by Dynah Zale
“No.” Garrett quickly answered.
“Don’t lie.” Kiel mumbled.
“Well, yes. Maybe, just a little bit.”
“So you’re not going to take responsibility for your actions.” God wanted to make sure He clearly understood Garrett’s position on this topic.
“It was Satan. He lured me in with selfish ideas.” Garrett gave one last ditch effort to defend his actions. I did what was easy instead of what was right, but this really wasn’t my fault. I don’t think I should be held accountable for something I had no control over.”
“I don’t think a plea of Satanic Insanity is going to help you any.” Kiel had seen millions try to blame their choices on Satan and it never works.
Chapter 31
Blair couldn’t pull his gaze away from the most unusual piece of art in the sanctuary. He spun around; looking up trying to examine a huge tattered wooden cross from all angles. It hung from the rafters proud and prominent as if it were the same cross that stood on Calvary.
Huge gaping holes penetrated the wood, leaving the impression that someone had been nailed to that cross.
“Interesting cross, isn’t it?” Reverend Tomlin struck up a conversation with Blair. “I chose this cross to represent not only this church, but the love that Jesus has for you and me.”
“Jesus doesn’t even know me.” Blair replied.
“Believe me son when I say Jesus knows everyone.” Reverend Tomlin extended his hand to Blair. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Reverend Tomlin.”
“My name is Blair.”
“Well, welcome Blair.” Reverend Tomlin looked around searching for the boy’s parents or guardians. “Is this your first time visiting with us?”
“Yes sir.” Blair responded.
“Well, did your parents come with you this morning?”
“No.” Blair swallowed hard. He knew it was wrong to lie. “I came with my uncle.” He pointed across the room to Garrett.
“Councilman.” Reverend Tomlin called out to Garrett. “I didn’t realize you had a nephew.” The pastor saw the strong family resemblance in Blair.
Garrett looked nervous. He never intended to lie to the pastor, but under the circumstances he knew it was unavoidable.
“Uh!” Garrett cleared his throat. He had to think quickly because the pastor knew Garrett was an only child. “He’s not actually my nephew.” Blair held his breathe thinking his dad was going to tell the truth. “Actually, he’s a cousin on my mother’s side. I just call him my nephew. He’ll be staying with us for a while.”
Reverend Tomlin didn’t believe Garrett. Blair looked just like Garrett’s father not his mother. “Well, young man I’m senior pastor of this church and you are welcome here anytime.” Reverend Tomlin walked away to greet other members who were arriving.
“Are we really going to spend the whole night here?” Blair asked his dad.
“Yes, but don’t be scared.” Garrett took a seat on a nearby church pew and made enough room for Blair to sit next to him. “You’re going to enjoy this. A shut-in is the perfect place for men to come together to fast, pray and confess our weaknesses in life to God. So if there is anything you want to pray about or just want to give God praise, feel free to shout out whenever the spirit moves you.”
“I think we can begin.” The pastor announced before locking the doors. “I won’t open those doors again until seven o’clock tomorrow morning.”
The pastor opened the Shut-In with prayer. Afterwards Blair counted a total of twenty men in attendance that night. After brief introductions the pastor instructed everyone to open their bibles.
“Gentlemen.” Reverend Tomlin sounded like he was beginning to preach. “Now is the time to bring your petitions and burdens before the Lord. Don’t be afraid. Place your trials and tribulations at the altar and we will pray for Jesus to intercede. He can do it. All you have to do is ask.”
Garrett was the first to speak up. “I have a confession.” Garrett’s eyes ran through the faces in the crowd. “One of my responsibilities as councilman is to make sure that this neighborhood remains safe and clean, but now that I’m running for mayor, I’m scared.” He placed his hand on Blair’s back. “I’m scared of being a bad example to my nephew.” Tears gathered in Garrett’s eyes. He lost control over all his emotions and sobbed uncontrollably.
