“I’m sorry for everything. Whatever I did or said last night. I’m sorry.” I rest my face on my palms. My head won’t stop pounding. My brain is throbbing against my skull.
“It’s okay, Liri. We all have one drunken night of regret.” His eyes meet mine and the expression there seems sincere. All I really want to do is lay back in the bed and curl into his warmth, but I know I can’t. I get up off the bed slowly and take the aspirin and drink the water he put out for me. My stomach burns but I try to fight the urge to vomit.
I go over to his desk and grab my phone. My necklace is wrapped around it. I squeeze the locket in my palm. “You fixed my necklace.”
He yawns. “No biggie.”
“It is to me. Thank you.” He stays quiet, and I turn my phone on. I have missed texts and calls all mostly from Hunter. “Why do I have so many tags?” I frown at all the Picsnap notifications.
“I wouldn’t click on that if I were you,” Killian warns.
“Why? What happened?” I swallow hard and click the first notification. There’s a video that keeps playing on a loop.
I’m marching over to Killian as he growls something in Woodrow’s face.
“Hey!” I yell and tap his shoulder.
He spins around at me. “I told you to stay upstairs,” he snaps.
“You tell me a lot of things. Take me back to your room and spank me.” Laughter erupts and Killian’s face turns crimson.
“Yeah take your girlfriend upstairs and spank her,” some guy yells.
“What he said,” I say on a hiccup.
“Wow.” I stare at my phone in disbelief. “Who posted this?” It has over ten thousand views this morning.
“Who do you think?”
“Jackie.” I shake my head. “Where is she?”
“Don’t bother. I tried talking to her, but she already sold it to one of those viral video sites.”
“I can pay her to take it down. Everyone has a price.”
“Whatever.” He stalks to his closet and that’s when I see the tattoos going down his right arm. It starts on his shoulder and ends at his wrist. I Can’t believe I never seen him in short sleeves or shirtless till now. My fingers twitch wanting to touch him. My vision is still blurry, but I can see flames and a cross on his arm.
“How much of an ass did I make of myself last night? Please tell me the video was the worst of it?”
“Okay, let’s go with that,” he says and yanks a shirt off the hanger.
“Are you mad at me? I know you’re in the video too, and I made it look like we’re a couple.”
“I don’t give a shit what anyone thinks about me, Liri. I’m sure your boyfriend will have plenty to say to you though.”
“Stop calling Hunter my boyfriend. We went on one date. But where do you get off, Killian? Why do you get to say whatever you want and do whatever to me, and I am supposed to just go okay this is what we’re doing now? One minute you hate me, then you want to be my friend, then you kiss me, then you are back to hating me.” I pull at my hair. “I can’t stand it!” I yell at him.
“I’m not good enough for you. Is that what you want me to say?”
“If it’s how you feel then yes! All I want is your honesty.”
“I hate you, Liri.”
“What?” My head pounds as I look at him. Tears well up and I try hard to keep them at bay. My throat hurts when I swallow.
“I hate those stupid leggings you wear. I hate how I can’t get you off my mind. You make me so damn crazy with want. I’ve never wanted anything more than I want you and it scares me.” He looks at me with dangerous wild eyes.
“Killian.”
“Stop. Liri. Stay right there,” he warns.
“No.” I take another step toward him. “You don’t hate me.”
“Yes, I do,” he spits the words at me and shrugs his t-shirt on.
“No. You. Don’t.” I bump my chest against his, my nipples hard enough to cut, and a plethora of emotions course through my veins. His arms go around me, and he holds me tight to his hard body.
His gazes pins me in place as he backs me up against the wall. “I don’t want to be your friend. I don’t want to be your anything.” He jerks away. His door flies open then slams shut with his departure.
His voice said he hates me, but his eyes said something much different.
I crack the door open and look out into the hallway for Killian but he’s not there. Then my tears fall.
Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I let him get to me?
Chapter 17
Liri
“Thanks for bringing my stuff.” I dig through the bag and take out what I want.
“No problem,” Hayley says, quietly. She seems weird. Distant maybe and I wonder if I did something to make her upset with me too. Last night was a mistake. I never should have drunk so much. I never should have come to this stupid house.
“Have you seen Killian?”
“No, but he left a trail of destruction on his way out.”
“What do you mean?”
“Oh well he broke a bunch of stuff and punched Woodrow in the face.”
“Why!?”
“For getting you drunk last night.”
“No one forced me.” I wince as my head continues to pound. The aspirin helped to dull the pain, but I am going to be suffering this headache all day. I hardly had the energy to get dressed. Every single time I rake my brush through my hair it gets caught in a tangle and I want to cry at the pain that shoots through my head.
“Try telling Killian that.” She moves off the spot she was perched on the bathtub. “Let me. We are supposed to meet your mom in like twenty minutes.”
“Thanks.” I drop my brush into her hand. “Is everyone mad at me?”
“Why would they be mad at you? All you did was have some fun. It was funny except for Killian acting all barbaric and crazy. I don’t think he has ever truly felt anything for anyone until you, Liri, and I don’t know what to do about it. Maybe you should just fuck him and put him out of his misery.” She grins.
