My dear, once again, something practical has occurred to me: It is possible that the hyenas2 who want to snatch up the loot will show up in Kreisau before you, since you might wind up being detained here. You have to give Asta [Wendland] and Zeumer clear instructions for this day, explaining that the Berghaus does not belong to me and that the items in the Berghaus don’t belong to me either, so the people have no business being there. Asta has to stay in Kreisau after my sentence until you come, because Ulla [Oldenbourg] can’t defend the house on her own. She’ll simply have to do without her Wend [Wendland] at that time. Once they’ve emptied out the pantry and surrounded the rest of the house, it’ll be hard to do anything. Asta has to stand up to them and say, “I’m a co-owner, I’m a co-owner,”3 and Zeumer has to support her in that.
13 Dec 44
Imagine, my dear, Poelchau, who was just here, showed up unexpectedly. I had an enormous desire to write to you, looked at the angel standing in front of me, and he said: No, because otherwise you’ll ruin your evening, when it’s so much better to write. And then Poelchau came.—My love, the main sensation is that our trial will apparently be not on the 19th or 20th, but on the 19th and 20th. Should that prove to be true, as I hardly dare hope, that will offer us an opportunity, because it means that Freisler will hear us out. If that is true, it’s probably a result of my written plea. Still, I’m happy that news like this doesn’t set me in upward motion;4 I just need to be able to bear in mind always: “My times are in Thy hand.” My mind and my faith are both telling me so, yet it’s certainly not easy to remain aware of it all the time. The creature that we are is definitely despicable.
My love, your “laundry exchange” was splendid today. The footmuff keeps me exquisitely warm, the chocolate candies are simply heavenly, I hope you ate some too, and the little card very sweet. I’ve likely now got everything I’ll need for the rest of my life. Don’t bring me anything else on Monday, not even coffee, because I have to sleep well on Monday night. I don’t need any more clothing either, not even long underwear.
Now I come to Christmas again, under the assumption that the trial is on. There are three possible decisions: death sentence, no death sentence, postponement. You’ll leave if there is a postponement, or no death sentence, or a death sentence that is carried out. That is quite clear. The problem arises only if the outcome is a death sentence that will not be carried out before Christmas. If this is the case, you should, I think, go home at midday on the 23rd, and be back here on the 27th. If this state of uncertainty drags on for an extended period of time, let’s say past January 6, without a decision and without my reappearing anywhere, and it is clear that there is nothing more you can do, and the situation only torments you, you should go home. If I haven’t been executed by the 21st, make sure to get through to me on the 22nd. By then I’ll need some fresh clothing and some food. You’ll surely be able to do so, even at Prinz-Albrecht-Strasse.—You’ll have to set up a grapevine regarding my execution so that in any event you can find out about it right away. I’d like to assume that if I remain in Gestapo custody, Neuhaus or Lange5 will be in charge of me, and Müller in any case. If I’m to be incarcerated by the judicial system, I’ll probably be brought to Tegel, but however that works out, my location won’t remain hidden for long.—So if I’m kept in custody, I’ll try to get us a face-to-face meeting, and you can try to exchange my laundry—just a little at a time.
Claus was very happy about the bacon. I told him he would have received a Christmas package, but because I would now be away and my wife didn’t feel like coming back here after my departure, this gift came offhandedly. Claus is really afraid for us. He was even more agitated about our trial than we are and quite pale. “It would ruin my whole Christmas if you didn’t come through.” He’s also very unhappy that he probably won’t have the section next week because he has to do the night shift, and that’s why he can’t see us off at noon.
At this time I’m not trembling at the thought of the trial at all; I’m actually glad that we have now survived this period. I think a postponement would be rather unpleasant for me now, even though I’d be pleased about it in some respects. But all the earlier times that I thought the trial was just around the corner I was afraid and was constantly at risk of succumbing to panic that this or that step had to be taken beforehand, while there was still time. That’s all gone now. I can only keep praying that I can hold on to this sense of security.
