Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  Now Isabel was like her mother, handsome but not pretty. She had thin shoulder length medium brown hair and had taken to wearing very large glasses. Her skinny frame was covered in oversized clothes that didn’t suit her. Flora thought she tried to dress like a teacher not a fun loving teenager.

  But Isabel was a serious child, hardly laughing, though she was incredibly sweet and kind. Flora knew men would fall at her feet when the time was right.

  Priti had got together with a lecturer at her college (no surprise there) and they had Isabel. The man in question was called Henry, who was a good father but not the most supportive, wanting to bury his head in books not the day to day running of a family. He was also in his early fifties when Isabel was conceived.

  Eventually, Priti met someone else. He was involved in politics and Kenneth was a good man, starting off in local council. Somehow it got Priti interested and before everyone knew it, she was a councillor. The ambitious woman didn’t let it rest, she pursued a career in politics and was now the local Member of Parliament for Feltham and Heston under the guise of Labour.

  Even Flora knew her friend’s liberal views were more right then left and, in her opinion, sometimes just wrong.

  The restaurant door was flung open and in walked Priti, always looking flustered and with folders under her arm.

  ‘Seriously?’ Flora asked, seeing her friend was intent on reading at the table again. ‘We told you last time, you meet for Sunday lunch you come paper free.’

  ‘Then I’ll read off my tablet,’ Priti sniffed at her before kissing both the women.

  They put all the kids at one end of the table. Isabel keeping Lola’s company and the boys sniggering in the corner.

  Gaynor reached out and poured the wine. Flora sat opposite and looked at her friends. Other than the changes in hairstyle, they looked much the same. Gaynor was carrying a little bit more weight and Priti less. When nobody was listening, they even spoke about the same thing they did when they were teenagers, other than bitching about in-laws, work colleagues, the price of things and anti-ageing potions.

  Sex and men.

  Neither one Flora had or could join in with.

  It had come full circle and felt like they were teenagers again. Flora being the one who couldn’t participate on either subject.

  ‘I think Kenneth has issues,’ Priti said, knocking back her drink seeing Gaynor raise her eyebrows. ‘Isabel is driving us home.’

  ‘You’ve trained her well,’ Flora whispered, looking at the girls talking animatedly.

  ‘What? Are you going to dump him?’ Gaynor asked, filling up Priti’s glass again. ‘I thought he was the real deal.’

  ‘Look, we don’t live with each other and since I became an MP he’s a little jealous.’

  ‘Because you stole his thunder! You ended up doing what he wanted to do,’ laughed out Gaynor. ‘Of course he’s going to have issues.’

  ‘I’ve joined an executive dating agency,’ Priti whispered to the pair of them. ‘I need a different type of man.’

  ‘Like the leader of the party?’ sniggered Gaynor. ‘You’d have to put a bag over his head before you shag that.’

  ‘I think he’s very handsome.’

  ‘You’ve always had appalling taste in men.’

  ‘At least I’ve got one who isn’t married,’ smirked Priti. Gaynor looked sheepishly away. ‘Bet you didn’t tell Flora, did you?’

  ‘Don’t go shitting on your own doorstep,’ said Flora, instantly grimacing. ‘It’s a messy thing, this affair business.’

  ‘He’s separated.’

  ‘Aren’t they all?’

  ‘Knock it on the head and join me at the dating agency. I’ll even pay your first six months subscription,’ grinned Priti. ‘Flora, I can throw you in as well, if you like.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Come on. It could be a laugh,’ said Gaynor, looking around to make sure the kids couldn’t hear her. ‘Us three doing something together. You always keep saying we need to do more things.’

  ‘I don’t think dating was what I had in mind,’ Flora said, noticing the women flick each other a glance. ‘You go ahead. You have my blessing.’

  ‘Why won’t you consider it?’ asked Priti, now looking sympathetically at her. ‘You need to move on.’

  ‘I can’t.’

  ‘You won’t, that’s what you mean,’ added Gaynor. ‘Flora, you’re young and you can find a good man.’

  ‘No such thing when it comes to me.’

  ‘Why are you giving out such a negative aura?’

  ‘What did she say?’ Priti asked, doing a double take. ‘Negative what?’

