched for an interesting program. Her thoughts turned to evenings spent with Brit sharing a meal, talking, and enjoying each other’s company while watching the evening news. She flipped through channels and settled on a talk show hosting celebrities. She finished her meal and contemplated appearing on the show. Would it keep her in the spotlight? She sighed deeply, wondering where her life was headed. She knew she was facing a major change. She just wished she knew how it all would end. She finished her meal and switched the channel to a news station before going to bed.

  * * *

  The next morning, Erika woke disoriented. She reached for Brit, but there was no Brit, no body heat, nothing but cool satin sheets. She curled into a fetal position to squeeze away the emptiness. How could she have gotten used to the right side of the bed and waking next to Brit in such a short time? Surely you didn’t fall for someone that fast? Loneliness was something she’d never experienced. Had she been too busy to recognize it? She did now. She missed Brit. She missed everything about her. What she could do about it was a question she didn’t know how to answer.

  She went to the kitchen to check for breakfast food. She found eggs and dismissed them. It was the last breakfast she’d shared with Brit. She searched the cupboards and found a box of quinoa. Perfect. Nothing to remind her of Brit. She ate breakfast seated in her living room and watched the morning news. She checked her phone for a text from Brit and went into her office to check her email. She wasn’t one to be on the computer all day, but she had some friends who liked to send notes and connect on Facebook. She waited for her computer to boot up, surprised that she’d been away for three weeks and hadn’t missed it. She sent a note to one of her fellow models asking her if she knew of any last-minute openings. Sometimes agents overbooked and had to find fill-ins, and sometimes models got sick. She checked her social media accounts and responded to a few comments. She still had fans in real life and online.

  She shut down her computer and stepped onto her treadmill to begin her workout routine. She was still on her first half mile when her phone pinged with a text from Peter.

  Erika. I talked to Naturalé last night. They’re excited to have you onboard, but they’ve moved their schedule up a few days. I’ll know more tomorrow, but they’ve already rented a studio somewhere in New York. I’ll send you info and the schedule as soon as I get it. Peter

  Erika shut off her phone, then turned it back on so she wouldn’t miss a call or text from Brit. She continued her workout. All she could do now was wait.

  Chapter Forty-seven

  Brittany watched the gulls glide over the water and dive when they spotted their next meal. The weekend had turned cloudy and rain threatened. The sky was dark, like her mood. She watched for a few more minutes before she headed home to an empty apartment. She reminded herself it was the same apartment she’d had before. She divided her life now between before Erika and after. She didn’t like the after much. She missed her. She’d gotten used to sharing meals, her bed, her life. She hoped Erika found what she was chasing. She knew it wasn’t more fame or fortune she was after, it was her identity as a supermodel. It was who she’d been her whole life and she’d grown to enjoy the attention, the travel, the money. All of it. Would they talk again? Or would Erika disappear into another memory, a time together that ended, once again, in pain? They’d dismissed the idea of being together in some kind of long distance thing, but maybe they shouldn’t have. The thoughts went round and round, and Brit did what she could to distract herself so they’d tumble to a stop.

  She stirred the pot of beef stew she’d defrosted that day and sat on her couch to eat and watch the evening news. Was Erika watching whatever version she received in New York? She looked at her phone and considered for the tenth time responding to Erika’s text. But it didn’t sound like she expected a reply. She was thoughtful enough to let her know she was safe, and she was grateful, even though it felt pretty final. She finished her meal and decided she didn’t care about whatever was happening in the world and shut off the TV. She put the leftovers away and washed the dishes before heading outside.

  She didn’t want to have to explain the tears streaming down her face to anyone passing by, so she settled on a secluded bench. When she was comfortable no one was close, she blew her nose, and punched Barb’s number into her phone.

  “Hi, Brittany. How’re you doing?”

  “Hey, Barb. Do you have time to talk?”

  “I do. If I didn’t, I’d let it go to voice mail. You okay?”

  Brittany held back her tears to be able to speak. “No. My time with Erika didn’t end well. In fact, it ended completely. She’s gone back to New York, and I feel lost.” Her tears flowed despite her efforts to control them.

  “I’m glad you called, my friend. I don’t know if there’s anything I can say to make you feel better, but I know you well enough to know you’re a strong, brave woman, and you’ll be all right.”

  It was worth hearing, even if it didn’t ring true right now. “I suppose I will. I’ve got some experience with that. Thanks for listening.”

  “No problem. I have an idea. If you can get some time off, why don’t you come up here for a few days? I’ll talk to my friend Josie and see if she has a cabin available for you. We can do a little fishing and get your mind off things. Do you want to talk about the details now, or tell me when you get here?”