“Stop it. That is not the answer to whatever this is. I doubt that I am the first girl he has ever liked.”
“I think you are the first girl he has ever worried what you think of him. He is used to being in control and taking what he wants and screw everyone else but you…you don’t take his shit.”
“He told me that he hates me.”
She changes the subject. “Have you talked to Hunter yet?”
“No. I am afraid to open my messages. Based on the number of them I am sure he has saw the video.”
“I think the world has watched that video.” She smacks my butt with the paddle side of my brush, and I yelp. “We both know that Hunter isn’t going to work out. You like Killian. And don’t you dare tell me that you don’t. Watching the two of you last night…we could all see it. You guys seriously need to bang and get it over with.”
“Not everything is about sex.”
“Sex would fix a lot of the issues between you and Killian. Trust that. The tension between you guys is so thick it is going to smother anything in your path like a freaking wildfire.” She smooths the brush through my hair again. “All done.”
“Thanks, Hayley. I think you are the best friend I have ever had. You’re like the sister I always wanted.”
A sympathetic smile crosses her face. “I’ll meet you at the car after I say bye to Liam.”
“Okay.” I smooth my hands over my hair and apply another layer of concealer under my eyes. I fold up Killian’s shirt and put it back on his bed in his room. I close my eyes and try to remember what happened last night between us.
I think I threw myself at him and I feel ashamed.
He washed my hair.
He took care of me.
He doesn’t hate me not even a little.
I wish I could remember being in the shower with him even if I did have puke on me.
I am never drinking again.
&n
bsp; I take one last look at his room before closing the door.
A memory washes over me. “We’re a fire that never was supposed to burn, but here you are in my bed, pouring the gasoline, and I’m striking the match,” Killian whispered against my lips, and he kissed me. He kissed me long, hard, and deep. I try to remember more but my memory is hazy. He is the one who pulled away and told me to go to sleep.
Downstairs, the house is trashed worse than it would be after a party. Glass crunches under my feet and the fraternity portrait hanging on the wall is busted up. I know Killian broke it because I made him upset. Because I pushed him to tell me how he is feeling.
Liam is pushing a broom while Hayley watches. I give Liam a sad smile and Hayley follows me outside. Woodrow is sitting on the porch, holding a bloody towel over his nose.
“Are you okay?”
He looks at me with swollen eyes. “Never better.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“You didn’t ask him to punch me, did you?”
“No. Of course not.”
“Then don’t sweat it.” He shrugs then winces. “I’ll live.”
I give him a weak smile. I wish I knew where Killian was, but I don’t want to stand my mother up. Hayley drives and I lay my head back on the headrest and close my eyes. I’m exhausted both mentally and physically. We meet my mom at the hotel and take our lunch out by the pool even though it is closed for the season.
“Someone had a rough night.” My mother eyes me and orders me an orange juice and pancakes. The sun is too bright, and it makes my head hurt even more.
Hayley gets a cheeseburger and fries and the smell of grease make me want to vomit. My stomach lurches and I fight against the bile rising up the back of my throat.
“You girls are too quiet. Tell me what’s wrong. Is it boy trouble?”
“I had a fight with my boyfriend,” Hayley lies to take the pressure off me, and I love her even more for doing so.
“Relationships are hard and take a lot of work. You’re young, and first loves are tough. I loved your Uncle James more than anything or anyone. I wouldn’t listen to anything bad anyone said about him. I walked away from friends and family because I swore to myself that I could fix him and that my love would be enough for him. Then I became pregnant with Liri, and I could take him letting me down, but what I couldn’t take was him not being around for her. Sometimes we have to dig deep and decide what we can live with and what we can’t live without.”
“Liam and Hayley will last.” I smile at her. “He loves her and can’t stay away from her for more than a few hours,” I tease.
“Codependency can be unhealthy.”
“It’s not like that,” Hayley tells her.
“You don’t have to explain it to me, sweetheart, I know you are trying to cover for Liri. You’re a good friend.”
Both of our jaws drop.
“What?” I laugh trying to keep it together.
“Your Uncle Cooper sent me quite the entertaining video this morning.”
“Shut up,” Hayley says with a snicker.
“Please tell me that you are joking.” I massage my temples wishing I could disappear.
“I wish I were,” she murmurs and sips her lemon water. “Don’t worry he is working on having it taken down. And no, he didn’t tell Theo.”
“Well thank God for small favors.”
“No, dear. Thank Cooper.” She smiles. “I’m not going to talk about you telling some man to spank you, but please, promise me that you will go to the appointment I made you for this week for birth control.” My face flushes and if I could vanish right now I really would.
Hayley chokes on a fry.
“Do you need an appointment too, Hayley? I can have them squeeze you in. Being safe is important.”
“I’m good thanks,” she squeaks.
Why is my mother being cool? It is freaking me out.
“I’m not going to yell at you, Liri. My mother did that with me, and all it did was push me to James. You are going to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them but no more drunken videos. Next time, I will tell Theo.”
“Got it.”
“That boy, Killian. He’s a bad boy, isn’t he?”
“Mom, stop. We are so not talking about Killian.”