  ‘I’ve been looking into the spiritual side of things,’ replied Gaynor seriously. ‘I know what Flora has been through was pretty traumatic but it has left her, how can I put it?’

  ‘Fucked up?’ Flora said, under her breath. ‘And you both know why.’

  The ladies looked at each other for a few seconds.

  ‘Why don’t you let us see them and we’ll tell you how they look?’ whispered Gaynor as Priti frowned. ‘Why not?’

  ‘It’s up to Flora to show us.’

  ‘You want to see my boobs?’ Letting out a deep sigh, Flora shook her head from side to side. ‘That will never happen. The look on Matias’s face when I was recovering was a picture. He didn’t have to dress or look after me, he’d pissed off long before then, but it was that disgusted expression like I’d done it on purpose, mutilated my body.’

  ‘He’s a fucking arse!’ hissed Gaynor into Flora’s ear. ‘I know people who know people. I can get someone to deal with him.’

  ‘Here she goes again!’ grumbled Priti, filling up their glasses. ‘Just because you were married to a footballer doesn’t mean you have an insight into that side of the world.’

  ‘It’s seedy enough,’ laughed Flora as Gaynor grinned.

  ‘Go on, let me rough him up a bit,’ her friend said sweetly, pulling a cute face. ‘I don’t mind beating the crap out of him.’

  Flora looked at the children at the other end of the table, oblivious to their conversation, her eyes falling on Max.

  He missed his dad a lot and Matias tried his best to see him outside the allotted times but rarely made the extra effort. Flora realised her estranged husband would prefer to play with his young girlfriend than his own son, and that hurt her, seeing how unhappy it made her child.

  ‘I’ll teach Matias a lesson when I’m good and ready,’ she said quietly. ‘But not at the cost to his physical health as he is the father of my babies.’

  ‘A good slap won’t hurt him,’ begged Gaynor. ‘Please?’

  ‘Join us in the dating game,’ pleased Priti quietly. ‘You can find a nice understanding man who will love you, regardless of what you’ve been through.’

  ‘But after what I’ve been through, can I ever love and trust a man who won’t hurt, disappoint and abandon me when I need them the most?’

  ‘And you’ve not seen her?’

  … Matias asked, examining the walls.

  ‘No,’ replied Ed, watching the guys work in the kitchen. ‘We’ve made sure we start after the children go to school and are out of the way before they come home.’

  ‘And she’s not comeback before then?’

  ‘Is she supposed to?’ asked Ed, pushing his hands in this pocket, noticing Derek flick Matias a dirty look. ‘Did she complain about anything?’

  ‘I’ve not spoken to her and she’s not returning my calls. God knows what she’s up to,’ he sighed before smiling. ‘Listen, don’t mention the cancer. It’s a sore subject.’

  Ed knew that was true.

  His mother has asked to see him and his sister that afternoon.

  He realised it wasn’t looking good.

  When he asked his dad, he was met with a wall of silence, Ernie saying his mum hadn’t said anything to him either. Ed knew what his mother was like. She’d try her hardest to cushion any blow, painting a happy picture.

  ‘C
an I ask?’ Ed said, feeling uncomfortable at the idea of talking about Flora. ‘What type was it?’

  ‘Even if I tell you that, she’ll go mad,’ said Matias, looking quite serious. ‘It’s the reason we split. The cancer.’

  ‘I see.’

  ‘She didn’t handle it well.’

  ‘I don’t think anyone does handle the possibility of dying well,’ Ed said quietly, immediately thinking about his son. ‘And the families take it worse.’

  He noticed Matias looked anxiously around the house, turning immediately away.

  ‘I want her to like this,’ he said, walking towards the kitchen area and glancing at the garden. ‘She has to see I’m sincere about her future happiness.’

  ‘But not with her.’

  ‘Not with Flora,’ said Matias, shaking his head. ‘It’s really hard for me.’

  ‘You’ve moved on with Ramona. Isn’t Flora happy about it?’

  ‘She thinks it’s hysterical that I’m dating someone young enough to be my child. And you, you’re dating someone near the same age of your daughter. What does Amelia think about it?’

