“I can’t walk away from it, Amada. I’ve made big commitments I can’t take back.” Rafa searched my eyes as he spoke. “I would if that was the only way to be with you, but it’s not an option anymore. If you’re still willing to marry me, this will be part of our lives forever. I agree with Esteban, the sooner the better, but only when you’re sure.”
“I am,” I said, my hand squeezing his forearm as the wheels touched down on solid ground. “I’ve never been so sure of anything.”
“Excellent,” said Esteban. “I’m going to have to fight Oscar to be the officiant but let me worry about that. Let me know so I can clear my calendar.”
***
It was dark once we reached Boxwood, and to my surprise the house was lit up like a Christmas tree. At least six men were waiting for us in the circle drive, most of them leaning against three black SUVs that looked exactly like the kind that had followed us to go shopping. Just after the gate closed behind us, one of the men hopped into the one closest to the gate and positioned it sideways, as if to create a second line of defense between the house and the street.
“For now, security is going to be intense, Amada,” said Rafa, his hand already on my thigh. I wasn’t sure if he even noticed himself, as it was his natural tendency to casually touch me in public no matter what. “After what you’ve been through, I hope you won’t have an issue with it.”
“I’m going to speak up here, Amanda, and I hope you don’t think I’m out of line,” said Sandro from the front, “but I feel like we’re at the point where we can speak freely.” He glanced over his shoulder at Rafa. “Right boss?”
“I agree,” said Rafa, squeezing my knee. “We’re all family now.”
“You can be blunt, Sandro,” I said, watching him put the car in park. “I know it comes from a good place.” With a slight grunt, he turned around and faced us both, adjusting his oversized frame so that he could talk to us both.
“If something like that happens again, it’s going to kill Rafa. He was physically ill all week with worry. If you love him, and I know you do, don’t give him any more grief about protecting you.”
“I’m not, Sandro,” I said, moved by his concern for Rafa. “I had a pretty big scare myself. I’m on board with whatever you want to do.”
“Okay then,” said Sandro, pleased there wouldn’t be a battle. “I’ll get the details later, but I assume that sonofabitch is still alive and kicking?”
“Maybe,” said Rafa, his hand inching up my thigh a little. How could he not know he was doing that? As always, Sandro either didn’t notice or pretended not to notice.
“Then you have security inside and outside for now. I want two guys out front, two out back, and two by your bedroom door at night until we wrap it up with this Demarais character. He knows where you live, and if he decides to come back, it won’t be pretty. I’m sorry if it’s going to, uh, cramp your style—”
“Ha!” laughed Rafa. “I haven’t seen her for a week. I couldn’t care less what they hear, but you tell them everything inside our house and especially our bedroom is confidential. I don’t care what they gossip about me, but they respect her at all times, even in conversation among themselves. You enforce that Sandro.”
“They’ll keep their mouths shut or they’ll be dealing with me. No more fuckups.” He made a face and quickly corrected himself. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say that.”
“Sandro, it’s ok. I’ve heard that word before,” I said. “It’s not necessary to censor yourself in front of me.” I put my hand on my purse to let them know I was ready to go. “No arguments, alright?”
“Thank you, mamita,” said Rafa, giving me a peck on the lips. It felt like a dream being back home with Rafa, and I couldn’t wait to get inside and lock the door to the world. Passing by, I waved at most of the security guys, but when I saw that weasel Mauricio, I stopped in my tracks. As much as he tried to blend into the background, I spotted him right away, and in in spite of my exhaustion, seeing him brought the ugly memory of that night right back.
“You!” I dropped my purse and marched toward him. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rafa and Sandro step out of the car to watch, though I had the sense that they weren’t going to move a muscle no matter what I said or did. Mauricio froze and let me go off on him.
“Don’t you ever put your hands on me again, you jerk!” I poked him in the center of his chest then gave him a good push, and even though he didn’t move, it felt so good. In response he only bowed his head and stared down at the ground.
“You touch me again and I’ll cut off your balls, so help me god!” I whirled around toward Rafa and Sandro, who’d been whispering something to each other, on the verge of laughter.
“Tell him, Rafa!” I yelled.
“I can’t, mamita,” answered Rafa, now deadly serious, “because if he ever pulls something like that again, it’ll be me who cuts his balls off, and he knows it.” With that, Sandro lost it and turned around, his enormous shoulders shaking from behind.
“And your pathetic ass stays outside!” I snatched up my purse and stomped to the front door, which was already wide open. “He does not fucking come inside! Ever!”
“You got off easy, champ,” I heard Rafa say to Mauricio from right behind me, just before choosing two of the guards who would accompany us inside for the night. I was glad it wasn’t anyone I recognized from the shopping trip, because all three of them had been pricks, though I was fairly certain they’d be different now that Rafa had been on a rampage all week.
“The house is clear,” said one. “We’ll stay down here until you go to sleep, but don’t forget to let us know, otherwise we’ll have to check on you, and we know you’d prefer we didn’t do that.” He produced a card with their numbers on it and handed it to Rafa. “Please put our numbers in your phone. We already have yours.”
