by Kelly, A. S.
Yeah, I know. We could be twins.
He comes over and sits in the empty chair next to me, stretching his legs out in front of him. It won’t be long before they’re longer than mine.
Jesus, this kid – who’s not really a kid anymore – will be able to tear me to pieces pretty soon.
“What d’you reckon, Uncle Loser? Shall we grab a coffee? It’s four in the morning and I’m shattered – I only got home two hours ago. This baby couldn’t have chosen a better time.”
“I’m not Uncle Loser.”
“Sure you are.”
“If anyone’s a loser here, it’s Ryan.”
He lifts his head and looks at me, pretending to be annoyed.
“What’s that about losers? Because I can see three of them right here.” Jamie’s shrill voice makes us all jump. He stands there, hands on hips, with a smile that lights up his entire face. His expression tells us that he has no intention of being second-place.
“So, O’Connor, let’s just clear something up. I’m the only perfect uncle around here.”
Ian suddenly appears among us, his face even whiter than before. I jump to my feet and approach him; he looks at me, but not really. It’s like he’s looking past me, lost, distant, overcome by his own emotions.
“What…? Ian, what?” I ask, anxious.
He shakes his head and rubs his eyes.
“Talk, for fuck’s sake!” I raise my voice, attracting everyone’s attention.
“Nick…it’s…my daughter,” he says, overwhelmed. “Mine.”
I smile and let out a sigh of relief.
“I have a baby, Nick.”
I place a hand on his shoulder and squeeze it affectionately.
“I’ve never seen anything more beautiful.”
The others come over to us, waiting to hear the rest – but Ian can’t do anything but laugh and cry, almost hysterical. I almost slap him to bring him back to his senses, but he’s already been battered enough tonight by his own emotion. So I decide to leave him be – at least, until next time.
Slowly, he calms down, looking around at everyone with bright eyes, pride oozing out of every pore: he gathers up his courage and announces:
“I’m the happiest man in the world.”
And I’m pretty close to tears now, too.
2
Nick
One by one, we quietly file into Riley’s room. We weren’t all supposed to come in together at this time of night, but luckily we have friends in high places in this hospital – something Ryan is not at all happy about.
Martin, Evan’s dad and Chris’ ex, is warning us not to make any noise, to behave like mature adults.
Seriously? He’s saying that to us?
He clearly hasn’t spent enough time with our family yet.
“Just for five minutes, okay? Don’t make me regret this,” he threatens, with a stare that says I’m a fucking doctor and this is my hospital, so don’t make me look like a dick.
Poor Dr. Dick.
When Riley sees us, she smiles, tired but happy. “You’re all here.”
“Fuck, yeah,” Ryan says, raising his voice. Chris shoots him a glare.
At least he’ll be kicked out first. One less to deal with.
Ian sits down next to Riley and kisses her forehead. Then she turns to us, showing us the tiny little bean wrapped in a pink blanket – I’d be scared to even brush against her with my enormous, clumsy hands. Hopefully Ian’s are more delicate than mine.
“Look, Jamie: this is your family.”
“J-Jamie?” Riley’s brother asks, appearing in the doorway.
“Where the hell were you?”
“I went for a walk and got lost.”
“Lost underneath someone, I imagine…” Ryan taunts.
“Did this really seem like an appropriate time, Jamie?” I chime in, teasing him.
“Mind your own business, O’Connor. We’re talking about something important here,” He turns back to his sister. “So…Jamie?”
She smiles at him. It’s clear to everyone now who her favourite uncle will be.
Fuck him.
“But isn’t Jamie a boy’s name?” Evan asks, making me love him even more. I really need to revaluate his role in this family.
“No, it’s unisex,” Riley explains. “And we couldn’t have chosen a better name for our little girl. The name of the person who made all of this happen.”
“Fuck, are you trying to make me cry?” Jamie whinges.
“Please,” Ryan interjects. “It was bad enough when it was Ian,” he says, gesturing towards his brother.
Ian, sitting next to Riley, is inconsolable. He can’t stop crying, stroking her, looking at his baby daughter as if she were the most precious gift life could give him.
Here he is: my brother, once a hard-arse, and now a snivelling shell of a man. Ryan seems to have joined him now, too, after meeting Chris. I think I’m the only Alpha-male left in this ridiculous story. I just hope it doesn’t turn into a series – keeping up this role for much longer will be draining.
I’m not like them. I don’t pretend to be a bastard, and then melt like an ice lolly as soon as the sun hits. Jesus, no. I’m an adult. I’m mature, tough, good-looking – at least that will never go away – emotionless, a bit of a dickhead. Not even the best of therapists would be able to analyse me.
I’m Nick O’Connor. I’m the eldest, the strongest. I’m the one nothing can break down.
Yeah, right.
I look at Ian, then look at his girlfriend and his daughter; their fingers are intertwined, their smiles filled with love and hope. Life is teeming around them, giving back everything it took from them. And I feel something break inside me: a quickly-growing crack spreading across my chest. It makes no noise, no one can hear it – but, inside me, the rumble is deafening.
