Happy Now?

by S M Mala

  He stepped in and closed the door behind him.

  Flora looked at the floor, not wanting to make eye contact. It was obvious she was upset and insanely jealous. That must have been a girl he was seeing.

  ‘Don’t you want to be with your friend?’

  ‘She had to meet someone,’ he said, leaning against the wall. ‘I thought we could still meet up. Is that a problem?’

  Flora didn’t know what to say.

  He was blatantly obvious about her seeing him with someone else.

  Then she wondered if she was the ‘someone else’ and gulped hard.

  ‘The woman is very beautiful, you know the one you were with.’

  ‘I think she’s one of the most beautiful women in the world,’ he said, looking so sincere.

  ‘You’re very lucky.’ Gulping hard, she smiled. ‘You can go. You don’t have to keep my company. I think I got the wrong end of the stick, you see. But it’s okay. This is what happens in modern relationships. I’m just not sure how I fit in with it.’

  Ed stepped closer and she didn’t know where to look.

  ‘Look at me Flora,’ he said, bending down to meet her eyes. ‘You want me to go? I will if that’s what you want.’

  ‘I want you to be happy, that’s all and you can’t be with me. I have faults and she looks perfect!’

  ‘She is.’

  Flora didn’t know what to say and felt her bottom lip tremble so bit it hard.

  There was no point being mean to Ed.

  She hardly knew him and maybe this was all she could have expected.

  ‘But you want me still to leave? Now?’

  ‘I think it’s for the best before it gets out of hand. I asked if you were seeing someone else and you didn’t say, very much like when we first met. Nothing changes, does it? Same old, same old.’ Flora walked to the door, swallowed hard and opened it. ‘You can catch her up if you leave now.’

  ‘I don’t think she’d honestly want me there.’

  Ed walked up behind her and gently pushed it shut before leaning to whisper in her ear,

  ‘That woman is my daughter, so of course she’s beautiful.’

  Flora turned immediately to face him.

  ‘I thought-.’

  ‘You think I’d blatantly flaunt someone else in front of you? I’m not Matias,’ he said and she knew her face was slapped with guilt and shame. ‘And I’m not going anywhere.’ He leant down and kissed her forehead. ‘I don’t want to go and I’m going to have to say this again. You have to go with the flow and I only want to go with this Flo.’

  ‘But-.’

  ‘I want you to be happy too and I know I can do it. Why don’t you let me try?’

  ‘Because you’ll change your mind and walk away.’

  ‘I won’t abandon you.’

  ‘Everyone I love does,’ she said, looking sadly up at him. ‘And I don’t want it to happen again especially not with you.’

  ‘Stop thinking like that,’ he said, pulling her closer. ‘Let it go. Just let it go now and, like I said, just go with the flow.’

  ‘It’s all right for you,’

  … Flora eventually replied. ‘You were always so confident, so sure of yourself and I never was. Everything that’s happening right now makes me unsure. I knew he was up to something when he wanted to get this place decorated after dragging his heels. Then with Paulette being ill and everything else, I can’t think straight.’

  Ed looked at her and could see the confusion on her face. She seemed so lost.

  ‘The kids will be devastated and I know they’ll think it’s my fault he wants to go, or worse, he doesn’t love them. Oh god, Ed! This is awful!’ Flora put her face in her hands. ‘I can’t tell them.’

  He knew what he had to do.

  Stepping forward, he tightly wrapped his arms around her. Her body seemed stiff and inflexible for a few moments before she hugged him back.

  He walked her towards the sofa and sat her down, still holding onto her.

  Flora looked up and before he knew it, she pounced, pushing him backwards. Her lips were on his and she’d put her tongue into his mouth before stopping to kiss him passionately.

  Ed didn’t know what to do.

  Her hands were all over the place and he started to laugh.

  ‘What’s funny?’ she asked, looking down at him, her hair falling into his face.

  ‘About five minutes ago you thought I was seeing my daughter and now you’re accosting me.’

  ‘Is there a problem?’

