The whiskey had been perfect, but it was nothing compared to the taste of Violet.
After, she cradled my face in her hands and leaned her nose against mine. “I love you too,” she whispered.
Those words, coming from her lips were as beautiful as the music she’d been playing and the way she’d sung my name when she’d fallen apart. The four words sounded so damn perfect that I didn’t even care if she saw the tear slide down my cheek.
* * *
Leaving Violet at the Mill Street apartment, with nothing more than a quick kiss, was probably the most difficult thing I’d ever done in my life. With each step away from her, I had to fight not to turn around.
She hadn’t invited me to Vienna, not that I could have gone anyway. I didn’t even have a passport. But the fact that it wasn’t an option she wanted to discuss said tons.
I understood, I really did. She’d been trying to break away from her old self, first by drinking and partying and then by opening up to me in Virginia. But she likely thought that us being together meant that she’d gone back to some codependent relationship that would steer her in a direction she wasn’t sure she wanted.
She was just learning herself. I got it. I wasn’t stupid.
But what Violet hadn’t taken into consideration is that relationships didn’t have to be codependent. I mean, couldn’t she have gone to Vienna, lived her dreams, and dragged me along for the ride? That wouldn’t have been codependent, would it? The entire trip from the city back to NJU, I’d thought about scenarios that would allow us to be together. Each time I thought I’d devised a way to get to stay with her, I’d picture my family, or Charlie, or Vi telling me about her dreams, and I’d felt the weight of the impossible task.
Shaking my head to clear the muddled thoughts, I lugged my bag through the hallway and unlocked the door to my apartment. Sampson and his posse were strewn around the room, yelling at each other. When I clicked the door closed behind me, they all looked over.
“Hunkeriffic!” Sampson yelled. “Welcome home.”
I gave him a wave. “Thanks. Sorry to interrupt.”
He left the crowd and met me in the kitchen. “How was your vacation?”
I pointed at his head and the tuft of purple hair sticking up from it. “Wasn’t your hair green last time I saw you?”
Laughing, he ran a hand through it. “I like to change it up once in a while.”
“I like the purple. Suits you.” I opened a cabinet and took an inventory of my cereals. They looked untouched.
He leaned against the counter. “How’d it go with Violet and your sister?”
I pulled down the box of crappy healthy stuff, feeling the need to detox after being home with all the cooking. “With Violet? Great, super great, then shitty as fuck. With my sister? Horrible, then okay, and now neutral. These women are going to be the death of me.”
“I hear you.”
With a male ear to vent to, I slammed the box on the table and grabbed a bowl. “I mean, why does everything have to be such an issue? Is it me or them? Why can’t we just all do what we want to fucking do and not overthink every little thing?”
He leaned against the counter. “They’re complicated creatures. Way more complex than us. And most of us guys just want to do the right thing, but they’re, like, smarter and more in tune.”
“I don’t know about that. All I know is that I just left the only woman I’ve ever loved alone in her empty apartment, and she’s flying to Vienna tomorrow night, maybe forever. And my sister is getting married, and she can’t even legally drink yet. How is any of that me doing the right thing?
“Maybe you did the right thing for them, even if it’s not the right thing for you.” He patted my upper arm. “Once I get rid of these idiots, wanna grab a cold one at The Study?”
The yelling behind us rose in volume, then one of the guys called for Sampson. “Nah, I need a shower and a nap, and I know you have an empire to run.”
He laughed. “Hardly. We’ll take our meeting into the soundproof room so you can sleep.”
I shook my head. “No need. Use the space. I can sleep through anything.”
After a pat on my back, he left me in the kitchen to get back to his business. I opened the fridge. No milk.
“Fuck,” I muttered.
The day was getting worse and worse.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Violet
After a much needed shower and early bedtime, I stretched on my bed Saturday morning, missing Josh’s presence even more than I had the night before. I hadn’t slept alone in five days. I wished I felt better about having the bed to myself, but I just felt lonely again.
