Murder Ahoy!

by Fiona Leitch

  “Bella…” he groaned, rolling over. “It’s too early…”

  “No it’s not!” I cried, bouncing on the bed in what really must have been an irritating manner. “It’s - okay it’s 7.30 and we don’t dock for hours yet, but we might be able to see land by now!”

  “Go and stand on the balcony.” His words were muffled by the pillow.

  “I already did. We’re on the wrong side to get a decent view until we’re closer.” I leaned over and nuzzled the back of his neck. “Ooh you’re so sexy when you’re asleep…”

  “Stop treating me as a sex object…” he moaned.

  “You don’t really mean that,” I said, and he rolled over to look at me.

  “Of course I don’t really mean that,” he said. “But I’m tired. How are you not tired after yesterday?”

  I fidgeted. “I think it’s because of yesterday.”

  He stared at me for a moment, then smiled. “I get it. But I’m still half asleep…”

  “It’s okay,” I said, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. “You sleep. I need to go and burn off some energy. I’ll go for a walk on deck. Back later.”

  I kissed him again, then threw on leggings and a hoody and left him lying there.

  Out on deck the wind blew away the last vestiges of sleep and left me feeling even more awake and alert. I had the horrible feeling that I was still running on the adrenaline of the previous day, and that at some point I would crash, but that was later. Right now I wanted to get my first glimpse of the Big Apple from the sea.

  I strode along the deck and round a corner, and nearly knocked Joel off his feet. He put his hands out to stop both of us falling over.

  “Steady on, Bell!” He laughed. “Now that’s the Bella I remember. Bella the whirlwind.”

  “Sorry, I just woke up this morning feeling like I need to go for a run or something.”

  “A run? You? Do you want me to call the doctor?”

  I slapped him. “Alright, you cheeky sod! I did say ‘or something’.” He raised an eyebrow and I slapped him again.

  “What was that one for?”

  “I know what you and your raised eyebrows mean.” I glared at him, then laughed.

  “You know me so well, Bella,” he said, smiling, and my tummy did that big stupid flippy thing. Pack it in, you daft tart!

  “I know you too well, Joel,” I said.

  “Coffee?”

  “Oh god no. Tea.”

  We walked to one of the many coffee shops. There were a few other early risers in for their breakfast, but the party last night had apparently been a big one and most people were having a lie in.

  “Good party last night?” I asked.

  “I don’t know. I didn’t stay for long after you left.”

  “No? Who was the lucky lady?” I smirked but he actually looked a bit hurt.

  “I’m not that bad,” he said.

  “Hmm, you kind of are…”

  He laughed. “I was. Not any more.” He fixed me with an intense, serious gaze, and I felt my knicker elastic start to weaken a little…

  “Bell…”

  “Joel.”

  “You know what I’m going to ask you.”

  “Oh of course! Here you go.” I pushed the sugar bowl across the table to him and he sighed.

  “You’re not going to make this easy for me, are you?” he asked.

  “Hell no.” He opened his mouth to speak and I reached over to touch his hand. “Don’t, Joel. I’m happy. We’re friends again - ”

  “Are we?”

  “Sort of. I didn’t think I could ever forgive you, but… Actually I don’t entirely forgive you, but I just don’t care as much any more.” I smiled at him. “Let’s just leave it at that, yeah?”

  But Joel being Joel, he wouldn’t. I moved my hand away but he grabbed it with both of his.

  “Bella, I love you. I was wrong to treat you the way I did - ”

  “Why did you treat me the way you did?” He looked down at the table, but I reached out with my free hand to touch his cheek briefly. He looked up again in surprise and I jerked my hand away. “I’m not trying to punish you, I just want to know why. And I want you to know why.”

  He let go of me and sat back. “I don’t know… I just had this image, the bad boy of crime writing, didn’t I? Women like a bad boy.” He grinned at me then, a hint of the old arrogant Joel charm surfacing. “Some women, anyway… They just threw themselves at me.”

  “I know they did, Joel. But you didn’t have to catch them.”

  “No, I know. I just - I felt a bit useless. You made me feel useless - ” He saw the look on my face and spoke quickly. “Not on purpose, I know. But your career was doing so much better than mine. I couldn’t write, I couldn’t even get you pregnant…”

  The word hung in the air between us. It hurt. But at least I knew now that it had hurt both of us.

  “You twat, that wasn’t your fault, was it? It was both of us.” I looked at him properly, for the first time in ages, without swooning or wanting to kill him, and was struck by how sad he looked. I didn’t think it would last, but it reminded me that Joel - for so long referred to as my bastard unfaithful ex-husband - did actually have feelings. He had a heart, and once it had been mine. The question was, did I want it back?

  “Let’s try again,” he said, hopefully. “You’ve made your peace with not having kids, I mean you and Will won’t be having them will you?” Okay now he was starting to annoy me again. But to his credit he realised that. “Forget I said that. I didn’t mean it like that. I just meant…” He sat back in his chair and sighed again. I’d never heard so much sighing or evidence of regret come from this man. “I miss you, Bell.”

  I felt the tears pricking at my eyes. He missed me.

  “You shouldn’t have left me,” I said.

  “To be fair, you threw me out.”

  “I might have packed your bags, but every time you slept with someone else you left me a little bit more.”

  “I’ll never cheat on you again, I swear! Please, Bella - ”

  I looked at him silently. He stopped, hastily swiping at his eyes.

