Secret Lives
Page 36
“No. I don't want to drag him into—”
“Look, Eden, I'll give you the weekend to think about this before I do anything. But keep him away from Cassie, do you hear me?”
“Yes.”
She hung up and within a few seconds the phone rang again. She heard Kyle pick it up in the living room, heard his muffled end of the conversation and knew he was talking to Wayne. She went upstairs to check on Cassie, who was smiling in her sleep. Eden sat on the edge of the folding bed and smoothed the hair back from her daughter's cheek. If she thought for an instant Cassie was at risk, she would never see Ben again. Never. Surely Wayne knew that.
She met Kyle in the kitchen. "I hate to ask you to do this, Kyle, but could you keep an eye on Cassie? She's sound asleep and I need to see Ben. I won't be long.”
“All right.” Kyle switched on the porch light and walked her outside. “That was Wayne on the phone. He's very serious, Eden. I wish I could say you should stick by Ben, but he's going to cost you, honey. He's going to cost you a lot.”
Eden spun around to face him. “And what do you think it would cost me to make a movie about my mother screwing her brother?”
Kyle looked as though he'd been stung. “We were cousins,” be said, quietly, weakly, and he turned to walk back into the house.
She took a step after him. “Kyle, I'm sorry. I—” She jumped as the screen door slammed closed on her apology.
Ben was nearly asleep when his phone rang.
“Is this Ben Alexander?” It was a male voice, sharp and unfamiliar.
“Yes.”
“This is Wayne Cramer. Eden Riley's ex-husband.”
Ben sat up. He had not expected this phone call. Perhaps he should have. “Yes?”
“I just spoke with Eden. I explained to her that if she intends to continue seeing you, I'll fight to get our daughter back. And I'll win.”
Ben shut his eyes. No doubt he would win. No doubt at all. “Well,” he said, “I guess if I knew the little about me that you know, I'd feel the same way,” he said. “But I can assure you Cassie's safe. She's a wonderful kid and—”
“Oh, Christ, don't you fucking dare tell me about my daughter. If you touch her, I swear I'll kill you.”
Ben knew this man's anguish. He knew his fear. “Wayne, I know you think I'm guilty, but I'm not. I understand how you feel because I feel the same way. I worry that someone else might have hurt my daughter and I think about that day and night. That person might still be around her and I can't—”
“Look, I just want you to know that Eden's going to lose Cassie along with everything else. Are you worth that?”
Ben swallowed. “No one's worth that,” he said, but he heard the phone slam down at the other end as Wayne Cramer hung up on him.
He was sitting on his porch when Eden pulled into the clearing.
“What are you doing here?” he asked as she sat down next to him on the bench.
“I needed to see you, but I thought you'd be asleep. Why are you outside?”
“Thinking.” He set his hand on her back, played with the ends of her hair. “You asked Kyle and Lou to sit?”
“I had to. Wayne just called me.” She sounded disgusted. “He read the paper, I guess, and he's worried about Cassie.”
“He'd be a lousy father if he weren't.” He wrapped a strand of her hair around his finger, watched how it caught the glow of his porch light. “He called me, too, Eden.”
“Oh, no.” She turned to look at him. “I'm sorry, Ben.”
“He's going to try to get Cassie back.”
“Let him try. I have a wonderful lawyer.”
“Listen to me, Eden. I know from experience that this is a very difficult thing to fight.”
She shook her head. “I think he's bluffing. He's just all wound up right now. He talked to someone close to the case who said you were a pathological liar and a horrendous human being, so he's convinced that's what you are. The fact that I know different means nothing to him.”
“No. I'm sure it doesn't.”
She sighed. “For the moment, I'd like to pretend there's nothing wrong.”
“I'm not sure I can do that.”
“Please, Ben? Could we dance?”
He laughed. “Dance?”
“Are you too tired?”
“No.” He stood up. He would go along with her, whatever she wanted.
