“Whatever you say, boyfriend.”
“You’re going to torture me with that forever, aren’t you?”
“Come on, say it. You know you want to. Boy-friend,” I sound the word out.
“Come on.” He tugs on my hand and pulls me toward the door.
“Where are we going?”
“To buy an air mattress.”
“Oh. I thought we would officially move in tomorrow after I box my stuff up and bring it over. Is Liam going to help?” Killian hasn’t talked about him much the past few days. I don’t think they are on good terms either.
“Ben actually,” he tells me.
“Well that’s new.” I laugh.
“We put aside our differences, and I bribed him with promising to help him with his car.”
“Ah. I see.”
I follow him down to his car. Mine is still parked at the dorm. I don’t know how Hayley will react to my moving out but right now I think some separation is good for us.
An hour later we arrive back at our new place with an air mattress and two bean bags.
We stopped off at the dorm and his room at the frat house to grab a few things to get us through our first night.
I have my hands on my hips as Killian finishes getting our bed set up. I love watching him, barefoot and shirtless in nothing but jeans. The site is why women have fantasies about handymen coming over to lay pipe so to speak. “Do you think we’re crazy?”
“In what context?”
“In we have only been dating for like a month and we are now living together.”
“All brilliant minds are mad.”
“You think I’m brilliant?”
“Oh yeah. Who else could make these atrocious honey bee leggings look utterly sexy?”
“My leggings are the height of fashion. Everyone wishes they could pull this look off.”
“I’d like to take them off you.” He grabs my hips and pulls me into him. I slide my pants down and step out of them.
“Now you.”
Killian undoes the button of his dark jeans and kicks them off, nearly tripping over his own feet when they get caught on his ankles. I can’t help but laugh at how ridiculous he looks hobbling around on one foot.
The serious glint in his eyes kills my laughter. He raises my shirt over my head then unfastens my bra. We sink down to mattress and we might as well be laying on a rug on the hardwood floor, but I don’t dare complain. I’m here with Killian in our own apartment. His fingers rub up and down my spine as we lay facing each other on our sides.
He has this starstruck expression on his face. “Why are you staring at me like that?”
“I like to look at you. I keep waiting for you to disappear.” He caresses my cheek and trails his fingers down my neck and back up again in a languid pattern that could lull me to sleep.
“I’m not going anywhere, Killian.”
“Do you mean that, Liri? You swear you will never tire of me?” he sounds so lost and unsure. Nothing like the broody and arrogant jerk the rest of the world sees him as. It’s moments like this when he is vulnerable with his guard down that I feel he is his most genuine.
I know his insecurity stems from his parents. The only way I know to prove the way I feel for him is to show him. I press my lips to his and trace the outline of his perfect bow shaped top lip with my tongue. His hand moves to my hip holding me with possession as our kiss deepens. The rough pads of his fingers bite into my skin.
“God, Liri. You make me feel like anything is possible.”
I feel invincible as I show him my love and he returns it tenfold in the way he looks into my eyes and the way he touches me with such passion. I roll to my back and my handsome boyfriend looms over me resting on his elbow.
I know everyone will say that we’re crazy. That we won’t last, but the way Killian loves me is beautiful.
He’s beautiful.
“You’re beautiful.”
“I think that’s my line,” he breathes the words into my mouth and kisses me again. Those torturous lips move along my jaw and down my neck nipping and sucking at my tender skin in an erotic fashion. My fingers roam the contours of his back. We’re like fire and ice but when we come together, we melt. I slide my palm down the back of his boxer briefs and squeeze his tight butt.
He dips his head down and captures a nipple between his teeth and tugs. I gasp in surprise because it hurts but I like the pain. I feel his hands and his lips on me everywhere. He’s driving me crazy with the way he maneuvers between pleasing and teasing me.
His erection presses against my thigh through his boxer briefs, and I know that tonight is the night. I don’t want to wait. I want him to make love to me.
“I want these off.” He tugs on my panties with his teeth then slides them down my thighs, over my knees, to my ankles. I kick them the rest of the way off and arch my back when he thrusts two fingers inside me. “My girl is eager tonight.”
My teeth graze my bottom lip, and I pull on his hair. “Killian.” He pauses his attention and meets my gaze. “I want more.”
“You want my mouth?”
I shake my head. “I want you.”
“You sure?”
“Yes. If you don’t give me what I want I may die.”
He grins. “Can’t have you combusting.”
“I want to take these off you.” I hook my fingers along his waistband. Our eyes are locked as I push the boxer briefs down over the curve of his butt. Once they are off, I wrap my hand around him, guiding him to where I crave him the most.
“Wait. I gotta get a condom.”
“Can you do it without one? Just until you know the hard part is over.”
“Liri,” he groans out my name.
“I only lose my virginity once. I want us to experience it fully together then you put one on.”
“Baby, if I have you without one, I’ll never want to wear one.”
“Isn’t that what my birth control is for?”
“Yes,” he hisses as I rub the head of him through my slick heat and buck my hips. “You love to torture me.”
