Finally, he looked up from his papers. “Violet!” He stood and walked over, offering me an embrace.
It was weird. Awkward. And it made me remember the group hug that the Kings had suffocated me with upon my arrival in Rambling. What different lives Josh and I had led.
“How are you feeling?” I asked, pulling out of his arms.
“Great. Well, a little tired, but pretty good overall.” He told me about his medicine and his workouts, his new nutritionist and chef, whom I’d seen in the kitchen. “Your mother’s hosting a luncheon today. Did she tell you?”
“I heard her on the phone in the kitchen and figured. What’s it for?”
Dad told me about the real estate group’s retirement dinner for Mom’s boss, that Mom had offered to plan. Some of their bigger clients were showing up, so she needed to impress everyone. He talked until the phone rang, which was pretty much what we’d done the past twenty-two years—converse until his work interrupted us.
“Let’s go get coffee later, okay?” he asked. “I want to catch up with you before you go to Vienna.”
“About that,” I started. “I booked a flight for tonight. Maybe you and Mom could bring me to the airport?”
“What about graduation?” he asked. “I thought this was for the summer?”
“It is, but I would take the audition and then have to stay to practice for summer. But I’ll be back for graduation. Wouldn’t miss that.”
He sat back down at his desk and opened the drawer. After reaching inside and moving some items around, he pulled out a credit card. “Mom’s busy with her client dinner, and I’m not supposed to be driving—too stressful. But please, take this,” he said, offering me the card.
I wished he were the type of dad who would beg me to stay instead of offering me money to go. He wasn’t, and he probably would never be. Being with the Kings had spoiled me, in a way, but I realized something—I loved him anyway. Mom too. They were weird, and cold, and strange, but their intentions were good. And they were my blood.
Taking the card, I smiled. “Thanks. Promise me that you won’t work too hard.”
“Promise.” He walked around his desk and pulled me into a hug. “Love you, Violet. Be safe.” Then, he turned and walked to his desk to take his call.
* * *
A few minutes later, my phone buzzed in my pocket. When I pulled it out, Oliver’s face lit the screen.
Did I really want to deal with this now? I picked up the call. “Hi,” I said flatly.
“Hey,” he answered, like he had a million times before. “I’m still in New Jersey and won’t be able to get to the city before you leave. I just wanted to wish you well in Vienna. I know how hard you’ve worked to get to this point.”
I headed toward the stairs and up to my room. “I appreciate that.”
After a pause, he huffed into the phone. “I talked to Josh.”
Stopping short at the top of the stairs, I gulped down my nerves. “You did?”
“He told me everything. But what bothered me most wasn’t about you and him, even though that’s…weird.” I was about to go off on him about being a hypocrite, but he kept talking. “What bothered me most was that Josh said that after me and Taryn left, you were struggling. I’m so sorry we hurt you.”
I pressed my lips together. Of all the things that were hurting me right now, Oliver and Taryn were far down the list. “It’s okay, Oliver. I’m over it. Josh…he took care of me.”
“I’m grateful for that. He’s the best guy I know.”
“Me too,” I muttered.
Ollie cleared his throat. “Also, now that you’re going to Vienna, I want to apologize for pulling you away from your dream. You were going to go to Juilliard, and I dragged you to New Jersey. I was selfish, and you were trusting—”
“Stop.” I squeezed my eyes shut. “I made my own decisions, and I’ll never regret us. I’m so happy I came to NJU, for reasons you may not understand.” I didn’t tell him that I could never regret NJU because that life path had brought me to Josh.
“I’ll always love you, Violet. You are a huge part of my life, and I hope we can be friends.”
For the first time since he’d left, I believed that could happen. “I would like that.”
After ending the call, I plopped down on my childhood bed and stared at the ceiling for a while. Then, I dragged myself to my feet, pulled the giant suitcase out of my closet, and started to throw whatever clothes I could find inside. A lot of my favorite things were at Mill Street or at Josh’s, but I had my clothes from spring break with me, all washed and folded thanks to Grannie Grey. I moved them from the flowered duffel to the suitcase, officially ending spring break and starting this new chapter.
Maybe the best thing that could have happened to Ollie and me had actually happened. We’d helped each other through lonely childhoods. He’d been a safe place, a partner in an otherwise solo life. I’d loved him, for sure, but I couldn’t even remember being so in love with him that he’d make me want to…
…climb a ladder
…take a car to his apartment just so I could kiss him
…shovel snow
...sleep on a floor, or in a treehouse, in the middle of March
…give him a blow job.
My cheeks heated thinking of all the things I’d done the last week with Josh, in and out of the bedroom. The empty feeling in my gut must have been what it felt like to be in love, only to have lost it again.
Stupid heart. I pounded my fist against my chest. Why now, with weeks to go until graduation, would it finally turn itself on?
My phone buzzed next to me. My new picture for Josh, a selfie of us in the treehouse, lit up the screen. I wondered if he actually had a crystal ball and knew I was thinking about him.
Josh: Are you all packed?
Glancing at my messy suitcase, I huffed and replied.
