Say You’ll Stay

by Carrie Lomax

  Alyssa laughed. “Since when does my little sister use a word like ‘suitors?’”

  Both dresses smacked into her, the hangers bouncing off her shoulder as silk billowed around her face. “You have no idea how good you have it, Alyssa. There are two guys after you. One rich and ready to marry you. The other is an armful of hunky eye candy and judging from the way you walked up all glowy this morning, Marc knows what he’s doing in the sack. I’d give my right arm to have those choices, and you don’t even appreciate what you have.”

  “Janelle.” What to say? Her sister radiated hostility, and it ripped her heart to shreds. “It’s not fun being between the bone two alpha dogs are fighting over.”

  “I wouldn’t know.”

  “Janie. What’s going on?”

  Her sister fumed for a few seconds, arms crossed and chin tucked as she leaned against the door frame. “You know why Ben dumped me?”

  “He took a job in Texas.” Ben was Janelle’s boyfriend from college, the only man she’d ever seriously dated. But they’d been over for years, so why bring it up now?

  “Yeah, but do you know why I didn’t go with him?”

  “Because you couldn’t find a job. It’s hard to find a job right after you graduate.” Alyssa aimed for empathy, but Janelle shook her dark head.

  “I did get a job offer. It was rescinded when the employer saw my credit report. I missed my first two student loan payments. I didn’t have an income six months after graduating, and working at the coffee shop wasn’t enough to cover both rent and the loans. I’m still working there, every morning before the work and every Sunday morning, and I walk dogs in our apartment complex on the mornings I’m not slinging espresso.” Her eyes shone with tears.

  “Do you think I want to work in a warehouse filing customs paperwork? It was the only job I could get, and it pays twelve thousand dollars a year less than the one I could’ve had in Texas. With Ben. Who dumped me when he found out how much student debt I had. I’m stuck, Aly.”

  Guilt sucked at Alyssa. She might be treading water, but her sister sounded like she was drowning. She’d known Janelle had a lot of loans, but either Janie had been hiding the extent of her problems, or Alyssa had been too far away in New York to understand the full story. A mix of both, most likely.

  Despite the scholarship she’d won, their parents had struggled to put both children through college after their father’s early retirement. Janelle had attended a state school, worked two jobs, and taken out loans, yet her degree had landed her in a dead-end job after graduation. Clearly, she’d pinned her hopes on Alyssa’s boyfriend bailing her out in some fashion. It explained her obsession with the engagement.

  “I don’t love Zach. I’m not going to marry him.” Some sacrifices were too much to ask.

  “Then why did you almost say yes?”

  Alyssa shrugged helplessly. “Dating in New York is a shit show. When Zach started talking marriage last fall, I told him no. But then he threatened to break up with me, and I was scared of starting from scratch.”

  “Scared,” Janelle echoed with a shake of her head. “Alyssa, you’re a moron.”

  “You marry him, then.” If Janelle was so determined to marry for money, she could deal with Zach’s overbearing argumentativeness. Not that Alyssa would ever let Zach date her sister. She’d feed him his own balls if he tried it.

  Why is Zach good enough for you, then?

  Alyssa shushed the inner critic. No one wanted their ex dating their sister.

  “I would. I’d prance down the aisle in the biggest, fluffiest princess gown I could find, with a rock on my finger the size of a golf ball, and I’d pay off my loans and your loans, and I’d be happy and grateful even if he cheated on me a few years down the line. But I’ll never meet a Zach because I hide out in a warehouse all day filing customs forms. I’ll be there with the forklift driver guys staring down my shirt every day until I’m fifty years old, trying to pay off my student loans. On weekends, I’m too tired to go out because I still work at the coffee shop three years after I told them I was moving to Texas with Ben. Plus, I’m always broke.”

  Janelle’s scowl cracked Alyssa’s heart. Grown-up financial problems were turning her into a mercenary, and that skewed Alyssa’s entire worldview.

  “Janie, you know they’ll stop looking by the time you turn thirty.” Her joke fell flat. Janelle was right, though. Without Marc’s dreamboat presence skewing her mind in the direction of hot hookups, her natural caution had reasserted itself with a vengeance.

