by Lindsay Becs
Clapping for him when he finishes, he looks almost embarrassed and shy when he smiles with his head dipped down. “That was so good!” I gush.
“I learned to play it for you. I always imagine you’re my girl. My brown-eyed girl.”
“I can be.”
He shakes his head then. “No. I’m not good for you, Susie. You know that.”
“Are you still on that?”
He lets out a laugh. “Guess it’s hard to see any different.”
Taking his hand in mine, I look at him. “You’re better for me than anyone else.”
“But I’m leaving.” The pain on his face when he says that nearly kills me.
“I know,” I reply.
“And I might not come back.”
“I know,” I whisper so softly it’s almost inaudible.
We stayed there on the roof holding hands as we looked out at the sky twinkling with stars for hours. I knew I had to go when the sun started to peek out.
Squeezing my hand, he kissed me on the forehead and I left, trying not to let him see me cry as I walked away.
Chapter 13
RU
I didn’t sleep the night before I left for California. Camp Pendleton is where I’m headed for infantry training for six weeks before being dropped in Vietnam. These days, they cram what should take more like eight weeks of training into six, and we pray we’re as equipped as we need to be.
Closing my eyes and letting my head fall back as the plane takes off, I think about the morning with my family.
Betty Jo is trying her best not to cry, but I can see it all over her face as she strains to smile at me. Pulling her into a hug, I whisper in her ear, “Watch out for Susie for me.” She nods with wide eyes as we pull apart. “I’ll miss you. Thanks for always taking up my slack. I guess it won’t be much different with me gone now, huh?” I try to joke.
Turning to Donna Lynn, I pull her by the neck into my side. She barely reaches much above my waist. “Make sure she—” I tilt my head toward out sister— “doesn’t stay too serious. Make sure she laughs, alright?” Even with our six years difference in age, we always bonded over jokes.
Next, I crouch down in front of my baby brother. “You’re taking my place as the next man in the house. You take care of our sisters and Ma when Pops isn’t around. Keep practicing football. You’ll be better than me in no time.” I ruffle his hair and stand.
“Ma, don’t cry. It’ll be alright. I’ll write when I can, but don’t be scared if they are spaced far apart.” She nods tearfully at me. “Love you, Ma,” I tell my mother, the matriarch of our family, and hug her tight.
“Sir.” I extend my hand to my pops. He takes it and gives it a rough shake. I give him a curt nod and turn to board the plane.
Walking across the tarmac, I let out a breath. Here we go. I can do this. I roll my shoulders back and walk with confidence toward the plane.
“RU!!” I hear my name yelled behind me. I stop to look and see my sisters up on the observation deck waving at me. I give them the biggest smile I can muster, all my false bravado on display, and wave one last time to my family.
I jolt awake from the bumpy landing when the plane touches down. Looking out the window, I see I’m not in the Midwest anymore.
The next weeks are filled with training, both in the field and in the classroom. When I’m not busy being a marine, I’m enjoying the California life. The one that the Beach Boys have sung about on the radio and I’ve listened to for years.
I rented a motorbike to drive around and enjoy the sun and sand and ocean, appreciating the last days of a life that still feels like it belongs to me for just a little bit longer.
SUSAN
I can’t believe I fell asleep! I ran home from being with Ru last night and cried until I couldn’t hold my eyes open any longer. I’m running as fast as I can back to his house to tell him it’s not goodbye. To tell him I’m tired of him being stupid and pushing me away.
Out of breath, I knock on the door until Donna Lynn opens it. She looks at me and then says the three words that kill me. “He already left.”
I collapse to hug my knees and begin to cry more tears.
“Susan?” I hear Betty Jo question. I look up, hiccupping through my sobs. “I’m so sorry you missed him.” She hugs me, and we sit there on the porch crying together.
“You girls alright?” Mrs. Hunter asks after a while, joining us with her own eyes shining with unshed tears.
I nod, fighting to smile.
“Oh, honey,” she starts, sitting down with us and rubbing my back to comfort me. Me! Her son just left for war, but she’s trying to comfort me. “You mean a great deal to him, you know,” she tells me, and I nod. “Once we hear from him, I’ll pass on his address to you. Would you like that?” I nod again, unable to form words. “Alright, honey. Don’t you worry.”
I sniff. “Th-thank you.”
“You make my son happy and give him a reason to fight to come home. I should be the one thanking you.”
Her words make me cry all over again. I want so much for what she just said to be true.
RU
If I’ve come to realize anything in the last couple weeks of being out here, it’s that it’s time to let bygones be bygones. There isn’t any point in holding on to grudges.
Finding an empty payphone, I put in my coins and dial my parents’ house. Ma answers, and I can hear the instant relief in her voice. In seconds, Pops takes the phone from her.
“I’m so sorry, son. I shouldn’t have let you leave still upset with you,” he almost cries into the phone.
“It’s alright, Pops. All is forgiven.” I smile, leaning my head against the wall next to the phone.