My love, on Tuesday we’ll read the Passion from the Gospel of John together, as well as the magnificent twenty-first chapter, which says: both are disciples: the one who follows him to the cross, and the one who doesn’t need to follow. And on Wednesday we’ll read Ascension and Pentecost. And on Tuesday you’ll read for me the story where Balaam is summoned to curse, but instead has to bless.6 I’m not in a martyr-like frame of mind, not a bit, but I now understand that it was not so incredible that the early Christian martyrs sang as they were thrown to wild animals to be torn apart. It really is quite a bit easier to comply with something like this in song than to grumble. But whether one sings or grumbles is an act of grace and not something that one can will. However, this can’t actually be understood by people who aren’t in a similar situation or at least able to bear witness to it.
Whatever will the little sons say about these things one day? Will they understand these kinds of problems? Will they learn something from our efforts? They will indeed in any case, because after the experience of these three months you will raise them differently from the way you would have without these three months. That is quite certain, as long as they come to grasp the underlying causes. I sometimes think about whether our little sons will read these letters and understand them someday. Do you know what important thing we’re still missing: the awareness of belonging to a visible church. We’re still too individualistic in these matters. Maybe that, too, will come in time, and if it does, the institution of the church will also flourish once again.
Another thing occurs to me. I’d like to bring honey to the Prinz-Albrecht-Strasse, but I’m not allowed to take glass or metal to the Prinz-Albrecht-Str. Maybe you can get hold of a jam jar made of papier-mâché (is that the way it’s spelled?)? My liniment will also be used up by then, and I need to ask you to get me another bottle. I’ll then repour it into prison containers and hope that the Prinz-Albrecht-Str. permits me to have it. As it is, I may well find that on Tuesday evening I’ll have racking pains from standing so long and will have to be on my toes again on Wednesday. For it is completely clear that I will have to fight the main part of the battle: if I ride it out, it will be half won for the others, even if they kill me; if I let them get the best of me, it will be all over for the others, and the positions of Carl Dietrich [von Trotha], Einsiedel, and Husen, etc. will be in jeopardy.
My love, I’ll stop now, because all I can say is the same thing again and again. May the Lord watch over you and us, or, as has been said for thousands of years: “The Lord bless thee, and keep thee: The Lord make his face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee: The Lord lift up his countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.”7 J.
1. Presumably Helmuth’s letter of October 1, 1944.
2. The reference is to the members of the Gestapo after a seizure of assets.
3. Helmuth had inherited the Berghaus jointly with his siblings, as separately held assets.
4. Helmuth is referring to the upper emotional registers in which he experiences hope; see his letter of October 30–31, 1944, where he writes that he prefers to have his mind “way down deep, but on bedrock.”
5. See Helmuth’s letter of September 30, 1944, notes 14 and 15.
6. Numbers 4:22–25.
7. Numbers 6:24–26.
FREYA TO HELMUTH JAMES, DECEMBER 14, 1944
Thursday morning
My dear love, I’m at the friends’ home and I slept wonderfully. I enjoy your letters incredibly. They’re so lovely, and like conversations. It takes quite a long time to read them, and I keep
finding new things. Yes, my dear, dear love, we really can’t write each other any more farewell letters; there is nothing more to say but the same things again and again, and both of us are eager to hear them again and again. May the dear Lord help us to live out what we have experienced. It will not work out without Him, but I’m full of confidence in His help, just as you are.
What are you writing, my love, about claims surrounding Christmas? That is all nonsense. I belong to you. As far as I can, I will go with you along the path you must travel. I almost have to laugh when you worry about my Christmas. I’m of no interest whatsoever here. The relatively happiest Christmas would be celebrated close to you, but of course the little sons have to be taken into account, and I have to go to them, if at all possible, on the 24th—and only on the 24th. All the other days are of lesser importance. I’ll come again as soon as possible after the 24th, if the case is going in a way that makes this the right thing to do—and your description of the options is so right.