“What can I say? It turns me on.” I bite down on the shell of his ear.
“You know it’s going to hurt.”
“Nothing beautiful is obtained without a little pain,” I tell him.
“You’re fucking perfect. So damn perfect it hurts, Liri. You make me want to claw out my heart and beat it with a hammer.”
“Sounds romantic.” I lean up and kiss him, but he takes control. He forces my legs apart and lines the head of his cock up with my tight slit. My body welcomes the intrusion as he presses further inside me. I inhale a sharp breath when he abruptly stops his advance.
“You okay?”
“I’m good.” It’s uncomfortable and feels as though he is going to rip me open, but I welcome the pain. I’ve never wanted anything more than to experience this with Killian.
“You have no idea how good you feel wrapped so tight around me. I’ve never done this without a barrier—a condom between me and the other person.” His words melt me. I’ve found the one thing no other girl has ever gotten from him. This is mine. No one can take that away from me.
“See…this is special to me…to us. It’s the one thing you can give me you haven’t given anyone else, Killian.” His lips curve into a dopey grin, and I believe he enjoys the thought as much as I do.
I hold his gaze as he pulls out then pushes back in harder, and the pain that I feel is unlike anything else because it hurts so good. There’s the pain of the intrusion of him pressing inside me, but the good comes from the love we share. My arms go around his neck and my legs hook around his waist and we stay that way for what feels like an eternity as he kisses the tears that escaped down my cheek away. My body stretches around him, accepting him fully.
“Does it hurt?”
“Not anymore.” I rotate my hips, urging him to move. I feel full and stretched and think if he starts to move it will dull the ache between my thighs.<
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“I’m going to start moving again.”
“Okay,” I whisper with stars dancing in my eyes. I feel desired.
A shutter ripples through his body and he starts to thrust in and out.
“God, baby. I never dreamed anything could feel like this. Not with anyone but I’m glad it’s you. Only you. I wouldn’t want to share this with anyone else,” he promises, and I lift my hips.
I love you hangs on the tip of my tongue, but I am afraid if I say the words it will somehow break the spell and scare him away. I bite my lip and cry out as he moves faster.
“I don’t think I can stop,” he murmurs in my ear.
“So don’t. I trust you, Killian.”
You shouldn’t,” he says then he kisses me.
Our bodies move together, and I don’t think there has ever been anything more beautiful or two people who have ever fit together more perfect than we do.
**
I laugh. It’s been about an hour since we made love and Killian has been overly sweet and gentle with me. After we took a shower we realized we didn’t have any towels. We stood in the shower together, teeth chattering for a few minutes before he dashed to the bedroom and fetched me one of his t-shirts to use as a towel.
“We forgot to get a blanket.”
Killian scowls. “We’re not doing a very good job at this whole adult thing are we?”
“It doesn’t matter. You make me happy. “
“Are you cold?”
“Only a little.”
Killian rolls off our pitiful air mattress.
“Where are you going?”
“To get you a blanket.”
“It’s late.”
“But you’re cold, and I love you.”
I can’t control the smile that spreads over my face. “You love me?”
He rolls his eyes at me and then the weight of his words hit him. I watch as shock rolls over his facial features. His mouth opens and his left eye twitches.
“Are you okay?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. I’ll be back soon.”
He hurries to pull his pants on and doesn’t even bother to wait to leave the room before he gets his shirt on. The front door slams shut, and I jump.
Then it hits me that I didn’t say it back.
Crap.
Killian just told me three words I thought I would never hear leave his mouth, and I questioned him like an idiot. I totally screwed that up. No wonder he was rushing to get out of here. I probably hurt his feelings.
Chapter 35
Killian
I feel like a jerk as I speed away from the apartment that I signed a lease on today with Liri. I had to get out of there. I fucked her without a condom, and I told her that I love her. She looked at me with pure shock and asked me if I truly did as though I was feeding her a line. It pissed me off. I shared the most intimate moment and feelings of my life with her and she looked at me all weird with big eyes as though she didn’t believe me. I guess if I was her though I would have doubts too.
She makes me crazy.
I have to be crazy.
Before Liri I never thought it would be possible to want someone the way I crave her touch. Her presence in my life.
I drive to the nearest twenty-four-hour store and go to the blankets. As I stare at all the choices, I feel overwhelmed. I don’t know what color she wants. They have something with rainbows on it, but it looks like something I would buy for one of my nieces. Not that I would know what they like. I don’t go around my piece of shit brother enough to know anything about them. I don’t even know how old they are. I guess that makes me a shit brother and uncle, but they never send me an invite to their birthday parties. I only get to see photos of them online if I bother to look.
I grab one of those bed in a bag sets and some pillows. Then I go over to the towels and grab a few. Liri can pick out what she wants tomorrow or whenever. These will do for now.
I feel so unprepared to take care of her. There’s not even any food or plates in the cabinets.
By the time I am ready to checkout I have a cart full of household items. I have too much shit to be doing self-checkout and they only have one freaking register open.