  Brittany smiled and shook her head, grateful for a friend like Barb. “I’ll talk to Ben tomorrow and we’ll chat when I get there. Thanks, Barb.”

  “Cool. I’ll talk to Josie tonight. Take care of yourself. Things will get better. Honest.”

  Brittany hung up and relaxed on the bench. It had been two years since she’d traveled to see Barb on Drummond Island, and a couple days away sounded good. She had a feeling it would take more than a couple days fishing to get over Erika.

  She relaxed on the bench for a few more minutes to absorb her friend’s support. She took the long way back home to avoid the routes she and Erika had taken so many times. She walked home slowly searching for th
e strength and bravery Barb had told her she had. She unlocked the door, stepped inside, and tossed her keys on the counter. She made herself a cup of tea before she sat on the couch and put her feet up. This was the way her days had been before Erika, and she’d been perfectly content. She’d been just fine. All she had to do was figure out how to dull the ache of missing her.

  She continued drinking her tea until the silence became deafening, and she turned on the TV. She stared at the television hoping for a distraction, but her mind wandered to Erika. She rolled her empty cup between her hands and realized she’d changed because of Erika. She hadn’t been fine before. She’d avoided contact with people whenever possible and rarely looked them in the eye. She loved driving the carriages but had shied away from them to avoid contact with people. She’d stayed away from restaurants and crowds because she couldn’t take being stared at. She’d seen everyone as a tormentor and had allowed her disfigurement to control her life. Erika had shown her she could be loved for who she was, not what she looked like. Now she had to believe it enough to live it, to keep staying out of the shadows even if Erika wasn’t around. She wanted to be part of the world now, not apart from it.

  She took her cup to the kitchen and went to change for bed. She lay on her side watching the moonlight cast shadows through her blinds. She turned onto her back and reviewed her work schedule. She’d help George clean stalls and ready the carriages for the day before talking to Ben about taking a few more days off. She closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to go to Erika again. She’d never had feelings like the ones she’d experienced with her. Cared about. Content. Now she was gone, and it was as if she’d taken an essential part of her being with her. Had she changed Erika at all? Had Erika taken anything with her, other than Brittany’s heart?

  * * *

  “Good morning, George.” Brittany arrived earlier than she’d planned, anxious to talk to Ben about time off.

  “Morning.” George polished the front of the omnibus.

  “I want to ask you something before I talk to Ben. I know it’s a busy time, but would you mind if I took three days off?”

  “Of course not. I know you’d make up time if we needed you. You do what you have to, Brittany. Does it have anything to do with that pretty model and why you look so low?”

  “She went back to New York. I just need a change of scenery. Do some fishing on Drummond.”

  “Ah. You go fishing but be sure to bring some back for me.” George grinned, then surprised her by enveloping her in a hug. “Heartache is part of life, but it’s never a nice thing. You’ll be okay.”

  Brittany held back her tears until she left the stable. She leaned against a wall to collect herself before she went to talk to Ben.

  She waited outside his office until he was off the phone. “Good morning, Ben. Could I talk to you for a minute?”

  “Sure. Come on in. What’s up?”

  Brittany was encouraged by his smile. “I was hoping I could get three days off.”

  Ben looked at her for a long time before answering. “Helen and Joe are back so I don’t think it’s a problem. When do you want off?” He turned to his computer and brought up the work schedule.

  “Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.”

  “Good. If you can be here for the weekend it shouldn’t be a problem.”

  “I will. Thank you, Ben.” Brittany felt a little of the despair fall away. For the first time since Erika had left she had something to smile about.

  Chapter Forty-eight

  Brittany checked off items on her list as she filled her suitcase. Barb would have any fishing equipment she’d need, but she put the small tackle box her father had given her in her suitcase. She stood back to review the scene. Only one more item. She packed two bags of fudge for Josie and Kelly. She shook off the memory of Erika in the fudge shop buying one of every kind and extra of her favorite. Erika was gone, and she had to get on with her life. Still, she wished they were planning this trip together. She reviewed everything once more and left, locking the door behind her.

  Brittany walked to the dock to wait for the next ferry off Mackinac Island. She pushed aside the emptiness in her heart and looked forward to a few days with friends. She barely noticed the view of the bridge as they passed it, refusing to acknowledge memories of Erika’s enthusiasm whenever she saw it.

