Saints and Sinners

by Karen V. Wasylowski

  Bridget was trembling. Damn him and damn his lies. Her rage was quickly turning into fury. “It was the best outcome for them both then,” she hissed.

  “Don’t spit, dear. You may want to wipe your mouth there a bit, on the side.” Pulling his pocket watch out he checked the hour. “Well, haven’t much time left for this delightful visit, so I’d best arrive at the true reason for my visit. I have come to speak about the boy.”

  Bridget’s chin rose a notch. “I think not, Matthew.”

  “Then think again.”

  “You have no reason to discuss my son.”

  “Your son? God, the gall of the woman. You mean our son?”

  She jumped up from her seat, nearly tipping over her chair. “You should leave, Matthew.”

  Unlike her he rose calmly, but then grabbed her arm, surprising her and yanking her to him. “You bitch! Not until you explain to me how you could have given birth to my son – My Son – and, not inform me!” His voice grew louder and angrier, all attempts at calm abandoned. His words choked him. “You filthy little whore. How could you do this to me? I loved you, I worshipped you. Did you and Durand have a good laugh at my ignorance? I suppose he was incapable of fathering a child so you two thought you could–”

  “Stop it!” Bridget slapped his face. “You bastard!”

  “Not me, woman – but, the boy, well that’s another subject.”

  “No, not a bastard! He is legitimate, he has a father. You think you know everything, do you? You’re a sanctimonious prig, that’s what you are. The great Lord Fitzwilliam, so outraged! Where were you nine years ago? When I sent you messages, tried to see you, begged to see you – and then that vile servant of yours did your dirty work for you, turning me away, humiliating me. Oh yes! He made it painfully clear I was not to contact you again, that you were uninterested in seeing me. Common he called me, and common I was.

  “You discarded me like trash, forcing me to fend for myself and my child. My child. You say I stole your house from you – but, had you not, months before, told me to use the house as my own, that I had the right to sell it if ever needed? Well, I did need it! What else did I have? I was alone with no position in the world, penniless, an unmarried woman carrying a married lover’s child, and responsible for a blind sister! What was I supposed to do, Matthew? How was I to carry on?”

  “Oh, you have a way of turning a knife in a man with your lies, don’t you? You never once wrote to me! Besides, you could have waited for me! Trusted me! I told you I would return; but, with the first man who offered you money you were gone. I’ve known courtesans with more loyalty.”

  “Wait? Are you mad? You are mad. I would need to wait for your father-in-law to die, Matthew, so you could petition for a divorce since you had often informed me you could never petition while the pompous fool was alive – am I correct? He would have disowned his wayward daughter, your wife, if you were to divorce her during his lifetime, isn’t that what you told me? It would leave her destitute, and you were unwilling to support her forever. Money was your concern, not me! How long did her father, the great bishop, live then, Matthew? Five years, Matthew... five years! I was large as a barn by five months.

  “And, as for Alex being just any man for me to snatch, you lie again. Alex was a student of my father’s, a dear family friend, a decent man, and he loved me! Was that so wrong? He was willing to make an honest woman of me, Matthew – to take me, my sister, and my baby, and give us a home, safety and security. But, most of all, he was willing to give another man’s son his name, eliminating forever the child’s disgrace at being base born.

  “Let me tell you there is not one day that goes by that I regret marrying Alex Durand! And you, why you should thank him on your knees for being the loving father to your son that you could never have been!”

  “Be quiet!” Matthew raised a fist as if to strike her but then stopped short. “For the love of God, be quiet!” Pacing the room, he willed himself not to grab a chair to crash against the wall. Slowly though, eventually, his blood calmed, a semblance of reason returned. Raking a hand through his hair he took a deep breath. “All right. Perhaps we were both wrong. Perhaps we could have both handled things differently. None of that matters now. All that matters now is the boy. What was between us is over, that is for certain; but the tangible result certainly exists. Damn you – do not turn away from me. Look at me! I don’t give a shite for you or your cripple; but you can no longer deny me my son. I will be in his life from this moment forward.”

  “How? No, that’s impossible. Ewan and I are leaving London as soon as Jamie and Anne Marie have returned.”

