Coach Me

by Shanora Williams

  Foster’s eyes grow wide and then I see a flash of anger run through them. “Listen here, you dumb little black bitch! I only wanted to ask you a simple question! You should be glad you are even allowed to stand next to me and talk to me right now! The sight of you on this team makes me fucking sick and I’ll be honest, I don’t think you belong here. You don’t fit the fucking mold and you’re making us lose donations, and the sooner you realize that we don’t need you here, the better your life will be. Go somewhere you’ll fit in because I promise you, for as long as I coach for this school, I will never accept that you’re here.”

  “FOSTER!” a voice booms and I spin around. Hamilton is standing only a few feet away, a clipboard in her hand and her shoulders hunched. I hear footsteps and look to my left, and Torres jogs around the corner, looking from me, to Foster, to Hamilton.

  Hamilton drops the clipboard and storms forward. “What in the hell did you just say to my athlete?” she snaps, getting in Foster’s face.

  Foster stumbles backwards.

  “Did I really just hear those ugly, twisted, evil fucking words pour out of your mouth?” Hamilton points a finger to Foster’s chest and Foster fumbles for words, her eyes misty now.

  Oh, how the white women weep when they’re brought to justice.

  “You need to get the hell out of my sight right fucking now! As a matter of fact, go to what used to be your office and pack your shit up right now because you’re fucking fired after today.”

  “You can’t fire me!” Foster shouts back.

  “Oh, trust me, as soon as I talk to the dean and fill him in on what I heard, I’ll make sure you hear the words from me myself. Get the hell out of here. Now!” Hamilton points to the way out of the tunnel and Foster’s nostrils flare as she stares at her, and then at me.

  She doesn’t bother saying another word, even though I feel like she wants to blame me for what has just happened. Instead, she storms right out and marches out of the locker room.

  Hamilton turns to Melanie, who is petrified, and points a finger at her too. “As for you, you spoiled, rich, ignorant little girl. You’re lucky this is your last year with me, otherwise I’d kick your ass off my team. I’ve had enough of your shit too. Get the hell off this campus before you make me do something I regret.”

  Melanie steps around me and Hamilton to scurry away, and she doesn’t look back.

  Wow.

  I guess Torres was right about Hamilton. She is a good one.

  Hamilton draws in a deep breath and closes her eyes, most likely collecting some composure, then she exhales and looks at me, and then Torres.

  “I can’t think clearly about what I saw happen with you two,” she says, and my heart sinks. “I expect girls of Amber’s age to do silly things, but you, Torres? I am very disappointed in you right now. I expected more from you, and you’ve just let me down.”

  Torres drops his head and stares at the ground.

  Hamilton’s blue gaze is on me again. “Go to your apartment and finish packing. I’ll email you both when I want to see you in my office.”

  She gives us one final once-over and then she’s marching to her clipboard, picking it up and walking down the wing to her office.

  When she’s gone, I’m left standing with Torres.

  “Torres, I’m sorry. This is my fault. I shouldn’t have kissed you—”

  “No, Amber. It’s not. I kissed you back. We broke the rules.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and drops his head and I feel awful.

  “I’m going to go before Hamilton comes back,” I murmur. “I don’t want to upset her any more than she already is.” I make my way to the exit, taking slow steps, some part of me hoping Torres will stop me, but he doesn’t.

  I look over my shoulder at him, pausing mid-stride, and watch as he goes to one of the benches in the locker room to sit and drop his head. His legs are spread, elbows on his upper thighs, his fingers laced as he hunches over and thinks.

  I walk away knowing damn well this isn’t good and that he is in a lot more trouble than I am.

  FORTY-FIVE

  As horrible as I feel, I don’t regret what Amber and I have.

  Still, it’s fucked up how this has all unfolded. I’ve lost the trust of a person who gave me a chance—a person who brought me in under her wing and gave me a career.

