But I had lost him, and I couldn’t look at Llyr now without feeling that hurt tenfold. He and Ozzie were blood-melded, and every time I saw Llyr’s face, the loss of his other half cut me to the bone. Even worse was witnessing the pain of rejection in his eyes every time I turned him away. He didn’t deserve to hurt, and neither did I, but there was nothing either of us could do about it.
All I could do was try to drown out the memories of what Ozzie meant to me by overwhelming my body with sensual pleasure. Yet the need never seemed to abate.
Hot, hard flesh penetrated me, friction sliding deep and stretching my hungry channel. Behind me, Keagan cursed and squeezed my hips as he bottomed out; the images in my mind faded, giving way to nothing but the pleasure of his fucking. I could only moan my gratitude and push back, fingers grasping at Bodhi’s and Rohan’s inert bodies on either side of me. A small part of me regretted this unending hunger that had overtaken me, devouring their energy in the process.
“Harder,” I said when the images threatened to encroach again, taunting me with memories of what I could never have. I had enough with these three amazing men, didn’t I? Why the fuck would I deserve any more than that?
“Jesus fuck, Deva,” Keagan groaned, slowing before he shifted his position, braced his legs wider, and lifted one knee to place his foot on the bed beside me. “You want it rough, princess?”
He ran his palm up my back and tangled his fingers in my hair. Then he coiled the long strands around his knuckles and yanked.
I gasped, but the faint jolt of pain obliterated every other thought I possessed, clearing my mind for the first time all night. The ensuing lack of control locked me into the moment. Keagan pulled harder, and I had no choice but to relent, letting him haul me back onto his driving cock. My back bowed under the strain, breasts jutting out.
Below me, Bodhi began to stir, his gray-green eyes fluttering open and blinking slowly. His tongue darted out as his gaze slid down my body, my hands tangling in the sheets, trying to maintain my hold to avoid giving up entirely to Keagan. I wanted him to take it all, so I wasn’t about to give an inch.
“If you won’t come on my cock, I’m going to make you swallow me,” Keagan rumbled in my ear, his rough beard rasping over my skin.
I moaned, and Bodhi’s brows arched up with lazy interest. He dropped his hand down his tattooed torso and took his half-hard dick into his fist, slowly pumping it. Then he raised up, positioning himself on his knees in front of me.
“Turn her around. Maybe a taste of your cum will calm her down so we can sleep. I’ll take care of her other end.”
He gave Keagan a wicked smile and Keagan laughed, sounding almost grateful.
He slid out of me, but didn’t release his hold on my hair. Instead he pulled me up by it and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around to face him. Digging his fingers into the back of my skull, he pushed me back down. “Suck me.”
Greedily, I wrapped my lips around him and took him deep, humming around his shaft when Bodhi speared me from behind. He seemed to sense the urgency within me, my need for more than just a good fuck, because he rammed in hard, grunting with each pounding thrust. He rubbed a thumb over my rear opening, and without any warning pushed two of his fingers into me, fucking my ass with quick, shallow pumps. I moaned around Keagan’s cock, sucking harder.
With his hand, Keagan controlled the tempo of my mouth on his cock, and I gave in, surrendering entirely. I braced my hands on Keagan’s hips, meeting his thrusts with each suck. A subtle vibration stemmed from the base of his cock, tickling my tongue, and a second later, he roared and spilled his essence into my mouth, lighting me up with its power at the same time his Nirvana flowed into me through his skin. I swallowed deep, hungry for the sunlit flavor of his semen and the euphoria that accompanied it.
“Fuck, you’re killing me,” Keagan panted, forcing my mouth off his cock and pulling back. Somehow that taste wasn’t close to enough, its effects already fading, but Bodhi’s attention to my ass and pussy kept me grounded and I pushed back into him, twisting my hips to increase the friction while reaching between my thighs to rub tiny circles over my clit.
A smack stole my attention; Keagan had slapped Rohan’s face hard enough to leave a mark.
