Coach Me

by Shanora Williams

  “I love you so much,” he sighs when the kiss breaks.

  “I love you,” I say back.

  “I’ll miss this. Miss you.”

  I can’t hear those words right now, so I kiss him again and he brings me off the counter, carries me to the vacant living room, and lays my back on the hardwood floor, all while still being inside me.

  And this time, we are relentless. I hold his face and kiss him deep, and he fucks me like he will never be able to get enough. I swallow his groans as he sips my moans.

  And before I know it, my back is arching and I’m coming for him. All for him.

  “That’s it, preciosa,” he murmurs. “I needed that from you. I want to take it with me and never forget it.” His head drops and his mouth presses to the crook of my neck. A loud groan fills my ear as his body stills and he comes too. “Oh, fuck, Amber.”

  When he’s propelled his hips one last time to bury himself deep, groaning and trembling from the aftermath, his body sags, muscles loosen, and he collapses on top of me.

  I laugh as he kisses my cheek, then he slides next to me and brings a hand up to caress the pad of his thumb over the apple of my cheek.

  I smile at first, because I really want to be happy about this moment—happy with the fact that we get to spend this time together—but the longer he looks into my eyes, and strokes my cheek, the more I realize that he’s thinking the one thing I’ve been trying not to think about all day.

  He’ll be leaving and I’ll still be here.

  Miles apart. Visits only on special occasions. Unable to touch or kiss or be together. Only phone calls, and text messages, and Facetimes.

  Before I know it, he becomes a blur. I blink and the tears fall, and I lower my gaze to avoid him as much as I can.

  “No, Amber.” Torres sits up and brings me up with him. His thumb brushes the stray tears away and I blink, clearing my vision, looking up at him, only to see he’s smiling. “No, baby. Remember what I said,” he murmurs. “This doesn’t change anything. You are mine. Forever mine. We’ll see each other all the time. Trust me.”

  “I know. I’m just going to miss you.” I sniffle, dragging the back of my arm over my face.

  He’s still smiling that same smile—a smile that’s certain and hopeful and strong. I don’t know how he does it—how he can smile through this. I suppose he’s being strong for both of us.

  Reeling me in, he hugs me tight and lays a kiss on my forehead. “I love you,” he whispers.

  I nod. More tears slip away. “I love you too. For real.”

  I feel him shake with laughter and I smile, then I sigh, wiping my tears away. Picking my head up, I lift both hands and clasp his face in my hands, pressing my lips to his perfect pink lips.

  The saltiness of my tears runs over the creases of our mouths, but he doesn’t mind. He returns the kiss, and I feel him smiling behind it, like he wouldn’t dare change anything about this moment.

  And neither would I because he is mine.

  Forever mine.

  After we’ve cleaned ourselves up as best as we can with what little resources Torres has left in his apartment, we order Chinese food, grab some blankets from the U-Haul and spread them out on the middle of the living room floor. I change into a T-shirt of his while he swaps his shorts for sweatpants and hangs out shirtless.

  The food arrives and we eat together, swapping noodles and rice, and laughing and teasing one another.

  This.

  This is what I’ll miss most. These quiet, peaceful, sweet moments with him where he shows me his true self.

  But I have to remember that the future holds many more of these kinds of memories, and sometimes a love like ours requires patience and time.

  As he wraps his arms around me while we lay on our pallet of blankets and he drops kisses on the back of my neck, I know everything will be all right, so I smile again, and take his hand and give it a tight squeeze.

  “Everything will be okay,” he whispers just as I start to drift off to sleep.

  Sleepily, I say, “I know.”

  FIFTY-FIVE

  The rest of my summer isn’t as bad as I thought it would be. Most of my time is spent training and Torres keeps his promises about everything. He texts me every single day and if we’re not texting, we’re talking on the phone or on FaceTime, flirting with each other, or telling one another about our days.

