Practically Angels

by Melanie James

Of course! She had to know of my unique origin. Was this to be my fate? Cycled through a machine that would blink nothing but red, telling everyone I didn’t belong before getting kicked out of Heaven?

  I held my breath as I approached the scanner like a condemned witch approaching the gallows.

  “Go ahead, walk through it,” she ordered.

  Resigned to my fate, I exhaled and took a giant goose step forward. Spinning around to witness my verdict delivered in LED technology, I waited. Nothing. No lights. Not green. Not red. My mouth hung wide open. “What the heck? Is it broken?”

  “Well, what do we have here? Not green. Not red. Don’t worry, Candidate Morrissey, you are not alone. Candidates Chloe Carmel and Penelope Pigeon, please step through the machine.”

  “I go by Jade, please,” Jade replied, walking briskly through the machine. Just like my results. There was nothing. No lights at all.

  Chloe closed her eyes like she was expecting to be electrocuted and gingerly stepped through the technological portal. Again, no lights came on.

  “Special. The three of you have one rare trait in common. You were all conceived and born from angelic parents.”

  “No way! I thought I was the only one!” I said, relieved I wasn’t as alone as I thought. It was the biggest news I’d ever heard. I suddenly didn’t feel like such an anomaly.

  “My secret is out. Thank god,” Chloe added, her tense body slouched with relief.

  “Three cheers for all of us having freaks for parents!” Jade said, high-fiving Chloe and me.

  “Like I said. Special. You are the only three to have been identified. And as you can see, you have a special trait. You are able to pass through the portals undetected.”

  “You kind of made it sound like it’s an advantage or something. Is it?” I asked.

  “It is. At least for the special program we’re launching. Take a seat.” Natasha motioned to our empty chairs.

  “Now we know why none of the other girls wanted anything to do with us yesterday,” Jade whispered. “I guess our secrets weren’t secret to anyone but us.”

  Mrs. Portobello dimmed the lights.

  With the click of a tiny remote, Natasha clicked on a projector. The image of a quaint waterside town appeared. A dozen or so sailboats were anchored in a harbor carved out by nature, with rocky cliffs topped with heavy forests. Behind the piers, the town spread along the picturesque shoreline, forming a crescent of Cape Cod style architecture. Behind the village’s rooftops and three white steeples was a backdrop of rolling hills draped in their full fall colors.

  “New England!” I said, recognizing the beautiful landscape.

  “Not even close,” Natasha replied. “This is Angel Bay, part-time fishing village, full-time home to artists and trinket vendors of every type. This is in the vacation land of the Midwest—a peninsula which juts out from Wisconsin into Lake Michigan. This is just one of dozens of such harbor-town tourist destinations dotting the shores of the peninsula they call Door County.”

  Clicking the remote, she brought up an image of a two-story building which looked a lot like the old-time general stores I’d seen pictures of. The yellow clapboard siding was quite weathered and the railing of the second-story porch wrapping around the building looked like a bowling alley with half the pins knocked down. A weathered, rectangular sign dangled haphazardly from its rusty hooks.

  “This little proprietorship is called Midge’s Treasures. The owner, Midge Madison, no longer runs the place. In fact, she is a recent new arrival here in Heaven, and last I heard, she is happily learning how to parasail. But Midge passed on from the mortal plane without leaving her worldly possessions to any heirs. Midge’s situation presents us with an excelled opportunity to launch project Guardian Angel.”

  “Guardian Angel?” we all asked in harmony. I’d heard of the term, but as far as I knew, it was a complete myth. Supposedly, long ago, Angels were assigned to babysit a human or something along those lines, but there was no real proof the program ever actually existed.

  “I thought Guardian Angels only existed in fairytales?” Jade asked. Her curiosity getting the better of her.

  “You are correct. But it’s what I’ve decided to name our new initiative. Angels, like me, can only travel to Earth and back, staying for only short visits since we are easily detected. But, due to your unique creation, the three of you are the only angels in a millennium who can travel to Earth and live among mortals undetected. That means, we can place you somewhere long-term. While you are there, you can covertly provide guidance and offer assistance to humans. And most importantly, you will be our eyes and ears on the earthly plane. Angel Bay is where you will call home.” Natasha cycled through more pictures of the cozy little town filled with art galleries, coffee shops, bakeries, and even a bike shop.