Once he was holding her, moving to the music, he understood what she was trying to do. She wanted to recapture the early moments of their relationship when there had been so little to worry about, but she couldn't relax. He felt her agitation beneath his arms.
“Let's just make love,” she said, pulling away from him. She took his hand and led him to the bed. He let her undress him, let her discover for herself that his body could offer her no escape tonight. “Oh Ben,” she nearly wailed in her disappointment. “I need to feel connected to you.”
“Come here.” He pulled her down into his arms and she wrapped her leg over him as if she was struggling to get as close to him as she could.
“Ben?”
“Yes?” Her hair brushed against his cheek as she raised her head to look at him.
“Have you ever lied to me?” she asked.
He thought for a moment. “Maybe through omission, in those days after we first met and I didn't want to tell you about Bliss. I might have told a few white lies then for the same reason. I don't remember.”
She sighed and shifted closer to him as though satisfied by his answer, but he was disturbed. Have you ever lied to me? It was the first seed of doubt he'd seen in her. Creeping in. Creeping between them. She no longer completely trusted him.
–42–
Kyle and Lou left for New York the following day. Kyle didn't bother to say good-bye to Eden as he got behind the wheel of the Jeep, and his wordless anger, his wounded pride, felt like a weight on her chest as she watched them pull out of the Lynch Hollow driveway.
She and Ben—and Cassie—had the house to themselves for two days and one night. They spent the morning cleaning the downstairs and weeding the garden, avoiding any discussion about Wayne and the problem that loomed over them.
In the afternoon they drove to Coolbrook Park to let Cassie ride the ponies that had suddenly appeared in town. Cassie barely waited for Ben to park the car before she flew out the door and over to the makeshift ring someone had set up next to the parking lot. There were three ponies. Horses, actually. Tired-looking. Swaybacked and thin. They tromped around in a circle led by glassy-eyed teenagers.
Cassie was jumping up and down by the time Eden and Ben caught up with her. “Can I go on the yellow one?” she asked.
“Sure.” Ben took a bill out of his pocket and gave it to the girl holding the reins of the aging blond stallion. Eden sat down on a bench to watch as Ben lifted Cassie onto the horse, and she knew she was seeing her entire world in that moment. The smile on Ben's face as he raised Cassie into the air and the excitement in Cassie's eyes as she hugged the saddle with her little nut-brown legs filled the universe. She could not live without either of these things.
Wayne, please, please don't do this.
Cassie clung to the horn with great concentration and an uncertain grin. When the horse started to move, she let out a little scream. She looked wobbly in the saddle and Ben walked next to her, steadying her with his hand on the seat of her pink shorts. Eden's smile faded. She wished he'd move that hand. He could achieve the same result with his hand on her back, couldn't he? He was talking to Cassie, looking up at her as they trudged slowly around the dirt track. When they returned to the ring entrance, Ben lifted Cassie off the horse and his hands slipped under her shirt as he set her on the ground.
You're being paranoid, she told herself as Cassie ran toward her.
“Did you see me, Mom? Did you see how high up I was? His name is Dusty. He's my favorite horse in the whole world.”
“Do you want to go again?” Ben asked.
“Yes!”
“Are you all right?” he asked. “You look a little pale.”
“I'm fine.”
This time when Ben lifted Cassie onto Dusty's arthritic-looking back, Eden turned away.
On the drive home Cassie and Ben talked about Dusty. Ben told Cassie about his first horseback ride, something about Sam and their grandparents, and Eden felt apart from the two of them, as if a glass shield divided the car in two. She could barely make out their words.
Once they reached Lynch Hollow, Ben cornered Eden in the kitchen.
“What is it?” he asked.
“What's what?”
“Something's got you upset.”
“I can't imagine what,” she snapped. “My ex-husband's only trying to take my daughter away from me. What the hell do I have to be upset about?”
He stared at her for a moment before he caught her shoulders and drew her toward him. He kissed her, slowly, deeply, and she felt her fear disintegrate with his touch. When he started to pull away from her, she wouldn't let him go.
