Ozzie read what was written, looked at me, and then at Sandor.
“I might have a different opinion once I get my memories back, but right now, yeah. I still want her, even though I could make another choice. Because where I’ve been, I had all the choices in the world, but none of them mattered without love. That’s what you guys are promising me, and I can tell I’m already halfway there. I was halfway there the minute I got here, and of all the substances I’ve ever been addicted to, love is the headiest. I just wish I knew how to return the favor.”
Sandor closed his eyes and took a deep breath, smiling as he reached out his hands. Willem and Maddie each took one and held tight. Sandor opened his eyes and looked between them, then mouthed, “Totally worth it.”
I turned to Llyr, my brows lifted. Sensing my question, he said, “The Quorum came to the same conclusions Sophia just relayed to us, which means there’s not much we can do besides continue on our current course. We need to unravel Ozzie’s lost memories so he can give you the final piece of your soul. Only then will we stand a chance against Ouranos.”
“I just don’t understand how I’m the only one who can deal with him.”
“The gods believe you are ideal for exploiting his weakness. If you can prove you’re capable of tempting him, they’ll grant you the godhood you need to succeed,” Llyr said. “Dionysus was the only one who heard me when I insisted possessing more power isn’t something you care about. The test was Fate’s idea, apparently, and part of its machinations to get the gods on board with the idea of controlling Ouranos once and for all. I believe Fate promised the gods some measure of influence over its actions, if they agreed. They want Fate on their side too much to say no.”
I wanted to ask “why me” again, but knew Llyr wouldn’t have an answer. I was just a pawn, I realized. It was also likely that the accident of my existence had only given Fate the leverage it needed to get the gods in on its plans for revenge. I supposed I would have to do my best and simply be satisfied with the fact that Ouranos deserved to be put in his place.
I just hoped I would be strong enough to do it when the time came.
“We need to get back on track,” I said, glancing around at the others. “Ozzie needs his memories, if this is going to work.”
I frowned, realizing a couple of my mates were conspicuously absent. Beside me, Ozzie looked distracted, his attention fixed on the sounds coming from the direction of the dining room.
“Are you all right?” I asked, nudging him.
“I’m absolutely on board, but I think we should take a dinner break, because whatever they’re cooking smells even better than Nanyo’s kitchen on Yuletide.”
That earned him a sharp glance from Sophia, and he gave her a sheepish smile. “Hey, we already established that my memories are faulty. Cut me some slack.”
Sophia rolled her eyes, but headed to the kitchen with a glint in her eyes that suggested she intended to quality-check every dish before it was served.
It wasn’t until we were all seated around the Dylans’ long dinner table that I finally relaxed. Seeing my mates calm and happy, all things considered, helped to ease some of my own tension. To have true happiness dangled in front of me and being unable to reach it was pure torture. I didn’t like this ridiculous quest Fate had set me on, but I had no choice but to follow through.
But as I looked around the table of subdued yet happy faces, I knew whatever I had to do would be worth it.
15
Ozzie
We drifted as a group this time, landing on a sunset-gilded bluff overlooking the Pacific. The rain had stopped while we ate, leaving behind perfectly clear skies and the musty scent of wet earth.
“Where are we now?” I asked.
“Your house, Maestro,” Keagan said. “Ro and I have lived here for a few weeks too, ever since you reformed the band after your cousins retired. You decided to relocate to Malibu.”
I shoved my hands in my pockets and smiled, tilting my face toward the sky.
“Hell yeah,” I drawled on a long sigh. “This is more like it—something that actually makes fucking sense for a change. I love New York, but LA was always more my style.”
I enjoyed the warm breeze on my face for several moments, letting the rhythmic sounds of the surf drown out everything else. If I’d been seeking peace from the turmoil of losing a woman, I imagined I’d have come close to finding it here. I’d had dozens of failed relationships in the life I remembered, and they always hurt like a son of a bitch when they ended, but I couldn’t honestly say I’d ever loved any of the women I’d lost. That had always been the problem.
I looked down at Deva, who stood at my side, clad now in a snug black tank top, tight leather pants, and boots. She looked sexy as hell. If I’d had deeper feelings for her, no doubt it would have been agony not to be able to act on them. I’d have run from anything that reminded me of her, and based on what the others had told me, her dad had become part of the band for a short time, at least in a songwriting capacity. That was going to take some getting used to, but maybe it would be easier once I got my real memories back.
Glancing around, I tried to decide if anything about this place was familiar. The house was situated in a kind of angular crescent around the expansive patio that sported a pool in the center and a sunken hot-tub closer to the bluffs. The entire side of the single-story house was nothing but French doors and huge windows to take advantage of the view, except for a section in the center that was covered with plywood.
“What the hell happened there?” I asked.
Rohan cleared his throat and I glanced at him, eyebrows lifted.
“Feral dragon,” Keagan said with amusement. “That was the day Deva showed up. You were out of town, summoned to New York by your grandmother. Deva walked into the music store that morning, the hounds on her heels. When Ro got bit by one, it sapped his power. Deva and I had to top him off before he completely lost it.”