“Got it,” said Rafa, his own exhaustion now unmistakable. “I assume you don’t want us to lock the door?”
“Not if you want us to be one hundred percent effective. This is an emergency situation, correct?” This young man was markedly different from the others I’d met, all business yet completely respectful of us. I liked him.
“Absolutely,” said Rafa, following me to the bottom of the stairs.
“I’ll be honest. If we do our job properly, over the course of this assignment we’re going to be privy to some of your intimate moments. That’s just how it works in situations like this, but both of us can personally assure you we only care about your safety. You have our word.”
“Alright,” said Rafa. “That and the non-disclosure agreement is enough for me. What about the others?”
“You didn’t hear this from us, sir,” said the other guard, stepping forward, “but we recommend you choose the same team to be inside with you every night. Tell Sandro not to rotate. They’re all good men, but some like to talk more among themselves than others. We’re not like that.”
“And unlike Mauricio, we have half a brain between us, Dr. De Leon. I just got my commercial pilot’s license and he’s about to graduate with a Master’s in chemical engineering.” The taller one extended his hand and said, “I’m Jorge but everyone calls me George, and this is Lars.”
“Lars?” asked Rafa.
“I was named after my Dutch grandfather,” he said proudly.
“Very good. Call me Rafa,” he said, shaking their hands in the reserved way that men often do. With some amusement, I noticed he didn’t tell them they could call me anything other than ma’am, likely to encourage them to keep a professional distance. Rafa could be so relaxed and friendly when he wanted, but then there were moments like this when he could come across as incredibly formal and intimidating. As always, I was fascinated by his many dichotomies.
“Amada, you heard him. They’re professionals, and it is what it is. I think we both know* the alternative is far worse.”
“No problem,” I said, unable to think about anything but my bed. “Goodnight, guys. Rafa, I’m t
ired. Let’s go up.”
“Aren’t you hungry?” he asked, watching the guards go off in the direction of the kitchen. “I know you didn’t eat there.”
“Did you make any cakes while I was gone?” Of all the things I’d missed about home and Rafa, his Capuchino cake was something I so deeply associated with his love that I’d craved it almost as much as my bed or even his embrace.
“No, mamita. Why would I make it if you weren’t here?” I shrugged, mildly disappointed, which bothered him. “Let me send someone out to the bakery,” he said.
“I don’t want anyone else’s.”
“Then I’ll make it right now,” he said, turning toward the kitchen.
“No!” I clutched the back of his arm more urgently than I’d intended, surprising us both. He paused, and just like that, my sweet, Capuchino-making best friend disappeared, and in his place was my lover in his purest, most aggressive male state. He pulled me toward him by fisting the front of my t-shirt, bra and all, and when I gasped at the roughness of it, he gave me a long, hard kiss. “At least let me get some water. We’re going to need it.”
I waited as Rafa grabbed a few cold bottles and then followed him up, my hand hooked over his belt at the waist. As exhausted as we both were, our sexual energy had begun to simmer in the taxi, and now it was ready to boil over. I ran my hand all over his tight, round backside as we went up the stairs, something I never did out of bed because it felt crude to me, but with each step we took toward the bedroom, the desire to touch him was so overwhelming I couldn’t stop. Rafa said nothing and let me caress him everywhere until he whirled around at the top of the stairs and yanked me up the last step by the waist.
We kissed again, coming together so roughly that one of us cut our lip on the other’s teeth, and soon the coppery taste of blood flooded into both our mouths. I recoiled when I recognized it, my old hang-ups rearing their ugly head for just a second. Pulling me back into him, Rafa scolded me in his deepest, sexiest voice.
“Don’t start that tonight,” he said.
“I won’t,” I said, gasping for air. It was heavenly to be this close to him again.
Using a handful of hair at the nape of my neck, he gently pulled my head back and looked straight down into my eyes. “I’m going to eat you up. Every inch, do you understand?” he said. I didn’t know what it was, but at this moment he looked even taller than his six foot three frame, his body in a commanding, almost irate stance. I ran my hands up and down his hard body, appreciating how something as simple as a fitted white shirt and tailored black pants could look so good on him, but I stopped in my tracks when I found his erection. I squeezed and handled him over his pants, trying to communicate just how much I desired him. It was unlike me to be so direct, but an unspoken obstacle between us had disappeared tonight. Perhaps it was a slightly altered, more raw intimacy because of what we’d been through today, the kind that happens only when you know it’s real, and it’s forever.
“You want that?” he growled. His face was so serious that I couldn’t remember it ever being any other way.
“Give it to me,” I panted.
Grabbing at each other now with desperation, he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom, never breaking our kiss as his mouth pressed over mine, enveloping me, almost pulling the air out of my lungs. The hardness of his body was driving me crazy, and with my arms and legs wrapped tightly around him, I bit down on his shoulder under his collar, my favorite spot when I was out of my mind with desire. In response he squeezed my ass, shamelessly burying his fingers in between, and still not used to him there, I startled. Quickening his pace, we crossed the threshold, and though I wanted to remind him to shut the door, I couldn’t form the words. To hell with it.