  I know that I will never be able to make things right with Hamilton again, but I also know that she will keep this between us after she’s had a moment to think.

  She’s not vindictive and she’s not a horrible human being. She knows that even the best of us can make mistakes…but this? This will be unforgiveable in her eyes. There’s already so much dissension about males coaching young females and I’ve just tampered with that.

  What I did as a coach—as someone who wanted to be here to uplift and train and encourage any and all athletes—has broken that trust.

  I push off the bench and hold my head up as I look toward the wing for the offices. I know what I have to do, and even though the idea of it kills me, it’s the best option.

  Not for my sake, but for Amber’s.

  FORTY-SIX

  I couldn’t sleep at all last night.

  I tossed and turned, unable to rid my mind of the horror I saw in Torres’ eyes, or the shock in Hamilton’s as they looked at each other after that kiss.

  I thought surely the situation with Foster would bother me more, but honestly, it hasn’t so much. I’m more worried about what Hamilton will say and do.

  It comes as no surprise to me that I receive an email from her when I wake up.

  Amber,

  Meet me in my office at 11:00.

  Hamilton

  I draw in a breath as I shut off my phone screen. I wanted to call Torres and come up with a game plan with him, but I knew it wasn’t wise.

  As he’d said before, this was his career, and he’d jeopardized it with me. I didn’t think we would be caught or seen. I always thought we would be safe so long as we kept a distance at school, and then that kiss happened. That fucking kiss that was never supposed to happen on campus.

  When it’s nearing 10:30, I shower and dress. I leave immediately, glad Kendall isn’t around to witness my somber mood.

  I walk across campus until I’m on the track, the soles of my shoes sticking to the rubber. When I’m at the tunnel, my heart is beating loudly in my chest, but I keep moving, ready to get this over with.

  I take the wing down until I’m in front of Hamilton’s door. I give it a knock, and in a matter of seconds it’s opened, only it’s not Hamilton who answers it. It’s Torres.

  I’m shocked to see him and am left speechless as he looks into my eyes. I start to smile, but he doesn’t do the same. What is he doing here?

  “Come on in, Lakes,” Hamilton says, and I look past him at Coach Hamilton who is sitting behind her desk. I step inside, moving past Torres to stand in the middle of her office.

  Torres closes the door and steps sideways.

  “Have a seat.” Hamilton gestures to the empty brown chair on the opposite side of her desk.

  I pull it back and sit, trying really hard not to look over my shoulder at Torres.

  “So, as you know, we have very strict policies here,” Hamilton starts, her fingers clasped together on her desk. “I expect the girls on my team to excel at everything, but I do realize that my girls aren’t perfect and that they can make mistakes.”

  I swallow hard.

  “I also realize that…some things can happen that no one expects, but what matters the most is how it is handled.”

  “Okay,” I whisper.

  “First off, I don’t want you to worry about your position on my team. You will still be a runner for Bennett and will fulfill your scholarship. That will not change.”

  I sigh, and the relief courses through every part of me.

  “However, you will no longer be training with Coach Torres, or any other male coach for that matter.”

  I frown then and
finally look over at Torres who has taken slow, careful steps to stand beside Hamilton’s desk.

  “Coach Torres put in a letter of resignation last night and, because he will no longer be serving the Bennett University Women’s Track and Field team, I see no need to escalate this issue further or take it to any officials.”

  “What?” My mouth parts as I look from her to Torres. He’s avoiding my eyes, but I see the guilt and shame on his face as clear as day. “Why would you resign?” I ask feebly.

  His head lifts and our eyes finally connect. “Because it’s the best thing to do. For you.”

  “But I—”

  “Amber, listen, this is the best thing that can happen. The last thing we want is a scandal breaking out about a coach with a student here at Bennett. By having Torres resign, this ends the issue immediately. He’s leaving by choice, and there is nothing wrong with that.” I hear Hamilton, but I can’t look at her. I can only focus on Torres—on a man whom I’ve come to know. This isn’t what he wants. He’s resigning to spare me. Why is he doing this? I don’t need him to save me.