I dragged myself up and twisted my hair into a knot on my head. My phone beeped at me.
Josh: Everything okay, Pix?
I ignored the message for a while, unsure of my response to the loaded question. Instead, I beelined for the coffee maker. Life goes on, and today, I had to get up, get dressed, and go see my parents before my flight.
As much as I hated to admit it, I missed Taryn. Especially today, the first day back after my crazy, wonderful week. If this were a few months ago, she’d be the first one I’d call to break down the events and process what I was feeling. We’d go to the diner. She’d have a package of tissues in her purse in case I cried, then she’d give me a game plan. That’s the way she was. Rachel was great, but she was scattered and closed off, especially about love. Taryn always had an answer, even if it was wrong.
Searching my cabinets for sustenance, I almost cried when I saw only one pathetic box of cereal. Then when I opened the fridge and realized that the milk had expired, I let a tear fall. I wanted to be back in Virginia with a million people milling around and Grannie Grey spewing two-year-old celebrity gossip. I missed opening a fridge and seeing lunch bags lined up, and food stuffed in all corners, like at the King house.
After opening the cereal box, I stuck my hand in to eat it dry. Josh would have died if he could have seen me. As if on cue…
Josh: Did you have breakfast?
He missed me. Either that or he was just caregiving, the same way he had before…before everything.
Me: Having (*clears throat) cereal right now…no milk. Is that bad, Breakfast King?
I waited for his reply. He sent a shocked emoji face.
Even though I was making a concerted effort to be crabby, my insides betrayed me, and my mouth curled into a smile. I regretted that I didn’t have more time with him as…whatever we’d been the past week. When he’d dropped me off, I should have thanked him for giving me a chance. I should have told him that I loved him and would miss him like crazy. Instead, after he walked me to my door and pecked my lips, I’d turned my back on him and exited stage right.
Munching the dry cereal, I skimmed through my phone, caught up with the news, and googled Vienna. I’d decided to give myself the weekend to get settled there before picking up my violin and dusting off the cobwebs. Tobias and I had Skyped, and he’d offered to collect me from the airport.
Coffee gave me a little life, the smell a bit of hope that I could get through the day. I scrolled through my messages and ended up reaching Taryn’s name. I’d blocked her, but I still saw her last texts to me from months before.
Taryn: I can’t explain to you over text. Can you please talk to me?
Taryn: If you won’t talk to me, at least talk to Oliver. He’s worried.
Taryn: We’re here. We both miss you. Please talk to us?
My phone dinged again. Thankfully, it was Josh.
Josh: Nothing about this morning feels right.
I clutched the phone to my heart. I knew I could get over Ollie because I had already done so. Josh was my heart now, and maybe we weren’t living our dream together on the beaches of SoCal, but we were bound together in our souls. He loved me, he’d said so.
Like a lightbulb flickering on in my heart, it dawned on me. I wasn’t upset that Oliver and Taryn were happy. I was upset that they’d turned
their relationship into something real and solid. That they weren’t afraid to take a chance, like Amelia and Dom. I may have had Josh’s heart, and I may have had his body, but what we didn’t have was what Oliver and Taryn, and Amelia and Dom, did—a plan to make it work.
Me: What would make this morning feel right?
Josh: You next to me.
Smiling at the phone, I tapped like a madwoman:
Me: Door’s open.
Josh: I won’t bother yelling at you for keeping the door unlocked if that’s an invitation.
I huffed out a giggle.
Me: It is. I’m sorry. I know we were trying to establish boundaries but…
Josh: Boundaries are dumb. On my way…lock your door, I have a key.
I tried really hard to hate myself for what I was about to do, but I couldn’t. My body came to life, my heart started pumping again, and everything suddenly felt brighter.
Leaving my phone on the couch, I ran to my bedroom, took down my hair, and dug around my drawers for some decent lingerie. I wiggled into the get up, spritzed myself with my favorite flowery perfume, and then ran to the closet.
