by S M Mala
‘Where?’ she sharply asked.
‘In a pub by the river,’ he lied, smiling at Amelia and putting his arm around her. Ed then whispered into his daughter’s ear. ‘Please get her off my back.’
‘Why?’
‘Because she’ll just poke her nose in where it’s not wanted.’
‘So you’re not meeting school friends?’
‘I am,’ he replied and smiled. ‘That’s the truth.’ Amelia narrowed her eyes at him then tilted her head to one side. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘You’ve been smiling nonstop since you got here. What’s going on?’
‘Can’t say yet because …’
‘Which pub?’ his mother continued. ‘Can’t you tell them you’ll come down before closing?’
‘Let the boy go,’ sighed his father. ‘If you’re leaving the car here then you can pick some left over pudding tomorrow morning. But help me get the cake out of the fridge.’
Ed got up and grinned over at his mother. Siobhan, Simon and Amelia were clearing the plates. He got into the kitchen and noticed his father was waiting for him.
‘Ed, could I have a word in private?’ his father said quietly, closing the kitchen door. ‘It’s a bit sensitive and I don’t want to upset you.’
‘Okay,’ he replied, instantly worrying about his mum. ‘Is everything all right?’
‘You know this party?’ Ernie sighed. ‘Your mum wants it to be a family get together along with close friends. I think it’s a celebration about her being lucky her lump wasn’t anything worse.’ His father’s cheeks started to go pink. ‘She has been very strict about the invitation list. Look, your mother doesn’t want your young girlfriend to be there.’
Ed nodded and smiled.
‘And she wanted you to do the dirty work?’ he asked, tapping his father’s shoulder. ‘Is there anyone else I’m not allowed to invite?’
‘She’s not too sure about Lee because he has a habit of getting leery when he’s drunk but Harry and Virginia with their daughter are most welcome.’ Ernie hesitated again. ‘She also wants to invite Flora.’
He couldn’t help it.
Ed just smiled.
‘Are you all right son? I hope this doesn’t put you in an awkward situation?’
‘It’s fine and I’m not with Emily but don’t tell mum,’ he said quietly.
‘So why are you leaving so early?’
‘Just catching up with an old friend.’
‘Hello,’
… she said, grinning from ear to ear when she opened the door. ‘Wine and flowers?’
‘I thought it’d be a nice gesture. I can’t wipe this smile off my face so can I come in before someone thinks I’m a madman?’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Oh yes, I certainly am.’
Flora stepped aside as he walked into her house. She was fit to burst with happiness and held her breath.
‘Calm,’ she said to herself, knowing she had to play it cool.
‘Do you want a top up?’ he asked and she turned to see he’d kicked off his shoes. ‘You’re on the white. That’s good. I had a couple of glasses round my mums.’
She couldn’t shake the image out of her head.
Ed was standing in her kitchen, pouring out wine and smiling.
‘I haven’t made steak pudding so you don’t have to run out,’ she quietly said, watching him frown. ‘And I won’t tell you gory details about my life.’
‘No cake in the oven?’
‘No explosions today.’
‘I think you’ll find that’s not true,’ he said, walking up to her, handing a glass over. ‘There were certainly explosions in my chest this afternoon.’
‘Heart attack symptoms,’ she replied, touching his hand with her fingers. Ed held her hand in his. ‘That’s from panicking about me being locked in.’
They looked at each other, not saying a word. Flora knew she had to say something. It had been going around in her head.
‘I’ve not done anything in the slightest bit romantic for such a long time and as you’d have guessed, I’ve not been physically close to another person for years.’ She looked down at the wooden floor. ‘I know it’s pretty obvious. My confidence isn’t high and I don’t want you to have expectations about me which might not come to fruition.’
‘Fruition?’
‘There’s a great possibility I can’t take things further than kissing,’ she blurted out, looking up at his smiling eyes. ‘The sex side scares me, if I’m honest.’
‘You scare me,’ he said, confusing her for a moment. ‘The fact I can feel like this after all these years. It’s pretty odd. Don’t you feel anything?’