“This isn’t what I was going to do, Amada.” Somehow Rafa was able to clear off a spot for us on the bed without putting me down, which was still exactly the way I’d left it on that awful night. Once there was enough room, he dropped me square in the center and kissed me again before pulling my shirt up over my head and tearing my bra open. It wasn’t like him to ruin my clothes, but tonight was different.
“The plan was to take care of you, bathe you, feed you, let you sleep, and then.” His blue eyes shined in the semi-darkness, hungrier than I’d ever seen him. “But I feel like an animal. If I don’t calm down first, it’s going to be too rough.”
“Me too,” I said, my hand already on his erection again. This time I dragged my nails down his length, something I’d never done before, but by the way he stood still and watched my fingers, I could tell it turned him on.
“You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” Pushing my hand away with surprising force, he grabbed me by the hips and yanked me toward him, putting almost my entire breast in his mouth. His physical strength was something he’d never really let me see, but now he was giving me just a glimpse of how rough he could be if he let himself. I wasn’t afraid because I knew it was deliberate, that he wanted to make it clear his territorial instincts had been challenged to such a degree that he had possibly killed, and now he was going to fuck. Sucking hard, he shoved his hand down my pants and made a sound of appreciation when he found the slick pool between my legs.
Amid the ecstasy of his body, his kiss, and the sensation of my bare skin against his clothing, I was utterly melting into Rafa. I `was about to beg him to take me and mark me as his, when the memory of the redhead crept into my mind like a nasty disease, the image of her bare breasts pressed against Rafa’s chest sickening me all over again. It was intrusive and unwanted, and it made me angry all over again.
“Did hers taste as good?” I couldn’t help myself. I wanted him so badly, and he’d more than proven his love for me, but the ugly jealousy was still there. I was reliving it all over, and I had no idea how to make it go away.
“What?” he asked, raising his head. He obviously had no idea what I was talking about, which made it worse. Seeing him with another woman had triggered some sort of irrational madness within me, and though my brain understood he’d been tricked into it, she’d been sexy, just like all the women who regularly tried to get Rafa in bed. My god, even a close friend like Raquel couldn’t disguise how much she’d like to jump him. They were everywhere, all the time, but this one had made it farther than the others, and it infuriated me.
“The redhead. Did you like her breasts?” I’d deleted it, but the topless photo of her with him haunted me. A bitter mix of tears and ire pooled in my face, igniting my sinuses, and even though I didn’t want him to see, my face went hot and threatened to open up into a waterfall of tears.
“Are you kidding?” He slipped his hand back out from underneath my waistband, but instead of subtly wiping his fingers as he normally would, he put them right on me in the center of my chest. With Rafa everything was intentional, and I knew it was his unspoken way of saying look what serious business you just interrupted, but it only made me more aware of how much I didn’t know about that night. I flinched at the sensation and tried to sit up, but he wouldn’t let me, so I said something I knew would shock him.
“Was she wet?” A range of emotions flashed across his face, his expression going from baffled to irritated, then finally settling on something I couldn’t quite read.
“Was she wet?” He arched his eyebrows in surprise. “That’s a very explicit question for a good girl like you,” said Rafa, springing forward so that in a second, he had me flat on my back. He crawled on top of me, arms on either side of my head, his powerful thighs astride my own. “You sure you want to go there? I’m very good at that game.”
“I’m not playing games,” I said, turning away.
“Frankly, I’d like to know how wet you got for him.” It was a horrible, irrational question like mine, but he wasn’t kidding. “In fact, if you’re going to be so direct, then I’m not holding back either.”
“I told you, he didn’t touch me.” I moaned as Rafa unbuckled his belt and then undid his dress slacks, expecting him to press himsel
f into me, but he didn’t. Leaving a full twelve inches or so between us, I couldn’t believe when he actually began to sniff me, starting with my hair.
“I’ll be the judge of that,” he whispered. “Take off your pants.”
“You’re being ridic—” I began, but instead of waiting for me to do it, in one swift motion he yanked them down and pulled them off my ankles.
“You always wear panties. Why not today?” he asked, tossing them aside.
“I ran out.” I’d opened Pandora’s box with my questions about that woman, and now he felt free to give in to his basest instincts. I couldn’t believe he was actually looking for evidence of another man on my body.
“Keep still,” he said, taking one of my arms and smelling it from top to bottom, then the other. “I’ve been dying to do this since I found you in that hotel room.” From there he sniffed around my neck and then my collarbone, then all the way down my abdomen, stopping to give me a kiss just below my belly button.
“I’ve been on a plane all day, Rafa. Let me take a bath first if you’re going to get so personal.” I didn’t dislike what he was doing, but still. I allowed him to continue his little investigation only because I remembered I’d already showered this morning.
“Don’t worry, I know the difference between sweat and sex,” he said, going down. “And it’s going to get far more personal than this. Spread your legs.” I obeyed his command, trembling from just the tenor of his voice.
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