  ‘Certainly not,’ Ed placed his hands on her arse. ‘Carry on.’

  ‘Can we go upstairs?’

  He laughed.

  ‘Have I said something else funny?’ Flora frowned, kissing his nose. ‘Why did you head for my breasts on Monday when I told you I didn’t want you to touch them?’

  ‘To see if it was uncomfortable for you,’ he smiled, knowing she was turned on. The noises she made when he put his mouth on her bra reminded him of how she was all those years ago. ‘I thought maybe through the material would be okay. It was okay, wasn’t it?’

  ‘Let’s go to bed.’

  Flora got up, taking his hand and pulling him to his feet. They slowly mounted the stairs and she took him into her bedroom.

  ‘No bed yet?’ he asked, pulling off his t-shirt and unbuttoning his jeans then kicking off his trainers. ‘You like sleeping on the floor?’

  ‘It’s on the mattress and I don’t know what to get so I’ll make do.’

  He watched Flora pull off her top and trousers before standing in her sports bra and large matching pants.

  She looked every inch a woman and he wanted to jump on her.

  ‘Here’s the deal,’ she said, flopping back onto the mattress. ‘The bra stays on.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said, taking off his underwear and looking down at her. She grinned when examining his bollocks. ‘But can I touch you through the material?’

  ‘Yes.’ She looked hesitant. ‘But you can’t look at the skin underneath, not yet.’

  ‘Yet? That’s a good sign.’

  He slowly bent down and lay next to her. She stroked his side and then rested her hand on his hips.

  ‘I want to see how far we can go without me getting worried,’ she whispered, her other hand cupping his chin. ‘I’ve not gone all the way since before I was ill and maybe my hymen has grown back. It’s a big responsibility.’

  ‘I was lucky enough to take your virginity once,’ he gulped stroking her side and then placing his hand on her arse. ‘I’m happy enough to do it again.’

  ‘Slowly.’

  ‘I’ll go as slow as I possibly can.’

  ‘You do know what ‘slow’ means?’

  … she laughed as he yanked off her knickers. ‘Ed, you need to take your time.’

  ‘I will,’ he said. She could hear his panting and feel his breath on her neck. ‘I’ve got some protection.’

  ‘Protection?’ she said, pushing him away. ‘Oh, you mean condoms. Were you planning something?’ Flora was trying not to grin. ‘I haven’t got any protection other than I can’t get pregnant due to the chemo so we’re safe.’

  Flora heard his breathing stop.

  Ed looked up at her.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ she asked, noticing his pained expression. ‘Ed?’

  ‘Nothing,’ he said but she knew he was lying.

  ‘Have I put you off?’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he replied and started to look genuinely upset. ‘I can’t imagine what it’s been like for you.’

  ‘Edward.’ Flora cupped his cheek in her hand. ‘Don’t be sad. It’s okay. I didn’t want any more kids so it’s easier than getting my tubes tied or having a coil put in. You know Gaynor lost one up her fanny? Must be bigger than Faith’s and that’s saying something.’

  The kiss surprised her.

  It was loving and very long.

  All the while he looked into her eyes and she saw something she’d only ever experienced with Ed.


  He looked like he genuinely cared.

  Flora knew she’d have to show him she cared the only way Ed would understand.

  But she still wasn’t going to let him see her boobs.

  ‘You can do anything you want to me,’ she whispered, pulling away as he rested his forehead against hers. ‘Other than take off my bra, put it up my arse or come in my mouth. And choking, I don’t like the idea of it. Faith told me it heightens things. I think it’s just an excuse to strangle someone.’

  ‘I don’t want it up the arse and no choking,’ he grinned back. ‘I don’t wear a bra and I want you to come in my mouth again and again.’

  ‘Oh dear,’ she said, feeling a throb between her legs. ‘I think I’ve just come now.’

  ‘Are you sure about this? I know you were adamant a few weeks ago about not going all the way.’

  ‘If I don’t with you then I’ll never do it with anyone else, will I?’

  ‘Sit up,’ he said and she wondered what she was up to but did as she was told.