  So what if she didn’t love-love Zach? He’d suffered a bad case of cold feet. He’d hurt her feelings. Right now, she couldn’t forgive him for ruining her Christmas so cavalierly, but in the interest of avoiding remorse down the line she ought to see if they could work through their mutual betrayals.

  Besides, no matter how she squinted, Marc wasn’t boyfriend material. He was Hot Vacation Sex on a Stick, served with a side of No Regrets. Not that she was necessarily looking for a new boyfriend. But going back to New York, where her single life would telescope into twelve-hour days at the agency and collapsing into bed at her crappy apartment at night, wasn’t appealing, either.

  Zach wasn’t perfect, but neither was she. The question was whether her life was better with him or without him, not if he was an ideal partner.

  Before she closed the door completely, she had to talk things through with Zach. He’d said he was willing to forgive her night with Marc. She did want to repeat the experience, but in a few days the drama would be over, and she had to think to the future.

  Alyssa bent to pick up the dresses. She held them against her body. “Okay, Janelle. I’ll give Zach an honest chance to patch things up. You choose.”

  “Green dress. The beading will hold down the skirt on the way to the helicopter.”

  “The what?” Alyssa froze.

  “Helicopter,” Janelle replied grimly. “Zach’s determined to win you back.”

  8

  “You’re home.” Janelle clicked off the television.

  Their mother sat up, her short dark hair tucked behind her ears as she peered over the arm of the couch. “How did it go?”

  “Fine.”

  “Come on, Aly. Spill. I need a report for the contest.” Janelle reached for a clipboard sitting on the coffee table.

  Catherine frowned. “Janelle. Cut it out. This is all fun and games to you, but it’s serious for Aly.”

  Janelle raised her chin stubbornly. Aly didn’t have the energy to fight her. She kicked off the stiletto heels she’d worn for the evening and slumped on the couch next to her mom. In the end, she’d worn neither of Janelle’s dress selections, opting for tailored trousers to keep her butt covered when the wind kicked up on the launch pad.

  “Well, I’ve never been on a helicopter before.” The chopper was classic Zach. He’d screwed up, so instead of trying to make it up to her in any meaningful way, he’d made a big splash by throwing money around. With the wind whipping her hair she’d remembered how she was just another problem to be solved with money. He’d been throwing the green stuff at her in the form of nice dates, fancy clothes, and expensive gifts ever since they’d met at her friend Becca’s wedding.

  “Me neither. What’s it like?” Janelle settled in.

  “Bumpy. A little scary. Very noisy. I was almost sick on the ride home.” Not because of the ride, per se.

  Janelle started to ask a question but Catherine cut her off. “How was dinner?”

  “Very nice.”

  Janelle picked up her clipboard. “What did you order?”

  “I assume you already know the name of the restaurant.”

  Her sister didn’t look up from scribbling across her clipboard. “Of course I do. I helped Zach plan it.”

  “I ordered the Mahi Mahi, okay? One glass of wine. Sauvingnon blanc, if you must have all the details.” She didn’t mean to snap, but it had been an exhausting night.

  “Five out of five for restaurant selection
and food presentation. Great. Although he loses a few points for bringing you home half an hour late. Promptness shows respect for you and your family.”

  “At least something I taught you sunk in,” Catherine interjected. “Aly, did you and Zach talk at all?”

  Alyssa’s stomach knotted. “Yes. He groveled quite convincingly.”

  For an hour, it had been impossible to remember why Zach hadn’t made her happy in a long time. Maybe ever. He’d poured on the charm as he’d done in the early stages of their relationship, when they’d dated so properly even Mrs. De Luna would’ve approved. That was one thing in Zach’s favor. She’d never worried he only wanted a fling.

  Marc’s put his hookup days behind him, her heart whispered.

  Is that why he was so quick to take you back to his boat? Alyssa demanded of the credulous organ. It had no defense.

  Yes, for the first hour, her brain had been fully convinced she should get back together with Zach. He’d messed up. She’d messed up. They were even.