“Susan came here looking for you after you left. If I can get her here, can you call back tomorrow at this same time?” His question throws me. “Stop fooling yourself. You’re sweet on that girl, and she is just as sweet on you.” I can hear a lightness in his voice that I miss already.
“Y-yes. I can call back.”
“Good. Now, tell me how are things? You working a lot? Staying focused?”
“Yes, sir. Things are tough some days, but I’m enjoying my off time just the same.”
“That’s good. That’s real good to hear, son. We pray for you daily.”
“I know you do. I’m going to need all those prayers real soon,” I tell him honestly.
We talk for a little bit longer, and I get to talk to Ma for a few minutes too, until I have to go. I’m excited to call back tomorrow though.
Today I get to talk to my Susie. I woke up with a smile on my face knowing that I’d get to hear her sweet voice.
I’ve been fidgety all day, anticipating when I could call. Not able to wait any longer, I dial their number, tapping my foot as it rings on the other end, three times before pops answers.
“Hi, Pops,” I greet.
“I have someone here for you.” I can hear the smile in his voice as he says it.
“Hello, Ru.” Susie’s voice comes through the phone. It runs through me instantly, making me relax and close my eyes hearing her.
“I love you, Susie,” I blurt, not wanting to wait another second to tell her the truth about how I feel for her.
I hear her soft laugh before she says anything. “I love you too,” she whispers. I’m sure she’s being watched by my family as they listen to one side of our conversation.
“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, sweetheart. I’m a stupid man for not making you mine sooner.”
“I can agree with that.”
I laugh at her candor. “I think about you, our kiss, how it felt to hold your hand all the time. I miss you so much. You are my best friend, Susie. You have been for some time now.” I take a breath before going on. “I think I’ve loved you since I first met you.”
“Me too, Ru.”
“I’ll write you as often as I can, alright?”
“You better. You wasted enough time with your stubbornness,” s
he teases.
“I know, sweetheart. Trust me, I know.”
We talk for a little while longer until I have to hang up. We make a plan for me to call her once more before I ship out. We make plans as far as we can, which isn’t far, but it’s all I can promise her for now.
“Alright then. I love you, Susie sweetheart.”
“I love you too, Ru.”
I let out a breath as I hang up and wish with everything in me that I didn’t have to be here.
Part III
Matching Beats Through the Distance
Chapter 14
SUSAN
I have butterflies in my stomach as I wait with nervous excitement for Ru to call me. He was calling his family first and then me. I’m trying to be patient while I wait, but I feel like I’m going insane.
Finally the phone rings and I jump to answer. “Hello?”
“Susie, how are you, sweetheart?” He sounds tired, I note.
“I’m alright. Miss you around here though.”
“I wish I were there to take you for a malt or sit with you on the roof like we did that last night. I wish I could kiss you right now.”
“Ru! You can’t talk about those things!” I chastise, making him chuckle.
“I can’t help it, Susie. I’m a man leaving for war soon. I have to hold on to those memories.”
I close my eyes at his words, thinking about the way his lips felt on mine. “I wish we’d had more,” I admit quietly into the phone.
“Me too.”
I clear my throat, needing to move the conversation on to something more suitable, yet wanting to give him what he needs too. “Are you really doing alright?”
“No,” he says softly into the phone, and I want to wrap my arms around him as tears spring to my eyes. “I shouldn’t tell you this, but I’m scared.” He says the last part so quietly, I almost don’t hear him.
“Don’t be. You’re the strongest person I know. Why, you’re Rupert Hunter. The Hunter. Everyone is afraid of you, not the other way around.” I hear his timbered laugh on the other end.
“You know they already call me that here? I didn’t even say anything, just happened.”
“You got this, Ru. And I got you. I might not be there with you in person, but I’m there with you in spirit.”
“You know one of my favorite things about you? I love the ribbons you wear in your hair. It keeps this innocence about you. It suits you, my brown-eyed girl.”
“I bought that record after you left. Although, I think you play it better. I listen to it non-stop. Daddy threatened to break it if he had to hear it one more time, so I have to make sure it’s not too loud,” I laugh. “I fall asleep each night listening to it and thinking about you.”
“I fall asleep thinking about you too.” I can’t help but note the sadness in his voice.
We talk a little longer before he has to go. I choke back my cries so he doesn’t hear them as I tell him goodbye. Not knowing when or if I’ll get to hear his voice again.
“Tell me you love me, Ru.”
“I love you, Susie. With every part of me, I love you.”
“I love you. You come back to me, Rupert Hunter. You hear me?”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Bye, my Ru.”
I hear him sniff and about break. “Goodbye, sweetheart.”
I hear the click of the phone and crumble as sobs wreck through my body. I can hardly breathe. My chest aches for him so much already. How am I supposed to be apart from him for so long?
Taking in a deep breath, I push down my cries and wipe my eyes and tell myself that I can do this. I will do this. I will wait for him, and I will love him from afar for as long as it takes.
Because tomorrow my heart will be in Vietnam.
RU
Anxiety and nerves are running rampant among all of us as we prepare to land into the unknown. We flew from California on Pan Am into Okinawa, Japan, where we loaded into a C141 that took us to the air base in Da Nang, Vietnam at the coast of the China Sea. It’s been so many hours of travel with too much time to think.