  “Think again, Bridget! Oh, you may leave if that is your wish, return to Scotland – go on to hell for all I care. However, the boy remains. From this moment on you will afford me complete and unfettered access to my child.”

  “That’s not possible. Ewan has his tutors, classes, friends to whom he shall wish to return.”

  “You’re not hearing me, Bridget! You will either bring his tutors here or find new ones for him in London, but my son will remain.” She began backing away from him toward a closed door, seeking escape. He grabbed her by her arms. “Come back here! Look at me. Do I look like a man who has doubts? From this moment forward he will be raised here, in London, he will live in London.”

  “No, no, no. We have made plans for him, for his future in Scotland. He is already scheduled to attend the University of Glasgow when the time comes. All has been arranged.”

  “Then it can be unarranged. My son shall enter Harrow when he is twelve, as his father did – his real father – and his grandfather before him; then he’ll go on to Oxford. My cousins’ children are already in attendance at Harrow and will take him into their circle. Their friends shall be his friends. He will become a Fitzwilliam in deed, if not in name.”

  “I don’t have to listen to this! I’m going home immediately, and so will my son.”

  “The hell he will!”

  “How could I allow such a thing, Matthew? How would I live without him?” Her voice began to crack with sobs. “You can’t seriously wish to do this, tear him from his home, his mother. Please, Matthew. Besides, everyone will know then, everyone will see… your family will see the truth.”

  “My family will welcome him with open arms. As for everyone else, they will see exactly what my family tells them they see.”

  “You can’t do this to him, you cannot risk exposing him to the censure of the world as a bastard.”

  “Have you learned nothing? We are speaking of the aristocracy, Bridget; nearly everyone I know has uncertain bloodlines. Why, there are a dozen men of my closest acquaintance who show not the remotest resemblance to their fathers; yet, they are accepted as gentlemen, eagerly courted in the highest circles – because of the power of their families. My family has that type of power, Bridget. Ewan will be the same.”

  “It would kill your father!”

  “That old man is strong as an oak. He’s been through this before with another of my brothers, another bastard child. We’re a randy group.”

  “I won’t listen to any more of this.” She turned to run from the room. “Show yourself out!”

  “I can and will destroy your husband.”

  “What?” Her heart began pounding so fast and loud he must hear it. “How? You wouldn’t.”

  “I can squash him slowly and painfully. I’ll have him frozen out at Parliament, shunned. And, then you know, he and I still have that fight over you to finish. Actually, I don’t even need to fight him. I can just whisper in his ear, details that would drive any husband mad. I know what makes you lose control, Bridget, so many intimate places to lick…”

  “No! Please, I beg you. He’s not a well man. His health has been poorly since the leg was taken. Please.”

  She stopped at the sound of a stairway door closing below and with it the familiar voice of her son chattering away as he made his way up the stairs to their floor. Bridget grabbed Matthew’s arm. “Y
ou wouldn’t really hurt Alex, would you?” He wrenched his arm away.

  “Matthew, please!” In terrified silence she listened to Ewan’s laughter. “All right, all right – I agree, I shall find a way,” she whispered, panicking. “But, promise to not expose my lie to Ewan, my shame. Please, I beg you. They are so fond of each other, Matthew. Ewan loves his father – this would break his heart.”

  That statement alone broke Matthew’s. “You have voiced the only reason I would never reveal the truth to the boy. We are agreed then. My son remains in the city, you will not refuse him my presence, nor from association with my family?”

  “Yes. Yes, I agree. Hush. Ewan, Alex,” she called out. We have a guest.” The door to their rooms opened – however, only Ewan stepped inside, the hotel porter beside him.

  “Thank you, Tom, for bringing me upstairs, but it was unnecessary. I was all right. Papa worries too much.”

  “Can’t be too careful these days, Master Ewan. Besides, I like your Da…” The porter quickly felt the tension in the room, saw the elegant gentleman with his back turned, staring out the window. “Oh. ‘Scuse me, ma’am. I was unawares that you had a visitor. I’ll be goin’ now.” He began backing away, a knowing smile on his lips, then closed the door behind him.