“Wake up, jackass,” Keagan said, shaking Rohan while simultaneously cupping the dragon’s cock and balls and tugging lightly. Rohan grunted and lifted his hips into Keagan’s hand, his gorgeous cock hardening as Keagan stroked him. “You’re on deck.”
“Already?” Rohan muttered. “Sweet Mother, I need more beauty sleep than that.”
He rolled onto his side when Keagan retreated, leaving the small room at the back of our tour bus and slamming the door behind him. I bit my lip as I met Rohan’s sleepy gaze, then gasped in pleasure when Bodhi’s fingers pressed deeper into my ass.
Rohan’s brows lifted with interest. “You taking her ass, or prepping her for me?”
“This ass is mine,” Bodhi said. He slipped his cock out of me, leaving me empty and protesting. I needed more—didn’t he know I needed more?
But soon his slick cockhead prodded at my tight rear opening, and I forgot everything for several bright moments as he pushed into my ass. Before I knew it, he’d pulled me back against him, practically falling onto the pillows again with me wrapped in his arms, my back against his chest and my legs spread wide as he thrust up into me.
Rohan grinned and loomed over us, scooting between Bodhi’s legs. “This is a beautiful fucking sight. Should I eat you or fuck you, baby? Which do you want?”
I could barely even think through the pleasure. “Fuck . . . ”
“Good plan,” Rohan said, closing the distance. He lashed my breasts with his tongue, toying with my nipples as he aligned his cock with my entrance and slipped easily inside. My channel was well-lubricated already, both from my own juices and the remnants of my lovers’.
I let out a strangled moan as they both began fucking me in earnest, and within only a few quick thrusts of Rohan’s cock, my orgasm slammed into me with the power of a meteor crashing to earth. Rohan didn’t stop and neither did Bodhi, though their labored breathing made it obvious they were flagging despite the naps they’d taken.
“Come again for us, angel,” Bodhi rasped, dipping his hand between my legs to find my hardened clit. I cried out as he teased the oversensitive nub, but the rapture of being filled so completely turned my cry into a moan, and I let my head fall back on Bodhi’s shoulder as the ecstasy built within me again.
Bodhi twisted beneath me and captured my mouth, our breaths mingling as we kissed. Our shared cries of pleasure merged as his hips jerked against my ass and he spilled his hot seed inside me. Rohan cursed and roared, slamming deep one last time before he too spent himself yet again, his normally potent magic only a faint wave washing through me.
He pulled out and rolled to the side, taking me with him and holding me tight. The orgasm had banished my haunting memories; for the first time in hours, my mind was calm. I even had the capacity for remorse.
“I’m so sorry,” I said, pressing my palm flat against Rohan’s chest and lifting my head to look into his eyes. But they were closed and he was snoring softly. I turned to look at Bodhi, but he was gone. The bathroom light washed through the darkness, along with the wet patter of the shower.
What the fuck was happening to me? I was killing them, or at least wearing them out so much they didn’t want to be near me. Llyr had said there was only one thing that could end this constant need. I’d lost a piece of my soul, lost a man I loved, and getting him back was the only remedy . . . but we had no idea where Ozzie was.
My mates should have been enough, but perhaps my nature meant the three fragments of soul I had were insufficient, despite having Bodhi to bind them together. And despite their insistence that Llyr could help if he added his soul gift to theirs, I didn’t think I could bear accepting it without having Ozzie too.
3
Deva
“This search i
s too dangerous for you, Deva. Especially now.”
Llyr was sitting at the tour bus’ dinette table when I emerged from the bedroom, heading for the coffee pot. I shut my eyes and took a breath, tamping down the fresh surge of grief that coursed through me every time I was near him.
“You know we don’t have a choice. We made a deal with Fate. I’m not going to stop just because of a little confusion.”
“It’s more than that, and you know it,” he said, his voice cracking just enough to betray his concern.
That little hitch sliced through me and I bit my lip hard to hold back tears. I craved his comfort, but at the same time, I couldn’t bear to look at him; he reminded me too much of what I’d lost, of this aching emptiness inside me ever since I’d relinquished a piece of my soul. I hadn’t even known Ozzie had given it to me until Fate discovered we were linked. Afterward, I’d told Fate to give it back to Ozzie because he never really wanted me anyway.
