Last Letters

by Helmuth Caspar von Moltke

  So, my love, I’ll stop now. I’m well. Farewell, my dear love. May the Lord watch over you. J.

  1. From Romans 8:26.

  2. Steengracht, a committed Nazi, had no ties to the Kreisau Circle.

  3. Helmuth’s father married thirty-five-year-old Anne Marie Altenberg in late 1937 after the death of his first wife, Dorothy, in 1935; Annie was not accepted by the children of his first marriage. When Helmuth’s father died in 1939, a court dispute ensued, with a ruling in favor of Dorothy’s children. The second wife was dubbed “Pension Annie” because her demands to the family were supplanted by a pension.

  4. Wilhelm Viggo had gone to America with Helmuth’s support, which, for the National Socialists, meant that he had “defected.”

  FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, NOVEMBER 16, 1944

  Thursday afternoon

  My dear love, what terrible weather. I wonder if it’s really getting on your nerves in your cell, my dearest. I’ve done a lot of splashing about in the mud, but luckily with little galoshes on and so I’m dry down below. Even so, I don’t feel very comfortable, and when the body is weak—it’s not an illness, just weakness—the poor soul is far more vulnerable to dangers than otherwise. I already know this, but you know that the best knowledge is of no use. On days like these, my life without you at my side seems terribly dismal, and I regard myself as ill equipped for the task of continuing to live with you even though you have hurried on ahead of me. It’s not overwhelming, but it’s there, and I already know that I don’t start to feel better until I’m sitting on the bench with the friends. They are the only ones who know my life, our life, so I’m safe and secure with them. I’m writing you this, but it needn’t weigh on your mind. You know that it can’t always go easily; I’m just telling you about it.

  What should I tell you about Freisler? He was very friendly as well, but he doesn’t want Dix, and he explained that everything having to do with the 20th should remain within as small a circle of attorneys as possible. If Dix were on the People’s Court list as a public defender, he said, then it would be acceptable, even if he had himself added to the list, but understandably Dix doesn’t want that, because then he’d have no time left for his private clients. So: no. Then I tried to get on his good side, but even if I managed to do so, it’s of no use. I know him. He’s a dangerously erratic man, but somewhere in there he is also human, although he’s one to constantly playact and is said to be phenomenally smart as well. A very dangerous man, but only in certain circumstances. At any rate, instilling respect in him really matters for his verdict. I’m well aware that Carl Viggo [von Moltke] wasn’t able to make any headway with him. He told me that there are also acquittals; Bismarck was acquitted. A judge, he added, must never convict wrongfully, and other platitudes of that sort. So it wasn’t unpleasant, but it didn’t accomplish anything. Afterward I spoke to the councillor1 again and didn’t hear anything new, but his whole manner suggested that he truly intended the recent advice he gave about Attorney Weismann as good advice. He’s not wickedness personified. There’s no such thing. They worship their Baal with an absolutely clear conscience and full of conviction.—So I took Hercher and went to see him at 10 and had a very good impression of him. He will do everything he can to help you. He won’t stab you in the back. He’s spirited—the kind of person you meet in Berlin—and elderly, but not the least bit crotchety. He is without question a respectable old man and a decent one. You can work with someone like this. He has a sense of human probity. In short, I liked him. I don’t know yet when he’ll be able to come to you. His schedule is awfully crowded next week, and even though the president of the court said that he would be coming to see you in the next few days, that’s not correct. He can’t come to see you until the trial date has been set, usually two to three days in advance, but I’ll see to it that he makes it the week after next; after all, I have the president’s word on that.

  I would like to have the strength for the coming weeks. I would like, my dearest, not to miss the precious days. I would rather endure distress and suffering and have to struggle, yet be able to stand by your side and be as close to you as possible for the final weeks and days. May God help us do so. It won’t work without His help. I’m sending you a tender embrace, my Jäm, and I am and will forever remain, full of love, your P.

