by Lindsay Becs
With a deep gasp, the flowers drop to the cold ground at my feet and my hand covers my mouth, my chest instantly aching from the loss of my heart, my love, my Ru.
“No.” I say the simple two-letter word so quietly, I don’t know if Mr. Hunter even heard me.
Absently, I rub my chest, that ache, because it was him. I was missing his heartbeat.
“Our boy is gone,” Mr. Hunter says, softer than I’ve ever heard him speak before.
Falling into him, I hug him tightly. He’s the closest thing I have to Ru right now, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to let go.
I cry into his chest, and he lets me, with his own quiet cries matching mine. Somewhere along the way, we managed to step inside, with the cold closed off behind us.
Biting my lip to keep from crying more, I step back and meet his eyes, not knowing what to say or do now. Do I leave? Do I stay? Where do I belong with this family who has lost just as much, if not more than me?
“Come on,” he tells me with his head bent, reminding me of the few times I got to witness the vulnerable side of Ru.
We reach the rest of the family in the living room. Everyone is huddled together, silently crying and feeling the loss of their missing family member. I sit next to Betty Jo, and we hug each other, whispering how sorry we are for one another.
When they all get up to head to bed in an attempt to find the peace that sleep may offer, Mrs. Hunter tells me that I can stay if I want.
Bobby goes in to sleep with his sisters for the night, still not totally understanding what’s happened, just that things will never be the same. It allows me to have his and Ru’s room to myself to try to feel him one more time.
I find one of Ru’s T-shirts and a pair of sleep pants in his dresser, both swallowing me, but they still smell like him. Pulling back the blankets of his bed, I climb in and can’t stop the constant stream of tears.
I cry myself to sleep hours later, thinking about all the things we never had the chance to do together. To be together. But I know with my entire heart that I will love him for the rest of my life. He will always have my heart…
SUSAN
Present
“Did you know him, Grandpa?” Ashlin asks. My eyes look up to find my husband, who I didn’t even realized had entered the room, with us.
“He was the best man I ever knew,” he responds honestly, making me smile, proud of the man I married.
I reach out for his hand and he takes it, resting our linked fingers on my shoulder, standing behind my chair, lost in his own memories, I’m sure.
“Hunt saved a lot of us that day on that ridge. He sacrificed his life for all of us, to give us the best chance we could get to keep living.” I hear the tremble in his voice that only shows when he talks about Ru—or Hunt as he is to him. “He died in my arms, taking his last breath to tell me to look after the boys for him.” He pauses, and I look up into his face with tears in my eyes and smile. “And to look after his brown-eyed girl.”
“So, you took his girl,” Ashlin states, sounding unsure if she likes what she’s just learned about her grandparents.
“Not intentionally,” he chuckles.
I pat his hand to let him know he’s off the hook. “No, sweetheart. Tiger found me and Ru’s family after he finished his tour and came home almost a year later. He wanted to make sure we knew the truth about Ru’s life and death and to thank us for the man we all knew and loved. But where there is brokenness, there is healing, and where there is healing, there can be a new heartbeat.”
Tiger bends to kiss my head before leaving me to finish. He still struggles with the acceptance of Ru’s sacrifice that fateful day. And beyond that, he still witnessed and lived through six more months of war and death before he lost his leg and was honorably discharged from the Marine Corps.
He didn’t have a supportive family to come home to, and Lord knows the country was divided when it came to the war and our veterans returning. Many protested and boycotted and gave these men who put their lives on the line for them a shameful welcome home.
My Tiger may have healed externally, but he battled his inner demons for years and still does to this day. PTSD is a very real thing that many ignored and most didn’t accept. It was something that the majority of the country didn’t understand until many years later.
“Your grandpa and I met for the first time a year after we lost Ru. We kept in touch on and off for a couple years after that as friends but nothing more. It wasn’t until I moved to Indiana for a fresh start and a new job that I ran into Tiger again at the supermarket.
“I spotted him before he did me, but before I could go to him, I watched with heartbreak as a child accidentally knocked a can of corn to the ground and he dropped, covering his head, lost back in Vietnam all over again. I waited for him to wade through his nightmare in the aisle and then I stooped in front of him. His eyes opened and found mine, and with our hands linked, we walked out of the store together.
“We started a new friendship that grew over time into more. My heart learned to beat again, to love again, and he learned that it was alright to let new people in and love them in return. Our lives haven’t always been easy, but I’m so grateful for fate—for Ru—putting us in that supermarket together that day.”
“Wow,” Ashlin whispers, sounding astonished to learn more about how her old grandparents went from two grieving, broken people to being in love and growing a family. Hopefully with a new appreciation for her grandpa too.
“So, my dear, that’s the story of my first love.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but stops and smiles at me instead before she surprises me by jumping into my arms and giving me a hug.
“Thank you for sharing that with me, Grandma. That was really beautiful.”
Tears blur my vision as I squeeze her back. “You’ll know you’re truly in love when your heart beats together no matter where you are, whether they’re across the world or standing right behind you.” I smile at her, putting my hand up on my shoulder once more and waiting for my love’s hand to find mine.
THE END
Special Note
This story is super close to my heart. It’s a mash-up of real life and fiction, modeled after my uncle, PFC Rusty Miller. An uncle who I may not have ever met but has never been far from my thoughts or those of my family throughout the years. Stories and memories shared and told, and always with a sense of pride.
That pride became even greater when, decades later, our family found out the real story, the truth, of how he died. Sacrificing his life to save the others with him. Dubbed a gentle giant, a mother hen, and someone they could trust and count on to have their backs when everyone else was ducking for cover.
Ru and Susie’s story may be my version, but it’s also part of a real and great love story that never had the chance to grow and become so much more.
Thank you for reading.
Lindsay <3
If you’d like to learn more about the real hero, my uncle, Rusty Miller, please visit:
https://www.pfcrustymiller.org/
If you’d like more information on how to help a struggling veteran visit:
https://www.mentalhealth.va.gov/index.asp
About the Author
Lindsay Becs has always enjoyed writing as an outlet and a fun hobby. Having pushed outside her box, she wrote and self-published her first book in 2017. Now, she hopes to continue to explore deeper into the world of writing. Tragically beautiful love stories are what she enjoys writing most, but who knows what the future will hold.
Lindsay is also an avid reader, Netflix binger, vinyl crafter, and never goes far without coffee first. She wishes fall lasted all year long, and peanut M&M’s are her writing fuel. She is from the Buckeye state of Ohio but is privileged to have lived all over the world with her military husband, their three crazies, and seven-year-old puppy.
To find out more about Lindsay and upcoming projects find her here!
Facebook
Lindsay’s Lo
velies Reading Group
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Email: [email protected]
Website & Newsletter: https://lindsaybecs.wixsite.com/website
Other Books by Lindsay Becs
Standalones & Novellas
MOON
Broken Heartbeats
Always Series
Book One: Always
Book Two: Always There
Book Three: Promise Me Always
Book Four: Always You
Book Five: After Always
King Family Novels
(An Always Series Spin-Off!)
Coming in 2020!