“What the hell are you doing with that much shit?”
I turn around and see Liam standing in line behind me. “Picking up a few things for Liri.”
“She get a new place or something?”
“No. Yes. We moved in together.”
Liam cracks up. “Good one.”
“I’m serious.” I start putting the stuff I got up on the conveyor belt.
“You and Liri are going to live together?” He shakes his head. “You—the same guy who told that I shouldn’t move in with the woman I loved and had been in a relationship with for eight months. I don’t get you, man.”
“It’s not for you to understand. I love her.”
“You don’t know what love is.”
“I’m only going to tell you once because you’re my best friend. Don’t involve yourself with my girlfriend.”
Liam shakes his head. “You’re not my friend. I don’t think you ever were.”
“I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that because I know you are fucked at the world over Hayley but that’s on you. All you had to do was forgive her. You could be moving in with her, you were too chicken to ask the question.”
“Fuck you, Killian. Just fuck you.”
I laugh and pay for my stuff.
“Maybe you didn’t really love her, because if you did you would have fought for her.” I turn around expecting a punch in the jaw, but he’s gone.
I pay for my stuff and hurry back home to my girl and hope she’s still there. I would leave me if I were Liri. I just left her laying there and didn’t even ask if she wanted to come with me or if she needed anything. I hit the drive-thru of a fast food taco place and get us something to eat. When I get back to the apartment Liri is asleep. I think about waking her to have a taco picnic in the living room floor with me, but she looks so peaceful. Her lips are swollen and parted. Her breaths coming out and in is a soothing rhythm. The silky dark brown tendrils of her hair are fanned out around her head. She looks like an angel. A properly fucked and sated angel.
And she’s mine.
She gave herself to me. Liri has no idea what that means to me. That she chose me despite all the shit I seem to put her through. I’m a fuck up, but she makes me want to try to be better. I open the comforter up and lay it over her. She rolls to her side and pulls it up over her shoulders and smiles. I lean over and kiss her temple then go eat tacos while sitting cross-legged on the hardwood of the living room floor.
After I go down to my car and start bringing up all the crap I bought. I can’t help but think of Liam and feel a little guilty that he wanted this with Hayley, and I talked him out of it. I think I was jealous of what they had. I knew I would never find it or at least I believed I wouldn’t but then Liri happened.
Chapter 36
Liri
Killian and I have been living together for two weeks now. By some miracle I have been able to keep my mom and Theo from finding out that I live with a guy. Not merely any guy but my boyfriend. I kept things vague and told them that living with Hayley wasn’t working out, and I was more comfortable in a place of my own. They bought my partial truth, but the only problem is now they want to come see my apartment. I keep trying to come up with an excuse to put them off only long enough until I come up with a way to tell them about Killian without them freaking out on me.
The last of our new furniture arrived three days ago. We finally have a living room set that we both could agree on and a TV. No more watching movies on my laptop in bed together though I loved snuggling up with him.
I’ve only tried to bring his father up once and he shot me down fast. I know I told Susie I would try but if what I know of them is true, I’m not sure Killian should be around them. I guess I could randomly suggest we stop there to eat the day of the party. But
if he finds out that I took him there under false pretenses he will be upset with me.
I keep putting it off, but the party is next weekend.
My writing assignment has been going better. I have Killian to thank for that. He suggested that I alternate my chapters between Camille and Grayson. He reads over my work and helps me edit and even helps me with the research side. Hayley and I no longer speaking. When I told her that I moved in with Killian she told me that it was mistake and that it was only going to end with me begging to move back into the dorm with her. I ended the conversation there before either of us said something we would both hold a grudge over.
Even Killian and Liam aren’t on speaking terms anymore. We stopped eating in the cafeteria and come home for lunch when we have time. He’s supposed to be meeting with someone new to work on his car. There’s a race this weekend that could be big money for him. I don’t want him to do it. The thought of him getting hurt terrifies me, but I won’t tell him not to do it. I won’t make him choose though I wish he would choose me.
I’m exhausted from my dance class and can’t wait to soak in the tub. I think even my eyelashes hurt. If that is even possible. I hope Killian picked up something for dinner because I do not want to cook tonight. He is decent about helping keep things clean to a point. It’s when he gets in his gaming zone that he drives me crazy. Last week some car racing game released, and he sat in the recliner for a good solid six hours slurping on soda and eating junk. I thought I was going to have to stage an intervention. I take that back he got up twice long enough to go the bathroom. I was certain if I wasn’t home at the time, he might have been lazy enough to piss in a bottle.
I unlock the door and find a scene I was hoping to avoid at all costs. My parents are sitting on the couch and Killian is sitting in the recliner. They all look at me, and I let out a squeak that somewhat sounds like, “hi.”
“We were in the area and thought we would surprise you,” my mother tells me, and I can tell by the harsh tone of her voice she is not happy.
“I’m surprised.” I close the door behind me and put my bag on the counter. “You couldn’t have called first?”
The Story of Killian & Liri (Cruel Love Book 1) Page 19