  1. Thiele.

  FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, NOVEMBER 17, 1944

  Friday afternoon

  My dear love, I just got a call. Freisler didn’t leave, as he’d intended to. The trial may be sooner than expected after all, because he’d planned to be away for six days. I called up the court right away, but no one is there anymore. So tomorrow I won’t be going at 8 but will wait until 10:30 because I have to have the information, and if I’m not certain that next week things will remain calm, I don’t know whether I’ll be chasing after Steengracht tomorrow to find out how far along he is in this matter. I’ll spend the day of the trial alone. I don’t want to be distracted. I’ll see if I can get Hercher to call me up right away when the judgment is rendered, so my thoughts and my prayers can be with you afterward. You shouldn’t think about me anymore, but I should be thinking about you. The only people I could see on that day are the Poelchaus. I think I shouldn’t make any attempt to come to the superior court. The sight of me could only distract you, and it is highly unlikely that I’d see you at all or you’d see me. For that to happen, I would have to do a careful study of the premises and the question of whether you would be coming to the courtroom by way of the corridor or directly. I can find that out from the secretary in the attorney’s chamber; she’s nice, and I know her from Reichwein. I’d like to have your opinion on this. As I wrote you yesterday, Councillor Thiele told me, “I’ve been to every trial so far. A person’s demeanor and comportment are all that is needed to reveal guilt or innocence.” I’m sure that your inward composure is critical not only for yourself but in every respect. I don’t think, of course, that the trial is merely a comedy; tragedy is more appropriate. At least your composure is important for how the case proceeds. I’m so glad that you are taking a firm line, and that this line is a bold one. That makes it easier to keep your composure. My Jäm, I’m not ambitious on your behalf; the gravity of this day is hard for me to fathom. But I have faith that you will weather it well. I’m asking God to give you strength and power and serenity, Moltke serenity. In the end, they can take nothing from you but your life! Whether you lose it at the age of thirty-eight or forty-six is of lesser importance than that you die a rich man: you know the whys and wherefores; you will die in the faith that you are dying after a brief and beautiful life. You will leave me stronger, you yourself were able to help get me this way, you know that life basically comes easily to me; and we both know that we will never lose each other because our love unites us forever. All hells and all torments, all tears and all sorrow can do nothing to change that: “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.”1 Do you find that so comforting and so beautiful too, or is it beautiful only for me?—My Jäm, at Christmastime you’ll still be quite close to me, and then you’ll really have to help me, because otherwise it will get too hard. So, my beloved love, now I’m heading to the friends. On the way I’ll pick up another letter from Mütterchen Deichmann. When Haus called earlier, I was really happy that this nice man was here again. But next week he’s going to Godesberg again. I want to ask Jowo [von Moltke]2 in any case; maybe Haus will be there too. But most important, the Poelchaus are there.—Poelchau wisely said I might as well go to Kreisau at 8. Dorothee [Poelchau] will make the telephone calls, and if the information turns out to be very unsettling—which none of us assumes—I will be informed. Poelchau doesn’t think it will go that quickly.—I feel dumbstruck about your interrogation! I’m not upset about it, but it certainly is astounding. I didn’t think that such evil individuals actually exist!3 I need to give some more thought to Steengracht. But I didn’t think that was possible either. I hope you were able to explain that clearly to the interrogat
or. It seems to me that my second letter was taken the wrong way, but we can’t really know that either. In any case, they see you in a totally wrong light, and that almost upsets me.—My dear, and yet it is all Kappes,4 and we fortunate people know what counts. My dear, my love is abundant. May God watch over you, my love, watch over us. I am and will forever remain your P.

  1. In Freya’s letter of November 14, 1944, she refers to this passage from 1 John 4:18.

  2. Helmuth’s brother Joachim Wolfgang stood by to help Freya and Helmuth at any time during these months.

  3. Freya refers to the apparent false accusations Helmuth had been questioned about by the Gestapo; see Helmuth’s letter of November 15–16, 1944.

  4. Rheinland slang for “nonsense.”

  HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, NOVEMBER 19, 1944 [OFFICIAL LETTER]

  Berlin-Tegel prison, 19 Nov 44

  My dear, last week there was no letter from you,1 so now I’m hoping for the first days of the new week. But, my dear, how happy I was to be able to discuss the most important matters at least with you, and to be of at least a bit of help to all of you. The issue of the fertilizer really worries me, of course, because there is only the choice between reducing the intensity of the entire operation or taking a considerable risk in the grain harvest. But I think we have to choose the second course. We just have to hope that the weather helps us and that we’ll have enough laborers to work the fields and make up somewhat for the lack of fertilizer.

  Overall, I’m continuing to do well. My feet got wet from my worn-out shoes and I caught a cold, which has been traveling through me and at the moment has taken on the form of lumbago after gracing my head and throat. But it’s not bad at all, and I’ll be over it in a few days; I’m mentioning it only for the sake of full disclosure. Apart from that, my body and soul are healthy and in balance.

  The days fly by like a storm; they’re so short because we stay in bed for so long and sleep so very much. Today begins my eleventh month of detention, and a year ago was the last time I came home for three peaceful days. Asta [Wendland] was in the hospital, and before I arrived in Berlin on the morning of the 23rd, Derfflingerstrasse2 and Tirpitzufer3 had burned down, and after that there was only an indescribably great amount of work—though it was a success—until Jan. 19,4 when the great calm set in.

  When you went back to Kreisau, did you find that all was well and in order? November and early December are always our treacherous time of the year, in which everything tends to go awry, and with the constant rain that certainly poses a danger. But I hope Frau Pick will take good care of your sons. In the late winter it won’t be so bad anymore. Did you get fruit trees this fall? What is the situation with chopping wood this year? It would be best if Zeumer could finish up the front part of the wooded areas between the fields, but would need to plant there for the spring. Are you still able to get plants? It would be absolutely essential to finish that; it’s just that it would conflict horribly in the spring with the necessity for the most intensive field work and cultivating the winter seeds. The less you’re able to accomplish with fertilizer, the more you have to hoe.