  I do worry sometimes that maybe he’ll get tired of talking to me, or that he’ll get used to life in Florida and won’t need to speak to me as much, but even as I return to school, and he begins his coaching job for his men’s team, not much really changes.

  I work hard at practice, and even harder with my classes and studying. I try and focus on school and running, and it does help time go by faster. Hamilton doesn’t treat me any differently and in fact, with the Triple Threat gone now and no pestering Foster around, being on the team is way better than before.

  All the girls have respect for each other, and I’m not treated differently. It helps that more girls of color have been recruited to BU. Hamilton constantly tells me that if I hadn’t joined, the other girls wouldn’t have, but I always tell her it’s because of her that I joined at all.

  With the team, I show my respect and they show theirs and it brings our team closer together. Kendall and Janine are still two of my closest friends, but I end up hanging with a lot of the girls when I can.

  Torres visits during winter, spring, and summer break, and every time he does, we meet at the same hotel in downtown Raleigh, spending a full week together, and it’s never any different.

  We can never keep our hands off each other. We talk and laugh and eat and watch movies after training so hard for track, and it’s the best feeling in the world to just be lazy and cozy and even sexy with someone.

  He was right. Nothing has changed. Even when I thought all would be lost—that he’d move on from a young girl like me—here he is. Always with me. Always wanting me. Always there for me.

  Before I know it, the end of my senior year has arrived. My graduation is tomorrow and I can’t believe the time has flown by so fast.

  I told Torres the date of my graduation and he said he’d be here, but now that it’s the day of, I haven’t heard from him and I’m getting a little worried.

  “You ready?” Mama asks as she checks on me. I’m standing in the bathroom of our shared hotel room. We had to book one for the graduation today. Mama didn’t want to drive the day of. “We’ve gotta be there an hour early and I know this because I read the email several times.”

  I laugh as I fix one of my curls. “I’m ready.”

  I pick up my phone and check the screen on my way out of the bathroom, but there aren’t any notifications.

  I ignore the dread I feel building up inside me and follow Mama out of the hotel room. Torres may not make it because of a delay with his flight or something. Maybe there’s an important meeting at his school that he can’t miss?

  It takes us no time to get to Bennett. As soon as Mama parks, I climb out of the car with my cap and as I walk, I notice Kendall standing near the student’s entrance with her mom. Her mom is a petite Spanish woman with brown hair and bronze skin.

  “Lakey Lakes!” Kendall shouts when she sees me. She rushes my way, wraps me up in her arms, and I laugh.

  “Kendall!” I squeal over her shoulder.

  My mom shakes hands with Kendall’s mother as Kendall compliments me on my dress.

  “I’m telling you right now, don’t even wear the gown. Take it off! That dress is too hot to cover up.”

  I laugh, looking down at my black dress. It’s honestly not much, but it does have a lot of cleavage. Mama was against it at first, but it was my favorite option, so I stuck with it.

  “We should probably go with the rest of the graduates. I think they’re going to line up now,” I say.

  Kendall looks at the line. “Yeah, that’s right.”

  “Go on, baby,” Mama says as she turns toward the gues
t entrance with Mrs. Ramirez. “We’re going to find a good seat before it starts filling up in there.”

  “Yes, and I have to save a seat for your sister,” Mrs. Ramirez says to Kendall.

  “That bitch better hurry up,” Kendall snaps under her breath.

  “Okay.” I wave as Mama goes and then turn to walk with Kendall, following the rest of the graduates to the lines.

  “You good?” Kendall asks as we approach the line to check in.

  “Yeah, I’m great!”

  Who am I kidding? I’m not great. I check my phone as Kendall checks in and there are still no notifications. But he promised. He has to come.

  I check in next and when I’m told which line to go into, I make my way there, parting ways with Kendall who does that silly thing she does where she reaches out to me and pouts her bottom lip.

  When it’s time for the graduates to sit in order, I sit but not without scanning the crowd. I see Mama close to the front with Mrs. Ramirez and whom I’m assuming is Kendall’s sister. She’s so much smaller than Kendall, but it’s definitely her. I can tell by all the tattoos on her arms and hands.

