Childish Dreams

by Verdant, Malorie

  “It isn’t like that,” I explained to Donny, groaning. “We’re friends. There’s nothing to break up.”

  “Pretty country girl. Young rock star. She’ll be half in love already. And boy, if you’re trying to convince yourself you aren’t interested, you need to take another look. She’s gorgeous. I’m actually surprised you haven’t seen the photos already. I figured you knew about them and didn’t care. They’ve been circulating online all week.”

  “I’ve been busy.”

  “With the girl?”

  “Don’t sound so eager.”

  “The label wants to sit down and have us all sign your new contract now. There’s a huge bonus on the table if we release an album with a couple of love songs. They think with this hype around the girl, the show, we put out some love songs and the public would eat it up. Every girl at home will think if they audition for Superstardom, they might be your future girlfriend.”

  “Donny, this isn’t just my life—”

  “Don’t worry, the girl will benefit from this as well. The label has already agreed that if she doesn’t win, with her parents’ permission, they’ll sign her anyway. You think she’ll be willing to meet with me this weekend? I might give her a few days with her family before I reach out.”

  I groaned. “Donny, her mother is in South Carolina.”

  “Boy, the show has flown out her family and friends to watch her perform for the first time. They’re right behind you somewhere in that audience. Apparently the best friend was already organizing his way to visit, trying to put flights and tickets to the show on a credit card, but after the reception of the audition and the public response to her being alone, the show intervened. They’ve got them all in that same hotel she’s in. They’ve been keeping them separate though. Once she sings, the show will bring them on stage. It’s a good PR move. They can film their relationship growing as her success does.”

  “Did you suggest the PR move?” I asked skeptically as I looked at the audience, trying to locate Billie’s family amongst the rows of people. The idea that her mother was in the audience also made me want to check my hair and adjust my clothes. But there were too many people to work out which were there to cheer on my girl.

  F*ck, why am I thinking of her as my girl?

  “Look, it won’t hurt you to talk to the girl. She’s either going to be in the business or go back to living in her small town once her fifteen minutes are over. Give her a thrill and show everyone in the world that she’s worth Jax Bone’s time.”

  “She should know this is happening around her.”

  “Jax, I’m going to honest with you. She signed up to a damn reality television show, and she might have gone after you because she knew the public would invade her life and it would boost her ratings. It’s the unspoken rule of television shows. Don’t get so upstanding on me now. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry the girl.”

  “Just go back to work and let me deal with the show.”

  “It’s amazing to see you evolve in each performance. There’s a control and power in your voice that is astounding for someone so young, but watching you play the piano in that dress, singing that enormous ballad? If anyone was doubting that you’d be able to sell out a stadium tour or handle thousands of people watching you, after tonight’s performance that is no longer an issue. You were born to perform,” Claudia praised.

  “Vote. Everyone has to vote to keep her on our stage,” Russell yelled, climbing on his chair and making the audience laugh. “I don’t want to stop watching her. Three contestants go home tomorrow night, people, and she can’t be one of them. You have to save this teenage singing sensation.”

  Billie stood there, her mouth gaping open and her gaze shifting back and forth from Russell’s antics to a six-foot-tall guy with blond hair who stood in the audience, whistling and clapping enthusiastically.

  She seemed bewildered.

  I waited until she looked at me and smiled, visibly calming on stage before I told her what I thought of her first performance on live television.

  The hush that filled the room when the audience realized I was about to speak to her even had the giant blond guy sitting back in his seat and observing our interaction. “People will remember you and watch that performance over and over again,” I told her. “They won’t only relate. They’ll replay you singing that song when they’re happy, when they’re sad, and when they have nothing better to do, because what you created on that stage was pure magic. You might have joined a singing competition to see if you were good enough, or you might have joined this competition to start your career, but you’ll leave having put a mark on this world that will never be erased.”

  Tears shone in her eyes, as she whispered, “Thank you.” Then, as if she’d just remembered there were other judges at the table, she looked at Claudia and Russell and added, “All of you.”

  I almost cringed when Connor Graves walked on stage and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. He smiled at Billie like they were best friends before smiling at the audience and announcing, “Now I know we have the creative and unique Faith Randall up next, and we can’t wait to see what she has in store for us. But before we do that, we have a small surprise for Billie here from the Superstardom team. And from how loud they were cheering at the end of the last number, she might already know what it is.”

  Billie looked back at the tall blond guy and the woman with straight brown hair who stood beside him. “You brought out my family,” she said softly, smiling and letting that first tear fall.

  “Well, we knew you were alone at your first audition, but we couldn’t let you be alone out here in LA.”

  Her family were then invited on stage. The blond Adonis hugged Billie until her feet were dangling off the ground, causing her tears to dry up and her laughter to bounce around the auditorium. I tried to keep the smile on my face, knowing the camera would be trained on my reaction. Once Billie was back on her feet, her mother wiped away her tears and repeated, “You were phenomenal,” before hugging her. Cindy then helped escort them back to their seats.