***
“God, you have to believe me when I said I wanted to be a positive influence in Blair’s life.” Garrett admitted.
“I felt the sincerity in your heart.” The Lord replied.
“That night I felt compelled to leave it all behind. I wanted to tell everyone the truth about Blair and Raquel. The lies were building at such a rapid rate. I felt like a dam that was ready to burst, but for some reason I held back. I just couldn’t come clean with the whole truth.” Garrett lowered his head in shame.
“Garrett, the moment you released those tears, God felt your pain. He summoned me to go and help you release those burdens, but look at how your spirit reacted when I tried to take that hardship away from you.”
Garrett watched his spirit wrestle Kiel to the ground. Garrett put him in a headlock and the two scuffled on the ground like hooligans. “What am I doing?” Garrett almost didn’t believe he was watching himself.
“It may look like you were fighting Kiel, but actually you were fighting Me. Your spirit resisted Me and your obedience to Me. You weren’t really ready to release control.”
***
“Councilman Dunn.” Reverend Tomlin gave reassuring words of wisdom. “Whether you’re running this city or raising this boy; keep God first.”
The reverend instructed everyone to fall to their knees in prayer. They prayed together for over an hour. Around midnight Blair leaned over to Garrett and whispered, “I’m sleepy.”
Reverend Tomlin overheard the youngster, “Son you can go to one of those back pews and sleep. The Lord will still touch your heart while you’re sleeping.” Reluctantly, Blair got up. He didn’t want to leave his dad, but he was so tired. Blair was fast asleep in minutes.
Reverend Tomlin started off the first verse from his hymnal book. The men joined in. They formed a circle and sung praises to the Lord. In the midst of their singing another member, Darrell staggered into the midst of their circle. It was evident to everyone that he was carrying a lot of pain.
“I’m so unworthy.” He dropped to his knees. The men sung louder and Darrell shouted louder. “I’m so unworthy. I am new to this church, but I feel so blessed to have a church that has opened their doors so lovingly to me.” Darrell lifted his arms to the sky in deliverance. “I feel so unworthy.”
The men said amen in unison.
“I’ve got this demon camped out in my life and he just won’t leave me alone.” Darrell stressed his words. “Every time I think I can out run him or hide from him, he always shows up walking right beside me. By studying God’s words I have accepted the fact that I can’t beat him with my own strength only in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit can I conquer this demon.”
“Amen.” Everyone shouted.
“Brothers, I’ve been dealing with the sin of homosexuality my entire life.” With that confession the entire church went quiet. “Whatever I try to do, it won’t leave me alone. I’ve been to four doctors; hoping for a cure. My therapist couldn’t help me. My psychologist couldn’t help me. My psychiatrist couldn’t help me and the brain surgeon I visited really couldn’t help me.” He chuckled out loud. “It wasn’t until I came here and turned it over to God that I felt some relief.”
“Amen!” Reverend Tomlin shouted.
“But lately I feel like,” the man stopped for a moment and looked over at the pastor for reassurance. “I’ve been under attack. The sexual sin has been too much for me.”
The pastor knelt down next to Darrell. He opened his bible and read scripture over Darrell. The men gathered in close. They all placed hands on Darrell to give him strength, except Garrett.
; Darrell’s words changed Garrett’s heart. Garrett now looked down on this man because of his confession and he wanted to distance himself away from him. Garrett didn’t want his life to be affected the same way Darrell’s was. To him Darrell was the biggest sinner of everyone there.
“Brother, are you going to join us?” Someone reached out their hand to Garrett asking him to join them. Reluctantly, Garrett took his place around Darrell.
Chapter 32
Two weeks later, Garrett slaved over his desk perfecting a speech he had prepared for the following day. It was late; close to the midnight hour and his light was the only one on in the entire building.
A knock at the door frightened him. When he looked up he saw a familiar face. “Hey man, what are you doing out at this time of night.” Garrett held the front door open for Richard.