  “Lord Fitzwilliam is here, Ewan. You met at…”

  “Mr. Darcy’s house. Aye, o’course, I remember. Good morning to ye, sir; verra nice to see you again.’

  “Good morning.” Matthew’s heart swelled with pride. “Very nice to see you as well, Ewan. Very nice.”

  “You’re Mandy’s father. Papa and I have just been with her and Birdy. Mama, is there any food lying about?”

  Matthew smiled politely as if he were speaking with any other child in the world, any other stranger. No one could tell that a fist had grabbed hold of his heart and was squeezing it dry. How was it possible? How could he already be in love with this boy, a person unknown to him a week before? “Ewan.” His eyes felt moist suddenly. “You say you were just with my daughter?”

  “Aye! She’s verra nice, and we had such fun! Papa and I accidently met Lord and Lady Penrod in the park. Well, truthfully, it wasna really an accident. Birdie told me they’d be there today so I steered Papa in that direction.”

  “Ewan, you didn’t!”

  “Sorry, Mummy. Papa didn’t mind, really, when I told him. He and Lord Penrod get on well – they were there watching the Thursday morning skating lesson and I was able to join them on the ice. It was jolly. Especially when several skaters, the lads, asked me t’join them. Poor Birdy was upset they asked me and not her. Lassies can be silly. She was looking at the lads so much she fell. Often.”

  Matthew chuckled. The boy was wonderful; so clever and personable.

  “You should not have –” Bridget’s comment was cut short by Matthew.

  “If you please, madam, the lad and I are speaking.” She’d soon learn, this was his time now and for the foreseeable future. “Did you know that Lady Penrod is the former Alice Darcy, daughter of Mr. Darcy? Yes, she’s sister to your Aunt Anne Marie; and, Lord Harry Penrod, is my brother – well step-brother, but a true brother in every important sense of the word. The Darcy’s and Fitzwilliam’s are a closely-knit group – too closely at times, but to be a part of it is wonderful. And a bit confusing.”

  Ewan nodded, his eyes still sparkling from his day, his cheeks rosy. “Yes, Miss Alice explained it all to me, or tried to, while Sir Harry teased her. They were funny, and quite nice to Papa.” Ewan leaned forward to whisper, “I think she’s awfully bonnie.”

  “They’re wonderful people, you’re right about that. I often say Harry is the best of us Fitzwilliam boys. And, as for Alice being bonnie, I wouldn’t be a good judge. She and Anne Marie were more sisters than cousins – the two of them tormented me the entire time we were growing up. Yes, we indeed are a large group of cousins and brothers and sisters – the Fitzwilliam mob some have called us, always into mischief, always having such fun together.” Matthew hesitated, as if an idea had just come to him. Bridget tensed. She could sense him plotting something. “Well, you must know the feeling, have the same fun with your own brothers and sisters, your cousins.”

  Ewan shrugged and began fidgeting with a delicate knickknack on the table. “Not really. I havna brothers nor sisters – and, no cousins at all other than Birdy, and she’s only visited occasionally.”

  “What of the village children?”

  There was wistfulness in Ewan’s eyes. He sighed. “The village is far, and the tenant children are all older than I. Besides, we travel so often I ne’er get close to anyone.”

  “Ewan, I doubt Lord Fitzwilliam is interested in our life up north.” What sort of seed was he planting in her young son’s mind?

  “On the contrary, Lady Durand. I find this fascinating; and, frankly, rather sad. A young boy needs activities, sports, socializing with other children. Stability. Ewan, do you have no one with whom to play? Why, I would have gone mad without my childhood cohorts, my brothers and sisters, my cousins. It must be very lonely for you. A simple answer might be boarding school, you know, while your parents travel. Is that something you might consider?”

  NO! Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no. “Ewan, I should like to speak with Lord Fitzwilliam alone, please.”

  Ewan, however, was mesmerized that such an important man, an adult outside of his family, appeared interested in what he had to say, didn’t sense his mother’s growing concern.

  “My parents are protective of me, they dinnae want me to leave, and I do love them for it; but, perhaps it’s different in England? I’m to wait another eight years for university to leave home. What do you think about it all, sir?”