  He made her brace her back against the wall and then realised the evening light was coming through.

  ‘I should have shut the blinds,’ she said, going to do it but was pushed back.

  ‘You don’t want me to see your breasts but you need to know I want to see all of you, eventually. And we have to start somewhere.’

  Ed kissed her and put his hand on her waist. She wondered what he was going to do. He was on his knees and then she felt his hand move towards her pubic bone. Flora couldn’t breathe in her stomach to flatten it out in time but he’d glided between her legs.

  She opened her thighs and felt him tease her lips before using his middle finger to find her nub.

  Pulling his mouth away he whispered,

  ‘Open your legs.’

  That’s when she realised her fanny was another part of her body she didn’t want anyone to see in broad daylight, not at her age.

  But slowly she did as he gently massaged her, his head now kissing her throat. Her head was rested against the wall and she looked down at the back of his head, unable to see what he was looking at.

  Then the hot breath penetrated her bra and she felt his mouth on her nipple.

  ‘Oh,’ she groaned, loving the intensity. His fingers started to move a little faster as did his sucking of her skin through the cloth. ‘Oh my word!’

  Her thighs started to get taut when she spread them even wider and his fingers rubbed her very quickly.

  ‘Yes,’ she said, knowing she was on the verge of coming.

  All she could think about was her orgasm and the need for him to screw her senseless.

  Then it happened.

  She came, groaning so loudly, grabbing his head and burying it into her breasts.

  ‘Fuck me,’ she said, not knowing how it came out of her mouth.

  She rarely used words like that but was overcome with her orgasm. Flora didn’t know if it was down to his fingers or mouth that made it happen.

  Ed kissed her and moved towards his jeans, pulling out his wallet and a condom. She grabbed it out of his hand and rolled it down his rather engorged willy then looked up at him.

  Pulling her up onto his lap, they both watched her hips move down.

  Flora felt tight but knew she was very wet but he guided her slowly up and down. Then he thrust in hard and she fell forward into his arms.

  Her eyes were watering due to the shock but he was gently moving her up and down his shaft, holding onto her hips as she tried to make herself lighter than she was.

  Their lips met and his tongue fired off every sense in her body.

  Moving slowly, he then picked up speed.

  She looked at his lips, very full and pink before meeting his eyes.

  Then he smiled and held her very tightly at he started to go faster.

  The speed was making her buckle and she groaned into his ear before he turned her quickly on her back, grabbing her breast in one hand and her arse in the other. Her mouth was covered with his, their tongues pushing and rolling against each other.

  He came.

  Groaning and vibrating into her mouth and body.

  Flora grinned through her kiss.

  She’d had sex again.

  And this time, with a man who did it with her the first time.

  Ed.

  ‘Was it okay?’

  … she asked for the umpteenth time as he lay back with his eyes closed and grinned. ‘You’d tell me, wouldn’t you?’

  He wasn’t quite sure how he was going to put it into words.

  Ed hadn’t spoken since they made love.

  All he was doing was trying to catch his breath and regulate his heartbeat.

  ‘You think it was funny?’ Flora whispered. ‘Ed, will you say something.’ Opening his eyes, he saw her scowl, her face flushed. ‘Why aren’t you talking? I don’t like the mean and moody treatment all the time.’

  ‘It’s strong and silent. I’m trying to savour the moment which is turning out to be very difficult.’

  ‘Tell me.’

  Flora rested her chin on his chest and looked up.

  ‘It was nice,’ he said quietly, watching her grimace. ‘Very nice indeed.’

  ‘Nice,’ she repeated and he could hear she sounded disappointed. ‘That’s okay. I suppose you’re used to better.’

  ‘Flora.’

  ‘I know. Don’t think too hard, go with the flow, I get it.’ A deep sigh followed the statement. ‘I thought it was amazing but I’ve probably got low expectations. You’re probably shit in bed and I don’t know any better after all this time.’

  ‘Why you cheeky-.’

  Ed tried hard not to laugh. He grabbed her arms and pulled her closer to his face.