  ‘She’s not overwhelmed.’

  Amelia was far from impressed. His hasty marriage was met with scorn from his child who refused to go to the wedding. She said he was doing it all for the wrong reasons and she was right. He knew she’d inherited his mother’s high and mighty attitude when it came to relationships.

  ‘And are things going well between you and Emily?’ asked Matias before whispering. ‘I find younger women incredibly appealing. Their bodies are fit and firm though it changes when they get older.’

  ‘Where do you want this?’ asked Derek walking towards Ed, holding a massive package in bubble wrap.

  ‘I better go,’ Matias said, shaking Ed’s hand then walking off. ‘If you do see her, get her to call me. I want to talk to her about the summer break.’

  ‘I bet she just wants to break his neck,’ mumbled Derek making Ed grin.

  ‘You don’t like him?’

  ‘Smarmy bastard.’

  ‘He’s not that bad.’

  ‘He’s a right tosser. Seeing younger women! I heard what he said and you’re no better. You don’t want to end up like him, do you?’

  ‘Put it over there,’ Ed said, shaking his head. ‘Age is not an issue.’

  ‘It is when you’re near approaching middle age and your girlfriends look like your granddaughters.’

  ‘That’s unfair.’

  ‘I mean,’ said Derek, not moving an inch and looking into Ed’s eyes. ‘He had a beautiful wife and I know he left her, not the other way round.’

  ‘How’d you know that?’

  ‘Her sister came round the other week and I overheard them talking. Now, she’s a woman and a half. I’d like to give her a run for her money,’ Derek laughed out.

  ‘Faith? I think she can hold her own,’ he said, remembering the last time he saw Flora’s sister. ‘What else did she say?’

  ‘Look Ed, in my knowledge about women, which is limited.’

  ‘That I agree on,’ Ed replied, bracing himself against the wall.

  ‘When their friends and family don’t like the man, even their own daughter then that says something.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘He’s a shifty bastard and did something to that lovely lady to upset her, even her friends leave messages about taking him out,’ laughed Derek. ‘One of them begged her to let them beat the living crap out of him.’ He let out a sigh. ‘She sounded quite pissed but it was funny message.’

  ‘And how come you heard it?’

  ‘I just pressed the button,’ shrugged Derek innocently. ‘I like Flora. She can do so much better than him. Didn’t you say you used to go to school with her? You never spoke?’

  ‘She’s a year older than me,’ he replied, walking around the room, pretending to examine the new work surfaces. ‘This looks good.’

  ‘And why are you really here? You’ve not done much to be honest. Isn’t this a waste of your valuable time?’

  Turning to look at Derek, he knew the old man could easily suss him out. He had known him since he was a kid as he was a friend of his father’s.

  ‘You should put that down as you might have and accident and I don’t want the health and safety executive to get involved.’

  Derek did as he was told and stood for a moment, looking at Ed.

  ‘You do know her, don’t you? What aren’t you saying?’

  ‘I’m saying mind your own business.’

  They were in his mother’s living room later on that afternoon and Siobhan seemed on edge. Noreen, on the other hand, was in high spirits as Ernie pretended to be happy but you could see it was forced.

  Sipping his tea, Ed examined his mother and noticed she looked well but tired. Something was on her mind and she was waiting to tell them what had happened with the results.

  There was a knock on the door and Ed got up immediately to open it.

  ‘Amelia!’ he said, looking at his daughter standing on the doorstep. ‘What are you doing here?’

  ‘Grandma said she wanted to see me,’ his daughter replied.

  She was slim and pretty with light brown hair. The twins were nearly identical and had inherited their looks from the Carter side. Every time he looked at his own flesh and blood, his heart bursting with happiness, there would be the pain of knowing he couldn’t ever see his son again.

  ‘And I want to have a word with you,’ she said scornfully, shaking her head. ‘Another woman in her twenties? Don’t you learn? Is she older than me?’

  ‘Twenty seven,’ he sighed, her sentence reminding him of his mother when he was younger. Her dismay of his taste in women had carried on throughout his whole life. ‘And she’s very nice.’