Since whatever I wore wouldn’t matter, I grabbed my short, silk robe and wrapped it around myself.
Before I knew it, the doorbell rang. “Why are you ringing the bell?” I half-yelled, half-laughed as I ran through the living room. I couldn’t wait to see him, to hold him. We’d been apart for about twenty-four hours, but it felt more like months.
I flung the door open. “That was—”
Then I clutched my chest and almost sank to the ground. A pair of brown eyes looked back at me. A pair of brown eyes, against a tan face, with unruly curls that looked highlighted from the sun.
“Vi?” He furrowed his brow in concern as he reached for me.
Oliver.
Oliver was standing at my door. In New Jersey. Oliver, my ex-boyfriend, my almost-fiancé, and my oldest friend from the time we’d shared a playpen. Oliver.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I… Are you…”
Grimacing, I held up a finger. “Can I have a minute?”
He nodded.
I shut the door on him.
“Can I come in at least?” he yelled through it.
Ignoring him, I pulled my thoughts together and ran for my phone. After all the damn sun, he could deal with the March coolness for a couple minutes. I texted Josh.
Me: Oliver’s here.
No reply. He never texted while he drove, which was great, but that meant…
I cringed at the rumble of his truck turning up the alley. Oliver would know he was there for me. And there I was, in a robe.
I needed to get dressed. Running back to my room, I pulled on a pair of jeans and a sweater. When I returned to the living room, I heard them through the door, talking. They sounded happy, excited to see each other.
Stopping short, I took a deep breath before opening the door. This was going to be awkward. “Sorry. I was getting dressed.”
I caught Josh’s eye as he walked past me into the apartment after Ollie. My cheeks warmed at the sight of him, and at the fact that all three of us were standing in the same room. Pressing my lips together, I shrugged at Josh, not knowing what to do or how to handle any of it. My mind was overloaded—thoughts of me and Josh, naked together along with thoughts of me and Ollie, naked together. Years of memories of the three of us. And with Taryn, the four of us.
“What are you doing here?” I asked Oliver again. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”
“Just got here today.” Oliver looked between me and Josh. “Didn’t Josh tell you I was coming?”
Josh pulled him into a hug, patting him on the back as he eyed me over Ollie’s shoulder. “I thought you wouldn’t be here until this afternoon.”
“Caught an earlier flight and took a car instead.”
“Sorry?” I asked. Oliver was talking like Josh knew about this.
“I’m staying with him.” Oliver pushed Josh’s shoulder. “Jeez, don’t you two talk?”
If he only knew what the two of us had been up to. “Apparently not about the important things,” I said.
“I was going to tell you,” Josh said. “When I saw you this morning.”
“Really? Because I thought you were coming here for something else.”
“Vi—”
I held a hand up to stop him from talking.
Standing across from the two men I’d been with, the two men I’d loved, was weird. As well as they got along, they were like night and day. Josh was bright, blond, and burly. Oliver was still thin, dark, and tall. The sight of them shoulder to shoulder made me want to scream, cry, and melt at the same time.
Oliver looked good, the jerk, and about eight gazillion memories flashed through my mind. He had been my comfort zone, but he wasn’t mine anymore. That realization kept hitting me like a dodgeball in gym class.
But the other one? The big hunk of blond next to him? I let out a long sigh, loving the smile on his face. The way his eyes crinkled in the corners. My stomach flipped, and my heartbeat raced, thinking of what we’d be doing right at that moment if Oliver hadn’t showed up.
I had no idea if Josh wanted to say something to Ollie about us. We hadn’t discussed it, maybe because there, technically, was no “us.” We were supposed to be going back to friends. Friends who’d be living separate lives in different countries in a couple of months. Friends who, apparently, kept secrets from each other.
I turned my back on them and walked into the kitchen. Once there, I huffed out a few breaths. I heard them talking, Josh joking around as if we hadn’t just spent spring break naked in Virginia. As if nothing had changed.