‘Panic.’
‘I understand,’ he said then planted a kiss firmly on her lips. It took her breath away. ‘But please don’t panic or get scared. I won’t do anything until you’re ready to.’
‘What makes you think I’ll be ready to do anything?’ Flora gulped, looking up at him. ‘Have you ever been with someone when there was no sex?’
‘It’ll be the first since I was fourteen, nearly thirty years ago,’ he laughed out loudly then sighed. She didn’t know what to say. ‘I’ve always liked you.’
‘But you don’t know me. I’ve changed so much and-.'
‘Ah, ha,’ whispered Ed, holding his finger to his lips. ‘Show me your life and I’ll show you mine. We know enough about the key things, now it’s time to get to know the trivial.’
‘You had sex with everyone you went out with since your were fourteen?’ she asked, unable to let it sink in. ‘Jesus, Ed, didn’t you let up for a moment?’
‘When I was with Diane, I never slept with anyone else,’ he said quietly, examining her hand in his. ‘I didn’t want to make waves. So, in a way, it was good I had fun before I settled down for a decade. Afterwards, well, it was a full on party.’
‘I really don’t get men,’ Flora sighed, shaking her head. ‘And you can now put it on hold? For me? I don’t think it works like that.’
‘Let’s sit,’ he said, pulling her towards the sofa, taking her glass, and pushing her down, so she landed on her arse with a thump. ‘A few things we need to make clear.’
Flora was trying hard not to smile as Ed put the drinks on the table and cleared his voice. He stood directly opposite her so she had to look up. The thing was, she was distracted, admiring his torso and wondering if everything she remembered was the same.
Had he changed?’
‘Will you stop leering at me and listen,’ he said, breaking her out of her gawp. She grinned guiltily. ‘We’ve only set eyes on each other a few weeks ago but you know and I know, we still like each other. It may be something from when we were teenagers, who knows?’
‘Who knows?’ she repeated, sitting back.
‘I’ve seen a lot worse when it comes to damages to a body. I saw Eddie, my own flesh and blood, partially dismembered. But I don’t think this is about your operation, I think it’s more than that.’ Flora tried not to scowl at his comment. ‘And I’ll get to the bottom of it.’ Ed then grinned. ‘It’s like we’ve come full circle. I’m still the one with experience and you’ve turned virginal. Do you think your hymen’s grown back?’
Trying to look annoyed, she just smiled.
‘Boys,’ she mumbled. ‘Just horrible creatures.’
‘Am I still horrible?’
… he asked, kissing her face. They’d spent the next hour snogging on the sofa. Flora’s lips were irresistible. ‘You seem to like me now.’
‘I’ve always liked you Edward Carter,’ she grinned, tracing his chin with her fingers. It made his skin tingle. ‘But you’re like Matias in a way. He always liked himself more.’
‘Hey come on! I’m not that vain,’ he laughed then received a massive hug from her just making him melt into her arms. ‘How did you two meet?’
‘About fourteen years ago. It was after my thirtieth birthday and I decided I might as well be a nun, considering how my love life wasn’t b
rilliant. And sod’s law, I met him two days later at a party.’ She was deep in thought. ‘He’s quite stunning and has a way of flirting with you while pretending it’s polite conversation. I wasn’t interested as he’s not my type.’
‘I thought the same thing too,’ he said, pushing her hair away from her face, seeing her frown. ‘When did you get straight hair? I always remember it being wavy.’
‘Hair straighteners, dear,’ she grinned. ‘I’m going grey and I try not to use chemicals on my body. After you get a cancer scare, you start to see everything differently. Healthy food, exercise, products you use on your skin. The poor kids think I’m cruel to them when I give them vegetables and salad but I’m just trying to do right. That steak pudding? I rarely eat red meat nowadays. It was much as a treat for me as for you. Was it that bad?’
Ed didn’t know what to say. He knew it would upset her.