  My love, the sheet of paper is used up. I’m leaving a mountain of work and responsibility to you. Don’t let anything get to you; stay confident and joyful. J.

  1. A statement meant to mislead the censor. Freya and Helmuth had to make use of the authorization of a weekly official letter in order to avoid raising suspicions about their secret correspondence.

  2. Helmuth’s apartment in Berlin.

  3. The seat of several ministries and high commands; Helmuth also had his office there until November 1943, when his department was relocated to Lansstrasse.

  4. The day of his arrest.

  HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, NOVEMBER 19, 1944

  Tegel, 19 Nov 44

  My dear, don’t come to the Superior Court.1 A farewell glance would not make us happy: if we miss each other, you’ll be unhappy; if I see you, I won’t know whether that will give me strength for the trial. I sense that I’ll be most secure if I put everything behind me beforehand and just gear up for this battle and its consequences. A backward glance can be dangerous under these circumstances.—Stay home in peace and quiet, or at the Poelchaus’; support your husband with deep serenity. Don’t get distracted that day, and don’t go running all over the place unless an extraordinary situation should crop up. But on the whole, this is where things stand: anything that hasn’t been prepared by then won’t be effective anymore.

  This morning, my love, when the rising bell died away at 6:30, I thought of you all with great tenderness, the way all three of you were now probably lying together in your bed. What a lovely image that was. I hope you’re finding that all is well at home. A year ago today was the last time I came home feeling truly at peace, because the shock about Asta [Wendland] was already fading.2 On the 21st the three of us were in the hospital, and on the evening of the 22nd we were both in Breslau, where I spent the night; when I got to Berlin at 11, Derfflingerstr. was burned down. What a year for my Pim, and how well she has weathered it. May the Lord keep you in His grace, so that you withstand everything that lies ahead with the feeling that you are in His blessed light.

  I feel quite ready for the journey ahead. But that doesn’t change the fact that dying doesn’t come easily to me, nor should it; but the odd thing is that each time I prepare myself for it again, it gets harder for me to take my leave. It’s like screwing in and unscrewing a wood screw again and again and making the hole somewhat looser, so that when you screw it in again, you have to screw it one rotation deeper, which gets harder every time. It doesn’t matter, and I don’t put any stock in it; it’s also a sign that the will to live, which I need for the trial, is there; I just want you to know that this is not the kind of thing one gets used to. For Stauffenberg, and for Peter [Yorck], it was much easier: speed is a relief.3 Nevertheless, I’m grateful for every day, and if I still have to be at Prinz-Albrecht-Str. after my conviction, I’ll enjoy every day there as well, there is no doubt about it, but a quick death after the sentence is an act of charity. I don’t know whether that is an absolute principle or whether it’s a function of age; it’s certainly not an individual matter; I get the impression that only very young people—those up to the age of twenty-one or twenty-five—have a much easier time dying; the older you are, the harder it gets.

  Yes, Christmas worries me too, if I were just recently dead. Think about whether one of the women would be able to bribe Herr Thiele. He’s definitely open to bribery. Maybe he can shift the trial until after Christmas. After all, Christmas would be easier for you if I were still alive.

  Farewell, my love. You know my thoughts, and so I needn’t say more. J.

  1. At times the People’s Court convened at the Superior Court.

  2. Asta had had a stillbirth.

  3. Stauffenberg was executed on the very day of his attempted assassination of Hitler; Peter Yorck was executed on August 8, 1944.

  HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, NOVEMBER 21, 1944

  Tegel, 21 Nov 44

  My dear love, I’m a little listless today. It’s not too bad; it’s a mixture of a bit of leeriness, a bit of a cold, a bit of stress from the darkness in the cell and the constant wind outside. I guess that’s the way it has to be. At the same time, it’s nothing worth fighting off in any serious way; it’s on too silly a level. This afternoon I won’t be writing;1 I’ll just let them handcuff me and I’ll read the two books in the hope that by the time the evening comes, this feeling will have passed. It’s probably also because right now I am waiting for the interrogations, which I’m anticipating with some concern, and have to prepare myself for the prospect of being brought to Prinz-Albrecht-Str. for this purpose.2 This should not, of course, weigh on me, since I’m ultimately resting in God’s blessed light at Prinz-Albrecht-Str. as well, but “how difficult it is for flesh and blood to strive for the eternal good.”3 I’m telling you this only for the sake of truthfulness in my reporting.

 
I’ve been spending these days—Monday, that is—just whiling away the time, feeling lackluster, with no particularly nice thoughts in mind, and really frittered away the day. Since I’ve been working seriously on my defense, every now and then I end up spending many hours on this garbage, unfortunately. But I feel that I need to do it and prepare, at least in the technical matters, all that can be prepared. It’s just that it’s wrong to devote so much time to these things in the few days that I am likely to have left to me.

  This is not a lovely letter, my dear love, and you actually deserve a very lovely one on the occasion of your return. But even though I’m listless, I love you very very much, my dearest heart, my part of myself, whom I won’t be leaving whether I live or die. J.