Stepping off the transporter was like stepping into something from another world. I guess in some ways it is. The instant heat and humidity hit you like sticking your head over a pot of boiling water, except it did not smell good. Cigarettes, gun powder, sweat, and bodily fluids seem to be fixated in the thick air. I’ve only been boots on the ground for minutes, and I could already feel sweat dripping down every crevice of my body under my uniform.
Fellow soldiers and marines were everywhere. As we got off the plane, a group was waiting to get on. Some were wounded, and some didn’t have outward cuts but looked weary and worn all the same. I wondered what I’d look like after my time here.
We lined up to get our rucksacks and instructions on where to go for chow and sleep. We weren’t going to be here long, so we were told not to get too comfortable.
No problem there, nothing about this place seems comfortable at all.
As tired as I am, I can’t will myself to go to sleep at this point with everything going on around me. Even in the barracks tent, it’s nearly impossible. I decide to make use of the time I have to myself and write my first letters home. One to my family and one to my Susie, letting them know that I made it safely.
But it didn’t take long for me to wonder if that was really true.
I’d been trained to become a Marine. It was imbedded into me what my purpose was, my reason for being here. But nothing could have prepared me for that first day I was dropped into the war zone in the vast jungle of the An Hoa Valley of Vietnam.
Joining the 1st Platoon of Lima Company, 3rd Battalion, 5th Marine Regiment, 1st Marine Division I met men who had battled and were broken beyond anything I could have imagined. Between the round-the-clock patrols and heavy constant fighting, everyone was exhausted. No one wanted to know my name. All they cared about was if I was a good shot.
Being not only a trained infantryman but an expert marksman tasked me as a gunner. My rifle of choice was the M60 machine gun, a 23-pound beast nicknamed The Pig. It could shoot off over a hundred rounds in a minute. It took three people to even make this thing work right: the gunner, a gunner assistant to feed in ammo, and another guy just to carry extra ammo. Now, did we always have three people do make it work nice and smooth like that? Nope!
I did prove myself a good shot though, and that gained me trust with the men I was fighting next to and with. No one wanted to make friends because you didn’t know if that new friend was still going to be there in an hour, let alone the next day or a week from now.
I learned fast that I didn’t need to be friends with the men on my right and left. I just needed to trust them and they needed to trust me. We were on the same side. The side where we all wanted to be able to make it out alive.
Instead of sharing real names and details about our lives, we each earned nicknames as time went on. I’m not sure if that defeated the purpose or not, but you knew you gained respect when you were given one. I was mostly called Hunt, much like back home. Sometimes, The Hunter and a few even called me Giant because of my height.
Each day in the hot, humid jungle, you grew more weary and tired than the one before, but we didn’t have the luxury of letting our bodies relax very often. When you did, it didn’t take much for you be jolted awake with your finger on the trigger, ready to go.
When we had a place and time to rest, I was sure to do three things: clean my gun, change my socks, and write a letter if I had time. Letters were slow to go in and out, but it was like being recharged each time one would show up. We had to start numbering them since they didn’t always arrive in the order in which they were sent out either.
Paper was limited too. If there was space left on a letter sent to me, I’d rip it off and use it to write back. My Susie was good to me and soon caught on, sending me extra pieces of paper, stamps and envelopes.
But my favorite thing she sent me was one of her ribbons. It came about a m
onth after I arrived in Nam. It was green, she said in her letter “so that it blended in more.” I tied it to my wrist, not caring if I was made fun of for it. Every time I got a surge of nerves or fear, I rubbed that silk wrapped around my dirty, sweaty skin, needing to feel her softness in that moment to calm me.
Like now. I’m breathing heavy, trying to come to terms with the fact that more than half my platoon just died in a heavy battle before napalm bombs were dropped on us.
Blinking back the sweat from my eyes, I try to focus and search for the enemy.
“Tiger? You good?” I ask as I keep scanning the burning jungle in front of me.
“I’m good!” he yells back. “But the FNG isn’t looking good. Did Doc make it?”
I grunt to myself, hating that, out of all of us still breathing, the freaking new guy is the one seriously injured. This kid who just turned eighteen a week before he left for training.
“Doc!” I yell out, low enough that he’d hear if he were close by but not loud enough to travel far.
“I’m stuck!” I hear him in the distance.
Without question, I run toward where I heard him and find him pinned under a fallen tree branch. With adrenaline pumping, I manage to pick it up enough that he can wiggle out.
“Can you walk?” I ask as I assess him with my eyes and then jump from a distant bang that sounds not too far from us.
“We’ll find out,” he responds before he growls. I help him stand, and we walk carefully back to where Tiger is.
He quickly looks at his leg that was stuck and tells us he’s good now that the blood is flowing through the limb again. He looks over the FNG, shaking his head to let us know he’s not going to make it. “Anyone else?”
We all turn to scan the area once more but come up empty. The three of us are sitting ducks until the choppers make it to pick us up. And who knows how long that will be.