  ‘A friend of your friend Matias, is she?’ Amelia pursed her lips. ‘You’re like two old goats with young lambs to the slaughter. I mean, she’s only three years older than me.’

  She walked up to him and kissed him on the cheek before he gave her a warm embrace.

  ‘I don’t need another woman in my life when you do perfectly well nagging me to death,’ he whispered in her ear.

  ‘Has grandma said what’s wrong?’

  ‘She’s keeping tight lipped.’

  ‘Amelia!’ said Noreen, rushing to embrace her only granddaughter. ‘I’m so pleased you’re here.’

  ‘If you’re going to upset us, I might as well go now,’ she said, in all seriousness. ‘I mean it, I don’t want to hear something to make me sad.’

  ‘Well your father did that to me when he married the teenager. Now what was her name again? Jezebel?’

  ‘Jessica,’ he replied, leaving the two peas in a pod laughing about it behind his back.

  Siobhan was staring out the kitchen window. He went beside her and touched her arm.

  ‘I know it’s bad,’ she said, looking at him, trying not to cry. ‘And the fact she asked Amelia here means something’s not right.’

  ‘She’ll be fine,’ he said, feeling scared about what was coming next.

  ‘Come on you lot!’ Noreen shouted. ‘I need you in the living room.’

  Slowly they walked in and watched his father grab their mother’s hand. Amelia did the same to her aunt and father as they sat down.

  ‘Now we’re not going to pray so I don’t know why the hand holding,’ smiled Noreen at them. ‘But I’ll say it quickly so I don’t have to repeat it. My lump maybe cancer. I’m going to have an investigatory operation to confirm what the diagnosis is and that’s it.’

  ‘Oh my god!’ Siobhan said, bursting into tears.

  Ed’s first reaction was to get up and leave but he felt his daughter’s hand firmly grip his palm.

  ‘No unhappy faces. I have no intention of dying before my seventieth birthday. We have to be strong as a family but I don’t want my sisters or anyone else to know. You can tell Simon but that’s it. Do you hear?’ Noreen said quietly. ‘Obviously I have the operation and then we�
�ll see what treatment I need, if any, afterwards.’

  ‘I can’t do this,’ Ed said, jumping to his feet. ‘I don’t need this right now.’

  He marched out of the house and down the road, unable to take it all in.

  There was a chance he was going to lose his mother and he was scared, like he was when they told him that Eddie had walked on a landmine.

  Scared of knowing his son was hurt and terrified of seeing him in a damaged state.

  ‘Dad! Will you stop?’ Amelia shouted, chasing him down the road. ‘You can’t just walk away when you don’t like something!’

  ‘I can.’

  ‘Stop it! You have to face things and she need us, she needs you. Grandma told me about this yesterday. She wanted me to be here because she was worried about your reaction. It’s not like Eddie, this is different.’

  ‘It’s about me losing another person I love,’ he said, trying to hold back his tears. ‘I can’t go through that pain again, I can’t.’

  ‘You might have to,’ she said firmly with a steely resolve. ‘And there’s nothing you or I can do about it.’

  ‘I miss him,’ he said, putting his hand to his mouth, unable to hold it in. ‘I miss Eddie so much!’

  ‘Oh dad!’ she said, wrapping her arms around him and burying her head in his chest. ‘I miss him too. We all do but he was doing a job he loved and we knew the risks, so did he. Even when we stayed with him before he passed away, he was so proud, dad, so proud.’

  ‘I wish he hadn’t died. If I could have exchanged my life for his, I would have in a shot.’

  ‘Eddie knew you loved him very much. Wherever he is, he’d want you to look after his grandma.’ She looked up at him, her blue eyes streaming tears. ‘We will make sure that she’s alive for her hundredth birthday and when I’m forty, I’ll make her a great grandmother.’

  ‘Why so old?’ he asked, wiping his eyes roughly.

  ‘Because I know you wished you didn’t have kids so young. I want to live my life before settling down.’

  ‘Sometimes, even when you get older, it doesn’t mean you’ll find the right one,’ he said, taking a deep breath.

  ‘Prove me wrong and find someone of your own age that will make you happy, not fleece you out of cash,’ she said starting to laugh. ‘Twenty seven years old! What does she do for a living?’