I rub my eyes. I can feel something niggling at me, maybe a fly or some dust – fuck, they should really keep a closer eye on the hygiene in this hospital – but nothing can stop the burning. I rub at them roughly with the sleeve of my hoodie, but it only makes it worse. The tears come gushing out anyway and I can’t do anything about it; I can’t even remember the last time this happened to me. And they’re tears of joy, because my brother has just had a baby, because I’ve become an uncle, because our family is growing. I’m so happy that a sob escapes my lips, and I can’t do anything to stifle it.
Everyone turns to me.
“Well, what do we have here?”
Riley smiles at me and passes me the baby. “Go on, Jamie. This is Uncle Nick.”
“Why does he get to go first?” Ryan whines.
“Because I’m the oldest,” I retort, gently taking this new life in my arms and suddenly feeling myself fill up with love, with gratitude. With hope.
“Hey, little Jamie,” I say, even though I know full well that she can’t understand me. But you never know – better to make things clear. “I’m the best-looking uncle, the one who will take you shopping to buy anything you want. I’ll teach you how to kick guys in the balls, and buy you beer when your mum and dad aren’t around—”
“Hey…” Ian scolds.
“But I’ll also be the one you can always count on, because look: your dad and all these other uncles here are useless.”
“Oh my God, Nick!” Ryan’s angry now.
I lightly kiss her forehead and stand there, looking at her, overjoyed. “Jamie, you’ll be the only girl in my life, I swear.”
“We all knew that.” Ryan ruins this magical moment with my niece, just as he’s ruined pretty much every moment of my life.
“Come on, come to Uncle Ryan,” he says, delicately taking her from my arms.
“You alright with her, mate?” Evan asks him.
“Fuck off! What’s your problem?” Ryan retorts.
“Guys, you really need to start watching your language. Seriously,” Riley warns.
“But she’s only just been born, she doesn’t understand yet,” Ryan responds.
“Sure, but it’ll be a long road to recovery for you guys,” Riley adds, making me laugh. She’s right. It’ll be almost impossible.
“So, little Jamie,” Ryan says to the baby. “Apart from your questionable name…”
“You’re just jealous,” Jamie cuts in.
“…you’re…you’re…” He takes a deep breath, then look at Ian. “Holy shit, Ian,” he says, relaxing.
Everyone laughs, resigned to the fact that this little girl is going to grow up surrounded by an ocean of ‘holy shits’.
“Yeah, Ryan,” Ian nods. “Holy shit.”
3
Nick
“Okay, I’m going to go to Mum and Dad’s to see if they need anything and calm them down a bit. Mum was almost hysterical on the phone. I’ll be back late morning, okay?”
“Thanks, Nick.”
“Jesus, Ian,” I say, looking at him. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Stop.”
“Seriously. I’ve always been proud of you for so many reasons, but now… Now I actually think I could burst with pride, you know?”
“You’re such an idiot!”
I hug him warmly, before turning and rushing down the corridors, so that I can leave the hospital and be back with my niece as soon as possible. She’s only been born for three hours, and I already know she’s going to dictate my whole life.
I get to the main door, and just as I’m taking my phone out of my pocket to message Mum and tell her I’ll be there soon, I smack into something, hard. My phone falls out of my hand from the impact, and once I regain my bearings, I realise that the thing I smacked into was a person, and that they’ve fallen onto the floor.
I kneel down to give her a hand and help her stand up. But when she looks up, I realise that my niece won’t be the only thing that turns my life upside-down.
“Nick O’Connor,” she says, smoothing down her uniform.
I stand there, frozen, my jaw on the floor and my airways blocked.
“C-C…”
She looks at me, her head tilted. “Stuttering problem?”
“W-what? N-no!”
She laughs, and I nearly have a heart attack.
“C-Casey.”
“Wow, we got there in the end. What’s up? Memory loss?”
I shake my head vacantly. “What…How…?”
“What am I doing here? How am I?” she helps me out.
I nod, but I still can’t close my mouth.
“I work in the hospital,” she says, gesturing to her uniform. “And as for the second question…Was that supposed to be ‘how are you’?”
I move my head up and down.
“You used to have so much to say,” she says, raising an eyebrow.
Used to.
Has someone just plunged a knife through my stomach?
“You look good,” she says, letting her eyes slide over my figure.
You look incredible.
“Well, thanks,” she says, grinning.
What? Did I say that out loud? Has my tongue become independent from my brain?
“My brother’s just had a baby,” I manage, trying to fill the silence with something logical in case she thinks I’m an idiot – which, I guess, is what I actually am. But better not to shove that in her face at eight ‘o’clock in the morning.
“Oh,” she says, incredulous.
Surprise effect. Always works.
“Ryan?” she asks.
I shake my head. “Ian.”
“That’s amazing! Congratulations!”
I smile, full of pride. I knew that baby would save my life.
“Maybe I’ll pop in later and say hi to the new arrival.”
“You should. She’s stunning.”
She tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear slowly, tracing it with her finger. Her lips gently curl into a smile that reaches her ears, lighting up her face with tenderness.