  “Do you know, after we spilt up I used to wake up every morning and roll over to kiss you good morning, and it would physically hurt me that you weren’t there,” I said. He looked away so he wouldn’t have to meet my gaze. “Did you feel like that?”

  “I didn’t, not straight away,” he said. “That might not be what you want to hear, but I’m being honest. I thought I was fine being single, hooking up every now and then with Louise, or there were other women… None of them meant anything, not the way you did. I was lonely and I didn’t realise it. And then I came here and saw you and Will together, and it just reminded me of what I’d lost - ”

  “Thrown away,” I corrected him. He nodded ruefully.

  “You’re right,” he said. “But I can make it up to you! I can - ”

  “You can’t,” I said. “And not because you hurt me too badly and I still hate you or anything like that. Because you didn’t - I mean, you did at the time but I got over it - and I don’t. Hate you, that is. But I don’t want you to make it up to me. I love Will. I trust him with my heart and my life. I told you that. Will and I have been through things that would’ve torn you and me apart straight away.”

  “But I love you!”

  “No you don’t. You just said it yourself. You’re lonely. You don’t want me, you want what we almost had, what me and Will do have. You want to be in love again. That’s good. It’s better than just wanting to jump the bones of anything in a skirt.” I patted his hand. “It means you’re growing up, Joel.”

  He still looked sad, but he managed a smile. “Noooo! Do I really have to grow up?”

  “I’m afraid so. A little bit, anyway.” I leaned in and whispered to him. “You don’t have to go as far as buying a cardigan or getting a funeral insurance policy, though.”

  He
reached out and took my hand, and I let him hold it for a little while. Then I pulled away.

  “Better not,” I said, “the phantom Twitter photographer might take a picture.”

  He laughed. “I didn’t tell you, did I? I found out who it was. I’ve got a friend who works at the newspaper that leaked it. It was Peter Maguire.”

  I was amazed. “The skinny dude who’s so white he looks like he’s wearing a doctor’s coat but isn’t?”

  “Yeah, him. Apparently he’s trying to raise funds for his next film project. My contact said he was well pissed off when they only gave him a hundred quid for both photos.”

  “Well I never…” I shook my head. “You did realise I wasn’t jealous, didn’t you?”

  “I knew you weren’t,” he said, and we both knew that I had been, a little bit.

  Chapter 34

  I made my way back to the cabin. New York was really near now, and I wanted to stand on the balcony of our cabin with my gorgeous husband and watch it get closer.

  Will was up and dressed. He looked pleased when I entered.

  “I was just going to come and find you,” he said. “You’ve been gone ages.”

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” I said. “I ran into Joel.”

  He was immediately on his guard. “Oh, right, What did he want?”

  “He asked me to take him back.”

  Will looked away, busying himself with packing the last of his things into the suitcase.

  “I hope you told him to get lost,” he said, with a surprising lack of confidence.

  “No, I didn’t,” I said, and saw his shoulders sag immediately. I ploughed straight on. “Because that would mean that I hate him, which I don’t. I have no strong feelings towards him either way. All my strong feelings are currently reserved for you and only you.”

  He turned to me, hesitantly. “Are you sure? I mean, he’s younger than I am, and cooler, and more successful, with better hair…”

  “Oh god you’re right, what have I done?” I laughed and grabbed him, pulling him in for a long, deep kiss. “You know what, you and I have got to stop comparing ourselves to other people. I think for a while there I was jealous of Louise - ”

  “You what?” Now Will looked flabbergasted.

  “Honestly, I think I was. She was young and tall and slim, not as attractive as me of course and a terrible writer… But she had this reputation for being fierce and gritty and serious, all the things I’m not.”

  “I’m glad you’re not,” said Will. “That sounds awful!”

  I laughed. “It does actually, doesn’t it? You and I are bloody awesome. Together we’re magnificent! I will never let anyone come between us, and I will never, ever, want anyone other than you. You do know that, don’t you?”

  He grinned slyly. “Hmm, I don’t know,” he said. “Prove it.”

  So I did.

  Thanks and

  Acknowledgments

  This is the trickiest bit of any book to write, because there are so many people I want to thank - for their help, for their encouragement or for inspiring me - and I want to strike a balance between an abrupt ‘yeah, thanks’ and the type of embarrassingly long Oscar-acceptance speech that has the floor manager making winding-up motions, followed by throat cutting ones. And of course now I’m making it unnecessarily long by explaining myself. Ho hum.

  So to cut to the chase: thank you to the wonderful women and fellow (massively talented) writers who have been my biggest cheerleaders and who continue to push me, stop me quitting and occasionally feed me chocolate. Carmen Radtke and Jade Bokhari, you are always there cheering me on and I would not have done any of this without you. And then of course there are my Renegade Sisterhood of Writers, Sandy Barker, Andie Newton and Nina Kaye. Thank you for the encouragement and the laughs! And last but definitely not least is my agent, lovely Lina Langlee, who has never given up on me, even when I have. Writing can be a lonely business, but not with these six wonder women behind me!

  And of course I really must thank my lovely family, husband Dominic and son Lucas, who have been there with mugs of tea, hugs and the odd box of tissues to keep me going. I love you!

  About the Author

  Fiona Leitch is a writer with a chequered past. She’s written for a football magazine and a motoring agency, despite knowing nothing about either football or cars. She’s acted in TV commercials, played keyboards in a band, and organised illegal raves. She loves travel, food and writing romcoms and cosy mysteries, and is represented by Lina Langlee at the North Literary Agency.