  “Thank you so much for this,” Billie shared with everyone. “I truly appreciate it, but I want to let people know I’m not alone out here.”

  The entire audience went “Aww,” and Billie’s eyebrows drew together.

  “I just wanted to say that the cast and crew have been so welcoming. I’ve already made lifelong friends in this competition. Faith, who is up next; Michael, who selected this phenomenal gown; and the judges—” The crowd sighed again, making Billie’s brows furrow. “It’s like I have two families.”

  As the crowd began cheering, Connor turned to the camera and told everyone watching at home, “Well, you heard it here first, folks. You join this competition and you might start making a new family.”

  He knew how those words would be twisted in the media. I had no choice, texting Donny immediately. I didn’t care what the cameras captured on my face.

  Making a new family.

  Those damn words.

  They would start a whole new hysteria when accompanied with the photos that were already out in the public.

  Connor Graves was a d*ck.

  You won’t be by yourself

  Billie

  “I can’t believe you’re really here,” I told Zach and my mom in my small dressing room.

  There was makeup haphazardly covering the table. My jeans and white shirt, inside out, hung over my chair. One of the personal assistants grabbed us two extra chairs so we could squeeze into the small space together. If it weren’t for Faith’s voice singing Lewis Capaldi’s “Bruises” being broadcast through the speakers in every room, I would almost think we were back in my bedroom at home.

  “I’m so glad we are,” my momma murmured before reaching out and squeezing my hand. “I never imagined it could be like this. You even have your own dressing room. It’s all so amazing. I’m so sorry I tried to convince you not to come. It was as if you were born to be on that stage. Ever since
I saw your audition, I wanted to tell you how proud I am of you. How embarrassed I am over the things—”

  “Momma, you don’t need to say anything. You’ve spent your life trying to protect me. I knew you were just worried about me,” I reassured her. Her words weren’t something I needed to hear, not after feeling the joy of singing on stage. There was no reason why she should feel guilty for not understanding that feeling from the beginning.

  But knowing she thought I belonged on that stage made me feel confident, powerful, purposeful.

  “How long do you get to stay?” I asked. Momma had work and Zach had basketball, so I knew they wouldn’t be able to be in the audience for every performance.

  “I need to go back tomorrow morning. I’m so sorry I’ll miss the first elimination night, but Cora’s letting Zach stay for the next two weeks. She wishes she could have been here, but her boss wouldn’t give her the time,” my mom answered.

  “But what about practice?” I asked Zach, confused.

  “The season doesn’t start for another month,” Zach declared. “Coach understands, and Craig made captain, so it’s not like I need to be at every practice.”

  “Zach, Craig made captain? I’m sorry—”

  “B, I still get to play. I haven’t been benched. And if it’s between practicing and watching you crush the competition on television, I know where I would rather be. It was a good call. I’ve been distracted with you gone.”

  He had this look in his eye that practically screamed “Don’t even try it.”

  There was a knock on my dressing room door. Cindy, the personal assistant who seemed to be everywhere these days, a blonde with a pixie haircut who I saw running around the set constantly, greeted me when I opened the door.

  “I was sent to let you know that if you guys would like to get dinner together tonight, we no longer need Billie this evening.”

  I raised an eyebrow. “I thought I had to film the last segment when they remind everyone to vote for us.”

  “Connor is going to remind viewers about your family visiting. And because Russell already told the audience to vote for you, Linda doesn’t want the other contestants to feel disadvantaged,” Cindy stated apologetically, then brightened. “The show has offered to pay for your dinner.”

  “Sounds great,” Zach replied. “We never turn down a free meal.”

  The waitress was acting strange, making this face when I asked for a refill or when Zach would lean in close to ask me a question. It was as if she smelled rotten eggs.

  I decided to ignore her angry tone and the way she somehow managed to splash me with water every time she refilled Zach’s and my momma’s glasses. Maybe that was just how waitresses acted to out-of-towners in fancy Italian restaurants in LA.

  I focused on enjoying this rare opportunity where my mother was sitting at the dinner table and not sending fancy leftovers out to Zach and me from the kitchen. I told her about Las Vegas and the lights that never stopped sparkling. I wanted her to feel like she was there at the pier at Santa Monica that blended the sea with the surreal. I even began talking about all the things I was learning about performing and the industry.

  It took her only an hour before she was visiting the chef to praise him on his homemade pasta and ask for any recipes he’d be willing to share with a fan. You could take the chef out of the kitchen, but like Hansel and Gretel, she couldn’t help but follow food wherever it may lead.

  The moment she left, I turned to Zach and said, “I dare you to go home and make it in time for practice.”

  “Billie, don’t do that,” Zach replied, shaking his head at me. His green eyes stared into mine with disappointment.

  “Two dares, Zachary. Every year. That’s what we promised each other. I haven’t used one this year, and we always agreed to follow through,” I reminded him. “Even if we hate the dare.”

  “To help each other, B, not to keep each other away.” He groaned, raking his fingers through his hair and reaching out to squeeze my hand. “Take it back.”