  Mama waves at me when I see her, and I wave back.

  I continue my search, but I don’t have any luck.

  As our names are called, my anxiety is through the roof, and when it’s my turn to cross the stage, I force a smile at the dean, accept my diploma, and I know I should be over the moon about graduating from Bennett, but I’m fully distracted.

  I walk down the steps and am on my way back to my seat when I hear someone shout, “Smile, Lakes!”

  I gasp when I hear the familiar voice and look to find it, and standing in the crowd, wearing a sky-blue shirt is Torres himself. My heart doubles in speed and I’m surprised I don’t trip over my own two feet in these heels.

  I wave at him as I walk by and he winks at me. He’s here! I knew he’d show!

  When the graduation is over and the graduates throw their hats in the air, I push my way through the crowd, on the hunt for a man in a sky-blue shirt.

  I step outside of the crowd to scan it, and then I see him. He’s looking around too, trying to find me, a bouquet of flowers in his hand. I rush through the crowd, slipping through the gaps, and ducking beneath the flailing arms, and when I’m close enough, my body clashes into his.

  He stumbles a bit, but keeps us both steady, the plastic around the flowers crunching from the impact. He laughs, like he wasn’t expecting it but wouldn’t want to be greeted any other way.

  I lean up on the tip of my heels and kiss him, and when I pull my lips away, he says, “I’m so proud of you!” over the noise.

  “I didn’t think you’d show! I got worried!”

  “I made you a promise.” He kisses me again. “I dropped everything to be here.”

  I cling to his arms. “I hope you aren’t missing anything important.”

  “There was a meeting today, but they’re going to fill me in.” He cradles my face in one hand. “I wasn’t going to miss this day.” Another kiss and, like always, I melt.

  “Amber!” I hear my mother’s voice and look over my shoulder. She’s pushing through the crowd, her hair slightly out of place.

  I grab her hand and bring her to me and when she’s in the clear, she instantly wraps her arms around me to hug me.

  “My baby girl,” she croons. “Your daddy would be so proud!”

  “He would,” I sigh over her shoulder.

  She pulls away and looks at the person behind me. I turn and Torres is still standing there with the flowers in hand, now with a nervous smile on his lips.

  “Um…Mama, this is Joaquin. Joaquin, this is my mom.”

  Torres extends his arm to offer his right hand. Mama’s eyes widen as she looks him over, her arm stretching and her hand meeting his. “It’s nice to finally meet you, Mrs. Lakes. I’ve heard a lot of great things about you.”

  “And I’ve heard a lot about you,” she says back, but she still stares at him, as if she’s in awe. She finally snaps out of it to look at me.

  “Amber, you showed me a picture but he looked nothing like this,” she says in my ear. “I understand it now.”

  “Ma!” I shoo her away, but I feel my face overheating. She’s embarrassing me.

  An arm reels me back and I spin around to find Kendall. “We did it!” She hugs me tight and I hug her back, smiling over her shoulder, both of us bouncing,

  “We did!” I squeal.

  “My mom wants to try this new restaurant if you want to join us,” she offers as she pulls away. “Oh, shit! Torres?” Kendall steps around me to see Torres standing, still with those flowers in hand.

  “How’s it going, Ramirez?” he asks, smirking.

  Kendall looks at me and brings her mouth close to my ear. “Look, I know I swing for girls and all, but I gotta say, Torres could easily be an exception.”

  I bust out laughing. Jesus. She is worse than my mother!

  “If you’re going to eat, I’d love to join you,” Torres says to Kendall, then looks at my mom. “I’ll cover it, if you don’t mind, Mrs. Lakes.”

  “Not at all,” Mama says, shaking her head. He said the right words. Mama loves when she doesn’t have to pay.

  We all leave together and Mama rides with me in Torres’ car. It’s awkward with her in the back and me in the passenger seat and equally embarrassing when he glances at me and smiles.