‘Am I allowed to be honest?’ he asked, kissing her gently on the lips. ‘I got upset when you mentioned three people that had let you down. I knew the second one was me. But you know I never intended to, don’t you? Then you spoke about the operation quite freely. I felt shocked and upset. I thought you’d have had this wonderful life without me but you didn’t. It was normal.’ Ed bit his lip, unable to look at her. ‘I could have been part of it and I got scared even thinking that. I left because I didn’t know what to say.’ He grabbed her face in his hands. ‘You never did anything wrong, you do know that? You made everything right for that short amount of time. Gave me some hope that there was a good future.’
‘But you had a good future, a good life,’ she said, the amber brown eyes staring back into his. ‘The only thing that made you unhappy was the loss of your son. That would devastate anyone. I bet you were a great dad. Everyone loves you, just like at school.’
‘He was my best friend, Eddie. It was amazing watching him and Amelia grow.’ Ed felt choked up for a moment. ‘I wish I could have seen him have kids and watch them too. You’d have liked him.’
‘You still have Amelia.’
‘It’s like having a third mum. Siobhan being the second one,’ he sighed, then looked at her.
‘Can I see a picture of your son?’ she asked, holding his hand. ‘You don’t mind, do you?’
He reached in his pocket and dug out his phone, flicking through then found one of Eddie when he was eighteen. Handsome and happy, standing against the backdrop of the Mediterranean Sea. Ed handed it over and watched her smile completely fade as she looked back at him.
‘He looks…’ Flora started doing her breathing exercise, gulping hard and widening her eyes. ‘…just like you when you were his age. Oh, my god! I think if I’d have met him then I might have been your daughter in law.’ She let out a laugh and squeezed his hand tightly. ‘That’s if he liked older women.’
Ed noticed she was blinking hard.
He wanted her to stop what she was doing but could see it was a way of her holding it all in. Like his mother said.
‘Will you stay with me tonight?’ she asked, making him smile. ‘I don’t want you to go home. Please stay Ed.’
He didn’t have to reply as his kiss said it all.
‘And you wear a sports bra to bed?’
… Ed asked. Flora returned to the bedroom after brushing her teeth to find the handsome bugger on the mattress. ‘Seriously?’
‘Firstly this isn’t a bed, it’s a mattress. Secondly, no I don’t but I’d prefer it if you didn’t see them. I’m doing this to protect you.’
‘That’s what you’re calling it,’ he laughed and shook his head, lying back and putting his hands behind his head. ‘And it’s the bra without the hooks on the back, I take it.’ She looked down at her slip which was over her bra. ‘Have you got knickers on?’
‘What a thing to ask!’ she said, pretending to be offended. ‘What do you think?’
‘No.’
‘I know you’re a gentlemen and will respect my wishes,’ Flora laughed then examined him before flashing her sensible knickers. Ed smiled. ‘I never thought, when I saw you all those weeks back, you’d be lying on my mattress.’
‘Come lie with me,’ he said, reaching out his hand towards her. ‘Then I can examine your interesting underwear.’
Flora grinned and slipped under the sheet, snuggling up to his side.
‘I might take ages to fall asleep,’ she whispered. ‘I was never good at sleeping when there was someone I didn’t know very well in my bed.’
‘You’ve known me for twenty eight years so I don’t think that’d be a problem.’
‘It took me about six months to settle with Matias. Do you find it hard?’
‘I just fall asleep.’
‘That’s because you’re used to sleeping in different beds.’ Then she hesitated. ‘When was the last time you had someone in your bed?’ There was a deep sigh. ‘I’m just asking.’
‘I don’t want to talk about it.’
‘Are you in a relationship?’ Flora looked up at him noticing the scowl. ‘Is this what you do?’
‘What do you mean? ‘Do’?’
‘You know, have the freedom to jump into bed with someone, not that we’re doing anything wrong.’ Then she thought hard. ‘But we have been kissing. I’d be really upset if I thought I was with someone and they were snogging a middle aged woman in the back of their white van.’
Ed was just looking up at the ceiling.