“What about this Hunter guy? I thought you liked him.”
“It’s complicated.”
“No. It isn’t. You know you don’t like this Hunter guy the way you do this Killian. He will break your heart, but it is up to you to make that choice. Did you know that I dated Cooper before I married Theo?”
“Uh no. You never told me that.”
“It’s true. My girlfriend set me up with him on a blind date. She was dating Theo at the time.”
“What happened?”
“I realized that Cooper was a playboy and he wasn’t fond of the idea that I had a kid by someone else. Not that he didn’t think you were adorable. He did, but he wanted his own children and well I didn’t want anymore kids. Our split was mutual. And my girlfriend and Theo had been split up for a year when I was at the park with you. He was there jogging, and he stopped to say hello. We got to talking and he was good with you…we just sort of clicked.”
“You never told me any of this.”
“Well.” she shrugs. “He called me two weeks later and asked me out to dinner but said he wanted me to bring you too. Said he knew we came as a package deal and that was when I knew I would marry him.”
“And Uncle Cooper, he didn’t care?”
“He was happy for us. My point is that when you meet the one you will know. Have your fun. Get Killian out of your system if that’s what you have to do and when you are ready for a real relationship, date a Hunter. Cooper calls me the one who got away and he never had any kids. That’s why he spoils you so much. He gives Theo a hard time and says we should have been his girls. He messed up and missed out, but I love Theo more than anything. Life is just weird sometimes, Liri. But you’ll find your way.”
**
My phone goes off again with another text from Hunter. I know I need to talk to him. I don’t know what to say. I scroll through his messages feeling terrible. What if I choose wrong? Will I be like my Uncle Cooper and have regrets? What if I go running after Killian and all he does is use me and throw me aside like all the other girls? I don’t know if I can handle him. We don’t know how to be around each other without fighting or making the other person crazy. It shouldn’t be this hard.
Hunter: Are you okay?
Hunter: Are you avoiding me?
Hunter: We need to talk.
Hunter: I saw that video…should I be worried?
Hunter: Liri, talk to me.
Hunter: I want to see you when I get back.
Hunter: I’m not mad. I’m confused.
Hunter: Hello?
Liri: Hey. Sorry I was having lunch with my mom. What time will you be back?
Hunter: Will 11 be too late to come by?
Liri: That’s fine.
I know I need to be honest with Hunter and tell him I never should have agreed to go out with him as anything other than friends. It isn’t fair of me to use him when I know all Killian has to do is say my name and I will come running like a fool, but I’m a fool for this confusing screwed up boy.
Killian is everything my mother said he is. A bad boy. A heartbreaker. Bad news. The one that I want. The one I should run hard and fast from, but I can’t deny my feelings though I wish so badly I could.
Chapter 18
Killian
“Should you be drinking that? Aren’t you racing tonight?” Jackie presses. She has on pants that are too tight and her belly hangs over the waist a little. I roll my eyes at her and wish she’d get the fuck away from me.
“Why do you care?”
“I don’t but Misty told me she is going with you, and I’d rather not see her get hurt because you’re being stupid.”
I laugh. “You’re one to talk about being stupid. Don’t
forget I bailed your ass out when you needed me to.”
“I didn’t forget, Killian and that’s why I am going to tell you something you don’t want to hear. You’re an asshole. You’re a selfish jerk who only thinks about himself but there is good in you somewhere deep. I see it when you look at Liri. I admit I was jealous when I first noticed it, but I feel sorry for you because you would rather sit here and drink than do something about it.”
“You don’t know shit.” I knock back another drink and laugh. She’s fucking clueless.
Her eyes soften, and she offers me a weak smile like a consolation prize. “I know that you don’t want anyone else to have her.”
“Fuck off, Jackie. You don’t even like Liri.”
“You’re right. I don’t like her, but I care about you. I don’t know why I do because you don’t deserve my friendship. You’re such a prick. I wish I had never met you.”
“Just go away. Go annoy someone else. Go suck Porter’s dick or Ben’s or whoever else it is you are fucking this week. If you were really my friend, you wouldn’t have posted that video. You’re a bitch.” Jackie is only pissed because I don’t lust after her. I don’t pay her any attention. She doesn’t get under my skin like Liri does.
“You turned me into one.” She leers. “What is it about her that has you so twisted in knots? What does she have that I never did? Is it because she’s a virgin and you want to be the one who corrupts her?”
I growl in her face. “Shut up.” It’s more than the fact that Liri is a virgin. She’s good and pure. Everything I’m not.
“Did you tell her what you do? That you like to find innocent girls and make them fall in love with you and then you talk them into going to the races with you…does she know what happens to them when you get tired of them? That you get them so addicted to the thrill and the rush that they will get in the car with anyone. Sometimes they get in cars with men who don’t know how to take the word no.”
“You’re a dumb cunt. Don’t blame me because you went hopping from car to car hoping to make me jealous. No one forced you, Jackie. You knew the game and you loved to play.” I took her to one race. One. She acts like we were dating or fuck buddies even. I don’t think we were ever really friends. She wouldn’t go away.
The Story of Killian & Liri (Cruel Love Book 1) Page 10