  I could see the doubt already creeping over Jade’s face. I mean, how could she hide it? The crease in her forehead and the fact her eyes actually squinted, easily gave it away. But if she had questions for Natasha, she was holding them back for now.

  “Yes! It looks amazing,” Chloe cheered.

  I don’t know what got into Jade’s head, but some people are natural born skeptics. And if that was the case, Chloe’s and my enthusiasm easily overwhelmed her doubts.

  “Here is the overview of the plan. The three of you will be purchasing Midge’s store, lock, stock, and barrel. The complete inventory. You’ll need to do some work fixing it up, but I trust you’ll have it open in no time. The upstairs will be your living quarters, and it should be quite spacious for the three of you. Once you take up residence, the only ones communicating with you from the academy will be me or Mrs. Portobello. Before you travel, Mrs. Portobello will provide you with the necessary training on how to use your new powers on Earth, as well as other matters related to dealing with mortals.”

  “Powers?” we chirped like a nest full of hungry baby birds.

  Chapter Five

  Over the course of the next four weeks, Mrs. Portobello seemingly tried to bore us to death. We learned about money, checking accounts, traffic, taking the bus, credit cards, paying bills, you name it. We were saturated with every mundane, boring detail you can imagine about mortal life. I hated to admit it, but I was getting a little worried our days in Angel Bay would be wasted away with all the extra chores mortals made up for themselves.

  Finally, it was week five and Mrs. Portobello seemed as excited as we were to be diving into a much more interesting subject matter.

  “Good morning, ladies. This is our last day together. Natasha was a little vague with how exactly she wants you to help people, so I took the liberty of gathering these,” she said, tapping a table piled high with dozens of dusty old books.

  Normally, books were my thing. But these? Well…the jury’s still out.

  “If someone has a problem, I can guarantee we will find a solution in here somewhere. Let’s start with a health issue. Go ahead, give me something—a problem a customer might mention to you during a conversation. Something you would like to help with.”

  We were dumbfounded. Health issues just don’t exist in Heaven. It took Chloe all the mental processing power she had to come up with something truly bizarre.

  “Okay, say I come into the store and I’m complaining about my arm. Maybe it got caught on something and I ripped it off, or it fell off. Can you please put it back on for me?”

  “Geez! Chloe! People don’t just get their limbs ripped off and walk around complaining about it,” Jade said.

  “Jade’s right, Chloe. We covered this when we talked about hospitals and medical emergencies. I was thinking about perhaps a chronic condition or complaint where the doctors were unable to help.”

  “I know!” I said, waving my hand. “Some lady walks into the store and is shopping. We strike up a conversation, and she mentions she has a pain in her back and the doctors haven’t cured it. Do you have something for her?”

  “That is an excellent scenario, Emmy. I’m sure we can. Eve
ryone come up here, to the front of the class, and look through the books for a cure that will help our imaginary friend.”

  A few minutes later, we’d found a number of cures for pain and sore joints. Some of the books advised applying crystals, others had recipes for herbal concoctions, and all seemed to have at least some degree of magic to them.

  “This is your power. On Earth, you will have the ability to use the knowledge in these books and perform Angelic Magic, also known as White Magic.”

  “Check this out.” Jade tapped a page in one of the books. “This whole book is dedicated to love. Getting your lost love back. Healing a broken heart. Attracting a love interest. There’s some good stuff in here.”

  “Right. There’s something for everyone,” Mrs. Portobello replied. “But remember, you are not actively seeking people to help. It is your job to be passive. If a customer mentions a problem to you, by all means look through these books and see if it’s something you can help with. Do some good for the humans who seek help. Always. You must never tell anyone there is even an ounce of magic involved. As far as they know, you are only offering good old-fashioned homespun remedies. Oh, and one more rule—never harm anyone.”