‘I see, you’re doing that strong silent thing you used to do when we were teenagers. It’s a trick of yours to avoid answering. I read a woman’s magazine, I know the ploy.’ She watched as he smiled. ‘Don’t hurt anyone for me, it’s not worth it.’
He turned his head to look at her, the smile fading.
‘Honestly Ed, I’m really not worth jeopardising a relationship for,’ Flora gulped, looking into those eyes that used to hypnotise her when they were young. ‘What’s it like?’
‘What’s what like?’
‘Having the confidence to have relationships and be with people?’
‘Flora,’ he gently said, pushing her hair away from her face. ‘You seem to have it in your head I’m some lothario.’
‘You’re in my bed in less than half a day. That’s pretty fast.’
‘Do you want me to go slow?’
‘With me, it’s going to have to be at a snail’s pace and I don’t even know if you can get under the shell.’
‘It’ll be easier than prising off your underwear,’ he laughed, his lips moving closer to her mouth. ‘And in your head, I wonder what happened there.’
‘Stuff. I was never that confident and it got better then it didn’t. I thought as you got older it would but I seem to buck the trend.’ Flora lifted up the sheet and looked down. Ed was naked. ‘You, on the other hand, are the opposite.’
‘I don’t wear any clothes in bed.’
‘I can see.’
‘And I want to get us to the stage where you don’t either.’
It was like a spasm, the terror that took over her when she thought about him seeing her naked. Flora knew he’d turn away, pretend it was okay, before probably making an excuse not to see her again.
Then she’d be really heartbroken, disappointed, hurt and, once again, abandoned.
‘Oh my god Flora, why’d you look so upset?’ he asked. Ed’s face was now creased with concern. ‘You can’t be scared of me, you have to trust me. You can if you try. I know it’s been a long time but I won’t let you down.’ Then he grimaced. ‘I really won’t let you down again.’
‘I can’t let you see me naked,’ she gulped, knowing this would blow it for her. ‘It’s not about trust. It’s about me. And sex? I’ll be worried about disappointing you.’
‘This is about me too.’ Ed took her hand and put it to his chest. ‘What if I’m not what you remember? What happens if you’re disappointed with me?’
‘Doubt it,’ she whispered.
Ed kissed her gently on the lips and she felt his tongue glide into her
mouth. Her hands stroked his back and he moved on top of her, gently pressing his body against hers.
She was lost in the kiss and his arms.
If that was as far as she could go, physically, then it would be good enough for her.
Then she wondered if it would be enough for Ed, knowing it probably wouldn’t be.
Slowly, he started to stroke and caress her body as she clung onto him with her mouth. His hands seems to know where to go and what to do.
Flora wondered if it was because she’d not been touched by a man in years her body was being so responsive.
‘Ed,’ she said, parting their lips. ‘I’ve not been with another man since Matias, you do know that don’t you?’ He nodded and kissed her nose. ‘And I really don’t want you to get mad with me if I can’t-.'
‘You have to understand that I want to hold you in my arms and kiss you. I have no expectations of what we’re going to do next. Please don’t talk and kiss me. That’s what I want.’
And she did.
Until her head swirled and she thought she was going to pass out.
Throughout the evening and night, they explored each other’s bodies with their hands and he didn’t touch her breasts or come anyway near them but her bottom half seemed to be his focus.
Now and again his hand would slip under her knickers so he could stroke her arse. Flora liked it and knew if his hand went further forward, he would realise she was getting hot between her thighs.
It crossed her mind whether he was heading that way when he pushed his palm over the front of pubic bone, covered in her knickers then slowly started to move it up and down.
Flora was trying not to say anything.
She was in two minds whether to ask him to stop.
Her eyes opened and he was looking at her.
‘I’m not taking off your knickers. I respect your wishes,’ he said, kissing her neck. ‘And I won’t touch you where you don’t want me to but I wanted to feel your warmth.’
‘Okay,’ she gulped.
‘Does that feel good?’
‘Yes.’
‘Can I keep on doing it?’