  Then he’d gone and ruined it.

  “So is that where things stand? You’ll try to work things out?” her mother asked. Janelle had stopped taking notes and watched her intently.

  “No.”

  Her mother only nodded. Janelle’s jaw dropped. “Why not, Aly?”

  Alyssa’s shoulder lifted and fell. “Zach proposed.”

  “Finally!” Janelle clapped her hands. “What did you say?”

  “What do you think I said?” She let her head fall back against the couch cushion.

  The long and hard discussion had built a tenuous bridge of trust over the canyon between them. She’d been ready to call off the contest and go home to New York with him the next morning. But then Zach had fallen right back into character the minute she’d made a conciliatory peep. Instead of building that bridge stronger and wider, he’d decided that all their problems could be solved with a diamond the size of the first joint of her ring finger, presented in Miami’s best restaurant, in the best seat overlooking the ocean. Every single diner in the restaurant started banging silverware against the tables and chanting say yes.

  No pressure or anything.

  “I said no.”

  Janelle’s stricken expression rivaled Zach’s when he’d finally realized he couldn’t embarrass her into accepting his gaudy ring. Alyssa wasn’t selling out for a damned rock. She’d compromised enough, and nothing would change if she kept doing that. For the next few days, she was holding out for sex so good it made her eyes roll back in her head. Zach couldn’t give her that.

  “Truthfully, I promised him I’d think about it.” The compromise position had given him enough of an out to back down from the unwelcome proposal. She would think about it. About all the reasons she should say yes, and all the reasons she was still going to say no.

  Janelle slumped back in her chair. “Why didn’t you say yes?”

  The answer to that question was so complex, yet so simple. “Because I don’t love him, Janie.”

  “You said you loved Zach before he backed out of proposing,” Catherine pointed out.

  “Right. You loved him until Marc crooked his finger at you. If that’s the reason you turned down Zach, you’re being dumb,” Janelle echoed.

  Maybe so. “Why are you so dead-set against Marc?”

  “I’m not. He’s a great neighbor. I’m one broken-down car away from financial ruin, and he fixes anything minor. Sometimes he doesn’t even let me pay for the parts. But he’s Marc.”

  “You’re a long way from financial ruin, Janelle,” Catherine scoffed. “You’re doing it a bit too blue. Aly, I’ll leave you to the full postmortem with your sister. I’m headed to bed. But if your heart’s not in it, don’t lead Zach on. You’re not being kind by giving him hope where there is none.”

  Their mother kissed each of them on the forehead and went upstairs. Alyssa heard her mother’s words, but she was preoccupied with wondering how honest Janelle had been about her student loan problem. Was she exaggerating, or was their mom oblivious, or was the truth somewhere between? Before she could consider it further, Janelle jumped back into her favorite topic.

  “Remember how the first thing we saw when we moved here was a stream of cars cruising up and down the street, each one full of high school girls hanging out the window? And the time Crystal decided we were best friends in college so I’d bring her home for spring break, all so she could get with Marc?”

  Alyssa smiled. “Yeah, I remember. You’re still friends with her, right?”

  “Yeah, sort of. I don’t think it worked, not that Crystal would ever admit it. My point is, girls like Marc, and Marc likes girls.” Janelle shrugged. “Except you. You never seemed to notice him. So why now?”

  Janelle was wrong about her never noticing Marc, but she’d rather die than admit it. The man was a walking billboard for trouble. The difference was that after her disastrous Christmas Eve, she’d needed exactly his brand of botheration.

  Alyssa wished she had her sister’s talent for distillation. Janelle was sharp. She’d also spent time with Marc over the years. Janelle had never wasted a minute being shy around him. If he could help her fix her car, great. She accepted the hot guy next door for what he was, and went on with her life. As ridiculous as a reality-TV-inspired dating contest was, her sister might be the most pragmatic person Alyssa had ever met.

  Which went a long way toward explaining why Janelle was so invested in getting her back together with Zach. From a purely practical perspective, there was no contest. Zach was wealthy, stable, and committed.