“I'm sorry, Ben,” she said. “I'm acting crazy. I'm thinking crazy things. I'm just scared.”
She felt better by evening. They played board games with Cassie, ancient ones like Uncle Wiggly and Candyland they found tucked away in the hall closet. Her paranoia from that morning's pony ride seemed ridiculous by dinnertime. She put fresh sheets on Lou and Kyle's bed while Ben barbecued chicken. They would have a good night tonight.
“Do you still need to connect to me?” he'd asked her earlier, in the middle of Candyland.
“Yeah.” She'd smiled at him over Cassie's head. “What are my chances?”
“I'd say the probability of a mutually satisfying connection is good to excellent.”
Cassie stood up and clapped her hand over Ben's mouth. “Stop using those big words!” she demanded.
After dinner Eden did the dishes while Ben played cards with Cassie at the kitchen table. She was putting away the last plate when the phone rang. She considered letting the machine pick it up but thought better of it. It might be Lou or Kyle.
“Hello?”
“My God. Is that Eden Riley answering the phone herself?”
“Nina.”
“Well, I have a surprise for you, kiddo. Michael and I are in a little hamlet called Coolbrook. Ever hear of it?”
“You're not.”
“Yes, indeed we are. We figured if you refused to take our calls, we'd just have to force ourselves on you. So please tell us how to get from here to there. Lynch Hollow, right? I'm sure someone around here can give us directions if you choose not to.”
“Nina.” She ran a hand through her hair and looked helplessly at Ben. “Please don't come here. There's a hotel in Coolbrook. Why don't the two of you stay there tonight and I'll meet you for lunch tomorrow?”
“No way, Eden. We're here because we care about you and we're scared shitless by what's going on with you. You're going to see us tonight if we have to kidnap you.”
“All right. There's a restaurant just outside Coolbrook.” She gave them directions to Sugar Hill. “I'll meet you there in an hour.”
“Michael's with her?” Ben asked when she got off the phone.
“Yes. Cassie, would you go watch TV for a little bit?”
“But, Mom, it's my turn to say 'Go Fish.'”
“Come on.” She scooted Cassie out of the room. “I need to talk to Ben.”
Ben waited until he heard Cassie switch on the TV in the living room. “Do you want me to go with you?” he asked.
Eden laughed. “That would certainly foil their plan,” she said. “They're here to tell me what a fool I am to be seeing you. They could hardly do that with you sitting right there.”
“You are a fool to be seeing me.”
“Please don't say that. And thanks for offering, but I don't want you to come with me. We'd both be very uncomfortable. Do you mind watching Cassie? It's almost her bedtime.”
“No, I don't mind.” He picked up the cards from the table. “But would you please get her ready for bed before you go? Into her pajamas, I mean?”
“Of course.” She understood. He wanted to protect himself from anything she might imagine.
It was a Friday night and Sugar Hill was packed. She should have suggested someplace less popular. But she found Michael and Nina easily, sitting at a corner table far from the bar. They greeted her quietly, not wanting to attract attention.
Michael squeezed her hand and grinned at her. He had on a blue shirt open at the neck, and his hair was swept back from his face and longer than she'd ever seen it. Still, he was so unmistakably Michael Carey that she wondered how he'd gotten in here without all the women recognizing him.
“You look beautiful,” he said, “but awfully white. You need some California sunshine, doesn't she, Nina?”
“She needs some common sense,” Nina said.
“Look, guys, I'm here because you've given me no choice. But if you intend to insult me and rip me apart, just tell me now so I can leave and save you the trouble.”
“We're not here to insult you, are we, Michael? We just need to see with our own eyes that you're okay.”