  ‘Stop being mean. I’m not shit in bed,’ he said, smiling up at her. ‘It was amazing.’

  ‘You’re just saying that because I said it and now you don’t want to hurt my feelings,’ she mumbled back, looking at the wall. ‘It’ll get better.’

  ‘You want to do this again?’

  ‘Don’t you?’

  ‘Again and again,’ Ed sighed and stroked her hair. ‘It was more than amazing, you do know that? It was fulfilling.’

  ‘Like a nice pie or pudding?’ She smiled and kissed him on the lips. ‘Ed?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘I like you.’ Flora’s smile started to slip. ‘Tell me when it’s going to be over. I don’t want an awful surprise. It’s okay, I’ll understand.’

  ‘Flo, you’re very silly, you do know that?’ he said, wishing he could tell her something to make her realise that was the last thing on his mind.

  But he’d leave that to another time, when he was doubly sure she’d believe him.

  They ate dinner and listened to music.

  He didn’t even know what she liked and smiled that it wasn’t too different from his taste.

  Then it went silent.

  They hadn’t spoken, just spent the time looking at each other.

  Flora was tracing his face with her finger. All Ed had on was his underpants and she’d flung a slip over her bra, which was firmly in place.

  Right now, she looked no different from when she was a teenager. Same inquisitive stare, identical lips and the smile he’d thought about so much.

  But she was sitting beside him and in his arms.

  ‘Are we going out with each other?’ she asked and he could see Flora was ticking something over. ‘Or is it casual?’

  He wasn’t going to answer.

  ‘Whatever you want to do is fine,’ she smiled. ‘I don’t mind.’

  Ed just grinned.

  ‘Okay, I do mind the casual part but if that’s what you do, then what can I say?’

  He shook his head from side to side.

  ‘What does that mean?’ Flora blinked at him and pulled her fingers away. He grabbed them and put them to his chest. ‘I wish you’d talk more.’

  ‘I like hearing you think out loud. You need some reassuran
ce, don’t you?’

  ‘It would be nice.’ Flora kissed his nose and grinned. ‘Nice, like having sex with me.’

  ‘Flo, I recently had a messy divorce and quite a few relationships. I’m not sure what you want from me,’ he said, letting out a sigh, knowing what he wanted.

  ‘I just want you to want me,’ she said then shrugged her shoulders. ‘And to be happy.’

  The message in her sketchbook came straight into his head.

  ‘I wanted you then and I want you now. Even from when I laid eyes on you weeks back. So many things have changed and, then again, nothing at all,’ she whispered.

  Flora closed her eyes very tightly then opened them back up.

  ‘I have to tell you something. You don’t have to reply. It’s okay, I’ll understand.’

  ‘You’ve said that a lot.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘It’s okay. I’ll understand. What’s okay and what will you understand?’

  ‘If you change your mind.’

  He let out a disgruntled sigh.

  ‘I have to let things out so Paulette says. I know this will be too much for you and I understand if you run away. It’s okay.’ She seemed pained on saying whatever it was and held her breath, the breathing exercise taking over.

  ‘You have to stop doing that thing.’

  ‘I mustn’t cry.’ She stopped and looked at him. He couldn’t fathom out what was going on in her head. ‘I like you a lot.’

  ‘Okay,’ he said nodding. ‘I’m happy that you do.’

  Flora then leapt to her feet, startling him.

  ‘I’ve just lied to you,’ she said, clenching her hands. ‘I know you have to take every opportunity you can just in case it never comes back again. I realised that when I was ill and after you never showed up that night.’

  Ed sat at the edge of his seat seeing her face scrunch up.

  ‘I know that sounds pretty stupid, considering you’re so laid back and silent and, I don’t know.’

  ‘What’s on your mind?’

  ‘I’m still in love with you.’ She closed her eyes and his heart felt like it was going to leap out of his chest. There was strange haze in his head at the same time. ‘That might cause a bit of a problem when we eventually split. I don’t want you to feel trapped as it’s early days.’