Me: Pretty much.
Josh: Good. I’m double-parked.
I raised my eyebrows.
Me: Huh?
While the dots ran over the screen and he typed his reply, my heartbeat sped up, wondering if he was around. Double-parked? As I ran to the living room to look out the front, my phone dinged again.
Josh: This damn city. There’s not enough parking. I’d come in and grab your suitcase, say hi to your parents, but I don’t want to get a ticket.
Holy…he was here!
I flung open the front door and raced down the stairs to the pickup, which idled in the middle of the street. I ran to it, placed my hands on the passenger side window, and stared at Josh, not sure he was real.
He opened the window. “Hey.”
I laughed. “What are you doing here?”
Shrugging, he patted the seat next to him. “You have to be at the airport in an hour. I’m not letting you leave without straightening this out, so I’m giving you a ride. I couldn’t let your last minutes in America go by without being with you.”
The door was heavy, but I flung it open like it was made of paper and slid into the passenger seat. “You couldn’t?”
He cringed. “It felt wrong. I know I’m controlling and overbearing, and you already said your parents were taking you. But—”
Before he could finish, I launched myself across the console and into his arms. My lips found his, and I kissed him because I was thankful he was there, and so happy to see him, and confused about everything except that I wanted his lips on mine. “Give me a minute to get my suitcase and say goodbye.”
Back inside, my parents told me they loved me. They reassured me that I was free to spend whatever I needed and wanted to and encouraged me to explore Europe while I was overseas.
“Thank you both,” I said, hugging them in turn, knowing that it was as much love and encouragement as they were capable of giving me. I felt gratitude for that. “I’ll call as soon as I land, and I’ll see you in a few months for graduation. Please take care of yourselves, okay?”
They glanced at each other, then back at me
. “Don’t you worry about us. We’re so proud of you, Violet,” Mom said, embracing me again. “Go live your life.”
That was exactly what I intended to do.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Josh
Of course, the airport was a mess. Traffic, people, confusion. I’d never even been on a plane, but every time I’d picked up or dropped off at JFK, it had probably taken a year off my life.
Violet didn’t seem nervous at all. We talked about her plans while we stood on the ticketing line, and then she led me to the security checkpoint, where I’d have to leave her. I was happy for her, and for everything that would come for her, but I was damn sad for myself. For the us we’d created in Virginia.
For every memory we’d made, I was grateful and honored, but torn as fuck. But even though my insides clenched and my heart fell apart, I had to be strong for her. Taking care of her was my thing, and I knew how to do it well. This, though, was going to be a test of my inner strength because all I wanted to do was pick her up, plop her back into my truck, and drive her away to some world where we could be together.
“You are amazing, do you know that?” I asked, lifting our hands to kiss her fingers.
“Me? How so?” She smiled up at me, her brown eyes dancing.
“You realize that with two days’ notice, you figured out how to get yourself to Vienna and possibly stay for a long-term trip, yet here you are, calm as can be.” There was no way I’d have the balls to do it myself.
She shrugged. “Just trying to find a life for myself.”
I nodded and pulled her close, using all of my energy to not break down. After a deep breath, I mustered everything I had, every ounce of love for her, and remembered the speech I’d planned.
“Vi?” I gulped as she pulled away.
“Hmm?” She pressed her lips together, and I caught the bottom one quiver slightly. Honestly, that quiver made me feel better about everything. She did care, and maybe she was trying to be just as strong as I was trying to be.
I took a step back so that I could look into her eyes. Deep breath. “I’m so excited that you get to go to Vienna again, audition, play your fid—”
She opened her mouth to object, but I held a finger to her lips.
“Violin,” I said softly and smiled. Her eyes watered, and I hoped she wouldn’t cry. I’d always hated when girls cried, but this time, I was afraid it would set me off too. Another deep breath. “About us…”
I looked down at our joined hands and then back up to her face. Her lip was quivering again, and she closed her eyes, squeezing them shut.
I forced myself to continue. “I love what we had in Virginia. Last week was the best week of my life, and I’ll never, ever…”
Forget you was my next line, but I wasn’t sure I could choke out the words without a complete breakdown. I released her hands and hid my face by running my palms over my cheeks.
“Me neither,” she said, her voice shaky. Then she touched the back of my neck and pulled me to her, kissing me. She nibbled my lips and hummed into my mouth. “I love you. Thank you for letting me go.”
Her words were like a knife to my heart. Pulling her to me, I hugged her, lifting her off the ground in a last attempt to feel her, to remember how she fit in my arms.
Fuck, I wasn’t letting her go, I could never. But I just couldn’t hold her back either. If she only knew how I was fighting with myself to keep from begging her to stay. Begging her to bring me with her.
“You’ve been special to me since the day I met you,” I whispered. “I’m sorry we can’t be together, but…” I gulped, barely able to picture myself without her but faking it for her sake. “…I want you to go and find someone who makes you happy. Someone who will deserve you and everything you have to offer.”