“Well, you can see that, can't you? I'm just fine. I've had a good summer and everything's—”
“Eden, slow down,” Michael said. “Relax. You don't need to be so defensive. I have something to say to you, okay? Let me just get it out.” He took in a big breath, and she knew he had rehearsed this. “I've been in love with you for a long time, but I have no reason to believe you'll ever feel the same about me. I tried to make you fall for me, but it didn't work, did it?” He smiled. “So I know that most likely you and I will never end up together. I'm just telling you I know that so you won't think that's what's motivating me here. It's not.” He took a sip of his drink and held the glass up to her nose. “Plain orange juice,” he said. “A.A. says one substance is as bad as the next, so I've quit them all. All those wonderful mind-altering, pain-dulling substances. I'm clean now, Eden. I've been clean since before you left and sometimes I hate it but I know it's best in the long run. I know the stuff was destroying me. It was going to ruin my career. Thanks to you I saw that in time, before I went down the tubes. So what I'm saying is, what you're doing is not that different. If you keep seeing Ben Alexander, it's going to destroy you. It—”
“Michael…” she said.
“Shh.” He set his finger to her lips. “Let me finish. I don't think you realize how nasty this thing has gotten already. You're very isolated out here, so you don't know what people are saying and—”
“You're going to be blackballed, Eden,” Nina cut in.
“It wouldn't be so bad if you were a different sort of actress with a different sort of image,” Michael said. “But you've built your career around children. You're the daughter of the loco but lily-white Katherine Swift. You've done more single-handedly to help handicapped kids than any other actress around. Do you remember how worried you were when Heart of Winter came out? Remember how you worried you'd lose your fans? Well, Christ, Eden, if you'd gone out and looked for a way to lose your fans, you couldn't have done a better job of it than taking up with this guy.”
Hopelessness hit her, dragged her down like an undertow. She looked at her own drink, studied the rim of the glass. She wouldn't let herself cry in front of them. “But he's innocent.” The words came out in a whisper. “He really is. And I'm in love with him and I think it's terribly unfair that I should have to give him up just because the rest of the world thinks he's guilty.”
Nina covered her hand, and when she spoke her voice was soft, laced with pity. “Sweetie, what in the world makes you so sure he's innocent?”
“I know him.”
Nina looked at Michael, who, on cue, lifted a manila folder from his lap to the table. “I've been doing a little research.
” He opened the folder and pulled out a stack of photocopied newspaper articles. “Have you seen any of this stuff from his trial, or do you only know what he's told you?”
“Just what he's told me,” she admitted. She felt like a child, sinking lower in her chair while the two of them grew in stature. She looked at the article on the top of the stack. Michael had marked certain paragraphs with a yellow marker, and there was a picture of Ben. Michael turned the article toward her so she could see the picture.
“Is that him?” he asked.
The black-and-white photograph was so unflattering that in and of itself it was incriminating. Ben looked swarthy, his beard jet black against white skin, and he stared unsmilingly into a space somewhere above the camera.
“I would barely recognize him,” she said. She was embarrassed. Michael, with his beautiful black hair, his huge, clear dark eyes, asking her if this ruined-looking man was her lover.
Michael set the article in front of him again and began reading the marked portions. He had the articles in chronological order and she followed Ben's ordeal from arrest to conviction. The outburst of his guilty plea had made the headline for two days straight. Bliss was described as “the star of the show” by one reporter. “She had most of the courtroom, her father included, in tears,” Michael read. “The poised and lucid four-year-old identified the defendant, Ben Alexander, as her father and clearly stated that it was her `daddy' who hurt her. After his daughter's testimony, Alexander became ill and had to be escorted from the courtroom.”
There were other pictures of Ben and one of Sharon, dabbing her eyes with a tissue. And finally a quote from the prosecuting attorney: “I'm proud of this jury. I've never been more certain of a verdict in my entire career.” Michael closed the folder and looked at her.
Eden was shaken. If she had not known Ben, if she had been one of the hordes of people following his trial, she would have thought far beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was guilty. She would have wanted him hanged. She shook her head. “I still can't imagine that the Ben Alexander I know…” She saw his hand on the seat of Cassie's shorts and remembered Wayne's words, Alexander is a pathological liar.