Maybe I was making too big of a deal of my relationship with Josh. Maybe nothing had really changed for Josh. Sure, he’d said he loved me, but he wasn’t begging me to commit to him or asking me to take him to Vienna with me. The thought crossed my mind that maybe he actually did want to be friends with benefits, nothing more.
I marched back out to them, interrupting their conversation. “How long are you here?” I asked Oliver. “I’m leaving tonight for Vienna.”
“I heard. Your mom told mine. I’m here for four days, and I have a late flight on Tuesday to get back to work on Wednesday.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I was hoping we could have coffee or something.”
I raised my eyebrows. “Where’s Taryn?” It was the first time I’d said her name out loud since they’d left.
“San Diego. She’ll be back in May for graduation.” Ollie smiled at me, a gesture which I didn’t return. “She misses you.”
I shook my head. “Please don’t.”
“I came right here from the airport,” Oliver said. “I really need to talk to you, Violet. I want to hear about your father, your music, everything.”
“Why?” I asked the question because if I hadn’t, I would have cursed at him. “I’m not your business anymore.”
“Because I still want to be friends.”
“Are you serious?” I asked Ollie, as Josh reached for my arm.
I glared at Josh over my shoulder. “Don’t you dare.”
Then I spread my palms against my face, trying to hide or will myself into some portal that would whisk me away. I didn’t have to do this. I didn’t have to feel uncomfortable in my own home. My first thought was to escape out of the window in Taryn’s room, until I remembered the ladder wasn’t there. Standing up straight and squaring my shoulders, I held my chin high. This was my house, for heaven’s sake. I wasn’t leaving.
Looking from one to the other, my aggravation level rose to the point that I was clutching my fists. I said what was in my heart. “I’d like you both to leave.”
Josh raised his eyebrows. “What?”
Ignoring Josh’s pleading stare, I looked to Ollie. “I’m not ready for you, Oliver. Your visit is a surprise—to me at least.” I glared at Josh, then back at Ollie. “And I don’t know how I feel about you bein
g here. I’ve only had a half a cup of coffee, and I have things to do today. And emotionally, I’m not prepared.”
Ollie nodded. “That’s fair. I’m sorry—”
“And you.” I stood in front of Josh. “I’m not sure what to say.”
Josh’s gaze darted back and forth over my face. “Can I talk to you privately for a second? Ollie, would you mind?”
“Oh, um, sure. I’ll wait outside.” Oliver stood up. “How about if I text you, Vi? Maybe we can talk?”
Tearing my gaze from Josh, I looked to Ollie. “I don’t know what there is to say.”
“Can I just call you later?” His eyes begged me.
I didn’t have the heart to say no. “You can call, but I may not answer.” It took all of my strength give him that much, knowing that I didn’t want or need to hear the things he was going to tell me. But I could do it for him. I could let him explain and forgive him and let him move past me. At least I hoped I could.
He stood and disappeared out of the apartment.
I spun to Josh and poked him in the chest. “I thought he was coming last week. You knew he was going to be here and you didn’t tell me?”
His eyes grew wide. “I’m sorry. It was a last minute thing, and—”
“How last minute? When did you know, Josh? Before spring break?”
He opened his mouth to say something, but no words came out. Then he squeezed his eyes shut and opened them again.
That told me my answer. My entire being sagged, physically and mentally. “Josh,” I breathed. “How could you?”
“I wanted to spend spring break with you. I…I wanted you to be with me, and I knew you’d come if you thought Ollie was going to be here last week. He called before we left and said he was changing his visit to this week. I was afraid if I told you…”
“Afraid that I wouldn’t have gone home with you?”
He nodded.
“Something feels really wrong about that.” Tears burned my eyes.
He reached for me, but I backed away. “I’m sorry, Vi. I had my reasons.”
Making the Move: Mill Street Series #2 Page 20