Except he had. He’d wanted me all along. He’d only kept his distance out of fear for my welfare.
I poured a cup of coffee and added several spoonfuls of sugar, then chugged the scalding liquid to wash down that lump in my throat. Without looking at Llyr, I asked the same question I’d asked every day for the past two weeks, hating how my voice shook.
“Have you sensed him yet?”
“No.”
“And you’re sure he isn’t . . . dead?”
“Yeah . . . No. I mean, it’s more like our link is obscured, not severed. You’re the first person I’m coming to if I find him.”
I nodded, staring into my empty cup and leaning against the counter. Sun streamed through the windows overlooking a grassy, tree-bordered field outside Houston where we’d stopped for the night. We weren’t on the run anymore, so there was that, but we’d continued our tour because the music was the only way to accomplish what we’d set out to do: find Chaos a mate. But it wasn’t working out the way I’d hoped and I had a sinking feeling it was my fault. I didn’t think I could do what needed to be done without a turul soul to guide the music—to infuse my voice with magic. I needed Ozzie back.
“Would Ozzie even come to me now? I made another promise to Fate. If I break it . . . ” My throat tightened again before I could finish, and I just shook my head.
“It was a bullshit promise,” Llyr said. “And I think Fate knows it. I don’t think it really cares how much power you have, as long as it can control you. Fate didn’t exactly flip out over Bodhi. Ozzie’s bond with you was what pissed it off. It gave you leave to take responsibility for the bloodline, for fuck’s sake—find them all soul mates. That’s not something you can do without all your powers.”
“I remember what Fate made me promise. Are you telling me its words hold no power? I may be young, but I know better than to ignore the words of the gods.”
I knew even better now that I had my memories back. The divine infused power into everything—every action, every word, every thought.
“Yes,” Llyr said, “I think its words held power, but think about its words. It made you promise to never take another turul mate. It said nothing about taking the same one you already had.”
For the first time that morning, I really looked at him. Fate couldn’t have been so careless, could it? “Why would it make that mistake?”
“Because it isn’t a mistake. Fate manipulates. It tests us. I think Ozzie’s disappearance is part of its punishment for him and for us, and the only reason it didn’t outright kill Ozzie was because it needs you at full power. It just doesn’t want you there yet. Or it wants to torture you a little first . . . I don’t know for sure. Either way, it’s hedging its bets by keeping him alive, but out of the picture for now.”
“How can you be sure? Can you see my future?” I knew the question was a mistake the second I asked it. Llyr’s expression clouded and he swallowed, shaking his head.
“You’re too close to me, Deva. We can never see our own paths. It’s one of the ways the River balances this power. But I’ve seen enough of Fate’s hand in other lives to know how it works. It is a creature of habit, after all.”
I didn’t dare let the faint hope his words gave me flare too brightly. If it turned out not to be true, I’d be heartbroken. The worst part was that looking at Llyr only reminded me of Ozzie’s absence. Not only was he gone from our lives without a trace, but I didn’t see any traces of Ozzie in Llyr where there had been an unmistakable link only days ago. The pair had blood-melded, the circumstances of which Llyr was still cagey about. In the aftermath, I couldn’t share a look with either of them without a confusion of feelings meant for the other man—unrequited love for Ozzie and betrayal for Llyr.
Now I just saw the satyr, and it was his unrequited love staring back at me, not mine. He was the one who’d stood by me all this time, even after my repeated rejections. His feelings hadn’t changed, but I wasn’t ready to acknowledge them yet. Not so soon after discovering the secret Ozzie had kept from me and Llyr’s part in concealing the truth.
I sighed and turned away, but there was no escape in the confines of the bus. I could go back to the bedroom, but Rohan and Bodhi needed rest. I had no idea where Keagan had disappeared to; I’d have sensed him if he were still nearby.
Instead I headed toward the exit, exhaling a breath and clothing myself in jeans and a T-shirt as I neared the threshold, trying to escape the images fluttering at the edges of my vision. Some fresh air would help, I hoped.