So, my dearest, now you need another report. The exchange of laundry was nice. I’m so at home in your building there! It’s strange how homey even prisons can become. The waiting room, Poelchau’s room, the warden’s room, and across the way, Gissel’s room, where I always hand over the items; these rooms are very dear to me. The place behind the door leads to you, and every clank of that door connects me to you a little. I always have a little urge to run over and look up to see whether I can spot you, and I keep on seeing you as we saw each other for the first time, going up the stairs there and turning around to me. I talked to Gissel about picking up my belongings. I mean: I’ll come again on Monday, but I’ll leave those things there for now. I’m still hoping that things may work out without Prinz-Albrecht-Str., right from “home.” You ought to have all the little conveniences as long as possible. They are already part of your inventory in “25.”1
I got to Steengracht too late, because early in the morning, Fraulein Schellhase had made me wait in vain for thirty minutes, so I fell behind. When I was at your place, I didn’t rush at any point; I took my time talking to Gissel, which was more important to me. As a result, I had to wait at Steengracht’s, and spent the time writing to Mütterchen Deichmann. I’ll have a connection to her again now that Haus has an office in Godesberg. Steengracht was friendly, cordial, and full of sympathy for me. He’s turned the petition over in his mind again and again, and is totally willing to do whatever would be most beneficial for you. But he was not in favor of the route from the Foreign Office to Himmler. He thought that if Himmler received the same petition, which was not addressed to him, so often it might have an adverse effect. He felt that if I do this, it would be better to go by way of Keitel, because there is a clear line of authority; he also thought that I myself ought to write a few words to Himmler again and discuss the possibility of sending it with Müller, and that I ought to find out what Uncle Peter [von Moltke] accomplished in his inquiry. Evidently Hewel said: Yes, but I definitely have to wait for a good moment. Steengracht did not know whether that had occurred. But he felt that if it still hadn’t, one should withdraw the petition. That’s how it went. Does that disappoint you?
The secret message transaction2 hasn’t gotten very far. It’s written—Frau Breslauer is in Munich, but I have her typewriter—and today Eugen [Gerstenmaier] and Delp are getting it, but it strikes me as somewhat extensive for Reisert and Sperr. Haubach is likely to get it, but I first have to see whether Steltzer’s old friend is willing to accept it this morning. I’m a little afraid of being careless at the last minute. Frau Reisert isn’t coming back from Bavaria until later today. Apparently Carl Dietrich [von Trotha] and Einsiedel also looked it over last night. Today at 1 I hope to meet with Peters.3 I think that’s the most important part. I’ve yet to deal with the propaganda.
Claus and Gissel will get a Christmas package in any case. Gissel is also afraid of the trial. Yes, I knew that two days are scheduled.
Stay calm, my beloved Jäm, my great unlosable love, my love. Tomorrow, I think, I’ll be visiting you! You know how much I belong to you: I am and will forever remain your P.
1. Helmuth’s cell number, no. 325, on official correspondence.
2. See Helmuth’s letter of December 10–12, 1944.
3. Hans Peters, who was willing to go and see Freisler. See Helmuth’s letter of December 10, 1944, in Helmuth James and Freya von Moltke, Abschiedsbriefe Gefängnis Tegel: September 1944–January 1945 (Munich: C. H. Beck, 2011), 301.