His voice pitched low, betraying his arousal at the memory. Deva’s intake of breath made me glance down at her. She was flushed from the memory too, avoiding my gaze.
“I didn’t know they knew you then,” she said. “All I knew was that Ro needed my help. And that he was bloodline.”
“I suppose it’s good he had you,” I said. She glanced up at me with a grateful, almost awe-struck smile, as if what I’d just said was entirely out of character. If I ever managed to recover my lost memories, there was no way I’d let myself revert to whatever standoffish asshat I’d been.
I wandered around the pool on my way to the house, pausing at an arrangement of low-slung, wooden-slatted chairs right outside a room that looked to be a study.
“When did I show up?” I asked, staring at the chairs. I could see myself sitting out here with coffee in the morning, but not because I actually remembered doing it. It was just a feeling.
“The next morning,” Deva said. “I found you out here. It was . . . awkward.”
“Probably even more so after I showed up,” Llyr said.
A tender look passed between them.
“Why awkward?” I asked. “You two seem tight. All of you do, for that matter.”
“We weren’t soul-bound to her yet. Only you were, at that point,” Llyr said. “I was persona non grata to Deva. She thought I’d come to take her home. All I really wanted was to make sure she was safe, and maybe try to get her to forgive me.”
I frowned. “Forgive you? For what?”
“She believed I was her first lover,” Llyr said. “I knew otherwise, simply by virtue of the quality of her energy the first time she came with me inside her. A virgin’s first orgasm during sex is . . .”
Closing my eyes, I nodded. “Ambrosia,” I murmured. I had experienced it on a couple occasions myself, and it was a well-understood fact of the higher races.
I opened my eyes again and pinned him with a hard stare. “But why should that matter to a satyr? You guys are the last people to slut shame a woman.”
Deva made a soft sound of protest and went to Llyr. “It wasn’t only that. The bloodline was in danger. I had to try to help them.”
Llyr scowled down at her. “You didn’t have to go alone. If I hadn’t fucked up, you’d have had my help from the start.”
“You came after her, I take it?” I asked.
“Yes. But I came to you first. You were my only lead on where she could have gone. It was random chance that she was already at your house.”
“I think we all know better than to chalk it up to chance,” I said. “I may not believe in Fate, but clearly I should.”
“Perhaps you’re right,” Llyr said. “The two of you were soul bound. Even though Deva didn’t know it, that bond could have drawn her to you—Fate’s power exerting itself despite Fate being oblivious at the time. But it wasn’t until I came here and met you that I started to put it together. I blamed you for her missing memories.”
“You thought I’d harmed her somehow. Made her forget.”
I found I could easily follow his train of thought despite having no memories of the events myself. It wasn’t reading his mind; it was more about having a sense of his feelings. The link we shared made it easier to accept this strange attraction. There was lust there, sure, but most of all, there was a compulsion to be made whole.
I glanced at Deva, considering her profile as she gazed out at the view. Was this what I’d felt around her before?
Llyr nodded. “It wasn’t until I tasted your essence that I understood the two of you were soul mates. Your actions made more sense after that. You kept your distance to protect her from Fate.”
He wasn’t lewd when he mentioned tasting my essence, so my reaction startled me. Before I knew it, gut-deep rage tangled around carnal need inside me. It was the strongest emotion I’d felt since this began, and it made me a little ill. I turned away and gripped one of the doorknobs, pushing into the house and striding blindly through the rooms.
I passed through a study, a dining room, a kitchen. Another door revealed a garage and woodshop. I gave each only cursory glances, still warring with this bond I had with this man and what it made me feel.
I kept coming back to one emotion: jealousy. It wasn’t a concept I was familiar with, which was even more confounding, because it had no real anchor in my recollection. I couldn’t remember why I should feel this way, only that I did. I had. And I’d had no outlet for it.
Repeatedly I clenched my fists as I passed through the living room and into the hall leading to the other wing of the house. I pushed open the first door and froze.
The bed was a rumpled mess of sheets and pillows, and the pillows were spattered with dark splotches. I knew without asking that those marks were Llyr’s blood. Blood I’d drawn with my fists. Blood I’d tasted.
I took a few steps farther into the room. I had a flash of another afternoon like this, weariness weighing down my body, but it was no more than an impression. Still, the exhaustion settled in my bones as heavily as if I were back in that moment, then gave way to anger when Llyr stepped into the room behind me and moved to stand on the other side of the bed. He looked down at it, then back at me.
Deva wandered in and went to the bed too, frowning as she brushed her fingertips across the stains on the pillow. “What happened here?”
I ground my teeth and glared at Llyr.
He glanced at Deva. “We need a few minutes alone, sweetness.”
“All right.” She stepped closer to me, inundating me with her spicy scent as she pressed her lips to my cheek and squeezed my forearm. Then she was gone, closing the door quietly behind her.
“We fucked when it happened, didn’t we? When you blood-melded me.”