I burst through the doors, breaking into a jog across the grass, then a sprint toward the trees when my vision tunneled and the urge to run back to bed became too urgent. I didn’t need more sex! I needed Ozzie back.
Too blind to continue, I stopped short and bent over, panting, but not from exertion—it was from the effort it took not to turn and run back the other way, to give into that crazed nymph that had awakened inside me the day after Ozzie’s disappearance and refused to give me a rest . . . to give any of us a rest.
I needed too much, more than they could give, but I had no idea how to turn it off, this strange combination of mental and physical hunger. It was like a constant ache exacerbated by the void in my soul where Ozzie’s soul-gift had once lain. Insanity threatened to fill those gaps, and it was a struggle to keep it at bay. Singing used to help, but my voice had betrayed me. I hadn’t been able to sing since the day I’d lost that piece of my soul I hadn’t even realized I possessed.
I tried to sing Ozzie’s song, hoping it would call to him, but the words came out as raspy grating noises, not melodic notes. The frustration and hurt overwhelmed me and the words morphed into a primal scream of despair aimed into the landscape beyond this secluded lot surrounded by trees. There was no answer besides the rustling of the leaves in the faintly salt-tinged breeze.
A warm hand on my back distracted me from the fresh wave of despair that salty scent incited. It reminded me of Ozzie, but no message accompanied it, no words of comfort like, “Everything will be all right, szívem.”
“No,” I choked out. “I can’t.” I shrugged off Llyr’s touch, even though that simple contact calmed the wild chaos inside my mind. It couldn’t give me back my voice.
“I know. But you’re not going to hold onto your sanity for much longer if we don’t do something. The boys are worn thin as it is. I don’t think this hunt for Chase’s mate is helping matters, either. You need a more stable environment. Different music, at least.”
“I need Ozzie. These memories . . . they fill my mind, make me hurt, make me need . . . something more. Something I can’t reach. It was here.” Tears burned my eyes as I pressed my fist against my chest where the ache had been ever since that night. But I couldn’t turn around, couldn’t look at Llyr knowing he knew the truth for so long and never told me.
Other footsteps encroached. I wanted to yell at them to leave me be, to save themselves, but couldn’t find enough breath. Then a guitar began to play and Bodhi’s voice carried through the air, a bittersweet melody of one of the many
songs he and I shared a love for. I wished I could sing with him, but the words wouldn’t come. His voice still helped, at least. Gradually I calmed, the tears ebbed, and a pair of boots came into view, slightly blurry, where I still stared at the ground trying to catch my breath.
“C’mere, princess.”
I found myself wrapped in Keagan’s strong embrace, hugged so tight I couldn’t breathe. In my ear, he whispered, “I’ve got you. It’ll be all right. I fucking promise.”
He released me after my breathing grew even again, but kept one arm slung around my waist. Turning, he guided me back toward the bus, Bodhi and Llyr on either side of us. Bodhi’s hand fell away from the guitar and my steps faltered.
“Keep playing, dude,” Keagan said. “I guess the right music helps with this shit too.” To Llyr, he added, “Speaking of which, I thought you said sex would be enough, but it isn’t fucking working. It’s been almost two weeks since it started. Ursa females don’t even need this much servicing.”
“That’s because their need is tied to their fertile cycles. It’s purely physical. This has nothing to do with Deva’s fertility. A nymphaea fever is deeper. It comes on when our souls crave a specific connection with another person for too long without being fulfilled. I hoped making love to you guys would do it, but I think losing Ozzie was just too much.”
“So how do we fix it, short of finding that bastard?” Keagan asked.
“Creating a new soul within her is one way,” he said, and I stopped short.
“Definitely not,” I snapped.
“You mean getting her pregnant? Yeah, I’m with Deva. That’s the last thing she needs. Try again,” Keagan said.
Llyr let out a labored sigh. “You know the other answer.”
“She isn’t ready for that, either,” Keagan said, his voice softer this time and his arm tightening around me.
Fate's Fools Box Set Page 83