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, DECEMBER 14, 1944
Tegel, 14 Dec 1944
My dear, the most important thing as far as I’m concerned is that on the day or days of the trial you and Ulla [Oldenbourg] and everyone willing and able will pray for me. No matter how things turn out, I’d like to have the feeling of being held close during these hours; that is incredibly important to me, because so endlessly much depends on my not growing weak, and not only for me. Think of the parable of the pleading widow.1 It will surely go according to God’s will, but perhaps—no, definitely—He wants to be asked. I’m not talking about the outcome here but rather about the process. I have to succeed in cutting through the first thrust of the offensive like a breakwater so that they don’t have any desire to stir our pot anymore, because that will spill over onto too many others. They mustn’t be able to surmise any further knowledge on my part either.—I’m not nervous at the moment, and am praying for the Lord to keep me in this state and let me withstand the trial in this state, but I really cannot get nervous.—My love, I have so many reasons not only to be grateful but also to look to the trial with trust in God. Now that I think about it, I have had nothing but hopeless cases to deal with in my life, and He has always steered me through: from the work for Waldenburg,2 all of which was considered impossible to carry out, to the financial rescue of Kreisau,3 which not a single expert considered feasible, to my work as an attorney, which provided for us in a miraculous way, to the Kempinski case,4 which was utterly lost when I started working on it, down to my work at the Armed Forces High Command, which ought to have plunged me into all kinds of moral conflicts in this state. So I have every reason to know that He can steer this process marvelously as well if He considers that right—but He could also think that I’ve now learned quite enough.
—After all, if He has never forsaken me in eleven months in prison, if He let me be tormented only three times over the course of these months and afterward taught me why, because, as I learned, the hardness and stupidity of my heart did not realize things it ought to have realized—why would He forsake me in the superior court or at the gallows in Plötzensee?
My love, I think I’ll stop for now. Tonight I continue writing. May the Lord watch over you and us. J.
1. Luke 18:1–7: the parable of the persistent widow and the unjust judge, and encouragement to pray, which will be heard by God.
2. See Biographical Note.
3. See Biographical Note.
4. Helmuth was the legal adviser of the Jewish Kempinski family.
HELMUTH JAMES TO FREYA, DECEMBER 14, 1944
Tegel, 14 Dec 44
My dear, it’s the evening, and although I wrote you a detailed letter this morning, there is truly a great deal of news, and I have a rich field ahead of me. Let’s start by hoping that January 81 isn’t a ruse but is actually true. And then it’ll go on. If this is true, we can only echo Psalm 118: “This is the LORD’s doing; it is marvellous in our eyes.” There’s no doubt that this postponement not only is a pleasure for us but is also an objective advantage. Incidentally, at first I was not as excited as I ought to have been because I am, and was, so prepared for the 19th, 20th.
Now we have to rethink everything. I’m now in favor of your going to Kreisau on Saturday and not returning until after Christmas for the final sprint, with fresh energy. I’m not in favor of your traveling back and forth again; it’s too strenuous, and you ought to save your strength. The following things need to be considered: my provisioning, the exchange of secre
t messages, the petition for clemency, discussion with Haus.—My provisioning is unimportant, although you refuse to believe that. Just have someone come from Kreisau. Maybe Lenchen can do it. She should bring the necessities, and you can get them to me if you like; otherwise Brigitte [Gerstenmaier] will surely do it. I have food and laundry up to and including Thursday the 21st. For the time afterward, honey and sugar are all that will be needed, that’s it, no clean clothing.—There’s time for the exchange of secret messages once it’s definite that we are rescheduled past New Year’s. Just don’t do anything careless and don’t induce the others to do so either; they should do only what seems absolutely safe, because a slipup can make everything go haywire for us.—The petition for clemency. First issue is your talk with Steengracht. I don’t know where things stand as a whole, and don’t want to interfere; just make sure it’s not bungled. We don’t need a decision; we’re not in a rush for that, but we have to make sure that the petition is so effectively circulated and well known that the Gestapo and the Ministry of Justice don’t carry out the sentence before a decision is made on the petition. I think you have to discuss that with Hercher and first run it by Dix.
My love, the 8th of January means that once again, we have the gift of three full weeks, of which you have to devote one to the little sons and the home front, so that you can begin the final sprint with a totally free mind. In any case, we have to be enormously grateful. It shows us, time and again, that He is with us, and so we may also hope that He continues to let us feel His presence.—My love, I’m overwhelmed with fatigue and have to sleep. Sleep well, my love; I imagine you’ll be speaking with dear Jowo [von Moltke] today on the phone. May the Lord watch over you and us. J.
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