  “Is there no way he can stay and we just keep a distance from each other?” I ask, turning my head quickly to look at Hamilton. It’s so naïve to ask but I don’t care. He can’t lose this job because of me.

  “I’m sorry, but no.”

  “But he’s—”

  “Freya, can I have a word with Amber, please?” Torres asks.

  Hamilton swings her gaze over to him. “I’m sorry, Joaquin, but no. I cannot leave you in here alone with her.”

  Torres rakes his fingers through his hair, clearly frustrated.

  “Listen, this is the way it has to be. Unless you want me to contact the dean of the school and tell him about this—which won’t look pretty on your record, Joaquin—then you both have to accept that this is the consequence. My team and my girls come first.” She sighs and then brings her hands up to drag the pads of her fingers down her face. “I think it’s best if you go for now, Joaquin. Pack up your office and take care of the loose ends.”

  He gives Hamilton a hopeless stare, but he nods anyway, turning for the door, swinging it open, and walking out.

  When the door clicks shut behind him, Hamilton clears her throat. “I have to ask now that he is gone,” she starts. “How did this happen? Who…you know…started with who first? Not that it matters, but I’m just trying to wrap my head around it. Torres has always been professional, and never the one to let a student or athlete sway him. Of course, I’ve noticed the girls flirt with him here and there and he’s a good-looking guy so that is a given, but he’s always been so focused and dedicated to his job and never the one to flirt back.”

  I look down at the stack of papers on her desk. “It was mutual, Coach. In fact, I started it. I think he just got lost in the moment with me and we took things a little too far.”

  She sighs, then presses her lips as if she’s really hurt by the decisions that had to be made today. “Well, I want you to promise me from now on that you’ll focus on track and school. I just—I can’t imagine what would have happened if it had been Foster or even another athlete seeing you two together. I would have had no choice but to escalate this and that would have been horrible for both of you.”

  “I understand…and I appreciate you not escalating this.”

  “Of course. Well,” she sighs, pushing to a stand, “That’s all for now, Lakes. I want you to enjoy your summer and train as much as you possibly can.”

  I stand with her and walk to the door. “I will.”

  She nods when I look back and walk out.

  You know, it could have been much, much worse…but this still feels like a loss either way. What was Torres thinking by resigning on my behalf? I would have given up the scholarship for him to keep his job because I know how important it is to him, but instead he beat me to it. He lost his job so I could stay.

  I walk down the hall to his office, but he isn’t there, so I take my phone out and send him a text. When he tells me where he is, I immediately leave the offices to meet him.

  FORTY-SEVEN

  Torres is leaning against his car in the faculty parking lot, his arms folded across his chest, and his head and eyes cast downward.

  I slow my pace as I stand on the sidewalk, watching him a moment. There’s an instant tightening in my chest. A part of me wants to run up to him and hug him, but another part of me wants to run away and sulk because technically I just cost him his job.

  I move anyway, and when he hears me approaching, his head lifts. He looks exhausted. I bet he didn’t sleep last night either.

  He immediately pushes off the vehicle and before I can say anything or even attempt greet him, he says, “Ride with me.” Then he opens the passenger door and gestures for me to get inside.

  I side-eye him as I walk past to get in. He shuts the door behind me and is behind the steering wheel in a matter of seconds, starting the ignition.

  “Where are we going?” I ask.

  “My place. Buckle up.”

  I clip my seatbelt then press the back of my head to the headrest. He leaves the parking lot and drives off campus, taking the twenty-minute drive to get to his apartment complex.

  Parking, he climbs out of the car and I get out with him, sighing as I follow him to his door. When we’re inside his place, he drops his keys on the kitchen counter and trudges to the living room, sitting on the sofa.