  “All right. It’s time for me to ask what we’ve all been wondering about. What about all that other stuff Natasha mentioned? You know, about letting her know if anything unusual is happening. What’s really going on in this little town? What’s the big deal about being undetected? Mortals can’t detect us anyway. So, who is she worried about? What is she getting us into?” I needed to know. We all did. These were questions we’d all wondered from day one but held our tongues because we’d hoped that Mrs. Portobello or Natasha would have elaborated. Since they hadn’t…

  Mrs. Portobello immediately sat down. “Nothing. Not as far as I know. Trust me, I’ve wondered myself. I’ve researched what I could, and I don’t know of anything unusual happening in Angel Bay. My guess is that Natasha wants this Guardian Angel program to do well, for you to help a lot of humans. But I’m also guessing she’s worried how people might react if you three mess up and let your secret abilities slip out.”

  I sighed. None of this seemed too exciting. “Excuse me, Mrs. Portobello, but for having powers, this healing stuff seems a little…I don’t know…”

  “Lame.” Chloe effectively communicated my sentiment on the topic.

  “Exactly,” I replied. “Isn’t there anything cool, like being able to fly or something?”

  “I wouldn’t underestimate this gift, girls. These books are loaded with information. But you will notice other abilities. With a little effort, you’ll gain enhanced physical traits. You know, you’ll be stronger and faster, and you’ll have improved eyesight—that sort of thing. We’re not exactly certain, since no other angels have been in the mortal world for an extended period of time in a millennium. My advice is to take it slow. Be careful.”

  “Uh, yeah.” Jade let out a little snorting sound. “Slow and careful. Like that’ll happen.”

  “I’m sure you girls will have a great time. Natasha will check in on you regularly with any additional assignments she has for you. Which takes me to my next subject—phones. Each of you get the latest and greatest. You can contact Natasha directly or call me anytime. In fact, I’d love to hear about your exciting adventures. And you can call your families, of course.”

  “Okay. What else?” I asked. What I really hoped to learn is that we’d gain at least one actual superpower. Just one measly, semi-cool power. Maybe X-ray vision? Invisibility? Telekinesis? There had to be more than being able to read fine print without glasses and brew a disgusting herbal tea to remove the corns from some old lady’s foot.

  Mrs. Portobello shrugged. “Let me know if you discover any additional powers. You all should get going now. You’ve got a big day ahead of you tomorrow.”

  “That’s it?” I asked. Well, I basically whined. “Ninety-nine percent of our training was just about all the stuff we had to do day to day in the mortal world.”

  “Living in the mortal world is ninety-nine percent mundane living and one percent ‘oh my god’. You’ll see what I mean.”

  I wasn’t remotely sure if Mrs. Portobello even had any of that stuff right. Natasha had to have more to her plan than to just release us on the earthly realm.

  I mean, how is that a plan anyway?

  Emmy, Chloe, and Jade—more like the feral angels than the guardian angels.

  We’d just have to figure it out.

  While I was sorting thoughts out in my head, Jade and Chloe were quietly gathering their things. It was pretty clear to me they’d already came to the same conclusion.

  “I’m sorry I can’t offer you much more, Emmy. I’ll arrange to have your books shipped through the portal. Here are your bank cards. There should be enough money to spruce up the shop and get the living quarters in order.”

  As she turned around and left the room, I gathered my thoughts. I have no doubt the congenial teacher was being totally sincere.

  “I can hear your brain clicking from here, Emmy.” Jade hoisted her backpack strap over her shoulder. “Just stop. I’ll handle the worrying.”

  Chapter Six

  “Two weeks. Two full weeks of scrubbing, mopping and polishing…and we haven’t even painted the outside yet,” Jade said, slumping over the arm of our overstuffed leather sofa.

  “Don’t forget, we dusted each of those, individually,” Chloe added, pointing to the shelves filled with Midge’s stock of antique books along with the cabinets filled with jewelry and crystals.

  She collapsed into a nearby chair. Thankfully, our own angel books were safely stashed upstairs in the living quarters.