  “That is quite enough, Ewan!”

  “Have I said something wrong, Mama?

  “No, of course you haven’t, Ewan. It’s just that we don’t wish to keep Lord Fitzwilliam. I’m certain he has an important appointment somewhere.” Bridget glanced nervously at Matthew, but he made no move to leave.

  Instead, he smiled. “Nothing that can’t wait.”

  “Oh, Mama, I nearly forgot! Downstairs, when Papa asked Tommy to see me up, he said I should tell you he’s had word to meet with someone important at the Admiralty, and that he may be home late.”

  Bridget pushed her son’s hair back from his forehead. “Well, hopefully it is good news about your uncle. Shall I ring for your tea now? You said you were famished, and you have lessons to finish before supper.”

  “Oh, yes! I am ravenous! What about Papa, though; he was hungry as well. Should we not wait, have tea with him?”

  She felt weepy suddenly, proud. “I’m certain he won’t mind, dearest.” Her little boy was always so thoughtful of others that she found it difficult to not pull him into her arms and kiss him senseless, however he was growing up and hated to be ‘babied’ in front of others, so she just rubbed his arm. “Now, why not go to your room and wash-up.”

  “Yes, Mama.”

  Such a little gentleman, such a good boy. She turned a haughty face to Matthew. I raised him. He’s my son, not yours, and he is absolutely perfect, even without the exalted Fitzwilliam connections.

  “Mama? Did y’hear me?”

  “Pardon? Sorry, I was daydreaming. What did you say?”

  “Mandy and Birdy said next week their families, the cousins, uncles, friend –

  well, everyone – will be meeting at St. James Park since the family usually plays bandy – that’s what they call shinty here – at Mr. Darcy’s home in Derbyshire when they’re there for Christmas – however, since they’re all in London this year instead, they’ll be having a family game in town –”

  “Ewan, please take a breath.”

  “Yes, Mama, so, we were wondering, well, if I’m still here and waiting for Uncle Jamie next week, Birdy and I were wondering if I could join in with them. Birdy said its great fun. And, she said I was as good a goalie as her cousin Will Darcy, and he’s all grown-up and going to Oxford, and –”


  Bridget had been blindsided. “Heavens, no!” Her tone unfairly harsh with panic. She cleared her dry throat.

  “But, Mama, why?”

  “The decision is entirely your father’s to make, and he is too upset at the moment to be bothered with this nonsense.”

  “Papa won’t mind, you know he won’t; and, he loves watching me play shinty.”

  “Be that as it may, I seriously doubt you’d be able to join in with the Fitzwilliam family –”

  “But…”

  “Ewan, quiet! Even if we do remain longer than this week, you are already far behind in schoolwork. We shall need to find tutors for you, and who knows how long that may take. There would be no time for bandy, or any other games for that matter. Your schoolwork must come first.”

  “Lady Durand, perhaps I can be of assistance with that. Both my sister Kathy and my cousin Alice spend enough time in the city to employ several excellent tutors here. I’m certain they can suggest names to you. Perhaps Ewan can even join in with their boys for classes. They are all of the same age, or thereabouts.”

  “Oh, thank you, sir! Did y’hear that, Mama? That’s capital!” Ewan grabbed her hand in his excitement.

  Unable to look her son in the eye she turned away. “I don’t believe it would be wise.”

  “Mama why? Please!”

  “Yes, Lady Durand, why ever not? Are you concerned there will be too many children involved in the classroom? I can assure you that there are only three other children, four at most. I know boys can be a bit boisterous at times, but they are good children, all of them. When I was Ewan’s age, we enjoyed most the classes where we were all taught together – brothers and cousins. We had great fun and even learned a good deal.”

  Ewan nodded vigorously – so eager for friends, so lonely for the company of other children, that it nearly broke her heart. His gaze darted from one adult to the other. “Oh Mama, doesn’t that sound wonderful?”

  “Ewan, I… I simply don’t know what to say. Playing bandy with older children could be dangerous, you could be hurt… we may not even be here much longer. No, I believe we should wait for your father, hear what the news is from the Admiralty first.”