  But as we all eat and laugh and chat, I can easily say this is probably one of the best days of my life. Surrounded by people I love, eating good food, and feeling totally, and completely accepted.

  Not once does Mama interrogate Torres. I assume she thinks this isn’t the place or the time, and is rather getting to know him as he speaks. I think she likes him.

  After we eat, I tell Mama I’m going to hang out with him for a while and she kisses my cheek before leaving with Kendall, Mrs. Ramirez, and Kendall’s sister, Irene.

  “Be careful,” Mama murmurs, placing a kiss on my cheek before she goes.

  The sun has set now and Torres takes me to a boardwalk not too far away from the restaurant. We walk hand-in-hand, listening to the water trickle from a fountain in a lake. The sky is painted orange and purple and it’s so peaceful out here.

  “So, how does it feel to be done with school?” Torres asks, looking at me.

  “It feels amazing. Now to find a job,” I state, laughing.

  “Yeah, another obstacle, but I’m sure you’ll find one.” He stops walking then and releases my hand to face me. “As a matter of fact, I have some good news.”

  “Really? What is it?”

  “Well, I’ve been talking to Mills about this for a couple months now and we’re finally ready to take this plan to action. We’ve had a few people interested and some have already pre-applied.” He takes a deep breath and I wait for what he has to say with bated breath. “I’m opening up my own private track and field league with Mills in Charlotte.”

  “Oh, my gosh! Really?” I gasp. “Wow, Torres! That’s amazing! Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Well, that’s the thing. I wanted to tell you, but I also wanted to surprise you.”

  “Surprise me? With what?”

  “The league will need coaches—people who know track and field like the back of their hand. I wanted to present the job opportunity to you as a graduation gift, and of course you don’t have to do it if you find something you want to do more, but I figured in order to make sure you don’t struggle with the job-hunting process afterward, this could fill that void.”

  He smiles down at me, and my goodness, I want to kiss him to death.

  “Yes!” I exclaim. “Are you kidding? I would love to coach with your league!”

  “You sure?” he asks, quirking a brow, teasing.

  “I’m positive!” I throw my arms around the back of his neck and hug him. “Thank you for this—for thinking of me.”

  “Of course. You’re talented as hell. I only see success with you as a coach.” He
plants a kiss on my lips and then takes one of my hands to start walking again.

  “When does this start?”

  “This summer,” he tells me. “July, as a matter of fact. Think you can swing that?”

  I shrug and smile. “I’m sure I won’t have anything better to do. This is incredible, Torres. I mean, you are living your dreams! This is so great! I’m so happy for you.”

  “Yeah, I am living my dreams and I want to continue living them with the girl of my dreams at my side.”

  I bite back a smile, lowering my gaze.

  “Now…about that trip to Florida that I promised you,” he says, swinging my arm playfully, my hand clasped in his, and I can’t fight this bliss anymore. I break out in a harmonious laugh and we continue walking beneath the sunset, discussing the trip to Florida and all the possibilities, and this is it.

  This is the moment I have been waiting for.

  To be in public with him. To be free with him.

  There is nothing like the feeling of being in love—nothing like the feeling of walking hand-in-hand with the person of your dreams, and yet here we are.

  Hand-in-hand once again.

  I must admit this isn’t the future I’d imagined, but it is so much more than I ever could have asked for, and I’m ready to share the rest of it with him.

  Joaquin Torres.

  The man of my dreams.

  My knight in shining white armor.

  He is all I’ll ever need.

  He is all I’ll ever know.

  And I am perfectly happy with that.

  EPILOGUE

  One Year Later

  Happiness has always been a fickle thing for me. I never really knew the true meaning of the word until Amber walked into my life.

  Of course, I’d been happy with my parents as I grew up. I was happy when I was in high school and college and ran on the tracks until my whole body was fatigued. I was happy until the day my father was taken from me.

  But this sort of happiness? It’s new for me.