“I happen to be driving by and I saw your car so I figured you were up late again burning that midnight oil. I hope you don’t mind me intruding, but I brought you some coffee.” Richard held out a Starbucks Styrofoam cup to him.
“I knew there was a reason why we’re best friends.” Garrett took the cup and they moved back into his office to talk.
“Man, I haven’t had a chance to call and thank you for all the outings you’ve taken Blair on lately. He enjoys spending time with you.”
“It’s not a problem. He’s a good kid, but you know he would prefer to spend time with you.”
“I know.” Garrett’s face turned a light shade of red from embarrassment. “But my work schedule has been so busy. I can’t seem to get away.” Garrett thought about it for a moment. “Did he tell you that I took him to the church’s shut in a couple weeks ago?”
“He did mention it.” Richard said. “He acted like it was the best time he ever had in life.”
“What make you think it wasn’t?” Garrett asked curiously.
“I’m not saying he didn’t enjoy it, but he’s a kid. He likes to do kids things like go to the amusement park, the beach or simply a concert in the park. You took your kid to church. How much fun could that be?” Richard gave his usual cynic rhetoric.
Richard never shared Garrett’s belief in Jesus, God or an afterlife. He believed that his destiny was his own and no one or thing could dictate how he lived his life. The infrequent times they did discuss religion Garrett shied away from the opportunities he was given to share God’s Good News, always scared he would alienate his best friend.
***
“My best friend.” Garrett mumbled. “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen that guy pick up a bible or go to church, but he possessed so many Christian-like qualities. He devoted his life to helping others. He was a much better servant to you than I ever was.”
“Perhaps your right, but I didn’t choose him. I chose you.” The Lord released a sigh full of empathy. “It’s a shame he never heard the sound of my voice whispering in his ear.”
Garrett humbled himself and looked up at God. “Lord, please don’t think I’m being disrespectful by asking you this question, but did you not love Richard? Why wasn’t he chosen to be one of your children? I don’t understand how anyone could not respond to your calling. You’re God Almighty.”
“Garrett, I surrounded Richard with so much love, wisdom and guidance that the only way he would have missed an invitation to be with Me is if he refused to take it. I even planned accordingly and gave him a best friend who was raised in a devout Christian home. However, his best friend never witnessed to him.” Once again Garrett was full of guilt. “Why didn’t you ever talk to him about Me?”
Garrett trembled with fear. “I..I..I was scared of rejection. I thought that if he rejected You then he would also reject me and in the end, I would lose the closest friend I’ve ever had.”
“That’s not true.” Kiel walked over and hugged him tightly. “Whether you realize it or not; Jesus is your closest friend.”
***
“Despite what you believe, that time allowed me to form a bond with my son.” Garrett took another sip from his cup, contemplating whether or not he should share what was on his mind. Ultimately, he decided to tell his friend. “Let me run something by you,” Richard gave Garrett his full attention. “At the shut-in this one guy named Darrell gave a testimony that…” Garrett searched for the right words. “…didn’t sit well with me.”
“What do you mean?”
“He described how demons from his past were coming back to haunt him.”
“That’s not uncommon.”
“I suppose it’s not uncommon; however his confession to living a life of homosexuality and how it was a daily struggle to change his life is not the ordinary testimony that I’m used to hearing in church.” Garrett ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know why, but that bothered me.”
“In what way?” Richard asked.
“I felt like that man was unfit to be in church with us.” Garrett’s words were full of rage. “I’m sure I sound like a hypocrite, but I can’t help the way I feel.”
“Everyone in that church is unworthy.” Richard argued back. “But in your own mind you felt like you were so much better than him. Where are these feelings coming from, because I’ve never heard you be so judgmental of others’.”
“I can’t help it.” Garrett’s tone lowered a bit. “You should have heard Darrell talk about his homosexual lifestyle like it was okay. Reverend Tomlin should have banished him from the church forever.”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing. You pledged your life to public service without prejudice and now I find out you have a personal vendetta against gays.” Richard slammed his fist into the palm of his hand. “Man, why are you even telling me this? Isn’t that information confidential? Don’t you have to take an oath of silence? What goes on behind church doors stays behind church doors?”