  “Oh, and the aquarium and reptile tank,” she said.

  Chloe had managed to restore the green mixture of goo to some semblance of water, and we thought it was a miracle the angelfish survived living in that muck. The reptile tank housed a lone, but content, bearded dragon, who was apparently none the worse for wear since Midge’s unexpected departure.

  The three of us, on the other hand, were hot messes. Our old tank tops and shorts were covered in dusty remnants of cobwebs—our hair pulled up into whatever way would keep it off our sweaty necks.

  “I really had no idea how much time mortals spend being exhausted. At this rate, we’ll be too tired to have any fun,” I said, causing my friends to laugh uncontrollably, like you do when your mind and body are equally spent.

  A knock on the open door accompanied the familiar, light jingle of the little bells suspended from the handle. “Sorry, we’re closed!” Chloe sang out, not bothering to see our would-be visitor.

  “Unless you’re delivering pizza!” Jade shouted.

  “I didn’t order pizza, did you guys?” I asked.

  “Nope. I thought we agreed to limit pizza to three days a week?” Chloe asked.

  The one thing we universally agreed on was pizza. It just wasn’t the same in Heaven. The pizza place in Angel Bay was amazing. Gooey cheese, perfect crust, and sauce that made your taste buds dance with pure joy.

  “Hi there. Sorry, I saw the door open. I just thought I’d stop by and introduce myself,” a man’s voice called out.

  Peeking over the back of the chair, I quickly ducked back down. “It’s a police officer,” I whispered. “A hot, young, police officer.”

  “Oh my god. I look like hell,” Chloe whispered back.

  “We all do,” I stood up from my hiding place.

  “Hello,” I said politely. “You may.”

  “You may?” he asked.

  “Yes. You said you wanted to introduce yourself. You may.” What an attractive, peculiar thing this police officer was. He was tall, with short blond hair, bright blue eyes, and a jaw line rugged enough to make a woman swoon. A nice crisp blue uniform was practically glued to his muscular body. I had no idea how sexy a uniform could look. I mean, I’d read about it but never truly grasped why women in romance novels nearly swooned over a sexy man wearing a unif
orm.

  I no longer wondered.

  “Oh, yeah. Officer Sextant. Daryl. Everyone just calls me Daryl. I’m the local police officer—the only one in town, actually.”

  “Nice to meet you. I’m Emmy, and these are my friends and roommates, Chloe and Jade.”

  “I figured I’d stop by and properly welcome you to Angel Bay,” he said, shaking each of our hands.

  He seemed incredibly nervous and jumpy when he grasped Chloe’s hand. I wondered if he was intimidated, shy, or suspicious.

  “I doubt anyone has had time to even stop in and say hello. I didn’t want you to think people here were rude. It’s just this time of year, everyone is really busy, just like you all are. You know, with the upcoming spring tourist rush. It kind of kicks off the whole season for us.”

  “Oh, no. We didn’t even think that. Trust me, we get it,” I replied. Not that we actually had any idea what he was talking about, but it sounded good in theory.

  “So, rumor has it that you three inherited this place after Midge passed away. My condolences. She was a very unique and interesting woman.”

  “Oh, yes.” I’d nearly forgotten our cover story.

  “She was our cousin. I mean—great aunt. What am I thinking?” It must have been his eyes. Or maybe his mouthwatering body that made me stumble over the minute details of our fabricated lives.

  “But like twice removed. So, we barely knew her,” Chloe added.

  Time to change the subject.

  “Is that a real gun? I’ve never seen one before,” Jade asked, trying and failing—in a sort of steamy, sexy voice. “Are they all as big as yours?”

  “Um. Yes, it’s real. And they come in all sizes I guess,” Daryl replied.

  “And handcuffs!” Chloe chirped. “Just like Dark Beasts, book four. What was the title again?”

  “A Bridge Too Fur?” I replied.

  “Oh yeah, that’s the one. Where she handcuffs Max to the…” Chloe immediately clamped her mouth shut, forgetting about the fact that Officer Hottie was standing right next to her.