  “Zach, two weeks of missing practice and you’re telling me Coach isn’t going to bench you for the season? I don’t believe it,” I stated firmly. “You forget that I’ve been at nearly all your practices and games for the last three years. I’ve heard the warnings he’s shouted to the team and to anyone who arrived late. No one is allowed to miss practice. Not freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and definitely not seniors.”

  “That’s exactly why I need to be here. Billie, you’ve been to all of my games. You never missed the biggest moments of my life. Don’t force me to miss out on yours. Once I’m back, he’ll let me play. I’m sure of it. I’m talented, and I’m going to make it to the NBA. He won’t risk the season because I missed a few practices. But even if he does, it’ll be worth it. I won’t try to get a scholarship to Duke at the expense of you.” He seemed so determined.

  “It won’t be. I’m not going anywhere,” I told him softly. “I’ll be okay by myself.”

  “But you won’t be by yourself. You’re going to lean on Jax Bone when you need someone,” Zach stated bluntly, then looked at me like I had never seen him look at me. It was as if I were hurting him.

  I swallowed the feelings his pain provoked.

  “I don’t know what I’ll do when you leave,” I admitted. “I’ll likely be too busy filming and rehearsing to see anyone.”

  “Too busy? Like you were too busy in Vegas? You’ll lean on him, like you leaned on him when you were in Las Vegas and when you arrived in LA,” Zach remarked loudly.

  “H-How did you know about that?” I hissed, looking around the restaurant to determine if anyone overheard him.

  “If it’s meant to be a secret, you should know, B, you suck at keeping secrets. It’s all over the internet,” Zach told me. He pulled out his phone and showed me the photos of Jax and me walking along the pier holding hands. The photos were innocent but easily interpreted as something more. With the way I leaned in to Jax and the way he smiled down at me, if I didn’t know we had spent an entire week together without even a casual touch between us, I too would think the couple in the photo were dating. “I think the waitress is trying not to stab you with a fork due to jealousy,” he mumbled.

  “How long?” I tried asking, still staring at the photo of Jax smiling at me.

  “How long what?”

  “How long have people been sharing these photos?”

  “Just this week. They came out shortly after the show aired,” Zach answered. He reached for my hand and squeezed. “Let me stay. Let me be the person you lean on during this thing.”

  “We’re just friends. It looks like it’s more than it is in those photos, but none of this matters. My appearance on some television show or online isn’t worth risking your future for mine,” I replied, squeezing his hand in return.

  Zach leaned over and lightly brushed his lips against mine. I froze. I barely breathed. “I’ve been meaning to tell you for a long time exactly how much you matter to me,” Zach stated.

  “What—” I had no idea what to say. We didn’t kiss. Never. Not once in eighteen years. We weren’t some Joey-loves-Dawson complicated friendship.

  “I’ve also been meaning to kiss you,” Zach told me.

  Okay, maybe we are like some Joey-loves-Dawson complicated friendship.

  Holy sh*t.

  My silence had him continuing. “But I actually wanted it to be near the lake or somewhere that if I started to kiss you, I wouldn’t have to stop. And ideally, your mother wouldn’t be so close by, and waitresses wouldn’t be staring daggers at you because they think you’re dating their dream man. I never wanted anyone else to be in the equation when I brought up the possibility of us, of being more than friends. I sort of hoped you would bring it up one day. Didn’t you ever wonder why I never dated any of the girls at school?”

  “Zach, I’ve never thought that—”

  “I know. I know you. I never once thought you were scrawling ‘Billie Montgomery’ on your notebooks when
I wasn’t looking. But now I’m asking you to think about it. I was waiting for the right time, but I won’t waste any more time, B. Not without saying that, to me, you’re worth a hell of a lot more than a damn game.” He squeezed my hand again. “Let me stay. Let me cheer you on from the sidelines. I’m not asking for you to want to be with me yet, but let me stick around until you know what you do want. After you’ve thought about how good we would be together and how nothing in this world would be more important to me than the future we would make together. A lifetime of daring each other to be better people. That’s my dream, Billie.”

  I could see it. The future we would have together. Zach supporting me through every aspect of my life. His reliability never faltering. His self-sacrificing nature keeping him from the dreams he didn’t think were possible.

  I took a deep breath and said, “Zach, I dare you to go home.”

  “You won’t even think about it.” He sighed, letting go of my hand and leaning back in his chair.

  “I will,” I corrected. “But not now. Not at the expense of the possibility of you making it to the NBA. As soon as I get home, we’ll talk this through, how you feel and if it’s worth pursuing.”

  “You just don’t want to admit that you’re picking Jax Bone over me.”

  “I’m not. I’m picking you over me.”

  Before I could continue explaining to Zach all the reasons why his hanging around wasn’t in his best interest, my mom returned to the table gushing about the chef and recipes she’d collected.

  Zach kept looking at me like I had stolen one of his kidneys, and I kept glaring back at him when Momma discussed going home.

  I knew deep down that Zach would go home, no matter how much he argued against it. Because no matter how confused I was about him liking me, how unsure I was about myself when it came to singing or dating or what the future held, I knew Zach.