What about you? Do you have children? Are you married? Do you have a boyfriend? Are you…?
“I should get going.” She glances at her watch.
Did I not say anything?
Luckily, this time, my brain decided to use its anti-arsehole filter, and prevent any more slip-ups.
“My shift starts in ten minutes and I haven’t had a coffee yet this morning.”
“Can I get it for you?” I ask, suddenly.
The question leaps over my anti-arsehole filter with both feet and lands right in my stomach.
She looks at me for a few seconds, her brow furrowed.
“You’re eight years too late, Nick O’Connor.”
Ah. Busted.
My ego, my pride, and…better stop there.
“Take care,” she says, before striding past me and disappearing down the hospital corridors, leaving me standing in the entrance like a dick, incapable of saying anything that could make her stay.
“Hmm.”
Shit.
I turn to see Ryan leaning smugly against the wall a few metres away from me.
“Was that who I think it was?”
“Shut up.”
He bursts out into such shrieking laughter that it must have come straight from the mouth of hell.
“No way, Nick. This time I definitely won’t shut up.”
“I could put an end to all this right now and kill you out in the car park. There’s already too many of us, and now that Jamie’s here, everyone will be so busy suffocating her with love that no one will even realise you’re gone.”
He steps towards me, with a smile plastered across his face that tells me he’s about to get his revenge. He bends down to pick up my phone and hands it back to me.
“Now it’s your turn to swim through the shit. That,” he says, pointing in the direction that Casey had disappeared, “is your sea. I’m just going to sit back and watch while you splash around, looking for the life raft. And don’t expect me to offer you a hand, unless it’s to hold your head under.”
That’s when I realise that I’m completely fucked. Not because of what Ryan said: his words have no effect on me. He’s nothing against me, I’d squash him like an ant.
The problem is something else.
Something much bigger.
And its name is Casey Madigan.
4
Nick
“I’m home!” I close the door and head straight for the kitchen, which is filled with the scent of Mum’s stuffed vegetables.
“Oh, you’re here too,” I say through my teeth, finding Ryan making himself comfortable at the table.
“I could say the same thing,” he shoots back indifferently.
“Hey, Nick,” Evan says, coming through the back door from the garden.
This house gets more crowded every day. Instead of fucking off and getting on with their own lives, everyone has decided to bring themselves here, crammed into one big, happy family.
“I’ve set the table outside, Karen,” he then says to my mother.
“Thanks, Evan. Where’s my husband?”
“He’s outside getting some air.”
My mother smiles, despite the tiredness I can see leaking through the cracks of her gaze. Her movements are getting slower and slower.
“How is he?” I ask her.
“He’s fine, Nick. Don’t worry.” But from the uncertainty in her voice, I know that she’s lying to me. She’s been doing that a lot recently, and we all just pretend to believe her.
“Evan,” I say, turning to him. “I think I’ve left my phone in the car. Could you go and grab it for me?” I chuck him the keys. He considers for a moment, watching my face – but he doesn’t buy it. He’s not an idiot.
“I know about everything, you know. You don’t have to send me outside for the difficult conversations. Even my mum hasn’t done that for about ten years.”
Ryan shakes his head and stands up to place a hand on the boy’s shoulder, both friendly and paternal. Dear God, I can’t believe Ryan is actually this kid’s stepdad.
Mum turns to us
, leaning against the kitchen counter.
“What do you need to tell me, Nick?”
I take a deep breath and drop the bomb before it can explode in my stomach, hoping that Ryan will help me soften the blow of the explosion.
“You can’t do it, Mum. Not on your own.”
Mum closes her eyes.
“We do what we can, but it’s not enough. You need help.”
“He’s right.” Wow, little Ryan’s decided he’s on my side for once. That’s a first.
“Dad needs to start his physio, and we can’t keep putting it off,” I continue cautiously.
About six weeks ago, my father had an accident at home: he lost his balance coming down the stairs and his knee gave in. They operated on his meniscus, but it wasn’t a good period for any of us. He was pretty much immobile and they were worried that his condition would get worse.
“Here I am! Sorry I’m late,” Chris bursts breathlessly into the kitchen. She plants a kiss on Mum’s cheek, then Ryan’s, then ruffles Evan’s hair. “The place was so busy today, I was almost turning customers away.” She glances at the oven, obviously attracted by the smell of dinner cooking, then she looks up at us and immediately notices the tenseness in the air.
“Have I interrupted something?” she asks, concerned.
“No, honey,” Ryan says, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her towards him, giving her a kiss on the shoulder; but she stands there, tense.
“How do you like being treated like a little kid?” Evan asks, shamelessly.
“What?”
Ryan sighs, and prepares himself for a painful conversation. It’s all been more difficult for him: he still hasn’t totally accepted Dad’s condition.
“We were deciding what to do for…Dad,” he says, almost gasping for air.
“Oh,” Chris steps away from him and starts to pace the kitchen nervously. “If you want, Evan and I can—”
“No, dear,” Mum stops her, placing her hand on her arm. “This concerns everyone, you two are part of the family.”