“You held back for an impressive amount of time. Ever since we’d met, you’d wanted to take a swing at me, so it wasn’t a surprise when you finally did. The kiss . . . that was a surprise. You knew what taking my blood would do. You knew it wasn’t something we could take back. And I loved her too much not to take advantage of the opportunity. I needed to know the truth, and you weren’t exactly volunteering details.”
My throat was nearly too tight to form words. “Do I still . . . want you?”
“You tell me,” he said with a cocky grin.
He sobered at my glare.
“You were over it, I think. I didn’t get the sense that you were gripped by an overwhelming urge to nail me whenever we were together, not after that first time. You were all business; sex was secondary. Besides, it’s just a part of being bound to her. The five of us are supposed to be a unit. Being with each other is just an extension of our love for her. As a turul, that would make sense to you, at least in this world.”
His speech helped me relax a little. If the old me was cool with it, maybe I could figure out how to be too.
The more I learned about him . . . about myself . . . the more I realized what a fuck-up this version of me was. The other me clearly had his shit together, especially if he wasn’t willing to let one little lust-filled romp interfere with what needed to get done.
The problem was I was hard as a fucking rock right now, and the only other person in the room was Llyr. And I suspected he knew this reaction I was having was to him and not Deva. No matter how he rationalized it for me, I still had a goddamn boner for him.
“Don’t fight it,” he said. “It’s not going to kill you to love the rest of us too.”
I barked a laugh. “I wouldn’t call what I’m feeling love, exactly.”
“No, you wouldn’t. Neither version of you would. I think Deva’s the only one you’ve ever reserved that part of your heart for. But we are a team. You remember the military, right?”
“Yeah,” I said, latching onto the lifeline he offered me. “I wouldn’t have fucked any of my squad mates, though.”
“Well our battles are of a decidedly different nature.”
When I gave him a dubious look and crossed my arms, he held out his hands, fingers splayed in front of him.
“Look, I’m not trying to talk you into doing anything you don’t want to do. I just want to help you understand your reactions.” He gestured at my crotch. “It’s a good sign, because it means your subconscious at least still has some memory of the truth. If you and I never fuck again as long as we live, that’s all right. It would be a shame, but Deva’s the one who matters.”
Deva. The memory of the night before flashed through my mind. The wild nymph who’d bound me and fucked me juxtaposed starkly with the more sensitive, thoughtful young woman she’d transformed into after finally being sated. The entire experience had by far been the most memorable of my life, and I was no stranger to adventurous flings.
I was still here, after all, following through on what felt like a wild goose chase, simply because I couldn’t stand the idea of turning her down for anything. Suddenly I itched to move past whatever this moment had been with Llyr. We’d exhausted whatever emotions I could dredge up in this room.
Four figures appeared beyond the glass doors overlooking the patio. Deva was smiling at her three companions—mates, I mentally corrected myself. They wandered toward the hot tub, stripped down to nothing, and climbed into the water. Deva lingered at the edge a little longer, darting a hesitant glance over her shoulder before peeling off her own clothes.
My mouth went dry as she revealed smooth brown skin and ample curves that made my palms itch with longing to touch. Love might not have factored into it yet, but by all the Winds, I wanted her more than I’d wanted anything in my life.
“Don’t make her wait,” Llyr said, and I was sure his words carried multiple meanings.
16
Deva
“I wish we could just come back h
ere and never leave,” I said, easing into the decadent heat of the water. “I’m ready for a break.”
“Is the place big enough for all of us?” Bodhi asked. “There are only four bedrooms.”
“We can adjust. Or renovate,” Keagan said. “I always thought the place needed a second floor.”
He started in on his ideas for an addition to the house, which was surprisingly detailed for coming out of the blue. I didn’t want to interrupt their dreaming, so I listened for several minutes, enjoying the way Keagan’s face lit up with his talk of adding on a dedicated wood shop, and Rohan jumped in with the suggestion of a widow’s walk like the one at Bodhi’s grandmother’s house.
Finally I couldn’t stand it any longer. “We can’t stay. I think you guys know that. Whenever we finish this, get Ozzie’s memories back, and fulfill our promise to Fate, the bloodline will still need us. Our music is everything to them.”
Keagan pressed his lips together, fixing his gaze on me. “We need a home base. Roots somewhere, even if we can’t always be here.”
I glanced at the house, catching movement through the doors of Ozzie’s room. “Yeah, you’re right. I’d like someplace to call home.”
I watched as Llyr joined Ozzie from the shadows. The pair stood for a moment looking out before Ozzie opened the door and emerged, striding across the patio with his gaze fixed solidly on me.
The closer he came, the warmer the water seemed to grow, and my heart raced. Had he remembered? Did I have him back? I had no idea what had happened between the pair in that room, but whatever it was had been significant.
As he closed the distance, he tore his shirt off, leaving it trailing after him on the ground, then unfastened his jeans. He paused a couple feet from the tub to yank off his boots, then pushed out of his pants. When he slipped into the water across from me he was already hard, and my core tingled with need to have him fill me again. But the look in his eyes wasn’t the look I’d hoped to see.
Fate's Fools Box Set Page 111