You Never Told Me
Page 25
‘Is it vital in any way to make a decision yet?’ Margareta’s voice was both calm and interested, as if this was a perfectly regular choice to be making.
‘Not really, I suppose,’ Charlie answered. ‘Though it feels like …’ She looked around, at the boat, at Britta’s room gradually shifting to become her room. Was that all it took, to move some things, to add others? She’d already started thinking about which of her stored possessions she’d like to bring on board, and which things would never fit in. ‘I don’t know. Sometimes it feels like I can’t move on until I decide. But there’s a little bit of me that likes having no name. Because if I don’t exist, I can’t make any wrong decisions. Is that a cop out?’
‘“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose, by any other name would smell as sweet.”’ Margareta’s eyes were laughing. ‘Sometimes the old ones are the best.’ She reached for Charlie’s hand. ‘If you would like to be a Nilsson, my country would not mind. If you would not, we would not hold it against you. But why be held in by what other people hand to you?’ She gave her hand a squeeze. ‘Perhaps the name will find you.’ They sat in silence, their hands still linked. Then Margareta spoke again. ‘And your new sister? Will you find her?’
‘I hope so.’ Charlie turned to look at her. ‘I think it’s what Mum would have wanted. If we do, would you like to meet her?’
‘That would be very nice.’ Margareta sighed. ‘It may not be easy, making this new family, you know. We imagine these alternative lives we might have had to be perfect, but that is only because we have never had to live them.’
‘I know. What do they say? Expect the best and plan for the worst. That’s me.’ Charlie let go of Margareta’s hand to flick at a hopeful fly. It flew off jerkily, and she watched Bella snap as it went past her nose. ‘Eleanor’s here next week. I’d love to bring her round to say hello.’
Margareta nodded slowly in agreement. ‘I will look forward to that, Charlotte.’ She moved her hand back, this time to lay it on top of Charlie’s. ‘And I would like to say that I am grateful that you found me. It, what do you say, finishes a chapter for me.’
They sat together in silence now. Outside, a blackbird began to sing. Could it really be that easy, Charlie wondered, to just open your mouth and let all of the notes out in the right order? Bella’s ear twitched as another dog ran past along the towpath, but she stayed where she was. Skíðblaðnir pulled gently against her rope before settling back to her state of temporary stillness. From somewhere in the boat, it was as if her mother was watching her. But not her mother. Someone very like her mother but with a new sense of identity. Britta. Standing by the cooker, sitting by the fire, but always answering with the same words. Welcome, Charlotte. What took you so long?
Acknowledgements
Thanks as always to my fab agent, Carrie Plitt – the voice of reason throughout. It’s been a pleasure to go through the editing process with Natasha Barsby at Transworld (with thanks to Bella Bosworth for being there at the start of it all), and Claire Gatzen demonstrated copy-editing at its absolute best. More thanks to the whole Transworld team: Vivien Thompson, Josh Benn, Antonia Whitton, and all those I’ve not been in direct contact with, but who make it all happen.
The Prime Writers continues to be the best place for writerly support, so big thanks to all of you. The Ann Atkinson Writers saw this book through its early incarnations: hope you all approve of how it has ended up! Especial thanks to Jo Bell for the expeditions on board Tinker (Charlie’s boat may bear some passing resemblance …), and Robbie Burton for the conversations about tunnels. The Northern Women Writers’ Network provided valuable writing time, and the Manchester meetings of the Savvy Writers’ Snug are always great fun: big thanks to Caroline Hulse for organizing.
Coming back to the process of publication reminds me how awesome the blogging community is: special thanks to Anne Williams (beinganne.com) and Linda Hill (lindasbookbag.com) for remembering me between books and being excited that the new one was (finally) here! Your support is so appreciated. Susan Hampson (booksfromdusktildawn.blog) not only blogs, but provided the name for Libby Rae (courtesy of her granddaughter, and THE Book Club on Facebook’s charity auction).
Another FB group Women on Barges is a wonderful community, and always ready for queries and opinions about all things boat. The ‘cill’ is for you, ladies! Any boating fails are my own!
Thanks and love to Fuchsia and Hatty – my wonderful girls who believe in me however long it takes me to get there. (I highly recommend growing your own fan club!) And Gabe, who recently had to pull his first all-nighter to finish reading a book (not mine, but still …): love you too. Hatty also came up with the right name for Charlie and provides me with a wonderful network of extra daughters. Chloe, Emily, Eliza: ♡ ♡ ♡
I can’t write without my dogs. Huge love and memories of my Abby, who was there for most of this book but left us as the final draft came to an end. We miss you. Kizzy is a writer support dog extraordinaire, and Dexter has come to fill a very necessary gap (and keeps my lap warm at all times).
Graeme, thanks for putting up with the Jasmons. We love you.
If you enjoyed You Never Told Me, don’t miss Sarah Jasmon’s debut novel
One day she was there … and the next day, the day after the fire, she was gone.
The summer the Dovers move in next door, sixteen-year-old Helen’s lonely world is at once a more thrilling place. She is infatuated with the bohemian family, especially the petulant and charming daughter Victoria.
As the long, hot days stretch out in front of them, Helen and Victoria grow inseparable. But when a stranger appears, Helen begins to question whether the secretive Dover family are really what they seem.
It’s the kind of summer when anything
seems possible …
Until something goes wrong.
‘A spellbinding debut novel’
Bella magazine
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First published in Great Britain in 2020 by Black Swan
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Copyright © Sarah Jasmon 2020
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