  She took her time driving to Detour Village to catch the ferry to Drummond Island. She relaxed as they traversed the water, and wished again, that Erika was with her. When would that stop? Granted, it wasn’t like it had been any amount of time since she’d gone, but still. The sooner the pain left, the better. She focused on her surroundings instead. She’d forgotten how lush the vegetation and evergreen trees were. She drove off the ferry toward Josie’s, determined not to think of Erika while she was there. She pulled into Josie’s parking lot, checked into cabin five, and sent a text to Barb before unpacking. She hung up her few T-shirts and extra pair of jeans and put her toiletries in the bathroom cabinet. She sat on the couch and persuaded herself she was content and happy and on vacation instead of running away.

  She took a bottle of water to the porch and waited for Barb. She’d only been waiting for a few minutes when she pulled in, parked her cruiser, and hopped out. “Hey. It’s good to see you.” Barb pulled her into a hug.

  “It’s good to see you, too.” She held her at arm’s length and looked her over. “Do you have to work? You’re in uniform.”

  “Nope, I’m off starting now. I’ve taken a couple of vacation days. I’ll go home and change after we make plans over lunch. I’d like to take you to my favorite place. It’s not far.”

  “Cool. It’s been a couple of years since I got a ride in your cruiser.” Brittany climbed into the front seat and watched the scenery as Barb drove to the restaurant. During the short drive, she gave an abbreviated version of the story about Erika, and how the time had changed her in ways she didn’t even really understand yet. Barb listened without interruption and nodded thoughtfully as she parked in front of the restaurant.

  They were seated as soon as they went in and Barb pulled her chair out for her. “Would you like some wine?” she asked.

  Erika liked wine. “No, thanks. I’ll just have a Coke.”

  They both ordered grilled fish with vegetables and red skin potatoes. Erika would have loved it. So much for not thinking of Erika.

  “Would you like to go out on the water this afternoon? It’s a good day for it,” Barb asked.

  “That sounds great.” Brittany’s spirits went up a notch.

  “Josie’s reserved a boat for us for the duration of your stay, and she’s offered any fishing equipment we need.”

  The server interrupted their conversation and delivered their food.

  “So, tell me how you’re doing. Really doing,” Barb said, looking at her as she speared a potato.

  “I’m okay. I miss her. I think this little getaway is perfect. Thank you for inviting me. I hope it’ll take my mind off her.” She drank her water and ignored memories of dinners with Erika in her hotel room. “It’s going to take a lot of time, I’m afraid.”

  “Have you heard from her since she left?” Barb took a bite of her fish.

  “She sent me a text letting me know she arrived in New York. It was thoughtful of her, but I didn’t reply. There just didn’t seem much point.” Brittany didn’t tell her how much effort it had taken not to respond and beg her to return.

  “It sounds like she had a decision to make, and it doesn’t sound like it was an easy one for her, either. Sometimes people come into our lives just to help us with a single thing, like the way she made you see that you’re a beautiful woman.” She gave her a lopsided grin and wiggled her eyebrows. “The way I look at things, is if something or someone is meant to be, the universe has a way to make it happen. I might be full of baloney, but it works in my life.” Barb shrugged and went back to eating.

  “That makes it easier to let go of things we can’t control. Isn’
t there some saying about letting love go and seeing if it comes back to you?”

  “Yeah. Then it’s yours to keep.” Barb grinned. “Or something like that.”

  Brittany finished her meal determined to relax, enjoy Barb’s company, and drive Erika out of her mind. Ousting her from her heart was going to be much more difficult.

  * * *

  The sun sparkled off the clear water, and the swell of the waves gently rocked the small boat. Brittany watched her bobber rise and fall as she stretched her legs out in front of her and adjusted her hat to shade her face. The gentle breeze carried the scent of water and freshwater grasses and tickled as it caressed the skin of her arms below the sleeves of her T-shirt. She couldn’t imagine a more serene picture, and she relaxed for the first time since Erika had left. She glanced at Barb seated across from her, her fishing line on the opposite side of the boat. She looked just as relaxed.

  “This is such a beautiful place. I really needed this getaway.” Brittany smiled and tipped her head back to gaze at the few fair-weather clouds.

  “I’ve been going non-stop for weeks and didn’t realize how much I needed this break. To tell you the truth, I don’t care if I catch any fish.” Barb’s rod bowed, and her bobber disappeared. She sat up and reeled in a tiny bluegill. She carefully removed the hook from its lower lip, lowered it into the water, and watched it rocket out of sight into the depths of the lake. “We won’t get dinner at this rate.” She baited her hook and tossed it over the side of the boat. “That reminds me. Josie and Kelly invited us to have dinner with them at the lodge tonight.”

  “Sounds good.” Brittany sat up to watch Barb catch the only fish of the afternoon. “Did you want to stay longer, or try again tomorrow morning?”

  “Yeah. Let’s do that. If we get out early enough, we might catch a few walleye.”