  I stand a moment, looking around the still apartment, watching as he tosses his head back and stares at the ceiling. There isn’t an expression on his face. It’s just blank.

  I finally move, taking the spot next to him. I don’t sit too closely, though. For some reason, I feel like he’s regretting what we did, and I don’t want to test the limits of his patience right now.

  “Joaquin,” I whisper, twisting my fingers in my lap. “I’m so sorry. I really wish there was a better way for this to have worked out. I don’t want you to lose your job because of me.”

  He lowers and shakes his head. “This was my decision, Amber. Resigning was the smartest thing I could do. At least with a resignation, it won’t tarnish my reputation or yours. I can apply for another coaching job if I want and Hamilton has already agreed to write a letter of recommendation for me…so long as I’m only coaching boys.” He chuckles at that, trying to lighten the mood.

  I laugh, only a little. The last thing I want to do is laugh right now.

  “She knows what I have with you isn’t all an act of lust.”

  My heart skips a beat. “It isn’t?”

  “No.” He faces me and brings a hand up to stroke my cheek. “Amber, I care about you a lot. I told you the connection I feel with you is one I’ve never felt before, and I said the same to Hamilton. She thought we were just fooling around, making a mockery of the team, but when I explained it to her, she seemed to understand it more. Hamilton knows it’s hard for me to connect to people.”

  I nod and start to drop my chin but he picks it right back up. “I don’t want you blaming yourself for this. We knew what we were doing. We knew there was a risk.”

  “I just—I feel so bad about this.” The emotions create a block in my throat and my eyes are burning. “I never should have kissed you the night of the carnival. None of this would have ever happened.”

  He sighs and clasps my chin between his fingers. “If we never would have kissed on that boat, I would have missed out on getting to know you. Getting to share meals with you. Getting to hold you in my arms at night. Getting to see you—the real you.”

  I choke on a sob. As much as I love those words, I can’t take them right now.

  “Amber, look at me,” he murmurs, and I pick my head up and look into his brown eyes, blinking through the blurriness that has clouded my vision. He leans forward and his lips meet mine. He kisses me softly. Tenderly. Then he pulls back and lifts a hand to cradle my face in it. “I love you, Amber Lakes.”

  My heart damn near skips another beat. I can only stare a
t him as the sincerity burns from every single feature of his.

  “I love you for listening to me—for being there for me,” he goes on, holding my gaze. “I love you for trusting to even be around a guy like me because you deserve so much more. I am broken and troubled and fucked-up, but you saw through it. You see me so much better than anyone else.”

  “Wait…you love me?” My voice cracks, my heart beating to life again.

  He nods and begins to retract. “And it’s okay if you don’t love me back or anything, I just—”

  “I do love you!” I blurt out, and I feel silly for the reaction, but I don’t care. I cradle his face right back and stare into his warm brown eyes. “I love you, Joaquin Torres. I love you so much I can’t stand it because all I can ever think about is you. All I can imagine is a future with you. It’s just that after everything that’s happened…the future doesn’t look so promising for us and that scares me so much.”

  He smiles and his fingers slide across my cheek until they’re at the nape of my neck. Then he brings me toward him and kisses me.

  I moan from the feel of his lips on mine, and how the pads of his fingers play with the hairs at the nape of my neck. I climb on his lap and he groans, wrapping me up in his arms and then standing from the sofa.

  He marches to his bedroom and my back lands on the soft padding of his mattress. Our lips part, but only so we can take each other’s clothes off. He pulls his shirt over his head and in the heat of the moment, I take mine off too. He goes for my running shorts, sliding them down to my ankles and then taking my panties off next. I lean up and snatch down his track pants and boxers in one swift action, and before I know it, he’s on top of me, working his way between my legs and then thrusting into me.

  A mixture of a gasp and a moan claws its way out of my throat and as I throw my head back, he drags kisses all over my neck, thrusting hard and slow. I feel every inch of him—feel him throbbing with want and need.