“I only shared this with you because…” Garrett took a deep breath. “I was thinking that maybe Darrell is in some way responsible for what these kids have been doing to themselves.”
“What?” Richard eyed Garrett suspiciously. “I hope you’re not referring to the recent string of suicides.”
“I mean aren’t people like that usually sexual predators. He said he was struggling with demons, what if he is the one sexually molesting those children. I’ve been thinking about calling the authorities. They could pick him up, take him down to the station, and ask him a few questions. This could be the lead the police are looking for.” Garrett stepped to the filing cabinet with a stack of folders in his hand. “Then we can finally put this nightmare behind us.”
“Oh! I get it.” Richard shook his head in disgust. “You want to play the hero. If you were the one who helped the police capture this creep, then everyone would want to cast their vote for the guy who saved the city. I never thought you would sell your soul to be mayor of this city.”
“It’s not about that.” Garrett denied his claims.
“Sure it is. What other reason could you have for accusing this guy? You have no proof besides the fact that he’s gay.”
“Isn’t that enough?” Garrett replied.
Richard walked over to Garrett and put his hand on his arm to stop him from filing papers. “If it were enough you would also have me arrested.”
“What are you talking about?” Garrett unknowingly gave his friend a look of confusion.
“I’m gay.” Richard replied.
Silence bounced off the walls in the room. In utter amazement, Garrett stared at his friend for a moment before he started laughing.
“Richard, if you’re trying to make a point. You just made it. I shouldn’t have discussed the confidential sharing of a shut-in.” Garrett looked down at his paper and when he looked up again, Richard wasn’t smiling.
“I’m not joking, nor am I trying to prove a point. I’m gay.”
Those words ‘I’m gay’ fluttered around in Garrett’s mind like butterflies; clouding his mind. It took him a moment to digest their meaning. “Gay. Since when? Nigga, you were just
with a woman at the teachers’ banquet, last year.”
“She was a date, nothing more.”
Garrett’s heart sunk. The room spun at warp speed. The news was upsetting to him. “I don’t believe this.”
“I realize how hard this is for you to hear, but it’s the truth.”
“Since when?” Garrett shouted at Richard like a mad man. He pushed Richard up against the wall, “Tell me when. When did this happen?” He twisted Richard’s shirt collar around his fist; cutting off his air supply.
***
“I don’t understand what happened to me.” Garrett wasn’t as upset as he was embarrassed. “That was a time in my life where I had lost all control over my actions. I had lashed out at a man who had been like a brother to me, but I couldn’t stop myself.”
“Rage and fury are Satan’s most dominant demons on Earth.” Garrett’s spirit on Earth had turned from his normal shade of honey brown to a bright fiery red. “It’s an emotion that acts first and deals with the consequences later. This demon overtakes its victims so quickly that humans are rarely given a chance to think about what they are doing.”
“Is that what happened to me? Garrett asked; I usually don’t act in that manner. It was so unlike me to lash out at anybody; especially Richard.”
“Those punches are aimed at Richard, but they’re being thrown at the men who hurt you so long ago.” Kiel explained to him.
“I was upset and now I know why.” Garrett confessed his burdens out loud and freed himself from the shackles that had kept him in bondage for so many years. “I can remember that day so clearly now. When Richard revealed that he was gay, I was taken back to that day in the alleyway when those men jumped me. It felt like I was living in an illusion; relinquishing all control to those men, but this time I had to fight back. I refused to allow them to win again.”
As Garrett stood before the Lord, he went into a trance and began shadow boxing with himself. Garrett swung hard blows at thin air. He kept throwing punches into the sky until he was too tired to continue fighting himself. Exhausted, he collapsed on the floor. That is when God lifted him up and cradled him in his arms.