  Marc was Marc. Commitment-phobe. Catnip to women. A good time at best. A broken heart at worst, if you were careless enough to imagine it meant anything.

  Yet her heart wasn’t sensible. It didn’t want Zach. Hadn’t wanted Zach from the get-go. Her head had ruled the relationship from start to finish. Only her heart had whispered it wasn’t right, and she’d ruthlessly suppressed the little voice. Taped its mouth shut and locked it away so it couldn’t cause trouble. That approach hadn’t worked out very well either.

  “Why now…I don’t know. Because Zach makes me feel trapped. If I marry him, I’ll stop pursing the things I want in life whenever they conflict with his job, which is all the time.”

  Tell her about how Zach lies. But maybe he wasn’t lying. Maybe she was wrong more often than she thought she was. She hated how Zach made her second-guess herself.

  “Didn’t you just get a promotion? You wouldn’t have gotten that if you hadn’t worked for it.”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t try applying for a bigger role at another company because Zach’s hours are crazy and our schedules might conflict. My work seems less important because I can never earn what he does, but at the end of the day, he’s just moving numbers around in Excel sheets. I’m trying to get people to buy things they don’t need. Neither of us is saving the world. What happened on Christmas Eve clarified all the reasons I felt pressured to get engaged. I can’t go back to pretending things were good between us. He needs to make big changes for me to consider taking him back, and I don’t believe Zach is willing to make them, especially after tonight.”

  Janelle went pensive and silent. “Is that why you didn’t move in with him?”

  Alyssa huffed a laugh. “I guess. Although I basically did. He says he boxed up my stuff and sent it here before he left New York, to prove he’d listened to me. We’ll see if it arrives in a few days.”

  “You weren’t kidding when you said you’d broken up with him.”

  Alyssa’s eyebrows popped up. “Didn’t you hear me say that when I got off the plane?”

  Janelle shrugged. “I heard you, big sis. I know you think I’m acting like a brat, but get out of your own head for a minute. For two years, you’ve been serious about Zach Kessler. You skipped Christmas Eve to get engaged to him because he had some special thing planned. We always do family stuff on Christmas Eve. It’s the best part of the holiday. Then you show up and tell us it’s over? And
then you disappear with the one guy I’d have bet my life you’ve never looked at twice? You and Marc. My head’s still spinning.”

  “Fair enough. All I’m saying is, money can create a power imbalance, and that’s what Zach and I have.” Among other issues.

  “Maybe, but not having it is a sure way to sabotage a relationship.” Janelle scraped her hair back and sighed. “I’d know.”

  “If Ben left you because of the job and the debt, then he wasn’t a good partner. Or maybe you were both too young to be as serious as you were about one another.” Alyssa’s sister speared her with a gimlet glare, but she read more sadness than anger there. It was strange how Janelle was still so hung up on her ex, years after they’d broken up.

  They sat together in awkward silence until Janelle spoke. “Hey, did you get a picture of the helicopter or the restaurant?”

  “Don’t I always?”

  “Can I get a sneak peek before you post it?”

  “Sure.” Alyssa dug into her bag and handed over her phone. “It’s a great view. Even with all the drama, I couldn’t resist taking a few shots.”

  “You’d have gotten a ton of traffic if you’d said yes.” Janelle flicked her thumb across the screen, smiling softly. “Although everyone would’ve been confused because you posted the picture with Marc a few days ago. How come you never posted pictures with Zach?”

  Because Zach doesn’t approve of my creative outlet. She’d let Marc into her digital space without thinking about it, though, and he’d accepted without hesitation. “There were a few.”

  “Not many. I follow all your social media accounts. Your life looks so glamorous.”

  “Janie, it’s not my real life and you know it. My life’s a lot like yours. I stare at a computer and sit in conference rooms all day thinking up catchy ways to sell stupid shit.”

  Her sister held out the phone. “You have me fooled. Besides, I’ve seen your conference rooms. They’re nice. I sit in a windowless warehouse doing data entry and filing. No one ever asks me about my ideas on anything. In meetings, I’m only there to listen.” She stood up. “Don’t act so ungrateful for your life. It could be a lot worse.”