She let go of me and squeezed her eyes closed. “Josh…”
I touched her chin, and she opened her eyes again. The watery pools of beautiful brown seared into my heart. “Even if it’s some jerkoff in Europe.”
She laughed as she wiped her eyes, then smirked up at me. “I don’t know. You’re a tough act to follow, Hunkarama.”
Glad that she’d made an attempt to lighten the mood, I chuckled and played along. “Well, yeah, I was in a calendar.”
“Don’t think I didn’t rip out January and pack it in my suitcase.”
“You did not.”
Bouncing on her toes, she pushed at my chest. “Did so. I’m going to brag to the entire city of Vienna, maybe all of Europe, and tell them that I had Mr. January, and I’m going to wave that picture around. Maybe I’ll even yell, ‘This guy loved me!’” She laughed at her own joke.
“He does you know,” I said, reaching for her waist. “Love you.”
“I know,” she said. “I’m lucky.”
“I’m the lucky one.” My voice shook. I wrapped my arms around her, knowing that the conversation was coming to a close and fearing that this was the end of us. “I’m grateful for every moment we had, and I’m glad we had our special time with our special rules.”
Her playful gaze darkened as she looked into my eyes. “When I come back here someday—whether it’s in a month, a year, or a decade—I want to see you happy too. Promise?”
If she were coming back here, of course I’d be happy, but not for the reasons she’d want to hear. “Promise.”
Wanting to study her one last time, I ran my fingers through her hair and over her cheeks, wiping a tear away. I touched my thumb to her nose, then traced her smile and that quivering bottom lip. Her gaze drifted over my face.
“You know,” she said. “If it weren’t for you and your faith in me, I probably wouldn’t have been strong enough to do something like this. You gave me my life, Joshua King. I’ll love you forever.”
I couldn’t talk; I had no more words. She leaned close and kissed my forehead. When she separated from me and bent down to grab her suitcase, I sat there, full of love but numb at the same time.
She took a few steps away. My heart sped up, and I panicked, needing one more second, one more minute—hell, a lifetime. “Violet!” I yelled.
She stopped in her tracks and spun around.
“Love you,” I whispered to her through the busy airport.
She blew me a kiss, smiled, and then turned and walked away.
Violet
Before I made it through the security checkpoint, my phone dinged. I opened the text.
Josh: Miss you already.
Smiling, I audibly sighed at the simple message. If I were honest with myself, I’d admit that I didn’t want to leave him. If I were a bit braver, I’d trust that he loved me. I’d trust that feeling deep in my gut that knew he was letting me go because he was a caretaker and unselfish, not because he didn’t want me in his life. If I weren’t so scared to be stuck in the shadow of another guy, I’d beg him to bring me back to Charlamagne and let me live with him, happily ever after.
My eyes filled with tears, and flashes of our last night in Virginia lit my mind. Playing the violin in the trees, Josh on his knees in front of me, his hands gripping at me like he was holding me up but keeping me still at the same time. I hated him for making me feel so much for him. For always doing the right thing.
But at the same time, I loved Josh. With everything in me, I loved him.
Even though I loved him, I loved myself more. I was going to Vienna, to work on fulfilling a dream, and whatever happened with Josh and me and our future was up to the universe. I couldn’t be the one to make the sacrifices anymore.
Through my tears, I smiled as I walked away, tapping out a text.
Me: I miss you already too.
It was the truth, and it hurt. But it wasn’t enough to make me turn around. And for that, I was really proud of myself.
Problem was, my pride couldn’t seem to make sense of my broken heart.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Josh
Ollie, Sam, and Rachel were still at The Study when I returned from the airport later that
evening. As I walked up to the bar, I found my crew spread out. Ollie argued with the bartender about sports, Sam talked to fans, and Rachel sat at the end of the bar talking to a group of girls.
I planned on getting wasted out of my mind to try and numb the hurt that had encompassed my entire being. Not just my heart, everything hurt. My head, my stomach, even my legs were sore. It was like Violet leaving and getting on that plane after telling me she loved me had sucked the damn life out of me.
By the end of the night, Ollie, Sam, and Rachel were wasted right along with me. We all took a car back to Campus Apartments. Rachel ended up in the backseat with Ollie, who was passed out against the window, and Sam, who was trying really hard to impress her. She wanted no part of him though and bolted down the hallway as soon as we got back.
I vaguely remembered Sam pulling out his equipment and recording me and Ollie before I passed out on my bedroom floor.
* * *
When I woke up the next morning and saw that my phone was lit up with messages and notifications, I was able to piece it all together.
“Fuck…” I said as I scrolled through and found the link to Samsational Sam’s YouTalker post.
* * *
Sam’s purple hair came into focus first. “So Hunkeriffic,” he’d slurred. “Your love life is a piece of crap—”
“Thanks,” I’d said.
We’d sputtered some insults to each other and then he’d asked, “What’s your deal with the ladies?”
“I don’t have a deal.”
“Why not? You should have a deal.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“You’re a sad case, Josh. You have the frat formal and no date.”
Making the Move: Mill Street Series #2 Page 22